Chapter 14
That same afternoon, Lingling left the site earlier than usual.
Junji noticed immediately but didn't stop her.
She only gave Lingling a long look before quietly saying-
"Whatever happens... don't lose yourself trying to hold onto someone else."
Lingling tried to smile.
But her chest already felt too heavy for it.
The drive back to Bangkok felt endless.
Rain poured softly against the windshield the entire way, blurring the highway lights into streaks of gold and white across the darkness.
The rhythmic sound of the rain should have been calming.
Instead-
it only made the loneliness louder.
Lingling drove quietly through the storm while thoughts spiraled endlessly inside her head.
What if Orm regretted everything?
What if that night meant more to Lingling than it ever did to Orm?
What if Orm only saw it as a mistake born from alcohol, loneliness, and unresolved feelings?
What if Sean already knew?
What if Orm chose Sean completely now?
Lingling's grip on the steering wheel tightened painfully.
Because despite all the fear-
despite knowing this conversation might completely destroy her-
she still wanted Orm.
God.
She still wanted her so much.
Enough to drive hours through rain just for answers.
Enough to risk hearing something that might break her permanently.
And maybe that alone already said everything.
The city slowly came into view hours later.
Bangkok lights shimmered against wet roads while traffic moved endlessly beneath the rain.
Familiar.
Busy.
Alive.
But Lingling felt strangely disconnected from all of it.
Like she existed somewhere between hope and heartbreak with nowhere safe left to land.
At a red light, her eyes briefly drifted toward the passenger seat.
Empty.
And suddenly memories hit her so hard she nearly stopped breathing.
Orm sleeping there during late-night drives.
Orm stealing fries from Lingling's food without asking.
Orm singing badly to old songs on the radio while laughing at herself afterward.
Orm reaching over absentmindedly to hold Lingling's hand at stoplights-
only to pull away first every single time.
Lingling shut her eyes briefly.
Because even their almosts had felt devastatingly intimate.
And now she was about to ask the one question she spent years avoiding.
Choose me or let me go.
By the time Lingling finally arrived outside Orm's condominium building, night had already fallen completely.
Rain still drizzled softly from the dark sky.
The familiar building stood quietly ahead of her, glowing beneath city lights.
And suddenly-
after two weeks of silence-
everything felt terrifyingly real again.
Lingling stayed inside the car for several long seconds.
Her heartbeat had become painfully uneven.
Because this was it.
No more imagining.
No more waiting for unread messages.
No more surviving on silence and hope.
Tonight would finally give her an answer.
Even if it destroyed her afterward.
Lingling looked up slowly at the building.
How many nights had she waited outside this place before?
Too many.
How many mornings had she picked Orm up here for coffee runs, meetings, random drives, beach trips, meaningless errands they always somehow turned meaningful together?
How many times had Orm leaned against her shoulder inside the elevator while half-asleep?
How many memories existed between these walls?
Far too many.
Enough to haunt her forever.
Lingling let out a shaky breath before finally stepping out of the car.
Cold rain immediately dampened her hair and shoulders.
The air smelled like wet concrete and distant traffic.
And somehow-
the coldness reminded her painfully of that night in Khon Kaen.
Orm crying in her arms.
Orm kissing her like she was terrified time would run out.
Orm whispering softly against her lips-
"I'm here, Lingling."
Lingling physically felt her chest ache remembering it.
Because if Orm truly meant those words-
then why did she disappear afterward?
Why did Lingling spend two weeks grieving someone who was still alive?
Rain continued falling softly while Lingling stood motionless outside the entrance for a moment longer.
Fear crawled slowly into her chest now.
Because suddenly another thought appeared-
one she had been trying desperately not to think about during the entire drive.
What if Sean was upstairs with her?
The possibility hit so hard Lingling nearly lost her nerve entirely.
Her stomach twisted painfully.
Because she didn't know what would hurt more anymore-
finding out Orm regretted them...
or finding out Orm already moved on from it completely.
Lingling looked down briefly before reaching into her coat pocket.
Inside was the dried hydrangea keychain Orm accidentally left behind in Khon Kaen.
Lingling had carried it with her every single day for two weeks now.
Like some pathetic form of hope.
Her fingers tightened around it gently.
Then finally-
Lingling inhaled shakily, closed her eyes for one brief second-
and walked toward the entrance.
Now she stood silently inside the elevator as it slowly climbed toward the 27th floor.
The soft mechanical hum filled the silence while glowing numbers blinked above her one by one.
Each passing floor made her heartbeat heavier.
Her reflection stared back faintly from the mirrored walls-tired eyes, damp hair from the rain, hands clenched too tightly at her sides.
For two weeks she replayed everything endlessly inside her head.
That night.
Orm crying against her shoulder.
Orm kissing her like she finally stopped running.
The way her voice trembled when she whispered Lingling's name against her skin.
The way she held her afterward like letting go would destroy them both.
And despite all the pain that followed-
despite the silence-
despite the unanswered calls and unread messages-
Lingling still carried one terrifying hope inside herself.
Maybe Orm finally loved her too.
Maybe after all these years-
after every missed chance and unfinished almost-
they finally found their way back toward each other.
Lingling closed her eyes briefly.
For the first time in years-
she was finally ready to ask for something.
Not stolen moments.
Not emotional confusion hidden behind friendship.
Not another night they'd both pretend to forget afterward.
But clarity.
Real clarity.
What are we?
What was that night?
What do I mean to you?
Because this time-
Lingling wanted an answer even if it destroyed her.
Maybe they both deserved that much already.
The elevator doors opened softly.
Lingling inhaled shakily before stepping out.
The hallway looked exactly the same as always.
Warm lighting.
Dark carpet.
The quiet hum of air-conditioning filling the silence.
Familiar.
Painfully familiar.
Lingling walked quickly toward Orm's apartment, heartbeat thundering louder with every step.
Then finally-
she knocked.
Almost immediately-
the door opened.
And Lingling froze.
Because standing there casually in shorts and a plain white shirt was Sean.
Looking completely comfortable.
Completely at home.
Sean smiled warmly the moment he saw her.
"Oh, Ling. You're back."
His voice carried the same genuine kindness it always had.
Unaware.
Completely unaware.
"Come inside."
Lingling's chest tightened so painfully she almost couldn't move.
But she forced herself to nod anyway.
Forced herself to walk in.
The apartment looked exactly the same.
Same gray couch.
Same shelves lined with books and candles.
Same faint vanilla scent lingering softly in the air.
Only now-
everything felt unfamiliar somehow.
Like she no longer belonged here anymore.
Like she was standing inside someone else's life.
Sean closed the door gently behind her.
"Orm's outside buying something," he explained casually while walking toward the kitchen. "She should be back any minute."
Lingling nodded quietly before sitting carefully on the sofa.
Every movement suddenly felt unnatural.
Heavy.
Sean glanced back politely.
"Do you want something to drink?"
"Oh... no, I'm okay. Thank you."
Her voice sounded quieter than usual.
Smaller.
"I'll just wait for Orm."
Sean smiled softly before moving toward a nearby drawer.
Then casually-
without realizing he was about to destroy someone completely-
he pulled out a cream-colored paper.
"Actually, Lingling..."
Sean walked back toward her while holding it carefully.
"It's a sample invitation for me and Orm's wedding three months from now."
And just like that-
the world stopped.
Sean handed it to her happily.
"She finally agreed to marry me."
Then warmly-
with sincere happiness shining in his eyes-
"Please come."
Lingling stared blankly at the invitation resting in her trembling hands.
Wedding.
The word echoed violently inside her head.
Orm was getting married.
Her vision blurred instantly.
For one horrifying second-
she genuinely forgot how to breathe.
The cream-colored paper trembled slightly between her fingers.
Elegant gold lettering blurred beneath her eyes.
Three months from now.
And suddenly-
every fragile hope Lingling carried all the way from Khon Kaen shattered completely.
Every late-night thought.
Every unanswered call she defended.
Every stupid piece of hope she protected for years.
Gone.
Because while Lingling spent two weeks drowning in heartbreak-
Orm was preparing to marry someone else.
Still-
Lingling forced herself to remain composed.
Forced her fingers not to shake too visibly.
Because Sean was smiling at her so sincerely.
So kindly.
Completely unaware that he had just unknowingly broken her heart open in front of him.
And somehow-
that made it even worse.
Because Sean wasn't cruel.
Sean loved Orm honestly.
Openly.
In ways Lingling never got the courage to.
Then suddenly-
the apartment door opened again.
Orm walked inside carrying plastic bags filled with groceries and household essentials.
She looked tired.
Hair slightly damp from the rain outside.
And then-
she saw Lingling.
Orm stopped immediately.
Completely.
The bags in her hands shifted dangerously.
Her entire face drained of color.
Then slowly-
her gaze lowered.
Toward the invitation trembling slightly in Lingling's hands.
Orm went pale instantly.
The grocery bags nearly slipped from her fingers.
Because out of every possible way Lingling could have found out-
this was the cruelest one.
Sean smiled brightly before walking toward her naturally.
"Baby, Lingling came to visit."
Baby.
The word sliced through Lingling so sharply she almost physically reacted.
Orm opened her mouth slightly.
But no sound came out at first.
Her throat tightened visibly.
Her eyes never left Lingling.
And Lingling saw it immediately-
the panic.
The guilt.
The heartbreak.
Too late.
All of it too late.
Finally Orm forced herself to breathe before quietly speaking.
"Sean... can you give us a moment first?"
Sean glanced between them briefly.
Something unreadable crossed his face for one fleeting second.
Like maybe-
some small part of him suddenly sensed something deeper underneath the silence.
But eventually he nodded gently anyway.
"Of course."
Then before leaving-
Sean stepped closer and kissed Orm softly on the lips.
Casual.
Affectionate.
Familiar.
Lingling immediately lowered her gaze.
But not fast enough.
Because she still saw it.
Still felt it.
And somehow-
that hurt more than everything else combined.
Because suddenly the truth became horrifyingly clear.
Orm never chose her.
Not really.
Not enough to stay.
Not enough to fight.
Not enough to stop this wedding from happening.
And Lingling stood there silently holding a wedding invitation in trembling hands-
while the woman she loved kissed someone else goodbye right in front of her.
After Sean finally left the apartment-
silence swallowed the room completely.
The soft click of the door closing echoed far louder than it should have.
Then nothing.
No music.
No television.
Only the distant sound of rain tapping softly against the windows and the shaky sound of two people trying not to fall apart in front of each other.
Orm stood frozen near the entrance for several long seconds.
Still pale.
Still visibly shaken.
The grocery bags remained forgotten near her feet.
Slowly-
like she was afraid Lingling might disappear if she moved too quickly-
Orm walked toward the sofa.
Then carefully sat beside her.
Leaving space between them.
A painful amount of space.
Lingling still held the wedding invitation weakly in her hands.
Her fingers trembled slightly against the cream-colored paper.
Neither of them spoke.
Because suddenly there were too many things between them now.
Too many unsaid feelings.
Too many ruined chances.
Too many years wasted loving each other at the wrong time.
Finally-
Orm whispered shakily:
"Ling..."
Lingling stared down quietly at the invitation before forcing herself to smile.
It looked devastating.
Small.
Broken.
Like someone trying to stay kind while their heart collapsed inside their chest.
"Congratulations."
Orm's eyes immediately filled with tears again.
"Congratulations on your upcoming wedding."
Lingling finally looked at her.
And somehow-
that destroyed Orm even more.
Because despite everything-
despite the betrayal, the confusion, the heartbreak-
Lingling was still looking at her gently.
Lovingly.
As if she still couldn't bring herself to hate her.
Orm's lips trembled violently.
"Ling, I-"
Her voice cracked completely.
Nothing came out afterward.
Because how could she possibly explain any of this?
How could she explain loving Lingling with her entire heart while still being too much of a coward to choose her?
How could she explain hurting the person she loved most over and over again?
"I'm sorry," Orm whispered shakily. "I'm really sorry."
Lingling inhaled unevenly.
Then finally turned fully toward her.
"Why are you saying sorry, Orm?"
Her voice cracked immediately.
Soft.
But devastating.
"What exactly are you apologizing for?"
Orm cried silently.
Her shoulders shook faintly while tears slipped endlessly down her cheeks.
But Lingling continued anyway.
Because if she stopped now-
she might never say any of this ever again.
"Is it because you let yourself love me for one night," Lingling whispered brokenly, "then left me alone the next morning after realizing you were still committed to Sean?"
Orm shut her eyes painfully.
Like each word physically hurt.
"Or the fact that you were too afraid to face whatever you felt... so you ignored me for weeks after that night?"
Every sentence landed brutally between them.
Because they were all true.
And neither of them could deny it anymore.
"For years," Lingling whispered shakily, "I never asked anything from you."
Tears rolled freely down her face now.
"I chose to love you silently even when it was destroying me."
Orm covered her mouth with trembling fingers while sobbing harder.
Because hearing Lingling say it out loud made everything horrifyingly real.
All the years Lingling spent loving her quietly.
Waiting quietly.
Hurting quietly.
While Orm kept taking pieces of her heart without ever fully choosing her.
"I let you go," Lingling continued weakly. "I stepped aside because I thought you were happy with him."
Her voice trembled violently afterward.
"I stayed away even when it hurt so badly I could barely breathe."
Orm lowered her head completely.
Unable to even look at her anymore.
Then Lingling whispered something so heartbreakingly soft that it nearly destroyed the entire room.
"I tried moving on from something that never even started."
A broken laugh escaped her afterward.
"Do you know how painful that is?"
Orm sobbed harder.
Because she did know.
God.
She knew now.
"And when I was finally finding my way again..."
Lingling wiped at her tears harshly.
Trying desperately to steady herself.
"You came back."
Her voice cracked completely.
"You gave me hope again only to crush it all over again."
Orm immediately shook her head desperately.
"No-"
"Is it really that easy for you to hurt me?"
Silence.
Only the sound of both of them crying quietly inside the apartment.
Because Orm had no defense left anymore.
No excuse.
No justification.
Everything Lingling said was true.
And somehow-
that made it even worse.
"Then after days of thinking..." Lingling whispered shakily, "after wondering if maybe I mattered to you too..."
She looked down slowly at the invitation again.
Gold letters blurred beneath her tears.
"I come here ready to fight for you."
Orm physically broke at those words.
Because Lingling came back for her.
Lingling chose her.
After everything.
After all the pain.
And Orm still wasn't brave enough to choose her back.
Another tear slid down Lingling's cheek.
"Only to find out you're getting married."
Orm let out a broken sob.
One hand pressed tightly against her chest like she physically couldn't breathe anymore.
Because this-
this was never how she wanted Lingling to find out.
"Damn," Lingling laughed weakly while crying. "What am I even doing?"
She shook her head slowly.
"I keep making a fool out of myself even though from the beginning..." her voice cracked again, "...you never loved me the way I loved you."
"Ling, it's not like that," Orm whispered desperately through tears.
"It's like that, Orm."
Lingling's voice wasn't angry anymore.
That was what hurt most.
It sounded exhausted.
Defeated.
"And now it's finally clear to me."
Lingling inhaled shakily before slowly standing up from the sofa.
Her legs almost looked weak beneath her.
"I should've understood this earlier."
Tears kept falling no matter how hard she tried stopping them.
"You were never mine."
Orm broke completely at those words.
A devastated sob escaped her instantly.
Because for years-
some selfish part of her truly believed Lingling would always stay.
Would always wait.
Would always understand her even when she didn't deserve it.
But now?
Now Lingling sounded like someone finally walking away emotionally.
And that terrified Orm more than losing anything else in her life ever had.
"What we had..." Lingling whispered painfully, "...was only a glimpse of me and you."
Her lips trembled badly afterward.
"An almost."
The word shattered both of them instantly.
"You were just a beautiful dream I could never have in real life."
Orm sobbed openly now.
No longer caring how broken she looked.
Because she realized she truly lost Lingling.
Not physically.
But emotionally.
The version of Lingling who waited for her endlessly.
Who stayed no matter how badly she hurt her.
Who loved her despite everything.
That version-
the version that belonged only to Orm-
was finally letting go.
Lingling stood there silently for a few more seconds after everything she said.
Breathing unevenly.
Tears still slipping quietly down her face.
Then slowly-
she fixed herself again.
Like someone trying desperately to gather the last remaining pieces of their dignity before walking away for good.
She wiped her cheeks harshly.
Adjusted her trembling hands.
Then reached for her car keys from the table nearby.
Orm immediately grabbed her wrist.
Tightly.
Desperately.
Pleadingly.
Lingling froze instantly.
Because the way Orm held her-
it felt terrified.
Like someone standing at the edge of losing everything.
And then-
Orm whispered the words that changed everything.
"I'm six weeks pregnant, Ling."