Chapter 10
Chapter ten
As I walked across the campus, I could feel the worries that filled her soul as she made her way to her next class.
She seemed to be excited to see my brother in her math class, and yet she was also worried about it at the same time.
The hatred she harbored for me had become full and deep.
I feared that the hate would feed the monster inside of her and would become pure corruption, and then that she might give her soul over to the corruptor.
Her soul was so strong—so powerful, I could only imagine what kind of horror the corruptor could create with it.
I tried to block her melody as she revisited her memories with Shad–when she first met him, when he went to her work—I rolled my eyes—My brother really had his claws in deep; it would take a lot of work to pull them out.
Has it really been that recent, just weeks ago?
I heard the question within her soul, and, yes, it did seem like time had moved rather quickly after our ordeal in the cave.
So many things had changed. I had moved into a house quite near to her and had been able to pay even more careful attention to her, whatever she did, wherever she went.
Her melody continued to transmit so loud that it caused mine to reach out and attempt to caress it.
Our melodies moved around each other, almost like some synchronized dance, and I let out an audible sigh as the movements thrilled me and put me at ease.
Lost in the dance, I didn't fully notice where she was until she bumped into me.
She looked up with her eyes fixed upon my face.
I watched as her eyes grew wide with a powerful realization, and the green hue within them seemed to light up the darkness of the hallway.
Green eyes? They seemed unfamiliar, but I pushed that thought away.
It was her—the girl; it had to be. There was such an undeniable pull.
My eyes were never as golden as Shadrict’s; more of a brownish color, and I wondered if she would notice that right away.
She kept staring, her feelings and emotions buzzing inside of her like a hive of active bees, getting ready to attack an enemy.
But I wasn’t her enemy—I would make her see that—we could become a team; I could be the smoke that calmed her emotions and worries and lull her into a peaceful sleep.
I saw an image of her in my mind, which floated from her melody—she imagined reaching her lips to touch mine, and I almost reacted, almost bent my head down to steal a kiss.
I had no idea why I didn't just take what was mine like I always had, but my melody; it was making me soft, and if I harbored any hatred toward my melody, it was because of that.
Emotions made me weak. I did not like feeling weak.
My love, I finally spoke with my soul.
She stepped back as if to better assess me. I made sure to style my hair just the way Shadrict had always done his, and I picked a darker grey suit that was similar to one of the suits that I knew Shadrict owned.
Did my ruse work?
But, she was starting to doubt that I was my brother. She examined my facial features and my clothing.
I waited for the verdict. Would she believe I was my brother?
Shad? It is you; it is my Shad, her melody spoke.
Those words, reflecting inside of my soul, melted me a little, and I tried to move the emotions around so that all the feelings that I was then feeling would not make me do something I didn't want to do.
I never had to worry about things like that before—but I had become compelled to do so many unusual things because of my melody.
I needed to be sure that I was strong enough to control it.
But looking into her green eyes again, they were so vibrant and she was so full of light, that my emotions boiled over whenever I was near her.
That girl had always called out to me; she had to know me—she had kept me alive so often.
Her eyes had brought me the hope and peace that I would escape my prison one day, and that, someday, I would find her.
She was supposed to be mine; she just didn't know it yet.
“How?” she asked. I watched her lips as she formed the word, mesmerized by them and wanting to reach out and touch them.
Are they as soft as Shadrict thinks they are? I wanted to know first hand. His memories flooded through me, and I shoved them back, not needing to confuse myself anymore with his desires, mixing with my own.
“This cannot be real.” She paused, and then I could feel the rage and hatred that bloomed inside of her, like some sort of all consuming monster. She quickly tapped it down, placed it inside of a cage, and locked it up.
Is it that easy? Can I just bottle up all my useless emotions and place them into a box inside my soul as she just did with that monster?
If that was possible, I could have an easier time just being myself and not acting like my brother in so many situations—and not becoming tied down with his feelings.
“I have missed you, sweet,” I said softly.
“It has been agony being away from you.” I tugged on the shoulder straps of her backpack, not able to resist the need I had to have her even closer and touching me.
She smacked into my chest, and my arms wrapped around her.
The feeling of her in my arms was better than I could possibly have imagined.
I had never held someone before—never touched anyone in that way.
Her affection for me was radiating from her in waves, and I wanted to stay inside of that moment for the rest of my existence.
With Emma, maybe I could be the kind of free, the kind of man that I had always wanted to be—powerful, yes, but something else as well.
It seemed to me that with her in my arms, I could do anything.
I was stronger, but also the hum of my melody made me feel weaker at the same time, weak enough to give in to her.
She looked up at me, her smile bright and just for me—well, really for my brother, but I pretended that it was for me; his soul was mine after all.
She lifted her head to kiss me, and although I wanted that more than breathing at that moment, I locked up my emotions inside of a cage, within a box, just as Emma had done with the anger inside of her, and I tested my strength to say no to what I wanted.
“Not here, Emma. Believe me, I want to,” I whispered.
The physical desires I had not dealt with often in my past suddenly seemed like a mountain, which I was required to climb with very little air in my lungs.
But I could resist; I could say no and be stronger, make myself different from them.
I came closer to temptation, my breath grazing her lips.
“But not with so many eyes. I don't want people to see what I am going to do to you.” I nearly gave in then.
Getting so close to temptation, and still being able to resist it, made me smile.
Indeed, those emotions made me feel weaker than a newborn baby in need of a nursemaid or a mother, but I remained strong.
“Sorry, I just—I cannot believe that this is real. Pinch me or something,” she said with a laugh as she touched my cheeks, my jaw, and then traced my lips with her finger.
I almost unlocked the cage right then, ready to push her against the brick wall and taste her lips.
Never had anyone touched me in such a way before; it was indescribable.
The scent that came from her hinted at strawberries, and I wanted to devour her.
I counted the multiple ways that I could achieve that end–how I could move her into a dark alcove, how I could take her face into my hands and force her to give me everything I wanted.
Over and over, the options were laid out before me.
In only a few seconds, I had five options, and I wanted to give in to four of them, which led me to the option I needed to pursue.
I pictured in my mind how easy it would be to give in to the physical desire and to my need for her—but that would not aid me in my ultimate goal.
There were a few things I knew about in life: I could go through it led by my physical desires and wishes, I could be led by the emotions that were streaming through me, or I could choose to live above them both and do what best suited my ultimate goal.
True strength dwelled in giving up what I truly wanted in the moment—for the pursuit of what I needed in the future.
I wouldn't be like Tarick. I wouldn’t come blazing in when I was enraged, and use another person to beat out all my feelings from inside of myself.
No, I was not going to do that. I was better than Tarick, better than my weak father because I had control over that something which they attempted to have over me, but they never had it.
I reigned in those emotions and compulsions, reminding myself that I was in control of my melody—and of myself.
I locked up cages and filed them away with a smile.
How easy it was, once I discovered the ability to categorize emotions and only use them when needed.
I needed to make sure that they remained locked away.
I sighed as she touched the back of my neck, and looking at Emma again made me want to forget everything that I had just thought.
I couldn't give in, though; I had won that test of strength.
I closed my eyes. I can do it; I knew that I could.
No melody was going to get the best of me, not even my own.
“Emma, my love—” I leaned my cheek against hers, both as another test, and yet as a fulfilled desire that would not sacrifice my goals.
I almost thanked the knight when he pulled me from Emma's arms because I didn't know how much longer I was going to last. Our melodies called to both of us to become one with each other.