15. Keira
CHAPTER 15
KEIRA
“ A re you sure it’s all right for us to walk home?” Keira asked as they left the restaurant.
“Of course it is,” Kareem said. “Like I said, someone will come to pick up the car. We don’t need to worry about that. I do this all the time, Keira.”
“It’s not the car I’m worried about.”
“Is it the neighborhood? Because I can assure you that it’s very safe.”
“No, it isn’t that,” Keira said. “Though I do feel as if all of Qalmar is very safe! That’s been one of the most pleasant surprises to me about my time here.”
“Yes, you’re right about that,” Kareem agreed. “Qalmar is ranked among the ten lowest countries in the world for instances of violent crime, and we’re also on the top-twenty lists when it comes to safety for women and tourists. It’s something we’re very proud of.”
The way Kareem spoke about his country warmed Keira’s heart. Not for the first time, she wondered how his family had allowed themselves to pass up the opportunity to put him into a political position. Kareem clearly loved Qalmar, and he was a wonderful person to represent it.
“It’s not safety I’m concerned about either,” she said. “It’s publicity.”
“Publicity?”
“Having our picture taken. I know we run the risk of that every time we step outside, but to walk along a public street like this… it seems almost inevitable, doesn’t it?”
“I didn’t realize it was something you felt so negatively about,” Kareem said, stopping mid-stride. “Should we summon the car?”
“No, we don’t need to,” Keira said quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply that I minded having my picture taken. I was under the impression that you didn’t like it. Or that maybe you’d want to avoid it with me.”
“Getting my picture taken isn’t my favorite thing,” Kareem admitted. “But it’s kind of unavoidable when you live this life, and I’m not about to let that stop me from enjoying a nice walk in the warm weather sometimes. If you want me to call the car back, I will. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. But if it’s me you’re worried about then don’t be. I’m more than happy to take the risk of being photographed.”
Keira smiled. “All right,” she agreed. “As long as you’re comfortable with it, I think a walk home sounds like a great idea.”
“Did you enjoy your meal?” Kareem asked as they made their way along the footpath that ran parallel to the road.
“Very much,” Keira enthused. “You were right about that restaurant — it was wonderful. And I’ve never had an experience like that before. I felt a bit selfish, having them shut down the whole restaurant just for us, but it did make things feel very special. You should do that when you take women on dates.”
Her gut clenched as she spoke the words. She’d meant to be light-hearted, but it didn’t feel that way now. It felt as if she had spoken something into being — something she wasn’t sure she wanted. It was like she’d given Kareem permission to date other women.
A ridiculous thought. He didn’t need her permission to do anything. They weren’t really married. Or rather, they were , but only as a formality. The relationship wasn’t one that required any sort of loyalty to one another, and Kareem was at perfect liberty to do whatever — with whomever — he wanted.
There was no justification for how sick that made Keira feel. It was as if she was grieving something she’d never even had.
Kareem didn’t respond to what she’d said. Keira didn’t know what to make of it. Was he imagining being with other women? Picturing the dates he would take them on? In three months’ time, would he be sitting in that same restaurant, but this time opposite someone else? And Keira would be far away, back in the US, all of this just a memory.
Of course she couldn’t come back for this race again next year. Eventually, Kareem would have a girlfriend, or perhaps even a wife. It would break Keira’s heart to see him with someone else. She couldn’t do it.
Kareem cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “Why don’t we walk down by the river?” he suggested. “I don’t think you’ve seen it at night.”
Keira shook her head. “I haven’t.” She had only seen the river from a car window, in fact. She had passed by it a few times over the last week or so, but you couldn’t get a great look at it from the road, and she did want to see.
Kareem led her down a side street. Keira found herself moving closer to him as they walked.
Of course I’d do that. Qalmar might be an incredibly safe country, but the US isn’t, and walking alone at night is an intimidating thing. Of course I’d want to stay close to the man I’m walking with.
She forced down the thoughts that tried to rise up within her. The thought that she didn’t feel unsafe, not in the slightest, so there was no reason for her to seek protection. The thought that she knew perfectly well she was trying to get close to Kareem for some other reason altogether.
That reason couldn’t be allowed, couldn’t be acknowledged. It was impermissible.
They reached the river’s edge. It was so dark that Keira couldn’t see it very well — it was just an interruption of black amid the lights of the city. But she could hear it lapping against the shore, sounding astonishingly close.
“Here.” Kareem guided her to something large and a bit chilly. “You can sit here.”
“What is this?”
“A rock. This was where I would sit when I’d come here as a teenager.”
She settled on the rock. “Don’t tell me — your family made you come here to practice the way a sheikh ought to behave in the presence of water?”
She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling. “My family never even knew I came here,” he said. “I used to sneak out and come down here when I wanted to be alone. Of course, I always had to disguise myself to avoid being noticed and having my picture taken — as you said.”
“You disguised yourself?”
“Not well. I’d just wear western clothes. Lots of Qalmese people do, of course, but no one expects to see the royal family in jeans and sneakers. And just in case, I’d wear a hoodie, so you couldn’t really see my face. Someone would have had to get very close to figure out that it was me — and nobody ever did.”
“Why did you sneak down here?”
“I had to get away sometimes,” he said. “I’m sure you can understand, now that you know what it’s like in my family. It’s all right for me now that I’m an adult and can choose how and when I interact with them, but when I was younger it was much more difficult. I had to deal with my father’s disappointment in me every single day. I had to stand next to my brothers and feel the weight of my parents’ comparisons and expectations every day. It was terrible. Sometimes I just needed some distance from all of that.”
Keira nodded. “That makes sense,” she said softly. “I can understand why you would feel that way.”
She felt the warm presence of another person next to her on the rock and knew that Kareem had sat down beside her. “You can’t see the river now,” he said. “But you can hear it.”
“I was just thinking that.”
“Listening to it is the main reason I’d come here,” he said. “You can see the river from a lot of places in this city — including a few of the windows at the palace. But to be so close to it that you can hear the water rushing by is a different experience. It got rid of all the noise in my head, somehow. It made me feel calmer.”
“You should spend more time here now,” Keira said.
Kareem chuckled. “Are you saying I need to calm down?”
“I think we could all stand to calm down a bit,” Keira said seriously. “It’s not a you thing, but everyone has a tendency to take life too seriously from time to time. God knows I do it.” She stared out at the river she was unable to see, thinking about just how true that was. How much trouble she had relaxing and going with the flow sometimes, and how much better off she would be if she could bring herself to do it.
“I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, Keira,” Kareem said after a long silence. “I would have thought that this would be strictly a business arrangement. That was my intent when I brought you here. But it hasn’t been that, has it?”
“I’ve never sat beside a river and talked about life with anyone who was just a business partner,” Keira said softly. “But I never expected a sheikh of Qalmar to become one of my… good friends.”
“It’s almost less surprising to have you as my wife,” Kareem agreed. “At least that was something I expected. That was a decision we made. But this — I never saw this coming at all.”
“I wish I understood why it feels so surprising,” Keira said. “It isn’t as if you’re the first unexpected friend I’ve ever made.”
Neither of them spoke for a moment, but the air felt heavy with tension, and Keira wondered whether Kareem could possibly be thinking what she was thinking.
Her heart hammered as she waited to see what he would say.
It felt crazy to hope that he might be thinking the way she was — but then, it had been crazy to imagine him taking her hand at dinner, and that had happened. For that matter, it was crazy to imagine a sheikh marrying her at all, even if it was purely for business reasons. A lot of strange things were happening in Keira’s life lately.
She felt his arm brush up against hers.
She thought he might pull away, that perhaps it had happened accidentally in the dark.
But he didn’t pull away.
Instead, he leaned closer, and Keira’s breath caught in her throat.
His hand found her waist. Her head swam. This was really happening. He really had been thinking of her in the same ways she had been thinking of him. And even if it was leading nowhere — of course it’s leading nowhere, he’s a sheikh and I’m just some girl — even so, right now, in this moment, they were together and they wanted exactly the same thing.
And it was going to happen. She knew it as surely as she had ever known anything in her life.
“I’ve been thinking about this from the moment I saw you, Keira,” Kareem said in a low voice. “But I never believed we’d actually get here. I never thought we would be in this moment.”
Keira couldn’t speak. She was too afraid of breaking the spell that seemed to have fallen over the two of them.
When he kissed her, it was like something out of a dream. It was surreal. Keira couldn’t believe it was happening — and yet, the sensations were so powerful that she couldn’t doubt it, either. The scent of him seemed to surround her, and his warmth blocked out the night wind. The only thing in the world was him.
At the back of her mind, a voice protested, reminding her that this was a bad idea. That this had never been the plan. She was supposed to be here for a few weeks, nothing more. She was supposed to fake a marriage. Nothing about it was supposed to be real.
But right now, in this moment, Keira thought this was the most real thing she’d ever experienced in her life.