Chapter 5
5
J AMES
A door opens and closes behind me.
“James?”
A few steps bring Lex closer to me.
“What the hell are you doing here, man?” he throws at me.
He stops next to me, waiting for an answer.
I shoot a side-eyed glance at him as he takes inventory of the glass of scotch in my hand and the burning cigarette tucked between my fingers.
A moment later, we both swing our eyes to the spectacle unfolding in front of us–– our clientele celebrating New Year's Eve in Red’s largest private event room.
Naked dancers shake their hips on the tables while the men throw hundred-dollar bills at their feet.
I take another swig of my scotch, a big gulp this time, and my throat burns like hell, as does everything else inside me.
“Where is she?”
“At the hotel. She’s going home...”
“Home?? Why? How…?”
I shrug.
He grabs my arm, and I yank it out of his grip, spilling the rest of my drink over my sleeve.
In one motion, I swing my arm and hurl the empty glass against the wall. The sound of glass shattering ripples through the air.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, James?”
I take a long drag on my cigarette and blow the smoke out in a long stream.
It does nothing to calm me down.
“Have you talked to her?”
Silently, I nod.
“And?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“And this is better?” he retorts.
I flick my eyes to him, blazing with fury.
“What’s your problem, Lex?”
His eyes narrow, and cold steel glints in his gaze, yet he pushes his words back, choosing to stay silent.
Wise choice indeed.
“You want her? You can have her,” I say coldly.
He looks away, a muscle pulsing in his jaw.
Boiling with anger, he’s seconds away from charging at me.
Surprisingly, he stifles his reaction and reins in his fury, his lips curving into a bitter smile as he shifts his eyes back to me.
“You’re saying this because you know I can’t have her,” he says, scorching me with his stare.
Eyes locked on him, I bring my cigarette to my lips and inhale deeply, indulging in the sensation for a moment as the smoke flows freely into my lungs.
“You might have a chance with her,” I say, tearing my cigarette away from my lips. “She likes you a lot. Besides, she only gave me a little more than what you’ve got, so don’t feel bad about it. In the end, you wouldn’t know the difference.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you,” he tosses at me after a moment of reflection.
I shift my gaze to the people frolicking in front of us.
“Yes, you would. You’d do way worse things to get her.”
His stare burns holes into my face.
“Why did you have to do it?” he asks, puzzled.
I don’t answer.
“You humiliated her, James. Was it because you wanted to prove she was as bad as we were?”
Smiling, I take another drag off my cigarette and let the smoke out.
“She is as bad as we are. Or should I say… Human? Imperfect? But see, she never wanted to believe it. She always thought life was this perfect thing, and only a few people were bad, and certainly not her. If only you and I could be more like her, things would be perfect, and unicorns would roam the earth. We would all live in paradise. She never thought she could be like everybody else. Even now, she can’t see it. She thinks that us sharing her is worse than her warming up to some jerk for a fee. That’s what’s gotten to her. Me paying her so we can have her. That’s what made her feel cheap. Nothing else did...” I say, breathing a bitter chuckle.
“So, what will happen now?”
“Nothing,” I say, putting the cigarette out.
I blow the smoke to the side.
“For her and me, it’s neither here nor there. We’re no better than each other. I’ve done shit I shouldn’t have, and she could’ve done things differently, yet she didn’t want to do it. At least I’m mature enough to acknowledge it, but she’s not. She’s still blindsided by whatever image she’s created in her head about me, the world, and whatever other crap...”
“I can talk to her.”
I cut my eyes at him.
“I don’t want you to talk to her on my behalf. Under no circumstances do I want you near her.”
He clenches his jaw, annoyed, blasting a scorching glare in my direction.
“What can you tell her to change her mind anyway?” I toss at him coldly.
He looks at me with guarded eyes, his face unreadable.
“Stay away from her, Lex. That’s all I’m saying,” I bark, pissed, before spinning around and walking out of the room.
* * *
RAIN
New York
The First Day of Spring
I open the windows and let the sunlight tumble into my apartment while a smile tilts my lips and renewed hope courses through my veins.
For the first time in a long time, things feel good.
Spring has taken over the streets of Manhattan, and the short days of winter are long gone.
Golden light now glows over the sidewalks.
The temperature is mild, the air breezy, and people walk up and down the streets and in the park, enjoying their late afternoon stroll.
Glancing around the apartment, I sigh contently.
This month, I’ve had people redesign my place and remove anything reminiscent of a not-so-distant past.
I cleared my space of him too.
The painting, the expensive clothing, and the jewelry have all been returned to Sexton Holdings’ headquarters in the first week of January.
A quarter of a million dollars was transferred to his account a week later.
Neither of my gestures has rendered a response from him.
In fact, I’ve never heard from him again.
With that, I closed that chapter of my life.
Smiling, I set a bunch of tulips in a vase and run my fingers over the petals brimming with life. They’re white, red, yellow, and pink.
The phone hums quietly on the table, rousing me from my reverie.
I scoop it up and answer the call.
“Miss Rain?”
“Yes, Neil.”
“There’s another delivery for you,” the concierge clerk says. “I just let the guy in, and he’s on his way.”
“Okay. I’ll open the door.”
Messengers deliver flowers and gift-wrapped boxes with fancy birthday cards for the next couple of hours.
When I finish setting everything in ceramic vases, an explosion of colors surrounds me.
Eve calls me and starts singing.
“Happy Birthday to you... ”
I listen to her, smiling.
“Are you ready for tonight?” I ask a moment later.
“Yes. Are you sure you don’t want a surprise party?”
“What kind of surprise would that be if you asked me about it?”
“Just saying,” she says with a cheerful disposition. “Dinner sounds good.”
“What time do you want me to pick you up?”
“Any time you want. I only need a few minutes to get dressed.”
“Okay. I’ll see you later.”
I hang up the phone and walk into the shower.
Half an hour later, I enter the walk-in closet and search the racks. I pull out a black dress tailored to my body.
It has long bell sleeves and a flared bottom.
Fairly short, it stops mid-thigh, a gem-encrusted brooch sitting at the tip of the plunging V-neckline, matching the dangling earrings attached to my earlobes.
My hair is longer than it used to be, reaching my waist.
I slip into a pair of heels when the phone rings again.
“Yes?”
Silence grows at the other end of the line.
I glance at the screen, checking the number.
“Neil?”
I hear him mumbling words in the background.
“Neil?”
“Miss Morgan. I’m sorry,” he says nervously. “You have a visitor.”
A wave of heat shoots down my spine.
No client is supposed to come to my place.
“What visitor? Do you have a name?”
“Yes. Mr. Alexander Harrington,” he says hesitantly, making sure he pronounces it correctly.
My heart skips beats.
“Okay. Let him in.”
I slip my phone onto the table and walk to the door, where I stand still for a moment, grappling with mixed emotions.
My fingers tremble, and my knees are soft.
Quietly, he knocks on the door. I swing it open, and our eyes connect instantly.
He takes me in, his blue eyes beaming with light as if the sun exploded in them.
My eyes dip, registering the perfect cut of his gray wool suit setting off his athletic frame with distinction and elegance.
I swing my gaze up.
A grin sparkles in his eyes.
It’s hard to resist his charm, so I smile back.
“Rain...” he murmurs.
“Lex.”
“May I come in?” he says, nodding softly toward the apartment.
“Sure,” I say, spinning around.
I walk in front of him, the heat of his stare trailing down my back. I show him to the table before he pulls out a chair and takes a seat.
“Would you like something to drink?” I ask.
“No. I’m fine,” he says in a mellow voice.
I pour myself a glass of water and slip into a chair across from him.
He glances around, taking in the flowers.
“Special event, huh?” he asks, locking my gaze.
“It’s my birthday.”
His face lights up with a smile.
“Oh. Happy Birthday!”
He pushes to his feet, prompting me to rise out of my seat as well.
“I wish I knew it was your birthday,” he says before looping an arm around my waist and pulling me into his chest.
Cupping my face, he places a gentle kiss on my cheek.
We briefly look into each other’s eyes before breaking away.
“Are you here because of him?” I ask, sliding back into my seat.
He unbuttons his jacket, takes a seat across from me, and leans back in his chair, his eyes connecting with mine.
“I’m here because of you,” he says, studying my eyes for a moment. “He doesn’t know I’m here. He’d kill me if he knew,” he says, the tension in his voice a testament to the seriousness of his words.
“I’m sorry...” I murmur.
Without saying anything else, he glances out the window.
“How is he?” I ask.
His attention comes back to me.
“The same.”
A soft smile curls his lips.
He pauses, his eyes glinting nostalgically before he speaks again.
“Do you remember when I said you’d mine if you didn’t choose him?”
“Do you still believe that?” I ask softly.
“Yeah... I do. You know it’s true,” he murmurs, sadness gleaming in his eyes.
He straightens and leans forward, setting his elbows on the table. His shirt pulls open at the neckline, revealing his neck as he tilts his head down, training his gaze on his hands.
“Things were meant to be that way, I guess. You were destined to be his.”
“Well, sometimes, destiny gets it wrong,” I murmur. “I’m not his woman, after all.”
He lifts his gaze, a soft grin creasing his lips.
“No matter what you do or how much you hate him, or how many men you get in bed with, you’ll always be his,” he says before going quiet again.
I soak in his beautiful face and his rueful smile.
“The same goes for him,” he says. “It doesn’t matter who he has in his life. You and his mother are the only women he’s been attached to. And that’s the story of his life in a nutshell. He lost her, and then he lost you, in both cases, without the slightest explanation. Up to this day, he can’t make peace with that. In his mind, you had no reason to pull away from him. I know why you left him, and I also know how he made you feel. He overwhelmed you, and you couldn’t match his power. You were right to do what you did, to show him that you could live independently. I’m not judging you or how you have accomplished that. I’m not a righteous man, and I’m not perfect in any way. Sometimes I’m not proud of what I’ve done myself.”
He looks down again, slowly shaking his head.
“I tried to explain to him… I really did. And we have argued a lot, but I was never able to make him understand,” he says.
He shifts his sky-like eyes to me.
“He’s not a bad man. He only has a lot of power and vicious anger inside him, and that’s a lethal combination. You shouldn’t feel bad because of what happened between us. He did everything he could to drag you down because he couldn’t pull himself up to you. He was convinced he wasn’t good enough for you, yet couldn’t change the way he felt about you.”
“There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t change anything, not for him and not for me.”
“Yes... there is.”
I toss a questioning look at him.
He observes me for a moment.
“For starters, try not to hate him. And then, think about what I just said and try to make sense of how you feel about him, not at the surface where the emotions boil up but deep down in your heart. It could teach you a thing or two about him, and in the end, it may show you how to get to him.”
Grief grows inside me. I wish it were that easy.
We share a few moments of silence, his gaze glued to my eyes.
“I know it sounds strange to tell you this after what happened between you and us, but you could have a great life with him if you helped him open up to you.”
I fight my emotions back.
His hand cups mine.
“Think about it, Rain… Trust me. You won’t regret it.”
We spend a few seconds in silence before he smoothly tears his fingers away from me and pushes his chair back.
“I have to go now,” he says, rising to his feet.
I follow his example.
“Any special plans for tonight?” he asks in a different voice, taking in the flowers.
“Dinner with my friend Eve,” I say, having a hard time unclenching my teeth.
We reach the entrance, and I pull the door open.
He steps out of the apartment and spins around to face me, his eyes harboring a sad smile.
Eventually, he closes the space between us and snakes his arm around my waist, bringing me to his chest.
I lift my hand to his face and slowly stroke his cheek.
His eyes glint and my heart hurts.
“I wish it were you, Lex,” I say quietly.
“Me too, baby. Me too…”
He kisses me softly on my lips and flashes a warm smile, his fingers gently brushing away a few stray tears.
“Things will be good again. You’ll see,” he says, stroking my hair before kissing me on my cheek.
For a moment, I get lost in his arms and hug him tightly, relishing the feel of his lips pressed against my hair.
“Call me if you need anything. All right?” he says.
I nod.
Smoothly, he breaks away.