Chapter 15
Silence.
Complete silence swallowed the apartment whole.
Lingling forgot how to breathe.
Pregnant.
Orm was pregnant.
With Sean’s child.
The realization crashed into her so violently she physically swayed where she stood.
Fresh tears immediately filled her eyes again.
Her fingers loosened around the car keys.
For one horrifying second—
everything around her sounded distant.
Muted.
Like the world itself stopped functioning properly.
Orm cried harder while still holding her hand shakily.
And suddenly Lingling understood why Orm looked so broken tonight.
Why she looked exhausted in ways deeper than heartbreak.
“The day I left Khon Kaen…” Orm whispered through trembling breaths.
Her voice shook uncontrollably.
“I already decided to end things with Sean.”
Lingling slowly looked at her.
Completely shattered.
And finally—
everything spilled out.
—
The morning after Lingling’s birthday—
Orm sat alone inside her parked car at the edge of a nearly empty highway.
The engine had been off for hours.
Rainwater still clung to the windshield from the earlier downpour, turning the world outside blurry and distorted beneath the heavy gray afternoon sky. Occasionally, massive trucks roared past in the distance, their sounds fading just as quickly into silence again.
Everything felt lifeless.
Still.
Cold.
Just like her.
Orm hadn’t moved much since she left.
She was still wearing yesterday’s clothes—the same sweater Lingling had pulled her into before kissing her like she had waited years to do it.
Her makeup was completely ruined now, smeared beneath swollen eyes that burned endlessly from crying.
Her hair was tangled and messy.
Exhaustion sat heavily on her entire body.
But no matter how tired she was—
sleep refused to come.
Because every single time she closed her eyes—
all she saw was Lingling.
Lingling smiling weakly at her in the dark.
Lingling reaching for her carefully like she was something fragile.
Lingling whispering her name so softly it nearly shattered her completely.
Orm’s phone rested face down on the passenger seat.
Turned off.
Ignored.
Because she couldn’t do it.
Couldn’t look at the screen.
Couldn’t see Lingling’s name lighting up the darkness inside the car.
Couldn’t hear her voice asking where she was.
Asking if she was okay.
Because Orm knew the second she heard Lingling’s voice—
she would break.
Completely.
Another shaky breath escaped her lips before she leaned her head weakly against the seat.
And then—
another sob clawed its way out of her chest.
Raw.
Painful.
The kind that physically hurt to breathe through.
Her trembling hands immediately covered her face as tears slipped uncontrollably between her fingers.
Because for one selfish night—
she finally stopped fighting it.
Stopped pretending.
Stopped lying to herself.
For one beautiful, devastating night—
Orm loved Lingling openly.
And God—
it ruined her.
She remembered everything too clearly.
Too painfully.
The way Lingling kissed her like she was terrified Orm would disappear if she let go even for a second.
The way her hands trembled while touching her, as if she still couldn’t believe Orm was really there.
The way Lingling held her afterward—
so gently—
so lovingly—
that it almost felt cruel.
Because nobody had ever held Orm like that before.
Not carefully.
Not reverently.
Not like she was someone worth protecting.
And the worst part?
Orm wanted to stay.
That was the truth slowly destroying her from the inside out.
When she woke up this morning wrapped safely in Lingling’s arms—
for one horrible, terrifying moment—
she forgot everything else.
Forgot guilt.
Forgot consequences.
Forgot the entire world outside that apartment.
There had only been warmth.
Lingling’s heartbeat against her cheek.
Lingling’s arm around her waist.
The quiet sound of breathing in the dark.
And for the first time in years—
Orm felt home.
Her chest tightened violently at the memory.
Because she almost stayed.
God—
she almost did.
She almost turned around and buried herself back into Lingling’s arms.
Almost kissed her awake slowly.
Almost whispered, I’m yours too.
Almost chose her.
But then—
Sean crossed her mind.
And everything shattered again.
Sean.
Sean, who loved her honestly.
Who trusted her completely.
Sean, who never once made her question whether she was worthy of being loved.
Sean, who waited patiently through her distance and confusion without ever demanding more from her.
Sean, who talked about their future with certainty while Orm silently crumbled beside him.
The guilt hit so violently she thought she might throw up.
Orm let out another broken sob before reaching shakily for the necklace around her neck.
Sean’s necklace.
The one he gave her during their anniversary.
Her fingers trembled so badly she could barely hold it.
And suddenly—
she hated herself.
Because Sean didn’t deserve this.
Didn’t deserve betrayal from someone he loved wholeheartedly.
And Lingling—
Lingling didn’t deserve this either.
Not after waiting for Orm for years.
Not after loving her quietly even while knowing she belonged to someone else.
Not after finally getting one fragile night with her only to wake up alone the next morning.
Orm squeezed the necklace tighter until it hurt against her palm.
Right now she felt monstrous.
Like she had ruined every person who ever loved her.
Sean.
Lingling.
Even herself.
And the cruelest part of all—
last night wasn’t a mistake.
That was what truly destroyed her.
Because if it had only been drunkenness…
impulsiveness…
loneliness…
maybe she could have forgiven herself eventually.
But it wasn’t.
Every kiss carried years of longing.
Every touch carried restraint finally breaking apart.
Every “I love you” hidden in their silence was real.
Terrifyingly real.
And now that she had finally touched it—
finally allowed herself to feel it fully—
she didn’t know how to survive without it anymore.
Another sob escaped her as she pressed both palms harder against her eyes, shoulders shaking violently inside the quiet car.
Because after one night in Lingling’s arms—
Orm became terrified of herself.
Terrified of how badly she wanted to go back.
Terrified that if Lingling asked her to stay—
she actually would.
And somewhere between the panic, grief, and unbearable guilt swallowing her whole—
Orm finally understood the truth she had spent years running from.
She loved Lingling.
Not halfway.
Not in secret.
Not as some lingering “what if.”
She loved her completely.
With the kind of love that ruined logic.
The kind that stayed even after distance, years, and heartbreak.
The kind that refused to die no matter how desperately she tried to suffocate it.
The kind that followed her everywhere.
The kind that quietly lived inside every version of her future.
And for the first time in years—
Orm made a brave decision.
When she walked out of Lingling’s apartment this morning—
she didn’t leave because she regretted loving her.
She left because she loved her too much.
Too much to continue hurting everyone recklessly.
Too much to drag Lingling into something unfinished and broken.
Because before she could choose Lingling—
she needed to stop destroying the people around her first.
She needed to end things honestly.
Cleanly.
Even if it broke Sean’s heart.
Even if it made everyone hate her.
Even if she lost pieces of herself in the process.
Because Lingling deserved more than being someone’s secret.
More than being chosen halfway.
More than stolen moments filled with guilt.
And Sean deserved the truth—
even if it destroyed him.
Orm slowly looked toward her turned-off phone again.
Somewhere inside it were probably dozens of missed calls from Lingling.
Messages filled with worry.
Fear.
Love.
And Orm couldn’t bear any of it right now.
Because if she heard Lingling’s voice—
even once—
she already knew what would happen.
She would start the engine immediately.
Turn the car around.
Drive all the way back to Lingling without thinking twice.
And this time—
she might never leave again.
Because after finally knowing what it felt like to be loved by Lingling openly—
Orm realized something devastating.
She could survive guilt.
She could survive heartbreak.
She could survive people hating her.
But another lifetime pretending she loved Lingling less than she actually did?
That—
she would never survive at all.
So after hours of crying alone inside that parked car—
Orm calmed herself down enough to breathe.
Enough to think clearly.
And she made a final choice.
She would go back to Bangkok.
End things with Sean honestly.
And then—
she would go back to Lingling.
Fully this time.
No more almost.
No more running.
—
When she reached her apartment she immediately dials Sean's number but it's unattended.
Then she found notes on the fridge. Sean is in Singapore for two weeks for an architectural project. Their company has sent him yesterday.
Orm never mind, she'll wait so she can finally end things with him and fix what was left for her and Lingling.
But days later—
everything collapsed again.
Orm started feeling sick constantly.
At first she blamed stress.
The crying.
The emotional exhaustion.
But then came the dizziness.
The nausea.
The overwhelming fatigue that left her unable to even leave bed properly some mornings.
Eventually—
alone and terrified—
Orm visited a doctor quietly.
And there—
inside a cold white clinic room that smelled faintly like antiseptic—
her entire life changed again.
Six weeks pregnant.
Orm remembered staring blankly at the sonogram while the doctor spoke softly beside her, explaining things she could barely understand through the loud ringing inside her head.
Heartbeat.
Six weeks.
Healthy.
Congratulations.
The words floated around the room like meaningless noise.
Because all she could think about was Lingling.
Lingling somewhere far away, probably still waiting for answers she never received.
Lingling still carrying wounds Orm had personally carved into her heart.
Lingling believing—again—that Orm chose someone else over her.
And maybe this time…
maybe Lingling would finally stop waiting altogether.
Orm felt more sick.
Not because of the pregnancy.
But because for the first time in her life, she truly understood that love alone was not always enough to fix the damage people caused each other.
It only took one night.
One reckless, drunken night.
Sean had brought her to his friend’s party after weeks of Orm trying desperately to bury herself in distractions. She laughed too loudly that evening. Drank too much. Pretended she was okay every single time someone asked.
She remembered fragments.
Sean holding her hand while walking her home.
The elevator lights.
His worried voice asking if she was alright.
Then darkness.
And when she woke up the next morning—
she was naked beside him.
Sean looked equally horrified when realization hit them both.
Neither of them meant for it to happen.
But it still did.
And now there was a child growing inside her.
A child completely innocent in all of this.
Orm spent the entire day alone inside her apartment afterward.
Curled up on the cold bathroom floor.
Still wearing the same oversized shirt from yesterday.
Her knees pulled tightly against her chest.
One hand trembling over her mouth to silence the ugly sounds of her crying.
Because suddenly—
everything became impossible.
How could she choose Lingling now?
How could she run back to the woman she loved while carrying another man’s baby?
How could she destroy Sean after finding out he was going to become a father?
Sean, who had always been gentle with her.
Patient with her.
Loving her honestly while she continued hiding pieces of herself from him.
And worst of all—
how could she keep hurting Lingling like this?
Even after all these years.
Even after Lingling loved her with a kind of devotion people only read about in books.
Orm pressed her forehead against the bathroom tiles and sobbed harder.
Every decision she made only seemed to ruin people.
Sean.
Lingling.
The baby.
Even herself.
It felt like no matter where she turned—
someone bled because of her.
And she was so tired.
So unbearably tired of being the reason people hurt.
—
One night, after days of barely sleeping and barely eating—
Orm drove back to her family home.
Rain poured heavily outside, blurring the roads through her tears.
By the time she stepped inside the house, she already looked broken.
Her mother was waiting near the dining room, startled the second she saw her daughter’s face.
“Orm?”
That was all it took.
Orm completely collapsed.
Years of confusion, guilt, longing, grief, and fear finally crashed all at once inside her chest.
She cried so hard she could barely breathe.
Her mother immediately held her before she could even fall properly to the floor.
And for the first time—
Orm confessed everything.
Not the polished version she told herself.
Not the excuses.
Not the lies she used to survive.
Everything.
About Lingling.
About how she realized far too late that what she felt for her had never been simple friendship.
How Lingling had loved her for years while Orm kept running away because she was scared of what that love meant.
How she kept choosing easier paths instead of honest ones.
How every time Lingling reached for her—
Orm pulled away out of fear.
And now she might have lost her forever.
Then Sean.
Sean, who loved her sincerely despite never receiving all of her heart.
Sean, who deserved honesty instead of half-truths.
Sean, who didn’t even know yet that one drunken mistake had changed both of their lives forever.
Then finally—
the pregnancy.
The words nearly killed her to say aloud.
“It wasn’t planned…” Orm cried weakly. “It was just one night… we were drunk… and now there’s a baby…”
Her voice cracked violently.
“I don’t know what to do anymore, Mama…”
Her mother held her tighter as Orm cried against her shoulder like a child.
“I love Lingling,” Orm whispered brokenly. “But Sean doesn’t deserve this either… none of them deserve this…”
For a long time, her mother simply let her cry.
Only rubbing her back gently while listening to every shattered piece falling out of her daughter.
Then eventually, her mother spoke softly.
“You know, darling… sometimes the hardest part about love is that it arrives too late.”
Orm cried harder.
“Some people meet the right person at the wrong time,” her mother continued quietly. “And sometimes… fear makes us miss chances we were supposed to protect.”
Orm lowered her head in shame.
Because every word felt painfully true.
Her mother brushed the wet hair away from her face.
“You loved Lingling long before you admitted it to yourself. But instead of facing it, you kept running because you were afraid of what people would think… afraid of getting hurt… afraid of hurting others.”
A tear slid down Orm’s trembling face.
“And now,” her mother whispered sadly, “you’re learning something very painful.”
“What?” Orm asked weakly.
“That avoiding pain doesn’t prevent heartbreak. It only delays it… then makes it bigger when it finally comes.”
Orm shut her eyes tightly.
Because that was exactly what happened.
Every choice she avoided.
Every truth she buried.
Every feeling she refused to confront.
All of it had grown into something devastating.
Her mother sighed softly before continuing.
“Love is not just about who makes you happy, Orm. Love is also about courage. About honesty. About choosing people properly before it’s too late.”
Then more gently—
“And sometimes… no matter what choice you make, someone will still get hurt.”
Orm’s shoulders shook violently again.
“I’m scared, Mama…”
“I know.”
“I don’t want to lose Lingling.”
Her mother looked at her with heartbreaking tenderness.
“Then you should’ve stopped making her feel abandoned.”
Those words pierced directly through Orm’s chest.
Because it was true.
Lingling never really asked for much.
Just honesty.
Just certainty.
Just for Orm to choose her without hesitation for once.
But Orm kept failing her.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Her mother wiped her tears carefully.
“You cannot love people properly while hiding from the truth,” she whispered. “And you cannot build a peaceful life from decisions made out of fear.”
Then quietly—
with heartbreaking gentleness—
her mother said:
“You need to decide soon, Orm.”
Orm broke down once more.
Then softer—
“You can’t keep hurting people because you’re afraid.”
Those words haunted Orm long after that night ended.
Because deep down—
she knew fear had controlled almost every important decision she ever made.
Fear of hurting Sean.
Fear of disappointing her family.
Fear of choosing wrong.
Fear of losing stability.
Fear of facing the truth about Lingling.
And most of all—
fear of loving someone so deeply that losing them would destroy her completely.
But because of that fear—
she was now losing everything anyway.
And somewhere out there—
Lingling still had no idea that the woman she loved was slowly falling apart too.
—
The next evening—
emotionally drained and barely functioning—
Orm returned to her apartment.
But the moment she opened the door—
she froze completely.
The apartment looked different.
Beautifully decorated.
Flowers everywhere.
Warm lights hanging across the ceiling.
Champagne bottles resting on the table.
Soft music playing quietly.
And dozens of unfamiliar faces filled the room smiling brightly at her.
Sean’s relatives from Japan.
Everyone dressed nicely.
Everyone looking excited.
Happy.
Celebrating something she hadn’t even been told about.
Then Sean approached her slowly.
Holding a ring box.
Eyes shining with overwhelming happiness.
And immediately—
Orm understood.
Her stomach dropped violently.
Because somehow—
Sean found the sonogram earlier that morning.
And thinking the baby meant forever—
thinking it meant she finally wanted the same future he did—
he planned everything immediately.
“I know about the baby,” Sean whispered emotionally.
His eyes already filling with tears.
“I’m so happy, Orm.”
Then slowly—
Sean knelt in front of her.
Right there in front of everyone.
Phones already recording.
Family smiling brightly.
Waiting.
Expecting.
“Will you marry me?”
Orm remembered the entire room spinning slightly.
Her chest tightening so painfully she thought she might collapse.
Because in that moment—
she felt trapped.
Terrified.
Cornered inside a life moving too fast for her to stop anymore.
Sean looked at her with so much love.
So much certainty.
And behind him—
his family waited excitedly for her answer.
Orm looked around the room helplessly.
And suddenly—
she couldn’t do it.
Couldn’t destroy him publicly.
Couldn’t humiliate him in front of everyone he loved.
Couldn’t shatter that happiness with one devastating truth.
So despite her own heart breaking somewhere else entirely—
Orm forced herself to nod.
And whispered:
“Yes.”
The room exploded into applause instantly.
Cheers.
Tears.
Celebration.
Sean stood up immediately and hugged her tightly while everyone clapped around them.
And Orm?
Orm smiled weakly while silently dying inside his arms.
Because at that exact moment—
she felt herself losing Lingling forever.
After that—
everything happened too fast.
The engagement announcement.
The wedding planning.
Venue reservations.
Family meetings.
Guest lists.
Invitations.
Every day blurred together until Orm barely recognized her own life anymore.
And the worst part?
She kept carrying Lingling silently inside her heart through all of it.
Back in the present—
the apartment fell silent again.
Heavy.
Unbearably heavy.
Lingling stood there motionless while tears streamed endlessly down her face.
And Orm—
Orm looked completely shattered beside her.
Red eyes.
Trembling hands.
A face ruined by grief and regret.
Because somehow—
after all those years of circling around each other—
they still found each other too late.
Too late to be brave.
Too late to choose freely.
Too late to love each other without hurting someone else in the process.
And maybe that was the cruelest part of all.
Because the love was real.
It always had been.
But reality arrived before they ever learned how to hold onto each other properly.
After hearing everything—
Lingling slowly softened.
Not because the pain disappeared.
God, no.
Her heart still felt like it was being torn apart slowly inside her chest.
But suddenly—
everything became impossible to fight against a child.
Orm was carrying a child.
And Lingling knew immediately—
she could never be selfish enough to destroy that.
No matter how badly her own heart was breaking.
No matter how much she wanted to scream and beg Orm to stay.
Because innocent lives deserved better than the wreckage of their unfinished love story.
Maybe this was fate.
Maybe Orm was simply never meant to be hers no matter how deeply she loved her.
The realization hurt so much Lingling almost couldn’t breathe properly.
Slowly—
she stood up from the couch.
Her shoulders lowered slightly.
Like someone finally surrendering after years of fighting silently.
Orm immediately panicked.
“Ling…”
But Lingling only looked at her softly through tears.
“You take care of yourself, Orm,” she whispered gently.
Her voice trembled anyway.
“Especially now that you’re pregnant.”
Orm’s lips shook violently.
Because Lingling was still choosing kindness.
Even now.
Even while breaking.
Lingling forced a weak smile through tears.
“And congratulations in advance for your wedding and the family your building with Sean.”
Orm’s entire face crumpled instantly.
Because every word sounded like goodbye.
Permanent this time.
Lingling slowly picked up her car keys from the table.
The tiny sound echoed painfully inside the apartment.
“I better go.”
Then more quietly—
almost like she hated herself for it—
“I’m sorry.”
Sorry for loving you this much.
Sorry for coming here hoping you’d choose me.
Sorry for existing at the wrong time in your life.
But before Lingling could take another step—
Orm suddenly rushed toward her.
And hugged her tightly from behind.
So tightly.
Like she was terrified Lingling would disappear forever the second she let go.
Lingling froze immediately.
Then closed her eyes painfully as Orm started sobbing against her back.
“I’m sorry,” Orm cried brokenly. “I’m really sorry for hurting you this badly. This is all my fault.”
Her entire body shook violently.
And Lingling could feel every ounce of regret in the way Orm held her.
Because this time—
Orm finally understood what she lost.
“If I could undo everything,” Orm whispered desperately, “I would.”
Lingling physically felt her chest ache hearing that.
Because she believed her.
That was the problem.
She believed every tear.
Every apology.
Every trembling word.
Orm tightened her arms around her again before finally—
finally—
the truth spilled out.
“I love you.”
Lingling’s breath caught violently.
Time seemed to stop around them.
Behind her—
Orm completely broke down.
“I love you so much.”
The confession came far too late.
And somehow—
that made it even more heartbreaking.
Because now Orm finally understood it too.
Finally understood the feelings she spent years denying, minimizing, hiding behind confusion and fear.
She loved Lingling long before that night in Khon Kaen.
Loved her in every road trip that felt too intimate for friendship.
Every late-night call she made only when life became unbearable.
Every forehead kiss she gave absentmindedly.
Every moment she instinctively searched for Lingling first before anyone else.
Loved her quietly.
Constantly.
Terrifyingly.
And now—
now that she finally recognized it completely—
everything was already ruined.
Lingling slowly turned around inside Orm’s arms.
Orm looked devastated.
Tears endlessly falling down her face.
Still clinging to Lingling like letting go might physically destroy her.
And God—
Lingling loved her so much it hurt.
The kind of love that stayed even when it shouldn’t anymore.
Carefully—
with trembling fingers—
Lingling lifted her hand.
Then gently wiped Orm’s tears away.
The touch alone made Orm cry harder.
“I love you too much, Orm,” Lingling whispered brokenly.
“So much.”
Orm sobbed openly at those words.
Because for years—
this was all she secretly wanted.
To hear Lingling say it openly.
Honestly.
Without hiding anymore.
But now hearing it only destroyed her.
Lingling smiled sadly through tears.
“I wanted to fight for you. God I want nothing but you Orm.”
Her voice cracked painfully afterward.
“But I can’t do that to your child.”
Silence followed immediately afterward.
Unbearable silence.
Because both of them knew the truth now.
If things were different—
they would have chosen each other.
Without hesitation.
Maybe in another lifetime.
Maybe in another world where timing was kinder and love arrived before obligations did.
But not this one.
Never this one.
Lingling stepped closer one final time.
Then leaned forward gently—
and kissed Orm’s forehead softly.
One last time.
The familiar tenderness nearly broke Orm completely.
“Please be happy always.”
Lingling inhaled shakily.
“And take care of yourself.”
Then quietly—
with a smile that looked painfully fragile—
“Don’t worry about me.”
Another heartbreaking pause.
“I’ll be fine.”
It was the biggest lie Lingling had ever told.
Because nothing about her would ever truly be fine after this.
Not after finally being loved back only to lose it immediately afterward.
Not after discovering the person she loved most also loved her—
just too late to change anything.
Still—
Lingling turned around anyway.
And walked away.
Step by step.
While Orm stood frozen behind her.
Crying so hard she could barely remain standing.
The apartment door opened.
Then closed softly.
And just like that—
the love story they spent years trying not to begin finally ended.