Chapter 12 Emery
EMERY
Once all the muffins and cookies were either baking in the oven or cooling on the racks in the far corner, Abigail assigned me to the register.
I looked at her with wide eyes, hoping to convey my skepticism that I was up to the job.
After all, math was not my forte. But Abigail just smiled and patted my hand before she continued explaining how to navigate from the coffee section to the pastry section.
Midmorning traffic spurts were followed by lulls, so once Abigail was convinced I was capable of manning the register, she called Noah over to help me fulfill orders while she headed to the back to wash the dishes.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about Noah working with me in such a small space, but he was skilled at keeping himself out of the way so we never accidentally ran into each other.
During one of the lulls, I had time to think about my conversation with Abigail.
I leaned both elbows on the counter as I let my mind wander.
She’d relayed to me what had happened between her and Sabrina and how worried and panicked she was about her sister.
I could only imagine what she was going through.
But that was just it–I could only imagine it.
I was an only child. A part of me wished that I had siblings, especially after Carson passed away. I would give anything to be able to lean on somebody as I was navigating my new life as a widow and a single mom.
Plus, having siblings would’ve meant Timothy would grow up with cousins.
One of my biggest regrets was my inability to give Timothy what I had wanted so badly for myself as a kid: a brother or sister.
With each passing year, the opportunity for him to grow up with a sibling slipped further and further away.
Maybe that was my answer. My initial reaction to the board was to fight them on this marriage stipulation.
But maybe that was the kick in the pants that I needed.
Carson was never coming back, and we were never going to continue growing our family.
If I wanted to give Timothy everything he deserved, then I needed to stop living in the past and actually take the leap.
If only that leap didn’t feel so terrifying.
Truth was, I didn't know how to date. I’d known Carson for most of my life.
We’d met in high school and married so soon after graduating that I never learned how to have a relationship with another man.
With Carson, I never had to flirt. I never had to attract him.
We were attached at the hip from the beginning.
In the world of dating, I felt completely helpless.
I could broker a merger like no one’s business. But talking to the opposite sex with the intention of dating and marrying? That thought terrified me beyond measure.
The door opened, and a tall man in a light tan T-shirt and faded, paint-splattered jeans walked in.
I straightened as I watched him pull off his sunglasses and stick them into the front pocket of his T-shirt.
He had sandy blond hair and dark eyes. When his gaze landed on mine, his smile was infectious.
He wasn't unattractive.
I must've been staring a bit too hard because he didn't break our connection.
Instead he walked straight towards me with an intent look in his eyes.
My stomach was a bundle of nerves as he approached.
At this moment, I would rather take on Charles and his ridiculous stipulations, than say anything to the man now standing in front of me.
“Hey, there,” he said as he dropped his hands on the counter that separated us.
Speak, I commanded myself. I could do this. I’d talked to men before. I’d talked to a lot of men before. Just. Speak.
“Hey,” I said and then instantly pinched my lips shut when I heard my squeaky voice. My cheeks instantly heated, and I prayed for a hole to open up and swallow me. I cleared my throat. “Good afternoon,” I said with a small smile, thankful that my voice had found its normal cadence.
The man studied me before he pushed off the counter and folded his arms as he glanced up at the menu above my head. “What should I order?” he asked as he flicked his gaze back down to meet mine. “Everything looks delicious.”
I was taken aback by the way he said those words. The tone in his voice and the look in his eyes made me wonder if he was talking about me.
“I, um…” I swallowed as I looked at the counter and then turned to look at the board. “I’m new here, so I haven’t tried everything, but the lemon poppyseed muffins are a hit.” I turned back to him and smiled.
His gaze had remained on me the entire time. “I do like muffins,” he said.
Maybe I’d made a mistake. Maybe I’d bitten off more than I could chew. Maybe it was better to just accept my fate and die alone. Besides, Bash and Abigail were going to have kids. Timothy would have cousins eventually.
“We’ve got a lot,” I said as I hovered over the register, waiting for him to confirm what he wanted so I could ring it up.
“Are you new to Harmony?” He moved to rest his elbow on the glass case to the left of the register. He seemed to be settling in instead of ordering and getting out.
Okay, this man might not be the knight in shining armor I’d been hoping for—even if I really wasn’t sure what I was looking for—but, no harm came from flirting. This man could be my practice dummy. I was just flirting with him, not marrying him.
“I’m visiting,” I said as I grabbed a napkin from the nearby dispenser and started to wipe the counter with it. I was nervous, and I needed a place for all of my nervous energy to go. Cleaning seemed like the best move.
“Visiting?” He looked disappointed. “How long are you going to be here for?”
I cleared my throat. Truth was, I didn’t know. “A few days.”
“Ah.” He studied me before he extended his hand. “Rex Burris,” he said.
I glanced down at his hand before I slowly reached out to take it. “Emery…” I contemplated telling him my last name but then decided against it.
“Is Rex Burris going to order or just hold up the line?”
Noah’s rough voice startled me. I jumped and turned around to see him standing closer that I had anticipated. His eyebrows were drawn together and he was staring Rex down. I glanced over, fully ready to apologize to Rex for Noah’s behavior, but he was just smiling as he met Noah’s gaze.
“Geez, hold your horses, man. I’ll order.” He glanced back over to me, and I offered him an apologetic smile.
“There’s a line forming behind you. If you’re not going to order, you should go.”
I whipped my gaze back to Noah, who hadn’t moved. He was still standing next to me but now had his arms folded across his chest as he continued to glare at Rex.
“Noah,” I whispered. “I’ve got this.”
Noah glanced down at me, and for the first time, I could feel the size difference between us. I wasn’t a short woman. I was 5' 8". But standing next to Noah and his 6' 2" frame made me feel tiny.
Noah held my gaze for what felt like an eternity. There was so much turmoil behind his eyes that it took my breath away. He seemed conflicted about something, but I wasn’t sure what that something was.
Whatever was happening, I needed to calm Noah down and serve Rex. Putting aside the flirting, he was still Abigail’s customer. I wasn’t going to let him go without ordering something.
“Can I get you a lemon poppyseed muffin?” I asked as I lifted my hand and hovered my fingers over the buttons once more. Rex’s gaze was still focused on Noah when I glanced up at him.
I paused, and it took a few seconds for Rex to finally turn his attention to me. His smile returned. “Lemon poppyseed muffin and…” He leaned forward. “Your number?” His voice was low and rumbly, and he punctuated his words with a wink.
I could feel Noah’s entire body stiffen. If Rex noticed, he didn’t show it. Instead, he kept his gaze on me as he waited.
My head was swimming and my stomach ached as I tried to process his words. I hadn’t planned for the flirting to go this far. Did I really think that I could smile, bat my eyelashes, and that would be the end of it?
Flirting led to dating, and dating led to marriage. I knew that. But from my reaction to his question, I clearly wasn’t ready for this.
Any of it.
Tears brimmed my eyes, and my cheeks heated like I had a fever. Needing some fresh air, I turned around. “Excuse me,” I whispered as I pushed past Noah and headed toward the back door.
Once I stepped outside, the door swung shut behind me, and I collapsed against the wall. I dipped my head down and took in a few deep breaths with my eyes closed.
Something was fundamentally wrong with me. I was broken. Even though I wanted to move forward with my life—if for no one else but Timothy—I couldn’t. Even when it was as simple as giving my number to another man, I was paralyzed.
Dating didn’t have to equal marriage. Flirting didn’t mean a lifetime together. But I couldn’t help but feel like I was cheating on Carson. That I wasn’t honoring his memory. He didn’t deserve to die. He should be here, laughing and flirting with me. He should be the father to my future children.
How was his memory going to live on if I chose to move forward?
The feel of his fingers threading through mine and the smell of his cologne had started to fade.
I wanted to believe that I would always remember him, but my memories of him had become like fog in the early morning.
I knew that he would always be with me, but I could no longer see him. Feel him. Remember him.
Introducing another man into my life would cause Carson to disappear completely. I couldn’t do that. I promised to remember. I had to.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood outside before the sound of the back door opening pulled me from my thoughts. I straightened and wiped at my cheeks even though my tears were already dry.
Abigail’s soft smile greeted me when I glanced over my shoulder. The door was shut, and she was standing a few feet away from me with a cautious expression. “You okay?” she asked as she took a step toward me.
I cleared my throat and wiped at my cheeks once more before I nodded. “Yep…mm-hmm…” I turned to face her.
Her eyebrows were drawn together, and as soon as her gaze landed on my face I could see that she didn't believe me for a second. She took another step towards me, her hand out.
"What happened?” she asked as she dipped down to meet my gaze. "Noah wasn’t specific. He just told me to come find you."
I swallowed, the emotions in my throat were choking me. So many thoughts had flooded my mind, and I was unsure which ones I should entertain. Noah hadn’t told her what happened? Why? Noah sent her after me? What happened with Rex? Did Noah finish his order?
I felt like a loser. What was wrong with me? All I had to do was tell Rex that I was flattered but not interested. Why had I run off like I did?
I was a mess.
I forced a smile, hoping to avoid admitting to Abigail that I had just lost my mind in front of her customer who had done nothing wrong.
The last thing I wanted was for Abigail to judge me.
I wanted the world to think that I had everything under control, even though I felt like I was slowly disappearing inside.
My struggles were for me and me alone. I had to have hope that eventually I was going to fix what was broken inside of me. I needed to push myself out of my comfort zone every day, even if it was just a baby step.
Flirting with Rex had blown up in my face, but I wasn't going to view it as a failure. I’d done something that I hadn't done in a very long time. I’d taken my first step toward what Carson wanted me to do and what the board was demanding I do.
Noah was the only person who knew of my failure, and I was confident that he wasn't going to talk to me about it.
That wasn't the kind of relationship we had.
For the first time, I was grateful that Noah had been there instead of anyone else.
"I'm so sorry," I said as I offered Abigail a forced smile, hoping that she wouldn't see past it.
“I’m not sure what's wrong with me. I just started feeling sick. I needed a break.” I waved my hand towards the air around me.
"There's something about fresh ocean air that heals the soul.
" I took in a deep breath. "Whatever it was has passed.
" I met her gaze. "I'm ready to go back in. "
I could feel Abigail's hesitation. She didn't buy my lie, but thankfully, she didn't push it. She studied me for a moment before she threaded her arm through mine and started to guide me towards the back door. When her hand landed on the handle, she paused.
"You know you can trust me, right?” she asked.
I glanced over at her, but she wasn't looking at me, her gaze forward. Guilt coated me. The last thing I wanted was for her to think that this had anything to do with me not trusting her. I had problems. I had issues. But so did Abigail. And I didn’t want to push my weakness on her when she was already struggling with her sister.
I'd come here to be a help to her. I couldn’t be a hindrance.
“Of course, Abigail.” I shifted with the hope she would look my direction.
It worked. She glanced over at me and held my gaze for a moment before a soft smile spread across her lips.
“In fact.” I paused, waiting for the strength to say the next sentence.
Even though flirting with Rex had been a disaster, I knew I couldn’t avoid it forever. Minus getting a mail-order husband, I was going to have to speak to someone if I was going to fulfill the Torres stipulation. I couldn’t run and hide from my issues. Doing that would just create more.
“Let’s talk about the investor’s dinner.”
Abigail’s entire face lit up. “Really?”
“Yep.” I cleared my throat as my emotions, yet again, rose up inside of it. It was going to take time to get used to the change that had been suddenly thrust upon me. But, with every step I took forward, I would eventually get to the place of acceptance.
I would not fold in on myself again. I was going to be a strong mother to my son and a strong woman to honor my husband’s memory. Torres Investments had been his life, and I would fight for it until my last breath.
Abigail squealed. “I have so many ideas!”