Chapter 18 #2
I had expected some sort of argument. “Well then, what about the denomination? Don’t you think the rest of the other Holy Churches will reject you if they find out about you hiring a gay man? Couldn’t you lose your job?”
“Brooke, this isn’t a secret, per se, but it isn’t exactly common knowledge either. They withdrew their support of us years ago, probably even before you left town. I know it was years and years before Mandy and I moved here.”
“What? Why?” I was completely shocked.
“I’m not sure how you feel about Pastor Thomas, but I imagine he is more progressive than you realize.
Now, don’t get me wrong, he’s not going to be happy about you leading the youth, but we will deal with that later.
Still, he is much more willing to stand up for what he truly believes, as opposed to what others tell him he should do.
I think the final straw was when he refused to stop marrying people with rings. ”
I remembered that. It had been a huge deal.
People weren’t allowed to wear jewelry. Exchanging wedding rings in the church, in correlation with God’s name, was doubly offensive.
A few of the older people had left the church over it, saying it was becoming worldly and was in danger of losing God’s favor.
I was sure if they knew that the new pastor was getting ready to bring a gay man on board, they would see it as a fulfillment of their prophecy.
“So, you see,” he continued, “the only issue is the people here in town. We don’t have to worry about anything more global. At least as far as I can see.”
I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice. “Well, that’s a relief.”
He laughed. “Feel better?”
I paused for a moment. “A little, actually. But, still, what about Pastor Thomas and many of the congregation, if not the entire congregation? They were nice enough yesterday, but there is a big difference having a gay guy who used to live here return to town to visit and eat the food at a potluck. It will be another story when he starts overseeing their kids.”
“It won’t be all the congregation. And don’t worry about Pastor Thomas. I will handle that.”
We looked at each other for a moment. I liked him, not because he was good-looking, and not because he wasn’t against a gay guy working at his church.
There was just something about him that you wanted to have around you.
He had a strength of some kind, a humor, a reflection of what one could be.
Still, I didn’t quite understand him. He didn’t make sense.
Was he trying to be a martyr for a cause, and a gay minority walked through his door and gave him a chance?
Did he like to be a rebel? Was he just bored?
I couldn’t see it in his eyes or in his logic.
“I’ve got to be honest, Tyler. I don’t get it.” He started to say something, but I kept going. “I know, I know, I’m good with kids. Donnie likes me. Mandy prays a lot. I get it. Really. But, I don’t get you. Why? Why me? Why at this church, in this town, at this moment?”
He didn’t even have to gather his thoughts.
“Brooke, many of those questions you will have to ask God. I don’t really know why at this moment or why this church or why this town.
Believe me, I am still asking God all those questions about my own life, about my wife, about moving here.
I don’t have those answers. There are times I want to get up, walk out of this office, and never look at a church again until I get those answers. ”
He did stop, momentarily. It felt like I shouldn’t say anything, so I didn’t.
“I don’t even completely know why you, specifically.
Don’t get me wrong. I like you. Everything I have heard about you has been terrific, and you impress me in person.
Even more so today. But, I don’t really know you that well, obviously.
This is the second time we’ve met in our entire lives.
However, I believe it is right. If I’m not misunderstanding God’s nudging, then I believe you are the one who is meant to help us with our kids.
And please don’t take offense to this, but maybe we are the ones who are supposed to help you. ”
“Help me be straight, you mean.” I was surprised at the bitterness in my own voice.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
I did, actually. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s understandable.”
“Okay. I can accept all of that. I can accept that there might not be clear answers to all of that right now.”
“Maybe not ever.”
I sighed. “Fine, maybe not ever. However, there is something you can answer. Something I need answered before I give my final yes.”
He smiled at me, patiently. “What is that, Brooke?”
“I want to know what you think. Don’t be all intellectual.” I looked him dead in the eye. “I want to know what you think about me being gay. About it being a sin. About me working with kids. What you expect me to do with it in church?”
He leaned forward. His words were strong and firm, though not loud or angry.
“I expect you not to get up there every week and talk about being gay. I expect you not to make every conversation with the kids about you being gay. Likewise, I expect you not to use every conversation as cheap therapy for you to work through the issues with your mother.” He smiled at me again.
“Yes, I know about your mother. How could I not? Everyone knows about your mother.”
I laughed sardonically. “I guess that is true.”
He leapt in again, not finished. “However, I don’t expect you to keep it a secret.
Not your husband, nor your mother. I expect you to talk about them when it is appropriate.
Believe it or not, there are kids in this church who have mothers who are similar to yours, or fathers.
There are kids in this church I know are gay, but who are too terrified, ashamed, and hidden to talk about it or even admit it to themselves.
I have spoken to many gay Christians. Something every one of them told me about their childhood was that they wanted someone to be direct with them, not pretend like it wasn’t there.
They need someone like you to look up to, direct their questions to, instead of simply hearing from the pulpit how homosexuals are evil and abominations.
” My eyes must have been huge. “Am I wrong?”
My voice was quiet. “No. I wanted that too. It was exhausting trying to keep it a secret. Even if it meant being an outcast, there were times I just wanted someone to ask me. Just to get it done with.”
Tyler kept on going. “And how I feel about being gay and being Christian? I don’t have all the answers.
To be honest, I am not one hundred percent sure.
But, like I have said, I have met many gay Christians and have seen that their love for God is real, as is their relationship with Him.
That is enough for me. I know it won’t be for everyone, but it is for me.
When I can see Christ through someone’s eyes and manifested in their life, who am I to say that God doesn’t dwell within them, when He so plainly does. ”
I wiped my eyes. “I have cried more since I moved back down here than I have my entire adult life.”
His smile softened even further. “If I know God, I doubt that will cease any time soon.”