Chapter 21 Liam #2
Guilt and anger rose up inside of me. How could I have been this reckless? Did I think that Sabrina wasn’t going to be affected by what was currently happening between Katie and me?
All I wanted was a simple life full of the people I cared about. I wanted to provide for and protect the people that mattered the most to me. But with every passing hour, it was becoming more and more evident that a simple life was far from my grasp.
The realization hit me like a freight train.
Sabrina. She hadn’t texted me back. The last time I was in contact with her was when I watched her walk away from me.
My heart began to race as I pressed on my contacts and scrolled until I found Sabrina’s number. I hit talk and then brought the phone up to my ear.
It was the longest five seconds of my life, listening to the dial tone. For a moment, I thought that she had picked up, but then I was just met with the standard voicemail recording.
I ended the call and shoved my phone back into my pocket before unlocking the bathroom door and barreling out. I didn’t care about the gala, and I really didn’t care that Katie and Bonnie had more people they wanted me to meet.
I was going to go check on Sabrina.
I didn’t give Bonnie or Katie a chance to try to change my mind. I told them I was leaving as I passed them. I could hear their sputtered responses, but I didn’t stop. I headed through the ballroom and out to the valet, where I jumped into the first available taxi.
The drive felt like an eternity as the cab navigated the roads. My anxiety tightened with each red light. I finally breathed a sigh of relief when we took a left and the hotel came into view.
I paid the driver and was out of the cab before he even fully stopped. He asked me if I needed a receipt, but I slammed the door before he finished. My heart pounded in my chest as I passed through the front doors and into the lobby.
Thankfully, an employee at the desk recognized me as I waited in front of the elevators and beckoned me to come with him, stating that those elevators didn’t go to the seventeenth floor.
As soon as I was on the right one, he invited me to reach out to him if I needed anything but didn’t press me further as the doors slid shut in front of him.
I tapped my foot on the floor and watched the numbers tick upwards. When the number 17 finally lit up and the elevator dinged, I let out the breath I had been holding.
I didn’t wait for the doors to fully open, I was out into the hallway as soon as I could squeeze through.
My strides were long as I pulled out my wallet and found my keycard.
I paused at the door, pressed the key to the small circle on the left, and then slammed down on the handle as soon as the little light flashed green.
“Sabrina?” I asked into the darkness as I let the door slowly shut behind me. Just in case I was wrong and Sabrina was safe, I didn’t want to wake up Samuel, thus incurring her wrath.
When there was no answer, I called out again in a hushed whisper, this time more frantic. “Sabrina!”
Nothing.
The bedroom door was shut, so I made my way over and twisted the handle, pushing it open. I could hear some rustling, which caused my heart to start pumping. There was someone in here.
And then I heard Samuel whimper.
As I pushed further into the room, I could see that Sabrina was asleep on the bed. Her dark hair spilled around her as she lay under the comforter. Her breaths were deep and slow. She was passed out.
My body began to relax as I studied her. She looked okay. Frankie hadn’t done to her what he had his thugs did to me the first night after we arrived. She was safe and that was all that mattered.
I heard more rustling and whimpering from the bassinet next to Sabrina. I made my way over. Samuel’s bottom lip was jutted out, and he looked as if he had been crying for a while. As soon as he saw me, he let out a wail.
“Shh, shh,” I said as I reached down and picked him up. I glanced over at Sabrina, who was still fast asleep.
Not wanting him to wake her up, I held his head against my shoulder as I hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind me.
It was emotional whiplash to go from panic that I couldn’t get a hold of her, to relief that she was safe and asleep. I had no idea what I would’ve done if Frankie had actually done something to her. To Samuel.
A protective surge went through my body as I held onto Samuel tighter and began to shush him as I scanned the room for his diaper bag.
Luckily, Sabrina had left it next to the door. I grabbed the large strap and made my way over to the couch, where I set the bag down on the coffee table. With Samuel sitting on my leg, I began to search for a bottle and formula.
Everything was there, and in a matter of seconds, I had his bottle filled and was shaking it.
Samuel was sniffling so hard that his whole body was shaking.
Once he had the bottle securely in his mouth, I relaxed back against the couch and let my eyes close.
I took in a few deep breaths to cleanse the lingering adrenaline that had been pulsing through my veins just moments ago.
Sabrina was safe. Samuel was safe.
Frankie’s threat had been just that. A threat.
I shook my head as the realization of what could have happened washed over me.
My life was a mess. My finances were a mess.
My ex was back in my life and using my daughter to manipulate me into giving her what she wanted.
I was in a band I no longer loved, and I had to hide my identity so I could sing like I wanted to.
Why the hell had I brought Sabrina into this?
She didn’t deserve this. She was trying to start over, and I was dragging her down. Add to that the fact that she could be in physical danger because of me? I blew out my breath as I opened my eyes and stared hard at the windows.
I was selfish. I wanted her here with me because I was tired of being alone. Because I thought, somehow, that I could help her. That I could save her from her life in Harmony.
I wanted to believe that I could offer her an out, but it had become abundantly clear that I was trapping her as well as her hometown and sister had.
With me, her safety and her son were at risk.
I was the asshole who’d made her think being with me was better than what she had in Harmony.
I bet if she knew the kind of trouble I was in, she would pack her bags and leave. She was a strong woman who would do anything for her son. She would do the right thing.
Samuel began to relax in my arms. I glanced down to see his eyes were slits and his bottle was halfway finished. I pulled him closer to my chest and then bent down and pressed my lips to his forehead.
He was such a sweet baby. He deserved a happy life where things were safe and stable.
Even if my life wasn’t such a shit show, the life of a rock star wasn’t ideal for a baby.
I’d witnessed that firsthand. I’d dangled the carrot of a fun and exciting life, and of course a woman who felt trapped would snatch it up.
But that didn’t mean it was the right thing to do. I’d pulled her away from her life in Harmony with the allure of a better one. And yet, I couldn’t deliver on that promise. Sabrina had been nothing but stressed and overwhelmed since she got here.
That had nothing to do with her ability to do the job and everything to do with the situation. If I’d been a good guy, I would have encouraged her to stay in Harmony. Where she was safe. Where she had support.
“I’m a fool,” I whispered into the darkness.
Samuel’s bottle was empty so I wiggled it from his mouth. At first, he seemed content, but I watched his reaction as he realized that his bottle was no longer there. His little face scrunched up and began to redden as he let out a wail.
I shifted him to my shoulder, standing up and shushing him as I bounced. That seemed to calm him for a minute before he began to squawk again. I kept the pace of the bounce as I started walking around the living room. That movement seemed to calm him down, and he began to relax against me.
The silence in the room was driving me mad, so I started to hum my latest Drifter song. The humming turned into soft singing. Samuel was responding well to the music, so I began to sing a little bit louder. It was boosting my ego that my words—my song—was calming him down.
I'd shared so much of my art with Fading Atlas, and it wasn't until this moment that I realized how much of myself I had lost. Yet, with Drifter, I'd found myself again.
If loving you is violence
Let it leave me ruined, blessed
“Oh, my god.”
Sabrina’s voice caused my entire body to freeze. I glanced over to see her standing in the doorway, her eyes wide and her lips parted. Her hair was disheveled, and her cheeks were pink against her pale skin.
“You’re…” She paused as she pressed her fingers to her lips. “You’re…Drifter.”
I didn’t know what to do. The self-preservation part of my brain wanted to deny her accusation. But there was another part of me that was relieved she knew. If there was anyone on this earth whom I would want to discover my secret identity, it was Sabrina.
I wanted her to know.
But I also didn't want to give it to her that easy.
“You must be delirious. Do you have a fever?” I asked. Samuel started to stir, so I continued humming and bouncing him at the same time. “I'm Liam Carmichael, lead singer of the famous band Fading Atlas.” I gave her my signature wink.
She didn't look amused. “I can't believe I didn't recognize your voice,” she said as she walked into the living room and sat down slowly on the couch.
She wasn't looking at me now. Instead, her focus was on the window in front of her.
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I just continued bouncing Samuel and humming to him while she digested.
Finally, it seemed as if the shock wore off as she glanced over at me. She studied me for a moment before her gaze dropped to Samuel. She frowned.