38. DECISIONS THAT ARE HARD TO MAKE
Chapter thirty-eight
DECISIONS THAT ARE HARD TO MAKE
Emeriel wept.
She lost awareness of everything, her problems, her surroundings, even who she was with. Surrendering to the pain once more, Emeriel mourned everything she had wanted and all that would never be hers. She mourned the horrible, horrible life she lived.
"I wish they had never hidden who I was when I was born. I wish I never had to live like this. So what if I lived female? Being sold to the breeding houses would have been better." Emeriel had never been one for regrets, but in that moment, regret was all she felt. "What's so wrong about becoming a harlot? It's an awful life, but then there'd be no deceit, no crushing secrets... no Urai. I wouldn't have to live like this . We would have never met. I wish my parents never tried to protect me."
A hand rested on her shoulder.
She flinched from that touch before her mind registered it as… safe . It took her a moment to come back to herself, to remember where she was and whom she was with. She gazed up at King Daemonikai.
All the anger had drained from him. There was no annoyance in his touch, it was gentle, comforting.
Then, his hands slid under Emeriel's arms, gripping her sides, lifting her effortlessly. Her legs automatically wrapped around his waist as he carried her across the room and settled onto the plush cushion.
"It's alright," the grand king murmured. "Let it all out."
More tears flowed, and she welcomed them, clinging to him. Gripping his robes like an anchor. Her eyes hurt, swollen and red from crying. Her cheeks sore from swiping at tears for days.
"I'm just so tired," she whispered brokenly. "I just want it to stop. I want all of this to stop ."
The exhaustion hit her all at once. The nights of constant worry, extreme stress, and little sleep had finally caught up with her.
"Galilea..."
"Emeriel. Please... call me Emeriel."
There was a pause. "I'm sorry for my outburst, Emeriel.” He exhaled heavily. "I was waiting to do this, thinking I'd have my feelings under control by now... turns out I was wrong. I didn’t think about how all of this would affect you , and for that, I am sorry."
His hand stroked her hair, and she leaned into him, resting her head against his chest. She could hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath her ear.
"I’m really sorry for everything. For the lies, for the meltdown." Emeriel forced her eyes open, fighting the pull of sleep. "I have always known this bond would not work. Your people will never accept me... Everything you said, it wasn’t anything I didn’t already know."
"Still, I shouldn’t have said it the way I did," King Daemonikai admitted. "And for that, I’m sorry. I see things from a different now, it helped me understand better. It must have been hard for you, living with all of this."
"It was." She swallowed, her throat tight. "But having a sister like mine made it easier. Aekeira... she bore the burden with me. She—" Emeriel stiffened.
"Do not worry, young princess," King Daemonikai said softly. "Your sister is not in trouble. I already figured she knew everything, after all, she is your sister."
He let out another tired sigh, heavy with weariness. "Making sure the bond does not fester... it’s for the best. I feel as empty inside as I ever have. There’s nothing left in me to give you, Emeriel. Nothing."
"Can you tell me about them?" she asked, hesitant. "Your family?"
A long silence reigned, and Emeriel wondered if he had heard her. She could feel the tension in his body, the way his muscles tightened at her question.
"I cannot," he uttered at last, so low, she almost missed it. "It hurts too much to talk about."
The amount of pain in those few words shattered the last of Emeriel's fragile hope. Any lingering thoughts she had of them being together, of the bond working out, disappeared like a gust of wind.
This male was too hurt, too broken. He walked through life as if everything was fine, leading his people, masking the truth of how completely shattered he was inside. But Emeriel saw it now, clearer than ever. He has not yet grieved, there is no healing within sight.
"You still have trouble sleeping, don’t you?" she murmured.
"It was easier when I could not manage at all. I see them every night in my dreams.” His tone was raspy. “Their faces are still so clear, as if it all happened yesterday. I should have told Alvin I forgave him, that I held no grudge against him. I should not have told Myka to protect his mother with his life… that it was okay to save himself. I should have protected them. I failed them all."
Emeriel gave in to the need to comfort him, rubbing his side in slow, soothing circles. "I do not know them, but from everything I’ve heard, you raised wonderful children, my king. I do not believe they would ever think you failed them. You protected your people."
"Yet the kingdom moves on while my world crumbled around me," he said bitterly. "I do not regret saving over five thousand lives that night. But I regret with every fiber of my being not saving my family. That guilt will be forever etched into my soul."
"Your Grace..."
"Sleep, little one.” he cut her off gently, his hand resting in her hair. “If your exhaustion is so great that it seeps through my mental shield, then you need rest."
His words took a moment to register, but when they did, her brow furrowed. "Mental shield?"
"Yes." King Daemonikai resumed stroking her hair. "At a later time, I will teach you how to set up your own mental shield... to suppress the bond when it becomes too much, to control the foreign emotions you can feel from me," he sighed. "I reckon it’s harder for you. You have felt the bond longer, even when I was feral. But with a proper shield, you can learn to control it, learn how to manage it."
She nodded slowly, her eyes fluttering closed.
"For now, you sleep."
Since Vladya had promised Daemonikai he would fight his madness, he had taken up running to release pent-up energy, to find some semblance of relaxation.
The voices in his head were quieter, as they had been for the past few days. Less distracting, his thoughts remained clearer.
The librarian had even brought every book, every record on feral conditions into his chambers, and Vladya had poured over them, garnering knowledge he might not already possess.
At dawn, after a long run through the woods, his body felt refreshed as he made his way to his chambers, only to pause at the familiar scent lingering in the air. If Yaz hadn't alerted him to Daemonikai's presence, the smell of his friend would have.
Daemonikai was already in his study, sitting at Vladya's desk, his head bowed, fingers drumming rhythmically against the wood.
"Come on in, make yourself at home," Vladya said sarcastically as he stepped inside.
Daemonikai did not respond. Not that Vladya expected him to. He had been worried about his friend these past few days.
"Hey..." Vladya approached, moving to stand in front of him, leaning casually against the table. "How are you holding up? You smell like her, so I take it you finally paid her a visit."
“You knew all about this and hid it from me.” It was not a question.
Vladya had known this would come sooner or later. “I wished to hide it for as long as possible. That was why I placed her on suppressants,” he confessed. "I know I should not have done that, but I could not think of how else to protect you."
"And her."
"And her," Vladya confirmed, shrugging. "I have a soft spot for the girl."
"I’m going to let her go."
Vladya nodded. "I already figured that—"
"No." His drumming fingers stilled. " I’m going to let her go."
Oh.
Vladya hadn’t foreseen that . In fact, he had not even considered it.
"From slavery?” he asked, more carefully this time. “From Urai?"
Daemonikai finally lifted his head, meeting his eyes. They didn’t physically age, but in that moment, Daemonikai looked every bit his age. His usually immaculate hair was in disarray, as if he’d run his hands through it countless times. His eyes were tired, sad, but filled with resolve.
"Yes."
Vladya studied him. "Are you sure?"
Despite Vladya's verbal protests in the past, deep down he knew Emeriel had brought something good into Daemonikai’s life. She was helping him heal, whether he admitted it or not.
Daemonikai was not doing as well as everyone believed. He had not taken the loss of his family as gracefully as he made others think, and Vladya, for all his hatred toward fate’s cruelty, couldn’t deny that Emeriel was a balm to some of that pain. And now, Daemonikai wanted to let her go.
"I am sure," Daemonikai stated, staring blankly at the wall behind Vladya. "I will start the process today in court. In a few days, it should be ready to go public."
"Alright. If you are sure."
"I was never the only one thrown into this." Daemonikai’s hand dragged through his disheveled hair again. "She’s barely twenty-one years old, and she’s been through hell. That girl has never had a choice, Vladya. She lived her life as a male, was sold into slavery, forced to become a Syren, and then a Soulbond . She has been trapped her entire life."
He shook his head. "I’m going to set her free and send her home. Not just for me... but for her , too. She deserves to live her own life, finally, to make her own choices. I figured you should know."
“Okay... but why? You do not need my approval to make decisions like that. You know I will always support you in court."
"That’s not why," Daemonikai paused, letting the silence stretch between them. "It’s about her sister."
Vladya’s expression smoothed out instantly, becoming unreadable. Oh.
"From everything I have heard, those two are inseparable. One is never truly happy without the other. I cannot set one free and leave the other behind," the grand king's voice was quieter now. "I know how much you care for her. Don’t deny it—I’m not a fool. You are attracted to her. Aekeira belongs to you."
Vladya opened his mouth to speak, but Daemonikai continued before he could get a word in. "Now, it’s up to you. If you want her here, she stays. If not... then let’s set them both free."
Quietness fell over the room. Vladya averted his eyes, the weight of the decision pressing heavily on his shoulders.
Daemonikai stood. "I will give you time to think about it. Let me know your decision later."
Without another word, the grand king left the room, and Vladya was alone.
The next evening, Vladya waited, trying to suppress the strain inside him as Daemonikai and the others participated in the clan’s monthly hunt. While the Frostfall people celebrated their success with feasting and drinking, their leader had quietly slipped away, retreating into his bedchambers. Vladya followed.
Opening the door, Vladya stepped inside, stopping just past the entrance. Daemonikai was at the center of the room, his eyes already on him, assessing, waiting.
Vladya leaned against the wall, arms crossed, his jaw still aching from clenching it all day.
"Let her go too," Vladya said at last.
Daemonikai said nothing, still observing him with that acute gaze of his.
"Are you sure?"
Vladya nodded. "Yes."
"You must care about this girl more than I thought.” Daemonikai's eyes narrowed slightly, curiosity flickering. “You, V.D., a selfish bastard who takes whatever he wants, regardless of the consequences, are making a selfless decision?"
That managed to draw a chuckle from Vladya, but it was dry at best.
"You know you do not have to do this, right?" The grand king's tone softened. "If you wish for her to stay, she remains."
"It was never going to work," Vladya spoke the words aloud for the first time. "She is human."
Daemonikai shook his head. "Vladya, that girl was willing to be mounted by you the other day while you were half-insane—"
"No." Vladya gave another shake of his own head. "That’s not what I mean. It’s not about me hating their kind. She’s not Syren, Daemon. There’s no future to this. None at all."
He took a deep breath, trying to release the tight feeling constricting his chest. "Aekeira deserves to be with her sister. I can’t keep her here when there’s nothing for her."
"Since everything with Gali—Emeriel—came to light, it's got me thinking." His friend moved closer, green eyes searching Vladya’s face. "Have you stopped to think that maybe—just maybe—Aekeira might be yours ? Maybe your lost soul cannot recognize her, so there’s no trigger for her Syren traits. It might be why they are dormant. Have you ever thought of that?"
A bitter smile twisted Vladya’s lips. "I have."
"And?"
"And it’s just wishful thinking. Nonsensical assumptions," he deadpanned. "What are the chances of two Soulbonds appearing at the same time when there hasn’t been one in millennia? Two sisters for two best friends?" Vladya let out another empty chuckle. "None, Daemon. Absolutely none."
Daemonikai looked away, his expression tightening. "She might still be a compatible soul. A bondmate."
"I’ve gone through countless failed bondings," Vladya said. "In all of them, I was sure the female was mine. I loved them, cherished them, and some, my beast completely adored. Yet, they all failed. With Aekeira... it’s different. It’s not cheesy, or fluffy like the others. It’s dark, all-consuming."
“I do not understand.”
"I want to possess her.” Vladya’s eyes darkened. “I want to kill any male who has ever seen her smile, Urekai or human, because I want her to smile for me and only me. To tie her up in my room so she exists for me alone. To bury my cock so deep in her for days on end she becomes useless to society, functioning only for me. I want to bury my fangs in her neck and mark her thoroughly so all she sees, all she hears, and all she knows, is me ."
"That’s... a bit too much information," Daemonikai winced, scrunching his face.
"There’s nothing ‘love-y’ about my feelings for Aekeira, trust me," Vladya grumbled, looking away.
"That was intense. Even your voice changed... your whole demeanor.” Wonder lit in Daemonikai's eyes, and he cocked his head to study Vladya better. “There’s definitely something there. I’d like to believe it’s your lost soul and you teetering on madness, feeding you those thoughts."
"And how long are we supposed to milk that cow?" Vladya snapped, frustrated. "Not everything is caused by my deteriorating mind or soullessness. Aekeira is not Syren, Daemon. I have been intimate with her more than once. There is not the slightest sign of it." His jaw tightened. "My semen burns her."
Daemonikai grimaced. "Okay, you might have a point."
"I know I do.” He let out a breath. “ Do you know how I survived countless failed bondings and still manage to hold out for centuries?" Vladya smiled. It felt strained, too heavy on his face. "I learned to stop hoping. Stop living in delusions and face the reality. It’s the expectation that kills you, not the outcome."
Daemonikai's hand came to rest on Vladya’s shoulder. "So you will simply let Aekeira go then?"
Vladya shrugged.
Daemonikai's lips thinned. "You think I do not see how much this girl helps you keep it together? She fills a need, Vladya. And as obsessed as I am with your recovery, do not think for a second that I wouldn’t make sure she remains here."
Vladya arched an eyebrow and snorted. "Oh, look who it is! The hypocrite himself."
"You little shit."
"Don't think I do not see it either. Emeriel calms you. She soothes your soul and takes away your pain and grief,” Vladya retorted bluntly. “I watched the two of you for months while you were still feral. Don’t act like I don’t know what she does for you. If you had all your memories, you would understand exactly what I mean."
Vladya paused, his eyes narrowing slightly. "And as obsessed as I am with your recovery, do not think I wouldn’t fight to make sure she stays for you ."
Daemonikai’s glared at him, hearing his own words parroted back.
"Either they both go, or they both stay," Vladya clucked his tongue. "Besides, it’s cruel to separate them. You have never seen them together, so you wouldn’t understand, but I have. It would break their hearts."
"Fine. Aekeira goes with her." Daemonikai let out a long, deep breath, resigned. He took a step back. "I hope you do not regret this."
Vladya rolled his eyes, exaggeratedly. "Look who it is, Pot. It’s your dear friend, Kettle, again.”
"Save your snark for the likes of Zaiper, not me," Daemonikai shot back, slapping the back of his head.
"You’re just old, ancient one."Vladya smiled broadly, revealing all his teeth. "Humor goes right over your head, my friend."
Daemonikai only shook his head as Vladya turned and whistled a cheerful tune leaving the room.
Only once outside did Vladya allow himself to deflate.
His smile vanished, and the cold crept in.
It’s for the best.