Chapter 25 Liam
LIAM
“Stop, stop, stop,” Bonnie yelled as she emerged from offstage with her hands up and a clipboard pinched between her ribcage and her right arm.
Each band member slowly stopped playing at different times as she marched up to me.
“What the hell, Liam?” she asked, her voice low. Her gaze was on fire as she stared at me.
I dropped my arms to my sides. The mic made a scratching noise as it hit my jeans. My shoulders slouched with dejection as I glared at her. This rehearsal sucked. Fading Atlas sucked. Living my life without Sabrina sucked.
“I don’t want to be here,” I said, matter-of-factly. I glanced around at the auditorium and sighed. I hated Seattle. I hated the Climate Pledge Arena. I hated my situation.
I wanted to be happy. I wanted to care about my performance for the band’s sake. I wanted to forget the one woman who kept invading my thoughts no matter what I did. But all of my wanting was in vain.
I was in love with a woman I couldn’t have. With a woman who should hate my guts right now. I was attempting to live my life post-Sabrina, but it was impossible.
My couch and a six-pack of beer was calling my name, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore it.
Maybe if I just walked off, I’d finally be fired.
“You’re not going anywhere,” Bonnie said as if she’d read my mind.
I glared at her, but she turned to the guys and nodded in their direction.
“Liam is going to get it together and sing right,” she said as her gaze snapped back to me. It was like I was her unruly child who needed a good spanking to get back in line. “We’re going to sing correctly, right, Liam?” she asked raising her eyebrows.
I could hear the don’t test me in her voice, and part of me wanted to poke the bear. My entire body went numb the moment I’d walked away from Sabrina, and I was desperate to feel something. Anything.
But I stopped myself. I was a grown man. I needed to stop wallowing and get my head in the game.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said with a defiant salute.
I could tell that Bonnie wanted to reprimand me again, but she set her jaw, nodded, and then waved to the band to start.
I didn’t give the rest of rehearsal my all—but I gave it good enough.
As soon as Bonnie called it quits, I replaced my microphone on its stand and made my way offstage. I wasn’t interested in waiting around for Bonnie’s debrief. I wanted to get the hell out of here and away from my life.
I slammed the dressing room door closed and collapsed on the couch. I stretched out with my feet resting on one armrest and my head on the other. I covered my face with my arm and took in deep breaths. I needed to get a grip.
My life sucked.
I felt like I was suffocating. This wasn’t the life I wanted. The two good things that made it worth living were gone, and I was left alone. Again.
With all her talk about wanting to be a family and letting me back into Ana’s life, Katie was out of the picture as soon as Sabrina was.
I’d always suspected that her sudden appearance had been out of jealousy.
Especially when she showed up right after the tabloids got ahold of Sabrina.
I guess I never expected her to stoop so low as to use our daughter to get what she wanted.
I’d been wrong.
Her sudden disappearance also had a lot to do with me telling her I was broke. I had enough money scraped together to appease Frankie, but I wasn’t sure when my assets were going to be released so I could pay the two million she owed him.
She didn’t care that he was threatening our family—and Sabrina—she told me to figure it out.
That was what I was good at. I’d stood there, dumbfounded.
This woman had gotten me into this mess, and she had no intention of helping me to get out of it.
I was supposed to fix this problem that she created with the problems that she created.
If it wasn’t for Ana, I’d have thrown that woman out of my life a long time ago.
But I couldn’t do that, even though I was right back where I’d been before she’d swept back into my life. No relationship with my daughter and no glimmer of hope that one could exist someday.
I’d gone from having people in my life, to having no one.
It sucked.
A firm knock on the door had me dropping my arm and glancing in its direction.
I frowned, wondering who was on the other side.
I’d heard Bonnie’s knock enough in my life to know it wasn’t hers.
There was a strict “no bothering the talent” rule in show business, so I knew it wasn’t someone from the arena.
For a delusional moment, I allowed myself to think that it could be Sabrina coming back, but I shut that thought down as soon as it started to percolate. Sabrina was back in Harmony with Samuel, living her best life. I hoped she was safe and happy.
That was all I cared about.
The knock came again, so I folded my arms and flipped to my side so I was now facing the back of the couch.
“Go away,” I shouted from over my shoulder.
The knock came again.
I sighed and closed my eyes. If this was to be a battle of wills, I was going to win out. Whomever was on the other side of the door could stuff it. The only person I wanted to talk to was the one person who would never come.
I’d made sure of it.
I heard the door open. “Liam?”
I paused as confusion washed over me. That sounded like Sawyer.
I peeked with one eye and confirmed my assumption.
I debated whether or not I was going to turn around.
Never mind the fact that he was in my dressing room when I’d explicitly told him to go away.
He was here, and it looked as if he wanted to talk to me.
Sawyer had made it very clear a long time ago that he wasn’t interested in being friends anymore. He’d never approved of Katie and told me she would ruin my life if I stayed with her. Little did he know how right he’d been. My life had been a shit show ever since I let that woman into it.
“Liam, can we talk?”
His voice was close, like he was standing right behind me. I knew I should turn around, but I was at war with myself. The last thing I needed was a pep talk from a guy who used to be my friend. A guy who’d grown up with me. Who knew my mom. Who’d been there when she passed.
But there was also a part of me. A teeny, tiny part of me that was curious why he was here. He didn’t sound annoyed or mad. He sounded concerned.
Finally, the desire to know why he was here won out, and I turned to look at him.
“What do you want, Sawyer?”
His expression was unreadable. It was almost apologetic, but that didn’t seem right. What did he have to be sorry for? Unless, he felt sorry for me. Frustration rose up in my chest. Pity was not what I needed in this moment. I was already down. I didn’t need him kicking me as well.
If that was what he was here for, he could just leave. I already felt like dog shit without his help.
He held up his hands. “Listen, I’m worried about you.”
I scoffed and turned back toward the couch. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be onstage tonight, rip-roaring and ready to go.” I didn’t hold back on the sarcasm.
I thought that would be the end of our conversation. That I’d done enough to tell him I had every intention of fulfilling my contract, but also, to get the hell out of my dressing room.
Apparently, it hadn’t landed. Instead of leaving, he sighed, and the squeaking sound of the vanity chair being pulled across the floor startled me. I flipped to my other side so I could stare at him.
“What the…” I frowned as I watched Sawyer set up the chair a few feet away from the couch and sit down.
I sighed as I pushed myself up to a sitting position. “Apparently, you lack the ability to take a hint.” I leaned back against the couch and folded my arms. We were having this conversation if I wanted to or not. I forced a smile as I turned my attention to him. “What’s up?”
He studied me. His expression was stoic, which just pissed me off even more. He’d barged in here uninvited, and now he was content to just sit there, staring at me.
“Where’d Katie go?”
I blinked, not expecting him to ask that. I shrugged. “Back to Florida, I guess.” I frowned. “Apparently, she’d succeeded in running off the only woman I’ve cared about since her. She went home after a job well done.”
The sarcasm was dripping now. I knew I should pull back, that my situation wasn’t Sawyer’s fault, but I didn’t. He was insisting that he stay and talk to me. He shouldn’t have poked me if he wasn’t willing to get bit.
Sawyer studied me with a curious expression. I could tell that he had questions but was choosing his words wisely. Which was probably a good idea. With how I was feeling, I wasn’t sure how I would respond to questions that probed too deep.
“How long have we known each other?” His words came out slow and methodical.
I stared at him. Was he serious? He was bothering me for, what, a trip down memory lane?
“I don’t know.” I paused as I tried to do the mental math of subtracting how old I was in second grade from how old I was now.
I landed on, “A long time,” because I was tired and the real answer required way too much thinking.
“Since second grade,” he said. “I know you when you’re happy.
I know you when you’re mad. I know you when you’re piss drunk and making stupid decisions.
” He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. “I thought I knew who you were around women…” He paused as his gaze bored into mine.
“But I’ve never seen you be the kind of guy you were with your assistant… Sabrina?”
I let out a groan as I tipped my head forward and let it fall into my open hand.
This was not the conversation I wanted to have.
Talk to me about how I was a crappy dad to Ana, that was on the table.
Tell me I was an idiot for letting Katie into my life not once, but twice—sure, I’d take that.
Scold me for missing a step in choreography that I’ve practiced a million times over, that I could handle.