The Sidekick

Chapter Forty-Nine

Tera

Once they’re both gone, I change and try to look somewhat less grungy. I don’t put too much effort into it because I’m dreading my next steps. I put my socks and shoes on and throw my hair up in a high ponytail, pretending that I’m getting ready for work so it’s a little easier. I make myself another smoothie and put it in the fridge for later. Without anything else to distract me, I chew my nails and stare at my phone.

I take a deep, cleansing breath and picture Asher’s sexy grin as I release it. I can do this. Without giving myself time for second thoughts, I text Max.

Me: I would like to collect my laptop please.

It’s already sent before I notice how formal and unemotional it is. I sound like a computer. A pissy computer. Should I unsend?

Max: We’re both at the bar. It’s here with us.

I want to beg him to bring it to me. I bet he would, but that defeats the purpose of my fifteen pep talks this morning. My budding relationship with Asher, even though it’s so new it sparkles, has brought home to me that not all interactions with people are bad. I used to know that, and I’m sad that the happy-go-lucky attitude is gone.

I want that back. I want my life back. I don’t want to be this stammering, fearful mess.

That means that I have to actually make an effort at getting myself out of the funk.

Why can’t there be magic in the world? I could whip up some exotic brew and drink my problems out of existence.

Since that isn’t an option, I take the plunge.

Me: I will be there in thirty minutes.

I give myself an extra buffer of time because I know I’m going to sit in the car sweating and building up my paranoia. I glance at the two pills lying on the counter and swallow hard. It is definitely a two-pill kind of day.

I’m behind the wheel with the car started when the nausea hits. I try to breathe through it, but it builds and builds. I have the phone in my hand, and Asher’s name pulled up without conscious thought.

“I miss you.” His voice washes over me. I can suddenly breathe again.

This is absolutely ridiculous. I feel like an idiot as my body comes down from violent tremors to jittery hands. I’m like a barnacle that can no longer exist without being attached to the guy. If I’m not careful, he’s going to run screaming.

“I miss you, too.” He’s so sweet for an obsessed stalker. Who answers with an I miss you when we’ve been apart for an hour? I feel like this is a red flag, but I really miss him, too. Maybe it cancels out?

“Talk to me. What are you doing right now?” Asher sounds relaxed. I can barely hear Shade in the background making some kind of snarky comment.

“I’m sitting in my car trying to convince myself that I can do this without peeing my pants or puking.” Too honest, Tera.

“We both know you can.” His absolute faith in my strength is sweet and totally misplaced.

“If you could repeat that about seventy more times, I’d appreciate it.”

“You know the rules,” his tone drops, and my nipples peak at the subtle threat. Either I believe him, or some unknown punishment is coming my way. I swallow hard. The thought of being punished by him isn’t as off-putting as it should be.

I’m driving before I realize it and huff a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He breaks the silence we’ve been in. I wonder how bad it is that we’re on the phone, not really talking to each other, but neither of us has hung up.

“I started driving without noticing. I was trying to figure out what the punishment would be if I didn’t listen, and I started auto-piloting.”

Why? Why can my mouth not stop?

“We haven’t discussed any of that, have we? I’d rather it be in person instead of the phone. I can meet you now.”

“No!” I squeal and startle myself. Is he serious? He wants to discuss rules and punishments? I have to be dreaming. “You have to work, and I have to get it together. We have responsibilities.”

“Does it bother you?” His tone turns serious, and I frown at the dashboard as if I could see him.

“That we have responsibilities? Kind of. I’d rather be at home snuggling. I hate having bills.”

“Agreed, but what I meant was, does it bother you that I need you to obey me.”

Oh, wow. He totally just put that out there for the universe to hear with no reservation. He doesn’t say he likes it or that he wants it. He said he needs it, like it’s vital to something deep inside him.

“Promise not to laugh?” I ask weakly as I debate my answer. Do I just come right out and say it? Or make a joke? Communication might be key in a relationship, new or otherwise, but it’s hard! If he has the guts to be honest with me, I can pretend to have the courage to do the same.

“Yes.” That one word said with absolute certainty eases some of my anxiety and embarrassment.

“I think… I need to obey you. You have this effect on me that I don’t understand. It grounds me when I feel like I’m floating away. I like the thought that you need it, and I’m the one you chose to give it to you.”

“Fuck, angel,” his voice is hoarse as he lets out a shaky breath.

“Is it wrong? I feel like it’s wrong. Like I’m supposed to be an independent woman, taking care of myself, and I don’t want to. I don’t want to make decisions and pretend I’m ok. I want to let someone else do that for me. It’s selfish.” I’m afraid that I’m going to give that total power over, and it’s going to hurt so bad when it falls apart. My anxiety is coming back, and with it, the sick churning of my stomach.

“You think it’s selfish, and I’m over here praying that you mean it because I want that. I want that really bad, angel. I don’t think I could stop myself from doing it, either. I don’t think it’s wrong if we agree and both want it together. I’ve got you. I’ll keep you safe.”

“Is there something wrong with me?” The question ends on a whine as I choke back tears. I know better than to ask that question. The results are never pretty.

“No,” the finality of the word lets me breathe again. That wasn’t so bad. It gives me the courage to go a little further.

“C-can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Does it bother you that I-” I cut myself off with a wince. I don’t want to say it out loud and curse everything we’re building together.

“That you want Max and Trevor?” He finishes gently. I choke out a sound, unable to speak. How did he know that was what I was going to ask about? “I’ll admit I’m jealous.”

My hands jerk the wheel as I pull to the side of the road. “I’m going home.”

I’m not ruining this. He’s offering me everything, and I can’t. I can’t.

“No,” he says firmly. I stare at my shaking hands on the wheel.

“Please.”

“You know the rules.”

“Don’t leave.” In the back of my head, I’m freaking out over how needy I’m being. I have no shame as I beg him, and it tears me up inside. I don’t know how I’m going to navigate the intensity of these feelings. It scares me. What’s even scarier is the fact that I know he can take that fear away. The last time I felt even close to this level of dependency on someone I had my heart ripped out.

“I’m not going anywhere unless you’re with me. I may be jealous that they have pieces of you, but I have my own piece, don’t I?”

“Yes.” I didn’t even hesitate to blurt that out. I’m not mentally well. I probably shouldn’t even be allowed to drive.

“That’s all I need. You want to give me something and I’m taking it. I’m not giving it back. But they need something, too. Something just for them, or this won’t work.”

“They’re going to break it,” my voice comes out flat with bitter conviction. I don’t know what the mysterious ‘it’ is. I just know once I give it away, I’ll never get it back in one piece.

“You don’t know that. You haven’t let them make their offers.”

“What offers?” I ask, totally confused.

“You get to take something too, angel. It isn’t about you giving alone. Do I give you something back?”

“Yes.”

“They should, too. And you’re going to demand it from them.”

Can I do that? Just march into the bar and make them give me emotions? That doesn’t seem very nice. Or fair.

“Get back on the road and get your computer.”

“Ok.” I merge back into traffic as I think about what he said.

“Once you’re done, come home. We can snuggle as much as you want.”

“Do you run hot? I need to know if I need a blanket or not.” And he better be ready to warm my toes.

“You guys are sickening, you know that?” Shade calls from the background.

A giggle bursts out of me as I pull into the parking lot.

“I’ll grab a blanket just in case,” Asher responds with a laugh.

“I’m here,” my words come out chipper, but I feel dread building.

“Good. Now go in there and cuddle Max.”

“Bonus points if you do it in front of Satan,” Shade adds. “Make that fucker sweat.”

Asher continues as if Shade isn’t there. “I think Max has earned a little love. He’s really the only one of us that has been aware of the bigger picture. I’m never doubting his instincts again.”

“I can cuddle Max?” I ask in surprise and a lot of excitement. I’ve missed Max, no matter how hard I’ve tried to deny it. And Asher is ok with it?

“Are you coming home tonight?”

“Of course.” Who wouldn’t go home if he was waiting for them?

“Then you can do whatever you want to him, angel.”

“Really?” I grin as evil thoughts run through my head. “Thank you!”

He chuckles as if he can read my mind and approves every idea. “If you have doubts about anything, I’m one phone call or text away.”

“Ok,” I smile even though he can’t see it. It’s on the tip of my tongue to say I love you. My eyes widen in panic. I hang up without saying anything else and let out a sigh of relief. Waaaay too soon. I hate it when I jump, dang it! I go overboard too fast.

I’m mentally berating myself for being a weak, needy, romantic nerd as I approach the front doors and knock. I frown as I finish the action. I could have easily gone to the side door. Have I really been so withdrawn from anything dealing with this place that I feel like a polite stranger? It’s weird, that’s for sure. I used to be so comfortable and happy here.

I’m so deep in my thoughts I startle when the door opens and Max leans out, confused.

“I know,” I shake my head with a small laugh. “I have no idea what I’m thinking.”

“Come in,” he grins and holds the door.

The lights are dim, everything still and waiting for the go-ahead to open up and draw people in. I take in all of the differences again with fresh eyes. It’s warmer and more welcoming than before. Less dingy dive and more young adult party. Suddenly, the separation from before and after is ok. The bar grew, just like I did. We both unlocked the next level.

“I’ve heard some disturbing things about you, Max,” I chew on my inner cheek to keep from smiling as his head snaps around, gracing me with his usual grumpy frown.

“Who’s talking shit?” He demands with a level of anger that’s really uncalled for.

“Asher,” I say sweetly.

His face pales as his mouth drops open.

“That fucker is supposed to be on my side!” He rants and runs a hand through his hair in agitation.

“He said you’ve been talking to him.”

“Yeah, I just… I needed someone to listen, ok?” He says defensively, shoulders tensing as the frown returns. “When did he tell you this?”

“This morning.” Technically, it was last night, but I wasn’t in any state to listen.

“He just dropped it cold? What the fuck? He couldn’t have waited a few days? Let me get my side in? I had no idea you were in his class. I swear. The asshole didn’t even tell me, and he knew I was trying to get you back. I’m killing him.”

“You sure do talk a lot, Max,” I try to maintain my serious face, but it’s getting more difficult the madder he gets.

“What did he say? I swear I will make an effort to beat his ass on principle alone.”

“It didn’t even take two years for you to start gossiping.”

He stops mid-rant and stares at me with his mouth gaping open.

“He didn’t have to climb the mountain of grumpy just to get a hello.” I bite my lower lip to keep my grin in check.

“Are you fucking with me right now?” Max’s surprise is priceless.

“He didn’t risk the rapids of frowny face.”

“Tera,” his tone turns warning. I start to giggle.

“The fog of stony silence?”

He lets out a bark of laughter, and I can’t hold it in anymore as I join him.

“I thought he was trying to convince you to forget about us. Don’t do that to me,” he says with a laugh, but there’s fear in the undertones.

“No,” I smile warmly. Max does a double-take at the expression. “He’s given me permission to cuddle you. Shade says I’ll get bonus points if I do it in front of Satan.”

“What’s Shade’s number? I feel like we could be best friends.” While he talks, he leans down and scoops me up, bridal style. I wrap my arms around his neck automatically, pressing my face into his shoulder. It feels good to be here. His hold is very different from Asher’s, but not less. It completes a different part of me. The piece that wants comfort and home with a side of playfulness. Max is all three.

It isn’t as difficult as I thought it would be to let him hold me, even with the thought that Satan is here somewhere. I’ve been so caught up in my own head that I forgot that maybe Max was hurting too. It’s strange that all it took was permission from Asher to make me let go of the reservations holding me back.

He carries me back towards the office, humming merrily the whole way. I feel him push the door open with his foot and the sudden drop as he sits on the couch. I tense as I realize where we are. Maybe I should have had a little bit of misgivings.

A throat clears and my arms tighten as a sense of déjà vu spirals through me. I don’t want to take my head off Max’s shoulder and face the other person in the room. I already feel like I’ve done something wrong. It sickens me.

Max lets out a loud, contented sigh and says, “I bet you wish you were here, huh, Trevor? It’s such a shame you’re stuck over there all cold and lonely.”

My head jerks back as I gape at Max’s smug expression. Did he seriously just say that out loud?

“One.”

The dark tone makes my shoulders hunch defensively. I don’t know why he’s counting back there, but he makes it sound like a countdown to extinction. My nerves flutter in my stomach and my panties dampen at the same time.

The word has the exact opposite effect on Max as he leans back, making pleased sounds as he squirms beneath me, getting comfortable. He’s completely oblivious to the threat as his smile grows.

I’m torn between making an excuse for his behavior and watching this play out.

“Tera,” Satan’s tone changes slightly. Enough to be relaxed but not enough for my nerves to settle. I want to jump out of Max’s lap.

How can he be mad that I’m giving Max attention when that’s all he wanted before? I’m right back in that useless pit of waiting for the ax to drop.

“You’re not in trouble,” Max frowns as he glances down at me. “I’m riling him up because I love it. Nothing bad is going to happen here.”

I know he believes that, but I have proof to the contrary. I bet I could find pieces of my heart embedded in the floor beneath his feet.

Max cups the back of my head in a large hand and brings my face forward to make it easier to burrow into him. I don’t hesitate to hide there, my pride taking a jaunty walk outside and leaving me behind.

“So you’re here to cuddle with me and grab your laptop,” Max says easily and strokes my back like he’s soothing a wild animal. “I don’t see a problem. I’m reaping all the rewards here. You’re in my lap, Trevor is mad at me, Asher is on my side. I could die happy right now.”

My body sags as I give in to a reluctant giggle.

“Why the sudden rush, though? Is something wrong?”

“Yeah,” the reluctant agreement is pulled out of me as I turn my face up to him. “Shade just got his heart mulched, and I’m out for blood.”

“Seriously?” Max asks in surprise. “Who has the balls to piss that guy off?”

“Idiots.” It’s the only logical reply I can give.

“No shit,” Max agrees.

“You’re going to use your computer to avenge his honor?” Satan asks thoughtfully. The chair creaks as he leans back.

“Yes.”

I spoke to him. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Now I have to look at him too. In a minute.

“Is this going to be a legal vengeance or a law-breaking vengeance?” His voice is calm as he asks, but the question reminds me of the promise I made to him before I ran away.

I’m supposed to come to him if anyone asks me to break the law. Shade didn’t ask me to any more than Andi asked me to when things were falling apart for her. I consider this a benefit to having me as a sidekick, a perk if you will. I have a few skills that come in handy.

Something tells me that Satan won’t agree with the ‘They didn’t ask, so it doesn’t count’ argument.

That aside, what do I do? I made that promise before Asher crashed into my life like a meteor. Who do I listen to? Which command takes priority? Will I get punished if I fulfill my promise?

“P-please hold,” I squeak out in a panic and pull my phone from my purse. It’s still dangling off my arm as I clutch at Max.

Me: I made a promise to Satan before I ran away. I have to have his permission before I do anything he thinks is shady. I don’t need his permission anymore, right?

Max starts to chuckle as he reads the text, and I regret having my phone autocorrect that name to Satan for a brief flash of time. It passes quickly as I chew my nail, waiting for a response.

Asher: You made a promise.

“That’s not an answer,” Max shakes his head.

Maybe not to him, but it is an answer to me. I gave my word and that’s the end of it.

Me: Ok.

I turn in Max’s lap, clutching the phone in my hands as I face Satan. It feels like Asher is in the phone and can shield me from whatever anger is about to come my way.

“Most of it is legal,” I confess and burrow back against Max for extra support. “All of it is mean.”

“Most of it,” Satan raises a brow as he frowns.

I roll my lips in as I wait for his verdict. If he says no, what should I do? I can’t just abandon my plans. They’re epic plans! Can I get Asher to void any decisions he makes? Tag him in? I can’t use Shade’s computers. They can trace it back and blame him.

“Which parts are illegal?” He rocks back and braces his ankle on his knee. The pose is relaxed, but it fills me with dread. He’s never going to give me permission. I should just drop it and think of something else.

“Stop keeping me in suspense! It’s just cruel at this point,” Max blows a hot breath in my ear. It jolts me out of my thoughts.

“Phone cloning, use of video evidence taken without permission, utility site hacking, and breaking and entering.” The words come tumbling out, and it feels like time has frozen.

I can’t tell if they’re stunned silent, or just outraged at the list. I can’t take it back now, though. Maybe I should go home.

“What are the odds of you getting caught?” Satan asks.

“With my baby? Very slim. The sites that will be affected? Zero. Breaking and entering, fifty/fifty. I need to see what upgrades they’ve done to their security before that one is a go.”

“Will they track it back to you? I’m assuming this is Felix or Blaze we’re talking about,” Max frowns as he thinks it through. I forgot he saw a disgusting chain of texts between Shade and Blaze.

“The smaller pranks, yes. The larger ones? They’ll have no evidence.” I shrug. If they decide to be a raging nuisance about it, I can always call in Andi. Wait a second, I can call in Andi now! She’s always complaining that I never ask her for anything.

Me: They ripped Shade’s heart out. Revenge plans in progress. You in?

Andi: First off, you sound like Shade and it’s worrying me. You’ve been around him too long.

Me: You can’t complain until I lose all punctuation. ARE YOU IN?

Andi: Of course I’m in! This is just proof I’m #1 bestie.

Me: You both need help. There is no #1. It’s all in your heads.

Andi: Too late. Sent him a snapshot.

“Well, Andi is in,” Max chuckles and props his chin on my shoulder. “I’m in too, by the way. The guy has grown on me.”

“Now all of the risk has been moved to zero,” I nod once and glance back up at Satan. He’s running a finger over his bottom lip as he watches me. It makes me shift in discomfort. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“There will be rules, and you will obey them without question,” he suddenly drops his leg and leans forward to stare at me intensely. I drop my eyes and start texting Asher again.

Me: He says there are rules and I have to obey without question.

Asher: What are they?

He’s taking Satan making demands of me very well. I don’t know if I should be worried or not. It’s definitely irritating.

“I’m listening,” I straighten my shoulders, unintentionally knocking Max’s face off. He pouts and sits back. I’m too tense to apologize.

“The laptop does not leave this office. Any activities you do on it are done here. If you’re breaking in somewhere, Max or both of us have to be present.”

I don’t like that he wants to hold my baby hostage. What’s he been doing to her while I’ve been gone? How many viruses has he downloaded while watching porn? Just the thought of the abuse that could happen to her makes me mad.

I repeat his demands to Asher and wait for a response.

“Are you asking his permission to obey Trevor?” Max asks, and my stomach drops.

This is what I’m afraid of. Finally finding something that feels right and getting mocked for it. It’s proof that my needs are weird. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out I’m mentally unstable, but I’d prefer if people just pretend I’m normal and lie to my face.

All the doubts start piling up, sitting heavily on my chest.

“Holy shit, that’s hot,” he breathes out in wonder as he stares at the dark screen of my phone. My brow furrows in confusion.

“You don’t think it’s wrong?” I stare down at the floor, waiting for the punch line to whatever joke this is. I should have kept the question to myself. When he tears me down, I’ll only have myself to blame for inviting it.

“Wrong?” He asks in surprise, leaning so he can look at my face while he speaks. “Do you like it when he tells you what to do?”

I roll my lips in, refusing to answer. I’m not giving him any more ammo to use against me.

“You know what I like? When Trevor finally gets to three. It means that I’ve been a brat for long enough that I’m going to get punished.”

That sounds horrible! How does he handle the stress?

“That’s no good for you, though,” Max continues, playing with the ends of my ponytail, gently tugging my head back until I’m resting against him with my phone clutched to my chest. “You like being good. I like being bad. There’s nothing wrong with it either way. And you’ve already got a pecking order going, so you’re doing great.”

Satan glares at Max but doesn’t say a word.

A pecking order? Huh, I guess he’s right.

Asher: What do you think?

I frown as I read the text. I thought he was going to answer for me, tell me which way to lean.

Asher: I know you’ll make the right decision.

“He’s kind of letting me down here,” Max’s brow furrows as he reads.

I chew my lip as I think about what I’m reading. The fact that he won’t take over for me makes me want to pout and stop responding. But, if there’s anything I’ve learned about him, it’s the fact that he means what he says. He trusts me to do the right thing. For me. I get to decide what I want to listen to with Satan and what I don’t.

He’s going off of a lot of blind faith. If I put that into question, he’s going to get upset. I’m going to have to do this on my own.

I stiffen my spine and come to a decision, dropping my hands into my lap.

“I’ll do what I need to in front of you in this office. If you don’t want to trust me, that’s fine. Once it’s done, I get to take my baby home and spoil it for being a trooper while I was gone. If I end up breaking in somewhere, Max can come or Asher. Probably Asher. He’s got amazing lock-picking skills.”

“I have skills,” Max pouts. I roll my eyes. He’s totally last on the pecking order.

“I didn’t say I don’t trust you,” Satan leans back in his chair. He looks concerned and angry at my words. It ticks me off.

“You don’t have to anymore. It goes without saying.” All his pretty, nice guy vibes got flushed down the toilet. He doesn’t get to go back to that and snow me under again.

“Tera, look at me,” he demands through clenched teeth.

No, I don’t have to. I don’t wanna, and I’m not gonna. I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the floor. “Do you agree or not?”

He blows out a loud breath. I can see him rubbing his thigh in agitation. I watch the movement carefully because it was the signal for when he got mean before. I think it’s a tell. Max doesn’t seem worried, but he’s in love with Satan and likes being punished. I don’t trust him on this one.

“I’ve gotten attached to this computer.” It’s like he’s trying to lure me into being nice to him. That’s my computer. He can take a hike, without my soul, thank you very much.

“You’ve been watching porn on my baby, haven’t you,” my frown gets more fierce. If I could set the floor on fire with my eyes, I would.

Max bursts into laughter as Satan gives out a surprised, “What?”

“You have a perfectly good phone for that, Satan. Leave my baby out of it.”

“W-we don’t have the password!” Max gasps for breath, rocking back and forth behind me.

“Shade was in here for three days straight trying to break into this thing and got nowhere,” Satan clears his throat like he’s trying not to laugh.

I finally look at him, confused. “He didn’t give you the password?”

“What do you mean?” Max’s hilarity slows to a stop behind me.

“He figured it out. He didn’t tell you?” I thought he would crow about breaking into my laptop, at least. Was it so easy to break into that it wasn’t a challenge? I’m starting to have a crisis of faith in my abilities now.

Satan’s voice darkens, “No. He didn’t.”

“That asshole said it was impossible to get into,” Max’s angry tone blends well with Satan’s.

“Oh. I guess he lied because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s a dirty diary reader. If he wasn’t so upset, I’d clone his phone too. Oh gosh, he probably has spyware on it! What if he’s the porn watcher? No! Give me my baby!”

I spring off of Max’s lap, wringing my hands as I bounce on my toes. Things just got serious. Maybe this is why he wanted to get it back from them right away. To cover his dirty, diary-reading, worst best friend tracks while he could.

Satan watches my meltdown with a grin and reaches under the desk to the hidden cubby, pulling out the laptop covered in rainbow stickers. I can’t tell if the light is sparkling over it because it’s heaven-sent or the glitter on the stickers is that reflective. Either way, I squeal when I see it.

“It’s fully charged,” he gets out before I snatch it out of his diabolical hands and hug it to my chest.

I let this moment sink in with a contented sigh. It’s like I’ve gotten back a crucial piece of myself that I left behind.