Chapter 14 How did you know it was my birthday?
How did you know it was my birthday?
Paddy
Seeing the red bus drive past, I get out of my car parked outside Morgan’s house. It’s a little after six in the evening. I had expected to be near the city by now, but she’s worth the wait.
When Morgan eventually walks around the corner, onto her street, she sees me and stands still. Fuck, she’s gorgeous. Wearing casual clothes with her hair tied back, high on her head, she looks so natural. So utterly perfect.
With a shake of my head, I remember the reason I’m here. I grab the flowers Mum assured me that Morgan would like and slowly make my way towards her.
Her feet match my pace until we’re eventually standing in front of each other.
“These are for you,” I say nervously, holding them out, feeling ridiculous. “Apparently they’re your favourite.”
“Says who?” Morgan takes the sunflowers from my hands, lifting the bouquet to her nose. Her eyes close, and she visibly relaxes, shoulders dropping as the weight of the day seems to lift off her.
“Mum saw your mum earlier. Asked her what you liked.” I give a shrug like it’s no big deal. But it is. I’ve apologised to this girl more times in the past three days than I have to anybody in my lifetime.
When her eyes open again, she’s looking straight at me. “Thank you. You didn’t have to.”
“We both know I did.”
Her head drops in silent agreement. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t stop the kiss either.”
The next beat of my heart hits a little harder. She can’t seriously think I’d be apologising for kissing her? “I’m not sorry for our kiss, Morgan,” I tell her honestly. “I’m sorry for what I did to your brother. Even though he deserved it.”
She doesn’t agree with me, but she looks towards her house with a slight wobble of her head as she contemplates my statement.
“I have this too.” I pull out a card from my back pocket.
“What is it?”
“It’s what you give when someone has a birthday,” I remark playfully.
She eyes me sceptically. “How did you know it was my birthday?”
“Well, when I told Mum that I was planning on swinging by your place tonight, she asked if I had a card. Naturally, when I told her they don’t sell apology cards, she reprimanded me for missing your big day.”
“It doesn’t matter, I don’t like a fuss being made,” Morgan says shyly.
I feel like a total arsehole for missing it. Because I can tell how much my small gesture of flowers and a card means to her. Morgan looks down again at the sunflowers, a faint hum escaping her when her head tilts to one side.
“It does, curly fries. Just like it matters that you had your first day at work today.” Again, Morgan looks at me with suspicious, narrowed eyes. “How’d it go?”
She chuckles. “Like how I imagined. But it wasn’t all bad, I suppose.” She double takes like she’s been hit by something. “Wait, how long have you been waiting here for?”
I look down at my watch like I need the reminder. “A little over an hour.”
“An hour?” Morgan questions with disbelief. “You waited for an hour out here just to give me some flowers?”
I don’t tell her that I’d wait years for her if I had to.
I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. The truth, as scary as my recent realisation might be, is that’s exactly what I think I’ve been doing my whole life.
Waiting for her. “Because it’s the right thing to do.
Plus, if it makes you feel any better, I spoke to Jerry and apologised to him. ”
“You didn’t?”
I grin. “No, but I would have if he was in. Fortunately for me, your dad answered the door.”
Her eyes widen. “How did that go?”
When I asked Bill for Morgan’s typewriter, he closed the damn door in my face. I’m not sure how she won him round, but considering how much she loves the old thing, it was Morgan’s mum, Julie, who eventually handed it over.
“Probably about as good as your day went.”
She nods, lost in thought.
“He was adamant I leave before you got back, but I told him I wasn’t leaving until I could give you those.” I point to the flowers. “Of course, I didn’t know you would be late.”
Morgan lifts a hand to her forehead. “I missed my bus.” I watch her cheeks flame, but I know how much of a big deal getting a job is to her.
“It happens to the best of us.”
She makes a sweet little tutting noise. “And when was the last time Paddy O’Keefe caught a bus?”
“Two years ago. I was supposed to be heading back to my flat but missed the last bus. Ended up hitching a lift from some random woman who took pity on me.”
“Okay that’s much worse,” she chuckles. “I hope you thanked her.”
My hand lifts to the back of my neck, wondering why I brought this up. “Actually, I dated her.”
Well, that snippet of truth will make it better.
“Oh.” Morgan’s face drops. “I guess that’s one way to say thank you.”
Slightly embarrassed, I look down at my feet. “Yeah, you could say that.” I shake my head then look up at Morgan. “We’re no longer together, just to be clear.”
“Oh, no… you don’t have to tell me. Don’t worry, Paddy,” Morgan flusters, waving a dismissive hand like she’s not bothered. At least, that’s what I hope she’s doing.
Because I want to tell her.
I want to talk to her.
I want to get to know her and let her in on the parts of me no one else knows.
She doesn’t give me a chance to explain anything more. “Well, good night, Paddy. Thank you for my flowers.”
I don’t like the feeling of dread that’s filling me. “You’re welcome, Morgan.”
It doesn’t take long before I’m back in my empty flat in the city. The first thing I notice when I walk through the door is that this place no longer feels like my sanctuary.
Waking up in Stoney Grange in a house full of people and a puppy with no personal boundaries has certainly grown on me.
Christ. There’s a sentence I never imagined myself saying.
Considering I spent years—and I mean literal years avoiding it like it was the worst place on Earth, I actually think I’m missing it.
Even after only a week, I already know that when I drive back there tomorrow, I won’t be filled with unease.
Because it’s home.
Taking that thought with me, I do some laundry and head out to the supermarket for something to eat. I contemplated ordering a curry, purely for ease, but I’ve been fed like a king since staying with my folks. I need something less stressful on my heart and better for my gut.
One thing I’ve noticed from taking a step back from work is the sheer amount of hours I put in.
I’m not complaining. My job means everything to me.
But it’s clear that it’s beginning to take its toll.
Working thirteen-hour shifts, often through the night, then being called in the next day, was never going to be sustainable.
What I need is to consider something new.
Maybe.
I don’t know.
When I enter the store and grab a basket, I immediately regret not ordering a curry. Standing with her back to me, I spot Hannah reaching for something off a nearby shelf. Before I can even think about avoiding her, she turns to face me.
Unlike when a certain someone looks at me, her eyes don’t light up. And unlike when I look at a certain someone, that weird sensation that makes my stomach flip, doesn’t come.
What does come is the barrage of shame and disappointment that I usually feel whenever I’m reminded of what happened between us. I let her down. I should have been a better boyfriend. I should have been there for her when she needed me.
“Paddy,” Hannah says gently, slowly making her way over.
Her softness catches me off guard. I straighten my spine, trying to get a read on her. “Hi,” I say when she eventually makes her way over to me. “How are you?”
Her face twists. I get the feeling that whatever words I had chosen would have ruined her day. “I’m good. If you consider effectively becoming a parent overnight to two young children as good, of course.”
My stomach knots. Hannah looks as good as she always does with her thick, black hair hanging loose over her shoulders and wearing her signature heels.
“They’re staying with you?” I knew Aaron didn’t have full custody of his children when he died, but their mother’s still around. “What about Amy?”
Hannah folds her arms across her middle, her basket hanging off one. “She can’t cope on her own.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, because I really fucking mean it. “If I could go back in time and change things, you know I would.”
We avoid each other’s eye contact as other shoppers closely pass us by.
“I know,” she says calmly, for the first time since her brother’s death. “Just like I know that you were only doing what you thought was best.”
Her saddened voice has me looking at her. She’s not giving me a pass, and I’m not asking for one. But her acceptance of the part I played in the accident is something I think I’ve needed.
My throat has clogged, but I clear it before I say, “You saying that means more than you know.”
In an unexpected move, she rests her hand on my arm. “I know exactly what it means, Paddy.”
I look down at the contact, then back to her. I give her a curt nod, feeling no sparks of attraction. “Alright.” I slip my arm out from underneath her and take a step back, wanting to go. As much as I destroyed this woman, she hurt me too.
Hannah’s hand is on me again. “Paddy, wait,” she rushes out. “I think we need to talk. Properly, I mean.”
I sigh heavily. “Are you forgetting what happened the last time we tried?” I think back to the fight we had, the night she started throwing everything at me. Literally.
“That was then.”
“And this is now,” I explain, pulling back once again. I feel on edge, suddenly out of my depth.
She steps forwards, closing the space between us. “Please, Paddy. I really think we need to clear the air properly. We dated for nearly a year. Don’t you think we owe it to ourselves to work this out like adults?”