Chapter Fifty-Four
Tera
I’m in the bedroom with weak legs when Asher walks in.
“I thought you left?” I ask in confusion.
He smiles at my unstable stance and licks his lips before shaking his head and holding out a letter to me.
“This was taped to the door.”
“Huh?” I take the envelope and freeze. I recognize this writing. It makes my stomach twist. The front has my name on it but nothing else.
“Angel?”
I drop to sit on the bed heavily and let the letter fall to my lap. It lands softly, but it feels like an anchor. I can already feel panic beating through my lungs and heart as I grip my throat.
Asher’s duffle bag drops to the floor. Without hesitating, he gets on the bed behind me to hold me from behind. He knocks the letter off my lap and presses a kiss to my temple as I sit in silence.
“Talk to me, angel,” he says softly. I nod, but no words come out.
We sit there for a minute before I realize he’s going to be late for work. I need to get my crazy under some kind of control. I start doing my breathing technique. He joins me until I’m relaxed back against him.
“The handwriting. It’s Trevor’s.” I manage to get out.
“We don’t know if it’s bad,” Asher says calmly, and my head starts shaking.
“It’s always bad,” I choke back and turn to press my cheek to his chest.
He makes a thoughtful hum of sound and rubs a hand up and down my back in comfort.
“He doesn’t want me to come back. He wants to make sure that Max and I are separated-”
“Then we deal with it.” I wince at the set-in-stone voice. “Together.”
I know he won’t relent. He isn’t wrong, I need to face whatever this is head-on. But I don’t want to. Not after how well the morning went. I want one happy day, just like I used to have, and I don’t know if I’m ever going to get that again.
“I just want to hide with you forever,” I whisper and his arms tighten around me.
“How will we pay the electric bill?” He whispers back.
It startles me into a weak chuckle as I drop back to see him. He looks grim, despite the attempt at humor. If the letter could be set on fire with a stare, Asher would have incinerated this one.
His eyes meet mine, and he gives me a small smile. “We’ll read together. If it’s bad, I’ll call out sick and get Shade to help me dig a grave for him.”
I scoff and roll my eyes. “How dramatic.”
“You’ll have to be my alibi,” he continues. I stand to get the letter and settle back in his arms.
I don’t allow myself to think about what I’m doing as I rip it open, not caring about being gentle. There are two folded sheets of lined paper covered in writing. I unfold them and hold the pages up, but I’m shaking so hard I can’t read anything. Asher puts his hands over mine and holds me steady to read.
Babygirl,
I’m hoping Asher isn’t a shit like Shade and actually lets you read this. Or maybe you’ll come out before he does and see this for yourself.
I’ve written a lot of shit and I can’t remember it all so I guess I can sum up the other letters here.
I’m sorry. I will explain in person why I said what I did. I don’t want anyone else reading it but I want to tell you. Just you.
I only write when Max is asleep so he won’t give me shit. He doesn’t know about this. Don’t be pissed at him.
I’ve missed you. Everything about you. I don’t care what it takes. I want you with us. I just finished cleaning out the spare bedroom for you and the dick. Just in case. Fuck I’m getting ahead of myself and I don’t want to stop. I’m grabbing this little bit of hope and I’m fucking stealing it.
I hate that you didn’t come home when it got bad. I lost all of your trust and I have to deal with it. You seem to trust Asher a lot and it worries me. He’s spending the night with you and I’m jealous as fuck over it. I’ve known you for so much longer than him and he’s the one in your bed tonight. I know that’s because I’m a fuckup and I have no one else to blame but I still want to punch him in the face.
If he’s expecting me to back off he can forget it. I’m not losing you again.
I just want to talk to you and not have you run. Please.
I’ll be waiting, even if you shut me out. I’ll always wait for you. I don’t want to force my way back in. I don’t want to break anything about you any more than I already have. I’m leaving things in your hands.
Please come home to me. For real this time.
Always yours,
Trevor
I cycle through a lot of emotions. Confusion because this letter is nothing like I thought it would be. Anger that he has the audacity to just assume that I’m going to walk in and be all ears for whatever he wants to tell me. Then sorrow for whatever pain I caused him, even though he deserves it. This whole letter is an emotional head trip that I don’t want to fall for.
Asher finishes reading and then goes back to the beginning with a frown.
“He says there’s more letters,” he sounds thoughtful as he rereads.
“I don’t care,” I turn my face into his chest and listen to the pages shift in his grip.
I don’t realize I’m crying until he tilts my chin up and wipes the tears away.
“Hold that thought, angel.”
He gets up and sets the letter on my nightstand. He leaves the room and I hear a handle jiggle a few times before a door opens. I sit staring at the pages, unsure exactly what I should think about the letter. Does he think this is enough to convince me he cares? That’s insane.
“Um, angel?”
Asher’s hesitant voice draws my attention to the doorway. My eyes bulge when I take in the multitude of envelopes he’s holding in both hands.
“I broke into Shade’s room. These were in his desk drawer. They all have your name on them and they’re all open.”
I gape as two fall from the pile and land at his feet.
“H-how many are there?”
Asher counts and picks up the two that fell.
“Thirty?”
“T-thirty!?”
“Maybe more.” He tosses them all on the bed, the thoughtful look still on his face.
They spread over my mussed sheets. Some look like they were mailed to my address at my old apartment and got redirected. Others look like they got folded up and taped somewhere.
I pull one of the addressed envelopes closer and notice that all of my mail must have been forwarded to a PO box while I was gone. But who would do that?
“Shade,” I frown down at them. The dates start around when I left. “Shade had my mail sent somewhere he could monitor in case any clues came in.”
“He’s been writing to you since you left?” Asher sounds surprised as he crouches at my feet. “We’ve all thought he wasn’t making any effort with you and he started before any of us.”
His disbelieving laugh startles me out of my shock.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” he stands and grabs his duffle bag again. He looks pleased with the mess as he takes it in again. His smile spreads wider before his eyes meet mine again. “He’s never given up, angel. He’s been talking to you this whole time the only way he could.”
“He’s seen me several times,” I remind him with a frown.
“Yeah, but his talking skills are shit,” Asher points out with a raised brow.
“I never would have thought that before,” I grumble and eye the pile warily.
“I’m going to go.”
When I give him wide eyes of panic, his smile gentles as he nods to the mess.
“Read those. This gives you a chance to really decide if he’s worth being let back in or not. If Shade hadn’t kept these letters from you, things might have gone very differently.”
“He read them all,” my frown gets darker as I start trying to compile them into some sort of order. When the mailed dates stop, it’s anyone’s guess what order they go in.
“We’ll deal with our son later. Right now, we’re focused on this.”
I’m not sure if I want to. This is a lot.
“Call me. Let me know what’s up with all of this, and we can discuss it.”
“Why won’t you stay with me for this?”
“Because I know you can handle it,” he assures me with a smile. “I’m not our son. I don’t think I should read anything else he’s written. It’s for you. Especially if he’s writing while Max is asleep. You don’t think Max would have told you before now if he knew?”
“He’s a gossip,” I agree with a smile.
“Exactly. Take your time and don’t rush into anything. Call me after.”
“I will,” I turn the smile onto him and the curve of his lips gets wider.
“Have a great day, angel.” He blows me a kiss and leaves.
I organize the letters as best I can and start reading.