Chapter 22
After Dinner
Elowen
The second the last plate is empty, I'm on my feet, stacking the dishes before anyone can tell me not to.
"Omega." Cliff's hand closes loosely around my wrist. "You don't have to do that."
"I've got it," I say with a cheerful smile.
He looks at me with those sexy dark eyes and I feel a pull through our bond, like a hand at the small of my back, telling me this isn't my job.
It's weird how I already feel like I've known this man for years.
"You should rest," he says. "You've been through a lot. Come sit on the couch."
I tighten my grip on the plates. "I'm not the pampered-pet kind of omega," I tell him, then pause. It's so weird calling myself an omega. "I need to do something,” I say. “Let me wash the dishes."
The alpha holds my gaze for another second, then lets go of my wrist. "Fine." He looks up at Adam. "How about you, beta?"
"Oh, I'm definitely a pampered-pet kind of mate.” Adam smiles. Wide.
His whole face shifts with it, his honey-brown eyes crinkling at the corners. It's so different from the quiet, guarded person who gave me a house tour this morning.
Cliff laughs and rounds the island, one hand finding Adam's and the other landing on the back of Perrin's neck. "Come on, boys," he says, walking them both toward the living room. "I need some time with my betas."
Perrin says something that makes Cliff laugh again, as Adam’s fingers lace through the alpha’s.
They all look so…sweet.
I lift the plates a little higher, then move quickly, cutting around the kitchen island. I'm setting the dishes in the sink when Raff appears at my elbow. He slides his watch off and sets it on the counter, then reaches past me to turn on the hot water.
And just like that we're doing dishes together.
I pick up the first plate. "You don't have to help," I say.
"I know." He takes the plate from me and rinses it off before putting it into the dishwasher. "But I have something I want to tell you." He glances back toward the living room.
From here, I can see Cliff settle onto the big sectional.
Adam collapses into one side of the alpha, his legs tucking up and his head finding the space between Cliff's shoulder and jaw like it was made for him.
Perrin drops onto Cliff's other side, already reaching for the remote, saying something that makes Cliff's chest shake with a quiet laugh.
It’s been so long since I had a family, I forgot what one looked like.
“What do you want to tell me?” I ask as I force myself to turn back to the sink. Raff looks down at me, and I go still for a second.
His eyes are very intense.
“Thank you,” he finally says in a whisper.
“For what?” I ask, matching his hushed tone.
"For what you said at dinner. To Adam."
“Oh.” I look up at the alpha, suddenly realizing how tall he is. "Well, I meant it."
"I know you did." He takes the next plate from the stack. "That's why I'm thanking you." He pauses to smile at me, and it’s shockingly charming. "This is all a little hard on him, but it’s only because he’s not good with change.”
"Who is?" I snort. "I've been buying the same shitty body wash for ten years out of sheer habit." I hand him the plate. "Trust me. I get it."
"Don't worry." Raff pauses for a moment, like he wants to make sure I hear him. "Adam will get there."
"I hope so," I say as I turn back to the running water, and something shifts as I reach for a glass.
All the warm, fuzzy feelings in my chest quietly die at once.
And I just—stand there.
Water runs over my hands, warm and steady, but I can't really feel it anymore. It's like the signal between my body and my brain has gone dim.
Plates clink somewhere next to me and the TV hums. Someone laughs in the distance.
I know I'm standing in a kitchen, but it suddenly feels like I'm watching it all from somewhere slightly outside of myself.
I'm so tired.
The sheer weight of the last few days hits me all at once, and I don't know where to put it.
There's too much to feel, and it has nowhere to go in this warm kitchen.
The normal sounds. The people on the couch who are already starting to feel familiar.
Somehow all of it is making it worse instead of better.
"So how about you?" Raff says as he starts rinsing off the silverware. "The last few days have to be weighing pretty heavy on you too."
"What?" I look up at him, not sure how to answer that.
He smiles down at me like he finds my reaction endearing. "How are you, Elle?"
My eyes cut across the open space to the living room without meaning to. Cliff is still on the couch. Adam tucked into his side, and Perrin's feet are propped up on the coffee table. The low murmur of the TV drifting through.
They're all acting normal.
So unbearably normal.
"I don't—" My voice comes out soft and far away, like it belongs to someone else. I clear my throat and try again. "I don't really know how to answer that."
Raff waits, his gray eyes watching me.
And the water keeps running.
And the TV keeps humming.
"It's just—" I swallow hard against the tightness climbing my throat. "It's been a really long time since anyone asked me that."
The silence that follows is soft.
I blink at the sink. Once. Twice. But my eyes are already burning, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. So I stand there and let them fill with tears, hoping the low light in the kitchen will hide it.
“Omega,” Raff whispers and I look up, unable to stop myself.
And that's my mistake.
The tall alpha is looking at me with the softest expression I've ever seen on a man his size. All that height and ink and dominant presence, and his gray eyes are so genuinely, quietly sad that it does me in completely.
My nose starts to run and my chin wobbles.
I press my lips together hard, trying to stop it, but it’s too late.
"Hey," Raff whispers so quietly as he opens his arms. "Come here, sweetheart."
I step into them without thinking, and his arms instantly close around me.
He's so warm and solid as I press my face against his chest and cry.
At first, it's a few, useless tears, but then my shoulders start shaking with the effort of trying to keep from making any noise, and I let go, letting the silent tears fall.
Raff's hand moves slowly up and down my back. He doesn't say anything. He holds me as I press closer to his chest, trying to make myself as small and quiet as possible.
"It's okay," he whispers against my hair. "I've got you."
And then Cliff finds me through the bond.
It's not words or even a conscious push…I don't think.
It feels more like a tide coming in. A slow, deliberate wash of warmth that moves through me from the inside out, like he's trying to hold me from inside.
I press my eyes shut.
Another wave rolls through, quieter than the first. Softer. And underneath it something that feels so much like “you're safe” that my throat tightens all over again for an entirely different reason.
I breathe in slowly.
Then out.
Then in again, and this time my body doesn't shake.
"I'm sorry," I whisper as I pull back from Raff's chest and wipe my face with the back of my hand.
"Don't," he says simply as he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes move over my face, his expression so soft it makes it hard to look directly at him. "Sleep in my room tonight,” he says suddenly.
I go still. "What?"
"I'm not looking to fuck you,” he says so casually that a surprised breath-of-a laugh escapes me.
"Unless you need that. But that's not why I'm asking.
" He holds my gaze. "It's not good for omegas to be alone. Especially after something traumatic. You’ve been through a lot and shouldn't sleep by yourself. "
A fresh wave of thick emotion hits me square in the chest, and I have to fight not to cry again.
I have slept alone every night since my parents died. Curled tight on my side, blanket pulled up over my shoulder, listening to a building full of people I couldn’t risk getting close to.
There was no one to keep me safe. No one to settle my nerves.
Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long without suffering a complete mental break.
My eyes sting again.
I am not going to cry twice in two minutes. I refuse.
Breathing slowly through my nose, I become suddenly, acutely aware of the warmth still radiating from Raff's chest. Of the way my body drifted toward him the second he opened his arms, and how long it's been since I let anyone hold me for any reason at all.
I am so touch-starved it's embarrassing.
"Okay," I say quietly.
Raff’s brows raise as a smile lifts one side of his mouth. “Yeah?”
"Yeah," I say, more certain this time. "I'd like that."
His whole face shifts into a slow, genuine smile. "Okay.” Then he hugs me again.
And I let him.
The water is still running, and the TV is still humming, but Raff's arms are so safe, and Cliff’s bond is so sweet, all I can do is smile.