Chapter 6
I’m being marched through the hotel lobby like a naughty child off to see the headmistress. For someone so delicate-looking, Emerald has a vice-like grip and her fingers are wrapped tightly around my wrist.
‘Em!’ I protest, trying to keep up as she gallops through the lobby. ‘What are we doing? And do we have to do it so quickly? I’ve got a stitch.’
My heels clatter across the marble floor as we sidestep other guests who are moving at a much more serene pace.
‘Here we are,’ Em says, pushing open the heavy oak door of the toilets. Then, I kid you not, she cases the joint, as if looking for spies hiding in each cubicle.
‘Why are you being so weird?’ I puff, trying to catch my breath.
Only when she’s satisfied that we are alone does Em spin back round to me, a look of positive jubilance on her face like she’s just met Taylor Swift. She’s picked up a scent, I can tell, and now I am going to have to throw her off it.
Play stupid, Jess. What crush?!
‘You’ve got something to tell me,’ she says.
‘Yes,’ I agree solemnly. ‘I too need the toilet on account of my period.’
‘No, you don’t. This is something much bigger.’
I shift uncomfortably from foot to foot. Em’s mouth hangs open expectantly, the beginnings of a smile twitching at her lips. ‘Something much … sexier .’
Her eyes grow wider.
‘Spill,’ she insists, leaning against a sink.
She definitely knows.
I shake my head.
‘You’ve got this all wrong,’ I say.
Em shakes hers right back, delighted. ‘OH MY GOD!’
Argh! So much for throwing her off the scent. I’m shaking my head so hard I feel a bit dizzy. I hold my hands up for good measure. ‘No, stop it,’ I say as firmly as possible.
Em pushes herself off from the sink and cups my face in her hands like a proud parent. My cheeks are squished together and she’s so close that I can see every inch of her gobsmacked and thrilled expression. Meanwhile I’m wondering if humans can hibernate – a few months in a cosy cubby hole should be all it takes to get over the embarrassment of your best friend discovering that you have a pathetic crush on your other best friend’s little brother, right?
Em starts pawing at my arm.
‘You fancy Luke,’ she announces.
‘No I do not!’ I try to sound shocked and confused by such an outlandish claim.
‘Nice try.’ She folds her arms. ‘I don’t blame you, Jess. He has certainly … matured since we last saw him.’ She winks at me. ‘I do not remember him looking like a Dolce and Gabbana model when he came to visit us at uni. So chiselled! So fit! I mean, I’d eat him alive so he’s definitely not my type. Too sweet, possibly too serious. But oh my days, perfect for you. I can definitely see the appeal. So spill.’
I shake my head, even though I know the jig is up.
‘Don’t make me threaten you, Jessica Jones.’
‘What are you going to do, steal all my bras?’
‘That’s actually a great idea,’ Em says thoughtfully. ‘But no, it’s going to be way worse than an inadequately supported bust. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to tell you this because I knew you’d be gassed about it. While I was in the States, I went to a party with the entire cast of Selling Sunset .’
I gasp. That show is my favourite.
‘I know how much you love those crazy beautiful real estate agents and their crazy beautiful lives.’ Em has folded her arms and looks like an evil genius. ‘But, alas, if you don’t come clean about this cute crush, to your beloved best friend Emerald, then I may just have to keep all the gossip from that party to myself.’
She arches an eyebrow at me.
I waver.
‘And let’s just say there were multiple arguments, two break-ups and one drink splashed across somebody’s face.’
It’s the final straw, goddammit. She knows I’m powerless when it comes to Selling Sunset intel.
‘All right, Columbo.’ I sigh. ‘Or should I say Col-Em-bo.’
At this point another guest walks in so we both turn to the sinks and start washing our hands to make it look like we’re not just in the loos having a heart to heart. ‘Is it that obvious?’ I ask.
Em giggles, delighted. ‘It’s written all over your sweet face. You’ve always been an absolutely atrocious liar, Jessie.’
‘Do you think Stell knows?’
‘I don’t think it would even cross her mind. I mean, Luke’s her little brother after all …’
‘Blurgh,’ I reply. ‘It’s just a crush. I actually think I’ve got a hold of it already. I just didn’t expect to see him looking so—’
‘Smashable?’ Em offers.
I swallow.
‘I didn’t even recognise Luke at first. There’s no way I’d have entertained those thoughts if I knew who he was. But, Em, he was in the pool swimming and he looked so fit and I was thinking of new beginnings and …’
Em and I look at each other in the spotless mirrors. Somehow looking at her reflection rather than face to face takes the edge off ever so slightly.
‘Right, so you’re saying you wouldn’t have fancied him if you knew who he was?’ Em sounds dubious.
‘Absolutely.’ I nod enthusiastically.
Em snorts. ‘I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that.’
‘Well, it doesn’t really matter either way because I’ve got a handle on it now.’
Em does not look like she believes me. ‘Are you sure about that? Your aura is off-the-scale lusty and auras don’t lie.’
‘Really?’ I ask, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I can’t see any aura. ‘Hey, aura, will you please get a grip? Stop looking lusty, you’re giving the game away!’
Em laughs. ‘No, Jessie’s aura, you keep doing you! I love that you’re working it for Luke.’
‘Are we sure it’s my aura and not just the sea air?’
‘Don’t listen to her,’ Em whispers, still directing her attention to the space around my head. Then she wraps an arm around me and asks: ‘Jess, would it be that big a deal if you did like Luke?’
‘Our best friend’s little brother?’ I squawk.
‘You keep saying that like it’s a bad thing.’
‘Of course it’s a bad thing! Or have you forgotten about the pact?’
This, Emerald finds hilarious.
‘Oh Jess, that was years ago! You can’t still be worried about that now?’
‘But we made a promise, Em! Promises cannot be broken. And there was a very good reason for the pact.’
Em fluffs up her hair and reapplies lipstick. ‘It all started when I had a massive crush on James, right?’
James, my own big brother, became the subject of Emerald’s adulation after she came to visit me during our first Christmas break from uni.
‘That’s right. And, no offence, Em, because I love you dearly, but I did find your mooning over James a smidge excruciating. Do you remember how you kept coming up with excuses to come round when you knew he’d be in the house? And how excited you got when he remembered your name that time you came to visit in the holidays? And how you graffitied your uni notebook with “Emerald hearts James”.’
I pause to catch my breath.
‘Omg I’d forgotten that.’ Em cackles. ‘Why was I so cringe back then?’
‘You weren’t cringe,’ I insist. ‘It’s only natural. It’s just quite awkward when your best mate fancies your brother.’
‘And then Stella had a thing for Sapphire,’ Em recalls. The Bay children are all named after gemstones, although her brother Malachite goes by Mal these days.
‘Yes! And how did that make you feel?’ I ask.
She cocks her head to one side. ‘Bit cringe,’ she concedes.
‘See! And that’s why we made a promise not to hook up with each other’s siblings, out of respect for our friendship.’
‘Yes but, Jess, we were teenagers then. Teenagers! Life has moved on to the tune of a decade now. And we can trust our feelings. We’re not just idiots with raging hormones.’ And then she looks at herself fondly in the mirror and says, ‘Well, not all the time anyway.’
‘A promise is a promise,’ I insist. ‘And anyway, it doesn’t actually matter. It’s not like anything could ever happen between us.’
‘Why on earth not?’
‘Have you seen him, Em?! And look at me.’ I motion towards my reflection. ‘We’re not exactly in the same league.’
‘No, absolutely not,’ Em says, suddenly quite cross. She turns to face me and grabs me by the shoulders. ‘I’m not having that. You, Jessica Jones, are the catch of the day. The month. The century. DO YOU HEAR ME?’
Em doesn’t shout very often but when she does, it is loud. The toilet flushes and the guest scurries out, alarmed.
Em and I share a look that says: What about washing your hands! Ew!
Then Em gives me a little shake. ‘You are wonderful. Kind, considerate, caring. Always, always putting other people’s needs before your own. Sweet as a nut. And funny. And so incredibly beautiful, like a brown-haired rose.’
‘A brown-haired rose?’ I echo with a grin. ‘It doesn’t sound great.’
‘You know what I mean,’ Em insists. ‘And yet you never stop apologising for yourself, as if your very being is an inconvenience, which couldn’t be further from the truth. You are the brightest star, Jessica Jones, and if I hear you say that you are “hardly a catch” ever again you will have me and the full force of my cosmic connection to deal with. Understood?’
I’ve been stunned into silence.
‘UNDERSTOOD?’
‘Yes, Em, sorry. Wait, sorry, I’m actually not sorry,’ I add as an afterthought.
Em looks very pleased at this. ‘Good,’ she says, leading us out of the bathroom and back to our room. ‘So, what are you going to do about it?’
‘Do about it?’ I repeat.
‘Maybe spend some more time with Luke, see if the feeling is mutual? I mean, he’d be quite mad not to fancy you.’
‘Oh hell no! No, no. No. Absolutely not. I’m already over it, Em, it was just a little crush.’
‘All right, Jennifer Paige. I used to love belting out that song at the one club at uni. My favourite night of the week was Cheese Night? Do you faint every time you touch? Has he even touched you yet?’
‘Obviously not! I’ve just spent the whole day perving over him and that’s that.’
Em thinks on this. ‘So, hang on. We’ve established that you are a catch and Luke would be lucky to have you. We’ve established that the pact is a thing of the past. What’s stopping you from making a move, Jess?’
‘We haven’t actually established either of those things,’ I reply. ‘We didn’t even think about Luke when we made up the pact because he was a shy seventeen-year-old who was leaving the country. So I would definitely need to see how Stella felt before, you know, anything big happened.’ This thought makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt. ‘Em, as if anything big is going to happen anyway. Why am I even talking about this? I’ve literally only just got Otis out of my flat, months after we broke up, and there’s a lot of other stuff going on—’
‘Like what?’
‘Just life, you know. Anyway, Luke is a complication too far.’
‘I can see that you really like him.’ Em frowns.
‘Don’t look so sad!’ I pull her into a hug as we walk through the beautifully manicured grounds. ‘It’s fine. A little crush will probably be good for me, and besides, I can’t trust my own judgement when it comes to actually dating anyone. I’ve always dated solid options, right? And they never work out.’
‘Solid options?’ It’s Em’s turn to laugh now. ‘The only thing solid about Otis is what we just heard him trying to remove from your toilet, babes. Which is proof that you have terrible taste in men. Appalling. Otis is just the cherry on the cake. I was trying out my first throuple when you started dating that absolute drip at uni, what was his name?’
‘Tim,’ I supply.
‘That’s it! He wasn’t the most thrilling, was he?’ she says gently. ‘I mean, he was studying micro-economics for a start.’
‘I’m sure that’s actually a very useful course. Although he did work out how often we should hang out in percentages so as not to disturb his optimal studying time,’ I concede, giggling at the memory. ‘Tim was kind of intense.’
‘Mmm. And then there was that guy from work?’
‘Oh boy, Richie,’ I say. ‘In my defence, Richie seemed like a good idea at the time. He was a journalist too and I thought we made a good team. But then he stole one of my feature ideas, repackaged it as his own and used it to bag a job at a much bigger daily newspaper.’
Emerald tuts. ‘Not cool. He took advantage of you. They all have in their own way. Maybe you’re worried about your feelings towards Luke because he actually is a good guy. Never mind sensible options, how about listening to your gut for a change?’
‘Hmm,’ I say, pouting. ‘“Terrible taste in men” seems a bit much. Anyway, you need to calm down, Cupid. I’m very happy as I am right now. And besides, I tried listening to my gut the other day and do you know what happened?’
Em’s all ears.
‘I bought a Peppermint Aero instead of my usual Dairy Milk and it was such a letdown. Never doing that again.’
‘I have never heard such a load of utter ridiculousness and I was once a member of a zodiac embroidery circle.’ Em laughs, shaking me by the shoulders.
‘What’s that?’
‘Oh, we made zodiac patches to sew onto bags and clothes. The plan was to sell them on Etsy but none of us could actually sew for shit so we all just ended up microdosing and trying to communicate with the fairy realm. Anyway, stop trying to distract me. I am not going to let you get away with this Luke thing, Jessie. Because he could be the perfect start to your Saturn Return.’