Chapter Thirty-Nine
Tera
I chew my lower lip as I eye the customer service desk. I’ve had all weekend to wrestle with this decision, and it’s now Tuesday. It isn’t any easier now that I’m standing here.
Should I ask to change my class to another teacher? It feels kind of like an insult to the instructor. He hasn’t done anything wrong. Unless you count being lickable with a voice made out of sin.
What if the other classes are full? What if he teaches all of them? What if I’m losing my mind right now, and I can get this done later? I’m about to be late for class.
The thought of being late is what spurs me into action. I hate being late. The guilt is nonstop.
When I get to the door, it’s blocked by a few people. I guess he’s already here because the giggling and questions about his use of Sanskrit have started. At least I’m not late.
I stand at the back, shifting from foot to foot impatiently. I’m not brave enough to ask anyone to make room for me to slip by. I hug my mat and look around the gym to distract myself.
It seems busier today than last Tuesday. There are a lot of employees on the floor guiding people through exercises as they stand confused in front of equipment they’ve probably never used before. It would take a lot of guts to start something new like that. I wish I had that kind of drive.
“If you could all move inside, we have a few people that would like to come in.”
His voice snaps my attention to him, and I meet his eyes for the first time. They’re a dark color that I’m not close enough to really see, but his gaze is intense as he looks at me.
I feel… seen? Like he knows everything about me with one look, and it makes me nervous and excited at the same time. Butterflies erupt in my belly as my cheeks begin to heat. It’s a lot like how I used to feel with Satan and it amps up my anxiety. I hug my mat tighter to me defensively.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” a cheerful voice thankfully interrupts the connection. A brunette shifts out of the way.
“It’s no problem. I was the one spacing out,” I rush to reassure her with a fake laugh. How embarrassing, getting caught staring at an innocent guy and drooling. Hopefully, he didn’t notice.
Her smile gets a little wider, and I return it, thankful she doesn’t feel as awkward as I do. I catch myself as I reach out to give her a comforting pat and snatch my hand back just in time. Random people don’t like being touched. Like the basket case I am, I hurry away to slide to my shadowy spot and set up, ready to begin.
It’s going to be ok. All of that was just in my imagination. As long as it stays there, I won’t get hurt. I’m in the back, and I’m invisible. No one can see I’m a mess.
When everyone is in place, he takes a look around the room, and his eyes narrow as he sees me in the back again.
I shift in discomfort and glance around. No one is back this far with me, and for once, it feels like a bad thing. I can’t pretend that he’s looking at someone else.
“Today, we’re going to try a few advanced techniques.”
There’s a lot of shifting up front, my discomfort spreading over the whole class. I frown in confusion at their reactions because there’s some grumbling going on.
One woman raises her hand, and he nods for her to speak. “How advanced?”
“Nothing too far out of a comfortable zone,” he says calmly and places his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. “We don’t want to get too crazy.”
The light tease eases a lot of tensions up front.
I feel a little cheated. I like the advanced stuff. It gives my muscles a pleasant burn that helps take me out of my own head for a lot longer than the regular stuff.
I shouldn’t judge, though. This is probably just a way to let off steam and get an eyeful of a hot guy for some of them. There’s no shame in that. I’m doing it too. I can do the harder stuff at home.
“I’ll be walking around to help with posture for any that need it, so there’s no need to worry. If the pose feels forced or difficult, feel free to skip it.”
I don’t know if they’re excited because they get to pass on any strenuous moves or because he might have his hands on them.
It’s kind of adorable at this point. There’s a comradery up at the front as they unite and tell him they’ll do their best.
I look down to hide my wide smile and cover my mouth with a hand, just in case. It feels disrespectful that they’ve gone from professionals to puppies in a snap of time. But I don’t have to share that with anyone, either. These are my thoughts, and I’m not required to tell anyone.
I think I have this all wrong. I’m sure this guy is used to his effect on women if they’re all being so obvious. My face practically caught on fire from one look. What if he’s looking for someone?
I could be witnessing someone’s happily ever after in progress. I don’t want to miss it.
As we warm up, I look around the room, trying to pick out who the most likely candidate would be. Maybe the adoring blonde? The brunette that blocked the door? She seemed nice. I hope it’s her.
We go through the familiar poses first, and I try to pay attention, but I’m devoted to finding his future wife, so it’s a wash. When we get to the harder positions, he demonstrates what he wants and then lightly steps down to help where he’s needed.
My body automatically falls into it, but my eyes are wandering, trying to see if he spends more time with one girl so it will be easier to pick out. Sadly, they all seem to need his help, so I’m still stuck guessing.
The moves get a little harder bit by bit, and the pleasant burn I was waiting for hits me. It forces my attention away from the group in front of me. I’m starting to get into the headspace I’m supposed to already be in. I’ll make more guesses later.
I zone out, using his voice as my guide as the burn gets more intense. I’ve waited too long to do this again. I’m wondering why I stopped in the first place.
When he calls a halt to it, cooling down to ease the muscles before the meditation, I open my eyes. I didn’t realize I had closed them. I notice several people glancing back at me. When they start whispering to each other and continue looking, my anxiety starts to kick in.
It gets so bad that when we reach half lotus, I can’t get back into the relaxed space I was in a second ago. I can’t help but look at the door a few times, counting down the seconds in my head until I can escape. I can feel their attention on me, and my breath is starting to hitch.
Five more minutes, Tera. You can do this. They don’t matter. They don’t know you. You were just judging them, and they’re doing the same thing. Getting upset is ridiculous.
Despite the inner monologue when he says Namaste, I rush to get up and roll my mat, eager to get out of here.
“Show off,” one girl mutters under her breath just loud enough that I know she wants me to hear as she grabs a water bottle from the cubbies behind me.
My stomach clenches, nausea welling up as tears start to fill my eyes. I keep my head down and do my best to ignore her. When I slip on my shoes, I run for the exit, leaving this place far behind.
Asher
Earlier
The weekend was torture, wondering what she was doing. Who she might be with. If she was safe. Seeing her bullies on Monday didn’t help.
I have her number right in front of me, with no reason to call her. I saved it on my phone because I’m clearly unwell. Maman had it right. I have lost my mind to this woman. I just hope she can handle my crazy ass because I don’t think I can make myself walk away. The time away has cemented that she’s the elusive ‘right one.’
To distract myself, I came up with a plan to get closer to her. It isn’t foolproof by any means, but I’m willing to give it a shot. I want everything to go as smoothly as it can before she realizes how fucked up I am. I just want her to talk to me, damn it.
I’ve seen her twice. Twice. This is insane.
Even knowing that isn’t helping me.
By the time Tuesday comes, I’m nervous, and I can’t hide it. Coworkers are asking me if I’m ok. One even said I looked ready to puke.
I end up in my tiny office meditating to try and get my head on straight. It’s only partially effective. When the alarm for class goes off, I’m in such a rush I trip getting up.
Finally seeing her again washes away all of the insanity, and my shoulders drop in relief. I don’t know why I’m so terrified she’s going to run from me, but that’s eighty percent of my worry if I introduce myself. I’m not going to be able to hide my crazy for long.
I call out for everyone to get out of the doorway so she can come inside, and her eyes meet mine. I feel a fist grip my chest and yank hard.
She sees me. She finally fucking sees me. Her expression cycles through a few emotions while I watch. Surprised, then shy, and suddenly afraid.
Fuck, what just happened? I open my mouth to demand she tell me what put that look on her face. I’m cut off by a student as she mumbles an apology and steps out of her way.
“It’s no problem. I was the one spacing out.” Her voice is sweet and quiet as she comforts the woman, sending a shiver down my spine.
I get everything set up and glance around. She’s so far in the back I can hardly see her. Fuck, I forgot to get my contacts again. I catch her looking to either side of her, probably wondering what I’m squinting at, and I turn away, fumbling with my phone to pull up the playlist for this class. Time to set my plan in motion.
No one up front looks excited that we’re going to be doing more advanced moves. Only Tera seems happy about it.
This is the worst idea I’ve ever had. All to see if I can get my hands on a woman. If she had any idea about the shit I’m thinking, I would have a restraining order slapped on my ass so fast.
She seems really distracted as I start calling out the more difficult poses. They’re only slight adjustments to what they have been learning, so it starts out easy enough. She never hesitates to move, but she’s watching the people in front of her with a tiny smile, her eyes sparkling as I walk around.
She’s not really paying attention to me. Whatever is going through her head right now is at least keeping her happy and relaxed. She never hesitates to follow my directions, but her lack of attention is grating. She didn’t see me. Not like I see her. Fuck.
As it gets progressively harder, the rest of the class struggles while Tera easily follows my commands, drawing my attention even as I help the other students. A few give up entirely and pout off to the side, sipping their water. I don’t think any of them realized that Tera was even there until today.
She never needs help. I’m torn between pride and irritation. She couldn’t be imperfect even once. The feeling fades as I watch her enjoy herself, and I feel a smile slip free. I can’t help it, even if a few of the women begin to glance between us in suspicion.
As I lead them through the cool down, all of the ladies who gave up on the poses rejoin us, but they’re whispering and looking back at Tera. My brows furrow for a moment before I resume my placid smile, pretending nothing is wrong.
Big fucking mistake.
We finish, and before I can finish saying Namaste, she grabs her things and runs. Her shoulders are hunched, and her face is flushed in a splotchy pattern like she’s about to cry. She doesn’t slow as she reaches the exit, escaping like the hounds of hell are biting her ass.
The struggle of my Maman’s teachings to treat a woman like a lady is thrown out the window in an instant.
“What the fuck was that?” I demand and stare down at all of the startled faces below me.
Silence reigns as they give me shocked looks. I’ve never raised my voice to any of them, no matter what shenanigans they’ve pulled to get my attention.
“Explain to me why she just ran out of here.”
“She was showing off to get your attention,” a blond frowns at me. “You don’t like that kind of thing, so I figured I’d help you out.”
Rage blindsides me out of nowhere. What the fuck did she say to her? “This is how you treat people? You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“Maybe if you didn’t stare at her like you want to rail her in front of us, there wouldn’t be a problem,” a mouthy woman pipes up from behind her friends, and I see red.
“Are we dating?” I gesture from my chest to where she’s standing. “Do you have any right to treat someone I’m interested in like shit? Does me standing up here trying to teach a class mean I’m yours? No, it fucking doesn’t. Get out of my class. Anyone else that feels the same way can get the fuck out too.”
I’m definitely getting fired. Good thing I already have her number and address memorized because I doubt anyone is going to let my ass back in the building after this one. I stomp away from their guilty and enraged looks.