Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Jason was no longer a tree-decorating virgin!
After he hung the fourth or fifth ornament on the Fraser fir, his blood pumped with holiday cheer along with a hefty dose of longing for the woman at his side. Gabby took the task very seriously. Having her so close, bending and reaching and smelling wonderfully feminine, distracted him time and again.
Was she enjoying this as much as he was? Or was their quietly choreographed dance around the tree simply a chore...something to be checked off a list of things she did for her mom?
The dynamic between parent and child was complicated, but sweet. Perhaps neither of them realized it, but they each mothered the other. The love between them was tangible. They had weathered hard times over the years.
Now Gabby was making sure her mother reaped the rewards of surviving.
Earlier, Dahlia had unearthed an old boom box that played cassettes. Her Time-Life Christmas Treasury filled the room with classic tunes.
Jason hummed along, feeling lighter than he had in months.
Unlike the old days he had seen in movies, the tree lights weren’t a problem at all. They were new and in good condition. Six or seven strands of small, multicolor LED bulbs were now woven deeply into the recesses of the tree and all along the branches.
The ornaments were the final challenge.
Dahlia had boxes of them. Lots of boxes. Some ornaments from Gabby’s childhood. Some from yard sales and rummage sales. A few nicer ones from shops in town. Dahlia hovered more than she helped. She seemed to enjoy watching. In a mathematical ratio, she probably only hung a single ornament for every three her daughter placed.
No one seemed to mind.
The tree was tall. Gabby and her mother filled the lower half methodically with fatter ornaments at the bottom and medium-size ones on the way up.
Jason’s job was to stand on the ladder and let them hand him all the small bits and pieces. Glass Santas. Tiny glitter-dusted balls in red and green and gold. Silver crescents that looked like winter moons.
Eventually his back ached from reaching over and around the top of the tree, but he wouldn’t have changed a thing. He had grown up with every toy and game a kid could want. Yet nothing in his childhood holiday preparations had come close to the quiet satisfaction in this room.
When they were finally done, Dahlia excused herself to go make hot chocolate. Gabby stayed behind with him, walking around the tree time and again to move first one ornament and then another.
He snagged her wrist. “It’s perfect, Gabby. You can stop now.”
She looked at him, their gazes almost eye to eye. He could see the length of her lashes and the shades of gray in her irises. The dewy perfection of her skin.
“I don’t ever stop for long,” she said, her words wry. “My whole adult life has been spent on a treadmill of earning money and looking out for my mom.”
“And you’ve succeeded in both areas admirably.” He rubbed her cheek with his thumb. “Maybe you can cut yourself some slack. Maybe Dahlia can take care of herself.”
Gabby frowned. “Why are you pushing this so hard? What’s it to you? She’s not your mom.”
“No,” he said. “She’s not. But think about it, Gabby. She will likely live another four decades. That’s a long time to be alone.”
Her eyes widened. “When you say it like that, it sounds awful.”
“And what happens when you marry and have kids? Your attention to her will be divided by necessity.”
“I doubt I’ll get married,” she said. Her gaze slid away from his, though they were still so close he could inhale her scent.
“Why not?” He lifted her chin so he could see the expression in her eyes.
Gabby shrugged. “Look at what happened to you and Cate. If you hadn’t finally pulled the plug, you would both have been stuck in a marriage that wasn’t right. I don’t want to take the chance. The averages are against me. I’d rather depend on myself than rely on a man who might or might not live up to his promises.”
When she walked away from him—to join her mother in the kitchen—he let her go. The words stung, even though he knew she was talking about marriage in general and not him specifically. The topic made him restless.
He missed Cate’s friendship. They had been tight for a long time. But the farther the calendar moved away from that miserable June 7 of the year before, the more he realized Cate had been like a beloved sister to him.
Gabby, on the other hand, was an entirely different proposition. No sibling emotions there. She was prickly and reserved. Private and reticent. Her body was tall and slender. Her personality was like an iceberg, all the interesting and dangerous parts below the surface.
He craved her in every way. Physically, he wanted her in his bed. Mentally, he found her sharp intelligence challenging and fascinating. Emotionally, he understood her hesitation when it came to their fledgling relationship. Neither of them felt a hundred percent confident they should be together.
What did that mean in the big picture?
When the two women returned with snacks, he took his and sat in an armchair, content to listen to mother and daughter chatter.
When the cocoa mugs were drained and the popcorn bowls empty, he set his on the floor. “What’s on the schedule for tomorrow?” he asked. “Aside from a possible visit to Dave’s tree lot?”
Dahlia shot Gabby a look and raised both eyebrows.
Gabby sighed audibly. “Mama likes me to go to church with her, but it’s not my favorite thing to do. Her friends fuss over me like I’m a new baby trotted out for photographs. It’s embarrassing.”
Her mother patted her arm. “Won’t be as bad in the morning. They’ll all be gaga over handsome Jason.”
The tops of his ears went hot. “I’d just as soon not go to church,” he said. “No offense, Dahlia. But I’m sure some of that crew will put two and two together and realize I’m the nasty groom who left the town’s favorite Peach Blossom queen at the altar. I’d rather keep a low profile.”
“Nonsense,” Dahlia said, her tone brooking no opposition. “That was ages ago. Besides, church isn’t about you or me or Gabby. We’re there to worship the good Lord and give thanks for our blessings.”
Jason was struck silent for a moment. Dahlia had led a life of heartache, deprivation, and hardship. But she was one of the most positive people he had ever met. Her outlook on life humbled him.
Before he could protest further, Gabby’s mother yawned. “Thank you so much for getting the tree up. It looks incredible. I’ll enjoy it all month.”
“And you’ll make sure to keep it watered?” Gabby said, her tone worried.
“Of course, baby girl. I may be scattered sometimes, but I don’t have a death wish. Besides, I’ll put reminders in my phone. Technology is a wonderful thing. Good night, you two. I’m going to get ready for bed and read the new Tom Clancy book I got from the library. It’s a nail-biter. See you in the morning.”
She kissed her daughter, gave Jason a little wave, and then disappeared down the hall.
Gabby exhaled. “I’m sorry, Jason. You do not have to go to church with us. I can’t get out of it, but you’re a free agent. I’m sure you can entertain yourself.”
This entire evening made her wonder if he regretted inviting himself along for the weekend. The tree took forever. And now Dahlia was putting the screws on for church attendance.
He sprawled on the sofa, stretched out his legs, and exhaled. “It’s not a big deal. Is this the same place with the peanut butter crackers?”
She winced inwardly. Why had she ever told him that story? “Same building. Partly the same congregation. New minister. In fact, I’ve only met Pastor Garvey once. I got the impression he thinks the big city of Atlanta is a cesspool of sin and corruption.”
Jason laughed, his blue eyes gleaming with humor. “Well, he’s not entirely wrong, now, is he?”
“Very funny.” She sat down beside him but at a circumspect distance. “The tree is beautiful,” she said quietly. “Thanks for all you did to help.”
She loved this time of the day. Dark outside. The tree sparkling with light. Maybe she would put one up in her own apartment this year.
Jason reached for her right hand and played with her fingers. “You have a heck of a lot of rules about romance, Ms. Nolan. But I’ve decided you’re worth the wait.”
She wanted to jerk her hand away, not because Jason made her uncomfortable, but because his touch turned her stomach wobbly and her breathing weird. It was a phenomenon that scared her.
Her adult life was defined by control. That word more than any other. Her days were filled with order and routine. She called the shots. She made things happen.
Because she was educated and self-aware, she knew that her chaotic and sometimes upsetting childhood had transformed her into the woman she was today. She seldom took chances. Her money was deposited safely in the bank, not tied up in the frighteningly volatile stock market.
Now she was faced with an almost impossible decision. She could end things with Jason tomorrow afternoon. Tell him she wasn’t interested.
To say those words would be a bald-faced lie, but it was the safe choice and one that left her in control. There would be no surprises.
As much as she tried to take that road, she couldn’t. After years of thinking about him, fantasizing about him, admiring him from afar, Jason was here now. Beside her. Warm and alive and real . Not someone else’s fiancé.
“You can’t know that for sure,” she said quietly. She let her fingers twine with his, aghast that such a simple, chaste action stole her breath.
“Know what?” he asked.
“Know that I would be worth the wait. I have very little sexual experience. Even worse than that, I don’t let people into my life easily. You would probably be frustrated with me. There are less complicated women out there.”
He slid his arm behind her and cuddled her against his shoulder. “I’ll take that chance, Gabby. Besides, you don’t have to let me in. I’ve already been part of your life for almost a decade. On the periphery, true. But we share friends and experiences. UGA. Hot autumn afternoons on the quad. Raucous football games. Challenging classes.”
“You’re talking about kids in college. We’ve been out in the world for a long time now. I’ve barely seen you for the last six or seven years. You and Cate spent time in Paris. By the time you returned, I was already at Grimes & Hancock.”
He played with her hair, sliding his fingers though the strands and stroking her ear. “We’re dancing around the real issue,” he said, the quiet words neither humorous nor light. “You don’t feel like you know me. You wonder if I still have a thing for Cate. You aren’t sure if you can trust me.”
Gabby froze. Was he right?
She sucked in a shuddering breath. “I want to know you,” she said, the words sticking in her throat. “I want to trust you.”
“And Cate?”
Their bodies were pressed together, side to side. Her arm wrapped around his waist in front. Her face nestled against his broad chest. Anyone walking into the room would see a couple enjoying time together. Gabby wanted to throw caution to the wind and coax him to her bedroom. The clawing need in her belly was fierce.
Beneath her cheek, she could hear the steady beat of his heart. Though she had always been overly aware of her height, with Jason she felt secure and warm. He was a man, and though she would bristle if anyone suggested she was the weaker sex, she liked the feeling of being sheltered. Protected.
“Cate isn’t part of this,” she said flatly. “If you wanted her, you would have married her. Even though it’s unsettling for me to be one of her best friends and to contemplate getting cozy with you —her ex—it is what it is. I don’t think that’s a problem.”
She felt the deep sigh that lifted his chest.
“So it’s the knowing and trusting we need to work on,” he said.
“Yes. I need time, Jason. It’s been only days since you walked into that coffee shop, not months. I want to be sure.”
“Got it.” The tone in his words was an odd mix of grumpy and resigned. “You’ll have to tell me the boundaries. I don’t want to screw this up.”
She had a feeling he was making fun of her, but she let it slide. “Kissing is nice,” she said.
“We’re not sixteen. What if we go too far?”
Those last six words sent a thrill through her body. She sucked in a shuddery breath. “There’s no danger right now. Mama is in the next room.”
He half turned to face her. “Is that an invitation, Ms. Nolan?”
She stared at him, memorizing the masculine features, the golden hair falling over his brow. The eyes that were indigo in this light. “Kiss me, please,” she said. “I’ve wanted you to all day.”
His face darkened, and his jaw went tight. “All you had to do was ask.”
When he dragged her close, the embrace was equal parts desperate and frustrating. She wanted to see his bare body, touch all that smooth tanned skin. Instead, she let him coax her into the deep end with only a kiss.
His lips were warm and firm. They moved on hers with exactly the right pressure. After so many years of no kisses or disappointing kisses, she was ravenous. Her arms tightened around his neck. Her breasts ached. Her sex throbbed with a need only Jason could satisfy.
She barely noticed when he eased her onto her back and moved on top of her.
They were fully clothed. With a chaperone in the house.
Nothing was going to happen.
But when Jason gave her his full weight, tears burned her eyes. One slipped down her cheek.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, the words sharp. “Am I hurting you?” He levered himself up on one arm and stared at her. A muscle ticked in his jaw.
“No, no,” she said. “It feels wonderful.”
Their gazes clashed, his hot with hunger, hers silently begging him to understand. Maybe she was a fool to think they could control this.
Jason came down on her again and sank his teeth into the curve where her neck and collarbone met. She moaned, her body burning from the inside out. “I want you,” she whispered. “It’s killing me.”
He ground his pelvis against hers, his arousal evident. “Join the club,” he groaned. “I think I have to get out of this house.”
When he lurched to his feet, she was shocked. “Don’t go.”
His expression softened. “It’s the only way, Gabby. This is too much and not enough. I’ll be back in the morning.”
She straightened her sweater, sat up, and made a snap decision. “We can go for a drive,” she said. “I’ll leave a note so Mama won’t worry.”
Jason stared at her, frowning. “A drive?”
“I know places we could park where no one will bother us.”
The frown deepened. “Or we could grab a room at one of those generic motels out by the interstate.”
“That seems sleazy.”
“And doing it in the back seat of my car on a cold winter night doesn’t?” He ran his hands through his hair. “You told me you needed time. I won’t be the one who breaks those promises we made.”
“I don’t think we made any promises,” she said. “I said some stuff and you listened. I do trust you, Jason.”
“And you know me?” The words were staccato sharp.
“Not as much as I want to...but I will.”
He was still and quiet for so long she had no clue what he was thinking. The tree lights cast rainbow patterns on his face. At last he muttered something inaudible under his breath. “Fine,” he said. “Get your coat and write the note.”
Gabby escaped to her room, shaking with a combination of nerves and excitement. She and Jason were going to have sex. Now. Tonight. She wasn’t going to worry herself about regrets. She would deal with those later.
Though it took an extra three minutes, she removed her bra and changed into a nicer pair of undies, then used the bathroom quickly and freshened up.
There was no light shining from beneath her mother’s door. She must be asleep. Which meant that Gabby could take Jason to her childhood bedroom. But if Dahlia wandered through the living room in the middle of the night and saw Jason missing from the sofa, the jig would be up.
The car would have to do.
She found Jason still standing beside the Christmas tree, jingling the keys in his hand. Had he moved at all? She tried to smile at him, but her facial muscles wouldn’t cooperate. “I’m ready,” she said.
He took three strides and stopped in front of her. “We don’t have to do this, Gabby. Time is infinite. I can wait.”
The scared, wanting-to-be-in-control part of her almost agreed until a bolder, more selfish Gabby seized the reins. “Maybe we can wait, but I changed my mind. I don’t want to wait.” If she wasn’t going to be in a long-term relationship with Jason, did the timing really matter? She had no experience with a carpe diem version of life.
But she was about to learn.
Gabby grabbed Jason by the shirt collar and kissed him. “Let’s go.”
The silence in the car on the way should have intimidated her. Made things weird and uncomfortable. Instead, it was intimate. Breath-stealing. Exciting.
Even the holiday songs playing quietly on the radio added to the feeling of hushed expectation.
She directed Jason through town and out onto yet another rural country road. “One of the farmers has a corn maze in October and November,” she said. “We can park behind the ticket shed. No one goes there this time of year.”
As it turned out, she was right. They passed only a couple of cars on their way. When Jason turned into the gravel parking lot, there wasn’t a vehicle in sight. A couple of torn signs flapped in the wind. The medium-size wooden building was not even weatherproof. But it had enough bulk to hide a car.
When Jason slid to a stop and set the brake, she shivered.
He rubbed two fingers in the center of his forehead. “Are we really going to do this?”
“I vote yes. I was a very unexciting teenager. This is new for me.”
When Jason turned off the engine, the silence resonated with a thousand emotions. He drummed his fist on the steering wheel. “I wasn’t a particularly innocent teenager,” he said. “But I’ve never done this. Last chance. We can go home.”
She reached over and traced the shell of his ear with her fingertip. “No going home. No going back.”
He caught her hand and held it to his cheek. “I want to know you, too, Gabby. You fascinate me and challenge me and destroy me. You can’t imagine how much I need you right now.”
She tugged her hand free and rubbed his lower lip with her thumb. “The feeling is mutual, Mr. Brightman. Why are we wasting time?”
His rough laugh made her smile.
“Okay,” he said. “I can’t believe we’re doing this, but I’m all in. Back seat or back of the car?”
The question held heat. She debated her options. “If we’re in the back seat, we don’t have to open the doors and let cold air in...”
“We can climb over both seats.”
“I don’t want to waste all my energy.”
“Good point. Back seat it is. I’ll go first and help you over.”
“Um...” She gulped inwardly. No way was this going to be a graceful look for her. Before she could protest, Jason had rolled over the seat and settled onto his back with his head behind the passenger seat.
“Come on, Gabriella.”
On the street side of the rough building, a telephone pole supported a large security bulb and fixture. Even in the back where they were parked, a faint glow kept the car from being completely in the dark. She slipped out of her coat. Jason wasn’t wearing his. She also kicked off her black leather ballet flats.
The logistics of this maneuver were more complicated than she anticipated. She was a runner, not a gymnast. Being nervous and scared and excited didn’t help.
“Here goes,” she muttered.
“I’ve got you, woman.” His smile was wicked.
She put one leg over the seat, rolled, and lost her balance, landing on her partner with a thump.