Chapter 16 I’m not surprised he left me on read
I'm not surprised he left me on read
Morgan
I’m not surprised he left me on read. I’m not surprised because what we’re doing is so new to me, I have no clue whether it’s normal or not. It doesn't feel normal. And last night, it definitely felt like we were flirting with one another.
Maybe I got that wrong?
Having caught the bus again, I barely make it through the morning without a moment of my time being taken up by thoughts of Paddy. It’s a quiet work day, but I survive by organising my new desk and offering to make rounds of tea for everyone.
Come lunch, I find a quiet spot in the small canteen we have here and start eating my rice and salad.
No one talks to me until Sarah finally comes down for her break. I’ve almost finished by the time she heads over.
“Busy day?” I ask, as she takes a seat opposite me.
“Non. Stop.” She slumps her elbows to the table, holding her head in her hands.
“Anything I can do to help?”
She runs both hands through her short hair. “Not on your second day, newbie.” She sits straighter. “No, I’ll be fine. Just going to be one of those days.”
“How do you mean?”
Sarah deadpans. “You know, when you’re constantly dealing with other people’s shit when all you can think about is your own shit.” She opens a small lunch bag in my silence, glancing up at me. “You good?”
I tuck my hair behind my ear. “Yeah. Sorry, I guess I haven’t had one of those days in a long while.”
“You’re lucky then,” she says, taking a bite of her tuna wrap.
The smell makes me want to return to my desk.
Which is saying something, because I don’t like it there.
It’s my second day and already the customers I’ve had to call have not been kind.
I mean, I can’t blame them. Who seriously wants to take a phone call from someone wanting to talk pensions on a Tuesday afternoon?
I glance around the canteen and pick up my things, but not before she reaches forward and grabs my notebook. “What’s this?”
“Oh, no, that’s private.” I put my hand out, assuming she’ll pass it back.
Shifting in her chair, Sarah flicks open a random page, causing my breath to catch in my throat. No one has ever opened that book; not my parents, not even Holly. It’s mine. A safe place free from judgement, free from discrimination.
My jaw clenches. “Sarah. Please, don’t open that,” I rush out.
My raised voice has a few people looking our way.
Before I can stop her, her eyes skim over the lines.
Fortunately, through being distracted, I manage to snatch it back before she can read any more.
“Morgan?”
Feeling a flare of anger mix with embarrassment, I shove my notebook into my bag, rising from my chair with enough force to send it flying. If people weren’t looking before, they certainly are now. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I scold, my nostrils flaring.
The look on Sarah’s face changes before my eyes. At first, I’m certain she thinks I’m joking, but then her eyes widen, and her smile falls flat. “I’m really sorry, Morgan. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Well, you did,” I huff, my throat tightening.
It burns like a wildfire, matching the simmering heat of my blood.
In a panic, I pick up my chair and evacuate the canteen before anyone can say anything more.
As much as I don’t want it, I need to keep this job.
Yelling at the boss’ daughter on only my second day, isn’t going to do me any favours.
Before I leave four hours later, I summon the energy to talk to Sarah.
I still haven’t heard from Paddy. As much as I’m ashamed to admit it, I know that’s the reason behind my mood today.
I shouldn’t have flown off the handle the way that I did with her.
It’s not me. It’s not how I usually react to people.
Then again, I’m not used to being around people. Perhaps this is what it’s like. Perhaps every day is like this: second guessing what you said or how you reacted in a situation. If it is, I’m not sure I can get used to it.
“Sarah?”
She isn’t on the phone which has pretty much been the story of her day. “Yeah?” she replies, turning to face me.
“I want to apologise for earlier. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.” My eyes fall to my hands nervously binding together. “My notebook is private. That’s all.”
Sarah stands and throws her arms around me, catching me off guard.
“No, I’m sorry. As well as being told I talk too much, I also have a knack for not knowing when I’ve gone too far.
” She steps back, looking at me head on.
“But you should know, what I read… it isn’t bad.
” There’s emphasis on the word. “It’s actually really good. ” She’s beaming at me now.
“Well, that’s good to know,” I offer with hesitation. “Regardless, no one will be reading that again. Ever.”
She balks. “Seriously?” I don’t move. “Morgan, you should consider it. I have this friend, Hugo, he’s in London at the minute finishing his final year in journalism…
” She trails off waving her hands dismissively in front of her.
“His dad is this big shot editor for a publication house in New York. I think you should send him your work.” Sarah bobs up and down on the tips of her toes, rummaging through the work on her desk for a pen.
She swipes a business card and flips it over, before scribbling something on the back and handing it to me.
“I can’t tell if you’re mocking me or if you’re trying to be serious?” I look down and see an email address.
She gasps. “Mock you? I’m deadly serious.”
Confusion wreaks havoc in my head. “Okay.” Short of laughing in her face, I realise that Sarah and I are probably never going to be friends. New York? Send him my work? “What I write isn’t work, Sarah. It’s…” Shit. I don’t know what it is. A diary? Annotations of my crappy day-to-day life?
“It’s poetry, Morgan.”
I smile nervously. “No, it’s not.”
She goes to speak, but I’m saved when my phone rings. Shoving the card in the front pocket of my bag and pulling out my phone, I answer. “Hello?”
“I’m outside.”
The sound of Holly’s voice has me smiling. “Give me a second.” I look at Sarah, covering the end of the phone with my hand. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
Shaking her head, she crosses her arms, glaring at me with her lips slightly parted. “Right. Guess I’ll leave it then.” Showing me her back, she sits back down at her desk, leaning back in her chair.
I’m left standing behind her with the biggest feeling of uncertainty. I’m the one who’s upset. So why does it feel like I just upset her?
Picking up my feet, I make my way downstairs. “You still there?” I ask Holly. I pass a few of my work colleagues who I’m still yet to learn their names. This office is so big.
“I’m here. Who was that?”
“Sarah. My boss’ daughter.”
“She sounded pissed off.”
“You heard that?”
“A little.”
I push open the door, looking for her. “Where are you?”
“Look to your right.”
My head swings, and I see her waving. “How are you back here so soon? Didn’t think you were back until tomorrow?” I start walking towards her.
“Yeah, well, I couldn’t handle my aunt any longer. Plus, my best friend said she’d call every day but never did.”
“I told you I forgot.”
Holly rolls her eyes dramatically. “Don’t sweat it.” She reaches out and pulls me into a hug when I reach her. “Missed you,” she tells me.
I squeeze her a little harder. “Missed you, too.”
“Let me see it then.”
I pull back and wonder what the hell she’s talking about.
“Your new phone,” she says playfully, looking down at my hands.
“Oh, right.” I hold it out to her.
“Knew you’d get one eventually.” She nudges me.
I turn it over in my hand, showing her the front and back. “It was from Mum and Dad.”
She beams widely. “I bet they call you all the time, don’t they?”
My eyes narrow. “If you must know, I only talk to you and Paddy on here.”
And as if she never misses a trick, Holly smirks a ridiculous grin.
“What?” I ask, but I already know what she’s going to say.
“Nothing. Just funny, that’s all. Show me what you two talk about then.”
I should probably feel nervous about showing her my private messages, but I have nothing to hide.
“Oh.” Holly doesn’t say anything more as I scroll through mine and Paddy’s conversations.
Shifting my weight onto one foot, I then drop my arm by my side. “Were you expecting something different?”
“I was expecting something more exciting, yes. I notice he didn’t reply.”
I sigh, not meaning to so loudly. “He was probably busy.”
She quirks her head. “No, don’t let him off that lightly. You asked him if you two were friends, and he left you on read. That’s messed up and rude.”
I look over my shoulder, watching as Sarah leaves the office. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?” Holly questions, now with venom in her voice. She loops her arm through mine. “There’s no maybe about it. I say we go home, get changed and go out for food. You can tell me all about what happened while I was away, and we can have a celebratory drink for your birthday.”
“It’s not my birthday anymore.”
Holly coolly bats me away as we start walking. “No, but we haven’t celebrated yet. We have to.”
I look towards the bus stop then turn to face her, pulling at what little energy I have left. “Do we? I’m tired and I have work in the morning.”
“So do I.”
“What?”
“Assignments are still work. I have to hand my last one in tomorrow. Then I’m done, and it will be my turn to find a job.”
“Speak to my dad. He’s really good at helping,” I say dryly.
Seconds later, we double over in a fit of laughter. It’s not really that funny, but at least with Holly, we can pretend like it is.
“Okay, fine,” I concede, wiping underneath my nose, my cheeks tingling from laughing. “We can go out, but only for food. No drinking.”
“Dinner and one drink,” she ventures carefully.
I don’t reply as the bus I’m meant to be catching whirs past us. “Shit.”
A slight flush paints her cheeks. “Oops. My bad. What do we do now? Walk back?”