Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Jason wondered how many times Gabriella Nolan was going to break his heart. How had she survived? He understood Dahlia’s making it through. Her courageous, gutsy little daughter had protected her.
But during all those years, the child who should have been able to run and play and have sleepovers with friends had been forced to grow up far too quickly. In some situations, that kind of existence turned a person mean or cynical.
Gabby was neither.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “She’s lucky to have you.”
His passenger made an odd, strangled noise that sounded almost like wry laughter. But surely not.
“What?” he said. “What did I say?”
“Maybe before this weekend you assumed I was in an unhealthy, codependent relationship where I liked being needed. That my mother really didn’t require so much of my attention.”
“If I did, I’m sorry again. It’s clear she leans on you. But it’s also clear that your presence in her life has made a huge difference.”
“I only did what I did because she’s my mother. When I was an infant and a toddler, she cared for me against all odds. She had breaks with reality, but she kept me safe. She loved me. I owe her more than I can ever repay.”
“I understand,” he said quietly. Maybe not all of it, but he was beginning to comprehend that Gabby was someone exceptional.
When they pulled up in front of her apartment, Gabby sighed audibly.
“Home again,” she said. “Thank you for going with me this weekend.”
He put the car in Park and half turned in his seat. “May I come in for a few minutes?” he asked. “Not to stay,” he said hastily. “But I want to talk to you about a couple of things, and it’s cold out here.”
She nodded. “Sure.”
He grabbed her bags out of the trunk and followed her up the stairs.
Inside, he set down the luggage as she turned on lights and bumped up the heat. He would have carried the bags to her bedroom but decided at the last second not to go anywhere near her bed. Too much temptation.
“I had a great time this weekend,” he said.
“Me, too.” Her gaze didn’t meet his.
“How about dinner a couple of times this week?”
Her head lifted. Her eyes focused on his face. “That’s what you wanted to talk about? What are we doing, Jason?”
He had asked himself the same question. “Having fun?”
Her smile thawed some of his doubts. “There is that,” she said. “But maybe we should take time to breathe. We jumped into the back seat of your car without thinking this through. Some people would call us reckless.”
“What about spontaneity and romance?”
“You said we were horny. And I agreed. Maybe we need to take a step back.”
“How about a compromise?” he said, feeling her slipping away from him and facing sheer, icy panic at the thought. “What if we use the workweek to decide what we want? I know your job is very demanding. And my wretched house needs a lot of TLC. We could take the time apart to be sure.”
A frown wrinkled the spot between her brows. “Sure of what?”
He put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead. “Sure that this pull we feel is worth pursuing. I’ve always liked you, Gabby. Long before I ever dated Cate, I asked you out. Surely that means something.”
She rested her cheek against his chest. “You know we’re far too different to have any kind of permanent relationship. So what we’re left with is sex.”
“I don’t know any such thing.” He slid his fingertips up and down her spine. “Five days. And maybe a little sprinkle of Christmas magic. Give me a chance to prove myself.”
She toyed with one of his shirt buttons. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Jason Brightman. I’m already in your corner.” Suddenly she looked up at him. “You said you wanted to talk about a couple of things. What else is there?”
He tucked her hair behind her ear, marveling at the smooth perfection of her skin. “It’s my parents,” he muttered. “They’re having a huge Christmas gala next Saturday night. Black-tie. My presence is not optional. Come with me. Please.”
She stiffened in his embrace. “Oh, I don’t think so. I’m a homebody. That’s not my thing at all.”
“It’s not mine either, but I have to go.”
“There must be a hundred women you could take.”
“I don’t want anyone but you.” As he said the words, something settled in his chest. Certainty. Peace. He had messed up his life so badly, but now he had another chance. Gabby was right for him. How he knew that, he couldn’t explain. But he knew.
The question was, could he be the right man for her?
He tunneled his fingers in her hair and kissed her softly, his thumbs brushing her earlobes.
“Jason...” The way she whispered his name in a husky voice sent a flame straight to his gut.
When her arms immediately encircled his neck, he dragged her closer. “You’ve bewitched me, Gabby.”
The kiss went from tender and teasing to desperate and determined in a nanosecond. This was a hell of a way to start their time-out. He didn’t want to think things over. What he wanted was her.
Even as his body hardened and his breath sawed in and out of his chest, he tried to be reasonable. He needed her to trust him. Was this moment going to hurt or help his cause? As difficult as it was, he made himself take a step back. Literally.
“Jason?” She stared at him, her expression bewildered.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I only came here to talk to you, I swear. I wasn’t trying to start something.”
Gabby’s cute little chin lifted. She looked like a queen facing down a subject who had pissed her off and now faced the consequences. “What a shame,” she drawled. There was nothing contained about her right now. Emotion flashed and sparked, turning her stunning gray eyes to storm clouds.
“I want to go to bed with you,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “but we agreed to a time-out.”
Her gaze narrowed, making him sweat. “During the workweek,” she said. “Those were your words. By my calculations, it’s still the weekend. We might as well enjoy one last mistake.” Her naughty grin confused him. Was this a test?
He frowned. “That sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. I don’t think I want one for the road. I’m serious about you, Gabby.”
Her smile faded. “You shouldn’t be. I can’t be serious about you. Don’t get me wrong, Jason. You’re a wonderful man. But you need to find someone else like Cate. A woman who understands and embraces your world.”
“Screw that,” he said, taking her by the wrist and reeling her into his arms. “I’m pretty damn sure my world is going to be you.”
When he kissed her, an uncomfortable blast of confusion and desperation and sheer, wild hunger coursed through his veins. Gabby met him every step of the way. He loved that she was tall. They were perfectly matched.
He scooped her into his arms. “Last chance to change your mind.”
She laughed—a low, sexy sound that raised gooseflesh on his arms. “I know exactly what I want tonight. You’re wasting time.”
At some level, the word tonight bothered him, but he was long past picking apart her vocabulary. “Okay then,” he muttered. “Tonight it is.”
Her bedroom was tidy and serene, much like its owner. Light from the living room spilled through the door. He tumbled her onto the bed and came down beside her, lifting her sweater over her head. Her bra was black mesh. Taut nipples lifted against the semisheer fabric. He touched her breasts, loving the way Gabby squirmed.
“I want to be naked with you,” she said.
The imperious demand made him smile. Their interlude in the back seat had been amazing, but it had its limitations. “We’ll get to that,” he promised.
When he licked her through the bra, her hips came off the bed. “Jason...”
“Jason what?”
She groaned when he bit down carefully on a sensitive nub. “You’re too slow,” she snapped.
He chuckled, loving the way her personality sharpened in bed. No reticence. No reserve. Only raw, feminine desire. “Slow can be good.”
Earlier, before the trip home, Gabby had changed out of her church clothes. Her black leggings were soft and thin enough for him to pleasure her through the fabric. When he moved to the other nipple and at the same time stroked her center firmly, the first orgasm ripped through her like a flash fire.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered, holding her close and tight as she shuddered in the aftermath.
When she finally opened her eyes, her expression was equal parts pleased and worried. “How do you do it?” she asked. “I’ve never been good at, um...”
“Climbing the mountain?” He grinned down at her.
“Something like that.” She plucked at the cloth covering his shoulder. “And we’re both still dressed.”
“It sounds like you’re fixated on the subject of nakedness,” he said soberly. “Maybe you should talk to your mom’s pastor about that.”
“Bite me,” she said.
“Already did.”
His smug retort made her cheeks flush. “Jason, I...” She trailed off, her expression hard to read.
“What’s wrong?” He was so hard, he ached, but he knew tonight was a turning point. If sex was the only connection she accepted for now, he was going to make it good. Perhaps she didn’t understand how rare it was to be physically in sync so early in a relationship. Maybe he could show her.
She toyed with his belt buckle, making him shiver. “Nothing’s wrong,” she said. “That’s the problem. I’ve never felt like this with anyone else. It’s freaking me out. How do you know what I like?”
“You always tell me,” he said simply.
Suspicion narrowed her brows. “No, I don’t. I never said a word.”
“Your face and your body are incredibly expressive. I can see what you like and when you like it.”
She stared at him with a mix of confusion and alarm. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with anyone knowing me that well.”
“Why?”
“I’ve not let many people get close to me. Leah and Cate. My mom.”
“So it’s men you keep at a distance.”
“I wasn’t a virgin when I got in that back seat with you.”
Her mulish retort nearly made him laugh, but he restrained himself. “So you keep telling me.”
“It’s the truth.”
“How many, Gabby? How many men have disappointed you?”
“Is this where we do the number thing?” She rolled her eyes.
“No.” He shrugged. “But you’ve gone out of your way to tell me I’m not the first. Now I’m curious. Ten? Fifteen?”
She scowled at him. “Don’t be absurd.”
“More?”
She punched his arm. Hard. “Two. There. Now you know.”
“Two men? Only two?”
“One in grad school. It was unexceptional, but I was too old to be a virgin anymore. The other was my second year at Grimes & Hancock. I was lonely. He was friendly. I discovered later that he had made a bet with several of his buddies that he could melt the ice queen . When I found out, I shut him down. And I told my most gossipy colleague that the one-time lover had a small penis.”
“Holy hell.” Jason fell back on the bed and roared with laughter. He laughed until his chest hurt, and he gasped for breath. Every time he thought he had himself under control, another incredulous chuckle started.
Gabby scooted up against the headboard and wrapped her arms around her knees. Her expression was wary as if she didn’t know what to make of his amusement.
Finally she sighed. “Are you done?”
He nodded sheepishly. “Yeah. Sorry. Remind me never to get on your bad side.”
“I don’t have a bad side,” she insisted. “But I don’t let people push me around. My mother taught me strength comes from inside a person, and that it’s insulting to be called the weaker sex.”
He rolled to face her and stroked her leg. “There’s nothing weak about you, Gabby. I’m continually impressed by all you’ve accomplished.”
She played with his hair, sending shivers down his spine, and filling his sex with renewed heat. “Is the talking part over?” she asked, smiling sweetly.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “Come here, woman. Let’s get naked together.”
Shedding their clothes turned into an erotic dance, but one that included gasps and quiet laughter. When they were both completely nude, he had to remind himself to breathe. Gabby was tall and slender—that much was true—but she had subtle curves in all the right places. Her ass alone was enough to make a grown man weep.
“You’re staring,” she said, folding her arms across her chest to hide her breasts.
“I can’t help it. You have a delightfully feminine body. Strong and lean and soft, so soft.” He ran a hand from her knee to her ankle. “I hardly know where to start.”
“I like looking at you, too,” she said. “Your muscles make my girly parts quiver. I guess that makes me shallow, but what can I say? I’m desperately attracted to you.” She touched his erection.
He held himself perfectly still and let her explore. She was intent, her expression equal parts curious and eager. The feel of her hands on his body threatened to make the top of his head explode.
But he clung to control with the last fiber of his being.
“Let me know when it’s my turn,” he croaked.
Her frown was instant. “I’d rather just get to the main event. I’ll feel too self-conscious to let you touch me unless we’re—you know—”
“Screwing?”
“Yes.”
“Too bad,” he said, sliding a hand between her thighs. “I’m a staunch believer in foreplay.”
Gabby wrinkled her nose. “I hate that word.”
“What would you like to call it?”
“How about the preliminaries ? That’s descriptive, right?”
He propped his head on his hand, his brain racing to keep up with hers. This close he could inhale a light scent. It was something simple and sweet. Now that he thought about it, her perfume, or her shampoo, or whatever it was didn’t match the Gabby she showed to the world. That woman was tough and whip-smart and didn’t suffer fools gladly. The way she smelled tonight was far more innocent.
He realized that his lover’s entire body was braced. “Relax,” he said. “This isn’t a dental procedure.”
“Very funny.”
He hadn’t touched her intimately. In fact, his hand wasn’t even moving. But apparently, Gabby was nervous.
“Kiss me,” he said. When he leaned over her and found her lips with his, all the awkwardness melted away. It had been like that from the beginning. Gabby might not be one hundred percent sure about having sex with him, but when they kissed, it was as if they had been kissing each other for days. Weeks. Months. Years.
Her body knew his and welcomed him. At least for the preliminaries .
She frowned when his lips curled upward. “Why are you smiling?” she asked.
Her suspicious question amused him. “Because I’m having fun?”
“Oh.”
This time, when he stroked her leg, she closed her eyes. A ragged exhale said she was not opposed to letting him take things to the next level.
“I like having you naked,” he said, pausing to kiss her cheek, her throat, her belly. “Car sex was fun, but this is better.”
She shuddered when he slid two fingers inside her. “Oh, yes. Much better.”
After that, he lost his focus. Having Gabby so clearly ready for him was more than he could resist. He grabbed the protection he had dropped on the bedside table and took care of things. Then he touched her cheek. “Open your eyes, Gabby.”
“Okay.” Her face was flushed. Her pupils had dilated until the gray of her irises was almost all black.
“Keep them open.” He didn’t know where that demand came from. Honestly, it was damned hard for him, too. But when Gabby’s gaze locked with his as he entered her, he felt invincible.
He saw trust in her eyes.
Could he shoulder that burden? Did he want to?
When she wrapped her legs around his waist, he was lost. He thrust wildly, his body racing toward the finish. Gabby came a second time, her choked cry impossible to miss. Her pleasure triggered his. His heartbeat was somewhere in the stratosphere when he groaned her name and let the tide take him.
He might have fallen asleep. Hard to say. When he came to his senses, his face was buried in the curve of her neck. The room was quiet but for their breathing. In that moment, he was content never to move again.
Finally he yawned. “May I stay the night?”
Gabby moved away from him, tugging the sheet to cover herself. “No. Sorry. My neighbors all know me very well. I don’t want to answer a million questions.”
Something in that statement stabbed a little knife in his self-esteem. Still, he had to do what was right. “Okay,” he said, rolling out of bed and onto his feet. “I know you have to work tomorrow, so I’ll get out of your hair.”
He was hard again. No way to disguise that. The way Gabby stared at him didn’t help. His clothes and hers were a mess on the floor. He retrieved pants and shirt, boxers, socks, and shoes. By the time he was dressed, Gabby had exited the bed and stood facing him, the top sheet wrapped toga-style around her slender body.
“Did we decide on anything?” he asked.
“About?”
His jaw tightened. “About this week.”
“Thinking is good,” she said, her words and tone prim.
“And the party at my parents’ house?”
Gabby shook her head slowly. “Thanks for the invitation, but I don’t think so, Jason. I’d be very uncomfortable.”
He could see from her face that she really believed that. Because he couldn’t help himself, he crossed the room and wrapped her in his arms. There was a sheet between them. And his clothes. But feeling her against his body made his pulse stagger and race again.
He stared deeply into her silvery-gray eyes, noting the way her thick lashes lowered when she was feeling shy. “Please, Gabby. I’ll never leave your side, I swear. The food will be spectacular. I can guarantee great music. Plus, you have to see my mom’s holiday decorations to believe them. Santa himself is probably jealous.”
She used her free hand, the one not clutching the sheet, to pat his cheek. “I’ll think about it.” Then she paused and ran her thumb along his chin. “I don’t want to bring up a touchy subject, but isn’t there a good chance your mom invited Cate and Harry?”
His jaw dropped, but he snapped it shut immediately. He felt blood rush to his face. How had he blocked that out? “Um, yes. I’m sure she has. But it’s fine. We’re all good.”
Gabby cocked her head, her perceptive gaze sneaking past his defenses. “You say that, but I’m not sure it’s true. You’re still carrying a ton of guilt. If I can see it, I’m sure they can, too.”
Anger tightened his throat, though he didn’t know if it was aimed at her or himself or the impossible situation. “Stay in your own lane, Gabby. I’m dealing with things.”
She saluted. “Yes, sir.”
He exhaled, trying to salvage his self-respect. His lover was kicking him out. He had just invited that same lover to a Christmas party where his ex was sure to be in attendance. Not to mention Harry, the man he loved like a brother, who was now married to his ex. December wasn’t shaping up to be quite so jolly after all.
“I know not to call you at work,” he said, which meant what exactly? He sounded like a fool.
Gabby snuggled closer, her cheek over his heart. “Texting is good.”
He didn’t want to walk away. Gabby was a pro at putting up walls. Since that first moment in the coffee shop, he had been chipping away at them. But five days would give her far too much time to think. She might decide he was a bad risk. A guy who had left one woman at the altar was a marked man.
Then, even as he absorbed her warmth, her incredible sensuality, he had to ask himself the most difficult question of all. Was being with Gabby where he was supposed to be? Was this quick-start relationship genuine? Or had it been something of a rebound fling?
God help him. He didn’t think so.
What he had done to Cate at the wedding made him doubt his own judgment. There was no question he was sexually attracted to Gabby Nolan. And in truth, attracted was a mealymouthed way to describe what he felt for her. He craved her.
Perhaps he needed the five-day test even more than she did.
He found her lips with his and kissed her slowly, banking the animal inside him who wanted to seize control. “I’ll be in touch,” he said. “Don’t forget about me.”
Gabby’s smile was pure and happy. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Good luck with your mortar and pipes and guy stuff.”
“If you have a tough day at the office, feel free to come use my sledgehammer on a wall or two. It does wonders for stress relief.”
She walked with him to the front door. “I’ll keep that in mind. Good night, Jason. Be careful going home.”
“It’s not far.”
This time, she initiated the kiss, going up on her tiptoes to give him only a taste of what he wanted. Her lips were soft and warm. They clung to his despite her telling him he had to go. “Bye,” she whispered.
He released her and put a hand on the doorknob. “Five days, Gabby.”
Her eyes rounded. “That sounds ominous.”
“Not ominous,” he said. “It’s December. Anything could happen. I’ll be sending Santa my list tomorrow.”
“That’s for kids,” she pointed out, her eyes laughing at him.
“Christmas is for everybody, my dear Gabriella. I look forward to making a few of your dreams come true.”