41. Bailey
bailey
. . .
February brought with it a mix of emotions I wasn’t sure I was ready for. Sadie wasn’t doing well, so after a scan to make sure baby girl was ready to join the world, the doctors told us they recommended a c-section immediately.
I panicked, while Cole fumbled looking for his phone to make calls and Sadie just smiled at us saying, “Don’t worry, I messaged Luke and told him where to find everything.”
Cole and I stood staring at the woman who was about to undergo an emergency c-section so that her hospice team could start the medication needed to keep her comfortable… and she was texting… Luke?
She grabbed Cole’s hand, pulling him closer, her eyes glittered as she said, “We get to meet her today.”
The rest of the morning flew by in a sort of frenetic haze, but at 12:34pm on February third my niece was born.
I had been pacing outside of the surgical wing when I saw Cole follow doctors down the hall towards the maternity ward.
We had agreed he would stick with the baby and I would stay with Sadie.
So as soon as the doctors gave me the all clear I was at her side.
I was half perched on the chair, half leaning on her bed watching her breathe when she finally opened her eyes and immediately smiled at me. She whispered, “She’s here?”
“Yes,” I whispered back, resting my head next to hers.
“She’s…ok…healthy?” Sadie asked, tears lining her eyes.
I brushed the hair from her face, smiling, “Yes… from what I have been told she is perfect. Cole is still with her, the nurse and Doctor will be back in to check on you and then Cole will bring her in to meet you.”
“She’s here… I did it.” She said, an almost dreamy look on her face.
I couldn’t respond with the tears clogging my throat so I nodded, kissed her forehead and stood as her doctor and a nurse entered the room.
I stood back listening to them talking to Sadie, asking her how she was feeling and talked about the tests they wanted to run before finalizing what came next.
They left assuring Sadie that Cole and Baby girl Mercer would be in shortly.
I moved to her bed, helping adjust her pillows and making sure she was comfortable.
I heard wheels and Cole talking to someone in the hallway.
I cleared my throat, saying, “I am going to go and let everyone know what is going on…” Sadie grabbed my hand, interrupting me saying, “I want you to stay.”
I was so focused on her, I didn’t notice the door open as I responded saying, “Sadie I don’t want to impose. This is your time…” Cole cut me off, “You are never imposing, Bailey. This is what we want.”
My eyes left Sadie and found Cole walking into the room pushing a clear plastic cart.
He wheeled it to the end of the bed and without saying another word I sat in the chair beside Sadie and watched in awe as Cole picked up and snuggled the baby to him and walked to Sadie’s side with a look of pure joy, pure love on his face.
I sucked in a breath as he handed Sadie her baby girl and I got to witness what I could only describe as the most painfully beautiful moment.
Cole whispered softly to Sadie as she stared down at their daughter.
He kissed her temple and she smiled through the tears that were streaming down her face.
I clutched at my chest feeling like my heart might explode.
I watched them get to experience their dream together. Sadie turned her head to me, her dark brown eyes almost a warm amber. “Do you want to meet your niece?” she asked.
I choked out a yes and Cole came around the bed and transferred the bundle to my arms. He moved back around to Sadie, gently sitting down beside her in the hospital bed.
But my focus was on the baby girl in my arms. She made a contented sound that sounded almost like a sigh and I smiled feeling tears streaming down my face.
She looked absolutely perfect, a pink knit hat on her head and her healthy rosy complexion.
With a little upturned button nose, she seemed to already have mastered a pout.
I reached in brushing my fingers across her tiny fist, which she opened in response, just enough that she could grab on to one of my fingers.
My mind kept on trying to pull me into the darkness of all the things that should be right now. But I pushed the thoughts away and focused on the joy of this moment.
“Hi…” I paused, realizing that I didn’t know what they had named her.
I looked up to find Sadie watching me and Cole watching Sadie. She smiled in response to the question that must have been on my face. She looked up at Cole who kissed her forehead and then turned back to me saying, “Iris.”
I looked back at the miracle in my arms, whispering her name to her. Sadie chuckled, saying, “We were having a hard time finding a name we loved. It felt like we were never going to agree and then I went down a rabbit hole of names until I found a site for baby names from Greek mythology.”
I kept my eyes on Iris when I responded, “I didn’t know there was a goddess named Iris.”
Sadie hummed and continued saying, “Me either, but when I read the symbolism of her name… her purpose…”
I looked up when she didn’t continue and saw tears running down Cole’s face and Sadie with her eyes closed tight. I didn’t want to rush her, so I looked back at the baby in my arms, soaking in the feeling of her.
Sadie’s voice was barely above a whisper when she said, “Iris means rainbow, but she is also a messenger for the gods.” Her voice got stronger when she said, “The symbolism or her name… what she means…” When Sadie went quiet again, I looked up and she had her face tucked into Cole’s chest. He brought his red rimmed eyes up to meet mine and said, “She embodies the rainbow… as a bridge between heaven and earth.”
“That’s…” I couldn’t get the words out. How could a name be so perfect and so devastating at the same time?
I looked down at Iris, the baby girl who would always be a connection between her mom and us. I made a silent promise to her that I would always make sure she knew what she meant to her mom, what she meant to all of us.