Chapter 17
The morning sky above Bangkok glowed in soft shades of pale blue and fading gold, as if the world itself had chosen to dress gently for a celebration too beautiful to ruin.
Luxury cars lined the enormous cathedral entrance one after another while elegantly dressed guests stepped carefully onto the marble pathway beneath towering white arches overflowing with cascading roses and ivory orchids.
Everything looked breathtaking.
Perfect.
The kind of wedding people would whisper about for years.
The kind young girls dreamed about.
The kind Lingling used to dream about too.
Soft violin music drifted through the cathedral halls while candlelight flickered warmly against gold-trimmed walls and polished floors. The air smelled faintly of roses, expensive perfume, and champagne.
It should have felt magical.
Instead, Lingling felt like she was drowning slowly beneath something invisible.
Inside one of the private preparation rooms, Lingling stood silently in front of the enormous mirror while stylists adjusted the sleeves of her white suit for the third time.
Triple white.
Tailored perfectly against her body.
Elegant embroidery shimmered subtly beneath the lights, delicate enough to look timeless yet expensive enough to remind everyone exactly how important this day was supposed to be.
Someone fixed the flowers near her collar.
Someone else smoothed invisible creases from her shoulders.
Another person adjusted the cuffs around her wrists carefully as if she were something fragile.
People moved around her excitedly.
Laughing.
Crying.
Celebrating.
But Lingling barely heard any of it.
Because something felt wrong.
Terribly wrong.
Her fingers trembled faintly at her sides as she stared at her reflection.
White suit.
Wedding venue.
Guests.
Flowers.
Rings.
Why was she here?
Her chest tightened painfully.
Wasn't today supposed to be Orm and Sean's wedding?
So why-
why was everyone preparing her instead?
Lingling slowly looked around the room, confusion clouding her exhausted eyes.
Nobody looked surprised.
Nobody looked concerned.
As if this made perfect sense.
As if she belonged here.
As if she had always belonged here.
Her mother stepped closer behind her and carefully adjusted the collar of her suit with visibly shaking hands.
When Lingling met her eyes through the mirror, her breath caught in her throat.
Her mother had already been crying.
Not the polite tears people shed during weddings.
These were deeper than that.
The kind of tears someone carries after witnessing years of pain finally reaching an ending.
"You look so beautifully handsome," her mother whispered softly, voice trembling with emotion.
Lingling forced herself to smile faintly.
But confusion only deepened across her face.
"Mom..." she asked quietly. "What's happening?"
Her mother's lips quivered before she smiled through tears.
"It's your wedding day sweetie."
The words struck Lingling so suddenly her heartbeat stumbled painfully inside her chest.
"...What?"
Before she could process anything, the doors burst open dramatically.
Junji stormed inside already crying dramatically, mascara slightly ruined while tissues overflowed from both hands.
"Oh my God Lingling Kwong, hurry up!" she cried emotionally. "Orm's about to walk down the aisle!"
The room erupted into soft laughter.
But Lingling froze completely.
Her entire body went still.
"...Orm, you mean Orm Kornnaphat Sethratanapong?"
Junji blinked at her in confusion.
"Yes?" she answered slowly. "Who else would marry you? Are you that excited that you're malfunctioning now?"
More laughter filled the room.
But Lingling couldn't breathe.
Because suddenly-
something inside her cracked open.
A sharp ache spread violently through her chest.
Fragments.
Memories.
Feelings.
Laughter inside late-night car rides.
Warm hands intertwined beneath restaurant tables.
Forehead kisses.
Arguments.
Crying.
Promises whispered at three in the morning.
Orm smiling sleepily against her shoulder.
Orm calling her baby.
Orm crying in her arms.
Orm saying I love you like it was the easiest thing in the world.
And suddenly the unbearable grief Lingling had carried for years felt distorted.
Wrong.
Because if those memories were real-
then what about the pain?
What about Sean?
What about losing Orm?
Why did it feel like she had spent years mourning someone who had never actually left?
Lingling stared blankly at the mirror while her breathing became uneven.
Were all those painful memories only dreams?
Had her mind created years of heartbreak that never truly happened?
Because somehow-
impossibly-
all this time, she and Orm had been together.
For nearly five years.
And today was their wedding day.
The realization hit her so hard her knees almost weakened beneath her.
Slowly-
terrifyingly slowly-
the confusion dissolved beneath something far more dangerous.
Hope.
A trembling, fragile kind of hope she had buried so deeply inside herself that even hearing Orm's name used to hurt.
The kind of hope she stopped allowing herself to feel because loving Orm had already destroyed her once before.
Lingling looked back at the mirror again.
And for the first time-
she noticed the way her hands were shaking uncontrollably.
"Ling," Fluke teased softly from the corner of the room, grinning while fixing his tie. "Are you seriously this nervous to marry Orm? Your hands are literally shaking."
A few people laughed warmly.
But Lingling could barely swallow around the lump in her throat.
"Ah..." she whispered shakily, eyes still fixed on her reflection. "I just... can't believe it's happening."
Junji immediately scoffed through tears.
"Oh, please," she complained dramatically. "You and Orm have been together for almost five years already. You still can't believe you're marrying her?"
Five years.
The words echoed painfully inside Lingling's chest.
Five years loving Orm openly.
Five years holding her hand without fear.
Five years waking up beside her.
Five years of being loved back.
Lingling smiled weakly this time.
Small.
Disbelieving.
Almost broken.
Because suddenly her chest hurt in an entirely different way.
Not from heartbreak.
But from overwhelming relief.
As if another version of herself somewhere had spent years grieving a love she never got to keep.
And this version-
this version had somehow been given mercy instead.
Her eyes slowly began filling with tears.
She imagined Orm somewhere nearby in another room, probably pacing nervously in her wedding dress.
Probably whining dramatically.
Probably crying too.
The thought alone nearly shattered Lingling completely.
Because for so long, loving Orm had always felt tragic inside her heart.
Like something beautiful destined to end painfully.
But now-
somehow-
Orm was waiting for her at the altar.
Not leaving.
Not choosing someone else.
Not disappearing.
Waiting for her.
Lingling lowered her head suddenly as tears slipped quietly down her cheeks.
Nobody teased her this time.
Because the emotion on her face looked far too raw.
Far too real.
Her mother stepped closer immediately and held her trembling hand tightly.
And Lingling finally broke.
A soft sob escaped her lips before she covered her eyes shakily, shoulders trembling beneath the pristine white suit.
"I really get to marry her?" she whispered brokenly, almost like she was afraid someone would suddenly take it away.
The room fell silent instantly.
Junji's expression crumbled as she started crying harder.
"Oh my God, now I'm crying again!"
Fluke laughed weakly while wiping his eyes.
"Too late. We're all crying now."
But Lingling barely heard them.
Because all she could think about was Orm.
Orm smiling.
Orm laughing.
Orm waiting for her at the altar wearing white.
And for the first time in what felt like an entire lifetime-
the future no longer looked empty.
-
The cathedral doors opened slowly.
Music flowed softly through the enormous church.
And somehow, Lingling found herself standing at the altar with Fluke beside her.
Waiting.
Her breathing turned uneven as she stared down the endless aisle lined with white flowers and glowing candles.
Every seat was filled with familiar faces smiling warmly toward her.
Her friends.
Her and Orm's family.
People she loved.
People who looked for them.
As if this was always supposed to happen.
"Lingling stand straight or you'll faint before your wedding starts" Fluke said jokingly.
Lingling swallowed hard.
Her fingers trembled violently around the ring resting in her palm.
Then-
the church doors opened wider.
And everything else disappeared.
Because Orm Kornnaphat walked in.
Lingling forgot how to breathe.
The entire world seemed to fall silent the moment Orm stepped beneath the light.
She wore a breathtaking white gown that looked almost unreal against her skin.
Elegant silk hugged her body perfectly while delicate crystals shimmered like scattered stars every time she moved.
A long veil framed her face softly.
Beautiful.
God.
She was so beautiful it physically hurt to look at her.
Lingling immediately felt tears sting her eyes.
Orm walked slowly down the aisle holding onto her parents' arms gently.
And she was smiling.
Not politely.
Not nervously.
Not uncertainly.
She was smiling directly at Lingling.
Like this was where she truly wanted to be.
Like Lingling was the person she had always been walking toward.
Lingling's vision blurred almost instantly.
Tears slipped down her cheeks before she even realized she was crying.
Because this-
this was the life she secretly dreamed about during sleepless nights.
The impossible future she forced herself not to imagine too deeply because wanting it felt dangerous.
Yet standing here now-
it felt natural.
Like every painful thing they endured had somehow led them back to each other.
Orm kept walking slowly.
Gracefully.
And the closer she came, the more Lingling's chest ached.
Not from pain.
From love.
Overwhelming.
Unbearable.
The kind of love that survives even after being ignored, buried, denied, and broken repeatedly.
When Orm finally stopped in front of her, Lingling broke into a shaky laugh while tears continued falling endlessly down her face.
Orm smiled immediately upon seeing her cry.
"Hey," she whispered softly, voice teasing and affectionate all at once. "You're crying already?"
Lingling laughed weakly through tears.
"You're too beautiful."
Orm's expression softened instantly.
And then gently-
she reached for Lingling's hands.
Warm.
Soft.
Real.
The simple contact nearly shattered Lingling completely.
Because after years of silence...
years of pretending...
years of watching Orm belong to someone else-
Orm was finally here.
Standing in front of her.
Choosing her.
Lingling tightened her fingers around Orm's instinctively, almost desperately, as if she was afraid this moment would disappear if she loosened her grip even slightly.
The priest began speaking softly somewhere nearby.
But Lingling barely heard him.
She could only stare at Orm.
At the tears gathering in Orm's eyes.
At the way she smiled at Lingling so tenderly it made her chest ache.
At the way their fingers intertwined naturally like they were always meant to fit together.
For the first time in years-
Lingling felt peaceful.
Truly peaceful.
Like her exhausted heart had finally found its way home.
The priest smiled warmly.
"We are gathered here today to celebrate the love between-"
BANG.
The cathedral doors slammed open violently.
The deafening sound echoed brutally across the church.
Everyone turned immediately.
Lingling's smile vanished.
Cold dread crawled slowly down her spine.
Because standing at the entrance-
was Sean.
Breathing heavily.
Eyes locked directly onto Orm.
The atmosphere shifted instantly.
The warm candlelight dimmed.
The air suddenly felt freezing.
Unstable.
Wrong.
Sean began walking slowly toward the altar.
Each step echoed sharply against the cathedral floor.
Lingling's chest tightened painfully.
"No..." she whispered instinctively.
Her grip around Orm's hands tightened immediately.
Almost pleadingly.
Sean stopped directly in front of them.
Then he looked only at Orm.
"Come with me."
The words shattered the silence like glass.
Orm's expression faltered.
Lingling immediately felt panic explode violently inside her chest.
"No."
Her voice came out weak.
Small.
Terrified.
Sean reached for Orm's hand.
And Lingling felt her entire world begin collapsing.
"No, wait-"
She tightened her grip desperately around Orm's fingers.
As if holding tighter could somehow change fate.
As if loving harder could finally make someone stay.
But somehow-
Orm's hand slowly slipped away from hers anyway.
Just like that.
Just like reality always did.
Lingling's breathing became shaky.
"No..."
Orm looked at her then.
And the look in Orm's eyes nearly destroyed her.
Sadness.
Love.
Apology.
The kind of heartbreak that says I love you, but not enough to choose you.
"I'm sorry," Orm whispered softly.
Then Sean pulled her away.
Lingling stumbled forward immediately.
"No-Orm-"
Her voice cracked so painfully it barely sounded human anymore.
The guests around them began disappearing one by one.
Chairs faded into darkness.
Flowers wilted instantly.
Candles extinguished themselves.
The cathedral decayed rapidly around her.
And Orm kept getting farther away.
Farther.
Farther.
Farther-
Lingling reached for her desperately.
But no matter how hard she tried-
she couldn't reach her.
She never could.
"Please..." Lingling sobbed brokenly. "Don't leave me..."
Orm never looked back.
Then suddenly-
Lingling woke up violently.
A shattered sob ripped from her throat as she sat upright in bed.
Her entire body trembled uncontrollably.
Sweat soaked through her shirt despite the freezing cold air conditioner humming softly nearby.
The room was dark.
Silent.
Empty.
Only faint rain tapped gently against the windows.
Lingling looked around frantically for several seconds, still trapped halfway inside the dream.
The cathedral.
The flowers.
Orm.
The warmth of her hands.
The ring.
God.
It all felt terrifyingly real.
Too real.
Then reality crashed into her all at once.
There was no wedding.
No cathedral.
No vows.
No Orm waiting for her at the altar.
Orm was still going to marry Sean.
And Lingling-
Lingling was still the person left behind.
A broken sound escaped her throat.
Tears burst uncontrollably from her eyes as she immediately covered her mouth with trembling hands, desperately trying to silence the sobs tearing through her chest.
But she couldn't stop.
Because for a few beautiful moments-
she truly believed Orm chose her.
She truly believed she was loved loudly enough to stay.
And waking up from that dream felt crueler than heartbreak itself.
Because losing Orm inside reality was already unbearable.
But losing her again after finally having her-
even if only in a dream-
destroyed something inside Lingling that she didn't think could still break.
—
The next morning, Lingling never showed up to work.
At first, nobody thought much about it.
People assumed she was simply late.
Tired.
Busy.
But as the hours passed and meetings started without her, concern slowly spread through the office.
Her co-project engineer tried calling her multiple times.
No answer.
Junji sent messages.
Delivered.
Unread.
Fluke tried next.
Straight to voicemail.
By almost noon, the entire engineering felt strangely uneasy.
Because Lingling Kwong never disappeared like this.
Not without saying anything.
Not without informing someone.
And when the news finally reached Orm inside her own office, she immediately froze.
"She didn't come in today?" Orm asked quietly.
Her workmate nodded hesitantly.
"And her phone's off."
Something cold immediately settled inside Orm's chest.
Without another word, she stood up so abruptly her chair slid backward against the floor.
Then she grabbed her car keys and left.
-
The drive to Lingling's condominium felt unbearable.
Orm kept gripping the steering wheel tighter every few seconds as anxiety slowly consumed her thoughts.
Because after last night-
after the way Lingling looked at her-
something felt terribly wrong.
The rain from dawn had already stopped, but the skies above Bangkok remained painfully gray.
Heavy.
Like the city itself was grieving with them.
Orm parked carelessly and hurried toward the elevator without even fixing her appearance.
For the first time in years, she didn't care.
Not about elegance.
Not about composure.
Not about anything except Lingling.
The elevator ride felt too slow.
Her heartbeat grew louder with every passing second.
When she finally reached Lingling's floor, she immediately walked toward the familiar door she once used to enter so naturally.
Back when she still belonged here.
Orm stared silently at the keypad for a few seconds.
Then slowly-
she typed the code.
Their birthdays combined.
1-1-2-7
The door unlocked immediately.
Orm's chest tightened painfully.
She never changed it.
Even after everything-
Lingling never changed it.
The realization alone almost made Orm cry.
Slowly, she pushed the door open.
The condominium was dim and unusually silent except for the faint sound of heavy breathing coming from deeper inside.
Then Orm stepped further in-
and froze.
Lingling stood near the living room wearing black training shorts and a soaked gray sports bra, her entire body drenched in sweat.
Her knuckles were wrapped heavily in white tape stained slightly red from excessive punching.
The punching bag hanging near the floor-to-ceiling windows still swung violently from the force of her last hit.
Her chest rose and fell harshly.
Hair messy.
Skin glistening with sweat.
Eyes exhausted.
Broken.
Lingling immediately startled upon seeing her.
For a moment, genuine shock crossed her face.
Because standing inside her condominium-
inside the only place she allowed herself to completely fall apart-
was the last person she wanted to see.
Orm.
Silence filled the room instantly.
Lingling's breathing remained uneven as she slowly pulled her gloves off.
"What are you doing here?" she asked quietly.
But her voice sounded rough.
Drained.
Like she hadn't slept at all.
Orm's eyes softened immediately upon hearing it.
"You didn't go to work," she whispered. "Your phone's off. Junji and Fluke got worried."
Lingling looked away instantly.
"I'm fine."
"You're not."
The answer came too quickly.
Too emotionally.
Lingling laughed weakly at that, but there was no humor in it.
"Since when did you become an expert on me?"
Orm visibly flinched.
Because once upon a time-
she was.
She knew everything about Lingling.
What her silence meant.
What kind of smile was fake.
What kind of exhaustion she hid behind sarcasm.
But now they stood in the same room feeling like strangers pretending not to remember how deeply they once cared and loved each other.
Lingling walked past her toward the kitchen, grabbing a towel roughly to wipe the sweat from her face.
But her hands were trembling.
Orm noticed immediately.
"You didn't sleep, did you?"
Lingling stayed quiet.
And that silence alone answered everything.
Orm's chest hurt painfully.
"Ling..."
"Don't."
The word came out sharper than intended.
Lingling closed her eyes briefly before inhaling shakily.
"I'm really tired today, Orm."
Hearing that nearly shattered something inside Orm.
Because Lingling never sounded this defeated before.
Not even during their worst fights.
Not even during the years they spent pretending they didn't secretly loved each other.
This was different.
This sounded like someone slowly giving up.
Orm stepped closer carefully.
"I just want to talk."
Lingling laughed bitterly under her breath.
"Talk about what exactly?"
Orm's eyes immediately filled with tears.
"About us."
The room fell silent again.
Lingling stared at her for several long seconds before smiling painfully.
The kind of smile that only appeared right before someone broke completely.
"There is no 'us,' Orm. There's never an 'us'."
The words landed like a knife directly into Orm's chest.
"I'll fix it," Orm whispered desperately. "Please. Just talk to me first. I'll try to fix everything."
Lingling looked at her in disbelief.
And suddenly-
she laughed.
But this time it sounded broken.
Almost cruel.
"You'll fix it? Do you here yourself?" Lingling repeated quietly.
Her eyes began turning red.
"There's a baby on the way, Orm."
Orm immediately started crying.
Lingling's voice cracked harder with every word.
"You're getting married in a week."
Orm shook her head instantly.
"Ling-"
"No." Lingling backed away immediately. "No, don't do that."
Tears finally spilled down her cheeks.
"What exactly are you trying to save now?"
Orm opened her mouth.
But no words came out.
Because right now, Lingling was right.
There was nothing left untouched by damage anymore.
Too many people were involved.
Too many promises had already been made.
And the cruelest part?
They still loved each other anyway.
Lingling wiped her tears angrily, frustrated that she was crying again.
"I can't keep doing this with you."
Her voice became smaller.
Softer.
More broken.
"You come close to me every time I finally start trying to let go."
Orm sobbed quietly.
"Because I can't let go either."
The confession shattered the remaining distance between them.
Lingling's face crumpled instantly.
For a terrifying second, Orm thought Lingling might finally walk toward her.
Might finally hold her.
Might finally break down in her arms.
Instead, Lingling stepped backward again.
Like loving Orm already hurt too much physically.
"Do you know what's ruining me the most?" Lingling whispered weakly.
Orm cried silently.
"What?"
Lingling looked directly at her.
And Orm immediately wished she hadn't asked.
"Last night," Lingling whispered shakily, "I dreamed you married me."
Orm froze.
The air left her lungs completely.
Lingling's tears fell endlessly now.
"It felt so real."
Her voice broke violently.
"You were walking toward me smiling like you actually chose me."
Orm covered her mouth immediately as sobs escaped her chest.
Lingling laughed painfully through tears.
"And then Sean came."
Orm's knees nearly gave out.
"And you left with him anyway."
Silence.
Heavy.
Crushing silence.
Lingling looked away, ashamed of how broken she sounded.
"Then I woke up."
Another shaky breath.
"And somehow that hurt more than reality."
Orm cried harder.
Because she could picture it perfectly.
Could picture Lingling waking up alone after dreaming about the one thing she wanted most but could never truly have.
"I'm sorry," Orm sobbed repeatedly. "I'm so sorry..."
Lingling shook her head weakly.
"That's the problem, Orm."
Her lips trembled violently.
"You keep apologizing like apologies still fix things."
Orm broke completely then.
Tears streamed endlessly down her face as she reached for Lingling instinctively.
But Lingling stepped away again.
"No..." Lingling whispered immediately. "Please don't."
The rejection physically hurt.
Orm slowly lowered her shaking hands.
And suddenly the condominium felt unbearably quiet except for the sound of both of them crying.
Lingling looked exhausted.
Not angry anymore.
Just tired.
So unbelievably tired.
"I loved you for so long," she whispered.
Orm shut her eyes tightly as another sob escaped her throat.
"And I think... I'm finally getting too tired to keep surviving you."
That sentence nearly destroyed Orm completely.
Because she realized then-
Lingling wasn't pushing her away out of pride anymore.
She was doing it to survive.
Lingling wiped her tears one last time before speaking softly.
"Please leave."
Orm looked at her immediately.
Broken.
"Ling..."
"Please."
Her voice cracked violently.
"I can't breathe anymore when you're near me."
Orm cried openly now.
But Lingling looked even worse.
Like every second of this conversation was slowly killing her from the inside.
"I'm tired, Orm," she whispered weakly. "I'm so tired of loving you at the wrong time."