Chapter 30
Lingling froze.
For a moment, she thought she had heard him wrong.
The words echoed inside her head over and over again, each one striking harder than the last.
The air suddenly felt heavier.
Her chest tightened.
Her fingers instinctively curled against the table.
"What...?"
The word barely escaped her lips.
Sean forced a small smile.
A sad one.
The kind people wore when they were talking about something that had nearly taken their life.
"I was diagnosed five years ago."
Lingling's breathing slowed.
Five years ago.
Five.
Years.
The number hit her harder than the diagnosis itself.
Because five years ago...
That was when everything between her and Orm had started falling apart.
Five years ago was when Orm began slipping away.
Five years ago was when Sean and Orm started dating.
Five years ago was when Lingling's heart had been shattered into pieces she never truly managed to put back together.
Her stomach dropped.
A terrible feeling began crawling through her chest.
As though she was standing at the edge of a truth she wasn't ready to hear.
Sean lowered his gaze.
"It was nearing me and Orm's first anniversary when I found out."
His voice was calm.
Too calm.
"The doctors gave me a very low chance of survival."
Lingling couldn't speak.
Couldn't move.
Couldn't even look away.
She simply listened.
Trying to understand.
Trying to connect pieces of a story she never knew existed.
Sean stared outside the café window.
The afternoon sunlight reflected against the glass.
But his eyes weren't seeing the street.
They were somewhere else.
Somewhere years ago.
Somewhere painful.
"I was terrified."
His voice became quieter.
Softer.
"I was twenty-seven years old."
A bitter laugh escaped him.
One filled with disbelief.
Even now.
Even after surviving.
"I had plans."
His eyes glistened.
"I had dreams."
Another laugh.
This time shakier.
More broken.
"I thought I had my entire life ahead of me."
His throat tightened.
Then his voice cracked.
"And then one day someone sits you down and tells you that you might not live long enough to see next year."
Lingling felt something painful squeeze around her heart.
Sean swallowed hard.
His jaw trembled.
"I remember leaving the hospital that day."
A tear slipped down his cheek.
"I sat in my car for almost three hours."
His voice dropped lower.
"I couldn't drive."
Another tear followed.
"I couldn't breathe."
His shoulders shook slightly.
"I kept thinking about everything I was going to lose."
His eyes slowly closed.
"My parents."
A pause.
"My future."
Another pause.
"The possibility of having children."
His lips trembled.
"My future with Orm."
The silence between them became unbearable.
"I tried so hard to look okay whenever I was with Orm."
His voice cracked again.
"Because even back then... I knew she was carrying something."
Lingling looked up.
Sean laughed weakly.
A broken laugh.
"I didn't know what it was."
He shook his head.
"But I could see it."
His eyes became distant.
"She would smile."
A pause.
"She would laugh."
Another pause.
"But there were moments..."
His voice softened.
"Moments when she thought nobody was looking."
His eyes filled with tears.
"And she looked completely shattered."
Lingling felt her chest tighten painfully.
Sean rubbed his eyes.
Trying to stop the tears.
Failing miserably.
"I was dying, Lingling."
The words came out broken.
Raw.
Honest.
"I was genuinely dying."
The confession seemed to suck all the air from the room.
For several seconds neither of them spoke.
The sounds of cups clinking.
The conversations around them.
The soft music playing in the café.
Everything faded away.
Only Sean's voice remained.
Only his pain.
Only years of suffering finally being spoken aloud.
Then Sean looked at her.
Directly.
The way someone looked at another person before saying something that could change everything.
"Lingling."
The way he said her name made her heart stop.
"There is something you need to know."
His voice trembled.
"And I hope..."
He swallowed hard.
"I hope this isn't too late."
A painful smile appeared on his face.
"I should've done this a long time ago."
Something inside Lingling immediately tensed.
Fear.
Hope.
Dread.
All at once.
Sean inhaled shakily.
Then finally spoke.
"Do you know why Orm disappeared from your life years ago?"
The question alone hurt.
Lingling's fingers tightened around her coffee cup.
Because for four years...
That question had haunted her.
Every morning.
Every night.
Every birthday.
Every holiday.
Every achievement.
Every lonely moment.
Every time she looked at the empty space beside her.
Why?
Why had Orm left?
Why had she stopped fighting?
Why had she walked away?
Why had she let them go?
Sean's voice became barely above a whisper.
"Because she thought she had to choose."
Lingling frowned.
Her heart pounding louder.
"Choose what?"
Sean looked at her.
Through tears.
Through guilt.
Through years of secrets.
And finally answered.
"Between the woman she loved..."
His voice cracked.
"...and the pressure of the moment."
Lingling felt the blood drain from her face.
Sean continued.
Slowly.
Painfully.
As though every word weighed a thousand pounds.
"Orm was carrying everything at once."
His eyes lowered.
"The unplanned pregnancy."
A pause.
"My marriage proposal."
Another pause.
"My family's expectations."
His voice trembled.
"The people around us."
Then tears rolled down his face.
"And the worst part..."
He closed his eyes.
"My cancer."
Lingling stopped breathing.
Sean shook his head.
His shoulders trembling.
"I never meant to put Orm in that situation."
His voice shattered completely.
"God..."
A sob escaped him.
"For years..."
Another sob.
"I've carried that guilt."
He covered his face briefly.
Trying to compose himself.
Trying to hold himself together.
Failing.
"I loved her."
His voice was barely audible.
"And because I loved her..."
A tear slid down his jaw.
"I unknowingly became another burden she had to carry."
The world seemed to stop.
Lingling couldn't hear the café anymore.
Only the sound of her own heartbeat.
Loud.
Painful.
Terrified.
Sean looked away.
Ashamed.
Broken.
A man who had survived cancer.
Yet still couldn't survive the guilt.
"I can say all of this because I was there."
His voice trembled.
"I watched it happen."
Another tear fell.
"And I'm part of the reason we're all sitting here today."
Lingling couldn't move.
Couldn't speak.
Couldn't even process everything she was hearing.
Then Sean looked back at her.
His eyes red.
Filled with regret.
Filled with years of remorse.
And finally—
he said the words that shattered everything she thought she knew.
"And Lingling..."
His voice shook violently.
"You're wrong."
Lingling stared at him.
Confused.
Lost.
Broken.
Sean held her gaze.
"You didn't destroy my family."
Lingling froze.
Sean's lips trembled.
"Orm didn't betray me."
A sob escaped him.
"We were already breaking long before that."
The words struck her like lightning.
Her mind went blank.
Because for four years—
she had carried the blame of the pain she knew both her and Orm carried.
For four years—
she had hated herself for loving someone she wasn't supposed to love.
And now...
Now Sean was telling her that everything she believed was wrong.
That the story she had spent years punishing herself over...
Wasn't the truth.
Not even close.
Lingling felt her entire body go cold.
And for the first time since this conversation started—
she realized she knew absolutely nothing about what had really happened four years ago.
Nothing at all.
— —
Sean sat in silence for what felt like an eternity.
His hands were clasped so tightly together beneath the table that the veins on the back of them had become visible. His knuckles were drained of color, as though he were holding onto the last fragile pieces of himself.
The café remained alive around them.
Coffee machines hissed.
Cups clinked against saucers.
People laughed at nearby tables.
But to Sean...
everything sounded distant.
Muted.
As though the world had moved on while he had remained trapped in a single chapter of his life for the last four years.
When he finally spoke, his voice was barely audible.
A whisper.
Soft.
Fragile.
Like someone who had repeated these memories to himself so many times that every word had slowly carved wounds into his soul.
"Lingling..."
He swallowed.
"Do you remember your birthday in Khon Kaen... four years ago?"
Lingling slowly lifted her eyes.
She nodded.
Of course she remembered.
How could she ever forget?
Sean stared at the untouched coffee in front of him.
His reflection trembled in the dark surface.
"Orm wanted to talk to me that day..."
"...right after she came back from seeing you."
His fingers tightened around one another.
"I told her I couldn't come because I was in Japan..."
He let out a hollow laugh.
"...working on an architectural project."
The laugh carried no amusement.
Only regret.
"It was a lie."
A long silence followed.
Sean finally looked at Lingling.
His eyes were already glistening.
"The truth..."
His lips trembled.
"...was that I was at the hospital."
Lingling's breath caught inside her throat.
Sean forced a smile.
One that never reached his eyes.
"I was getting treatment."
Another pause.
"My cancer..."
He closed his eyes for a moment.
"...had already started getting worse."
The words settled heavily between them.
Sean looked somewhere beyond the café windows, lost in memories he wished he could forget.
"I didn't know it back then."
His voice cracked.
"I didn't know Orm had already decided."
His breathing became uneven.
"I didn't know she had already chosen you."
A tear escaped before he could stop it.
He laughed quietly.
Brokenly.
"I thought..."
He wiped his face.
"I thought we still had a chance."
Lingling felt something twist painfully inside her chest.
Sean lowered his head.
"I thought if I survived..."
"...if I came home..."
"...if I fought hard enough..."
"...we could still fix us."
His shoulders trembled.
"But when I got home..."
His voice broke.
"I wasn't thinking about losing Orm."
"I wasn't even thinking about us anymore."
He looked up.
His eyes were filled with fear.
"I was thinking about dying."
Lingling's fingers instinctively curled around her own cup.
Sean inhaled shakily.
"The doctors had just told me my condition was progressing faster than expected."
"They said my best chance of surviving was a bone marrow transplant."
"They couldn't promise me anything even with that surgery."
"They couldn't even promise I'd still be alive a year later."
His voice became smaller.
"I was only twenty-eight."
A painful smile appeared.
"I had spent my entire life drawing buildings that were supposed to outlive me..."
He laughed bitterly.
"...and suddenly I wasn't even sure if I'd make it to my next birthday."
His eyes filled again.
"Every appointment felt like another countdown."
"Every phone call from the hospital made my heart stop."
"I kept wondering..."
"How much time do I have left?"
"How many sunsets?"
"How many mornings?"
"How many chances to tell the people I love that I love them?"
His voice shattered.
"I was terrified."
The confession came out stripped of pride.
There was no mask left.
Only a frightened young man who had been forced to face death far too early.
Then...
His expression changed.
Softened.
As if someone had lit a candle inside an otherwise dark room.
"When I walked into Orm's apartment..."
A faint smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
"I saw something lying on the table."
His eyes drifted somewhere far away.
"I almost walked past it."
"It was just..."
"...a tiny black-and-white picture."
He laughed softly.
"I stared at it for almost a minute because I couldn't understand what I was looking at."
Then his smile crumbled.
"And then..."
His eyes overflowed.
"It hit me."
"There was a baby."
Lingling pressed her lips together.
Sean wiped away another tear.
"It wasn't planned."
He chuckled weakly.
"God..."
"It really wasn't."
"We'd both been drinking that night."
"Our relationship was already falling apart. Orm is with me but I felt like she's nowhere near me."
"When we woke up that morning, we argued."
"We almost ended everything because we crossed the line with both of us were too much intoxicated by alcohol."
He shook his head.
"But when I saw that sonogram..."
His hand slowly rose to his chest.
"...something inside me changed."
"For the first time in months..."
"...I wasn't thinking about cancer."
"I wasn't thinking about chemotherapy."
"I wasn't thinking about death."
His voice became almost inaudible.
"I was thinking..."
"...I'm going to be somebody's father."
The sentence broke him.
His shoulders shook as tears streamed freely down his face.
"Suddenly hope ignites in me. I wanted to live."
His voice cracked so violently that Lingling felt her own heart splinter.
"I wanted more time."
"I wanted to hear my baby laugh."
"I wanted to carry him on my shoulders."
"I wanted to teach him how to ride a bicycle."
"I wanted to watch him scrape his knees and tell him he'd be okay."
"I wanted to embarrass him during school performances."
"I wanted to complain about homework."
"I wanted to lose sleep because of midnight fevers."
"I wanted all the ordinary things people complain about..."
He laughed through tears.
"...because ordinary suddenly became everything."
Lingling couldn't stop crying anymore.
Sean smiled through his own tears.
"My mother was with me that day."
"She cried harder than I did."
He chuckled softly.
"She immediately started planning everything."
"The nursery."
"The wedding."
"The baby shower."
"The future."
He looked down.
"And for the first time since hearing the word cancer..."
"I allowed myself to dream again."
A long silence followed.
Then Sean continued.
"When Orm came home that evening..."
"My family and I surprised her."
"There were flowers."
"There was food."
"There was music."
"There was a ring."
His smile disappeared.
"I thought I was giving her happiness."
His voice trembled.
"I thought I was giving us forever."
His eyes closed.
"But I didn't know..."
He slowly shook his head.
"I didn't know she already felt trapped."
"I didn't know she'd spent months convincing herself to love me the way she loved you."
"I didn't know she'd already made peace with letting me go."
"I didn't know..."
His voice barely existed now.
"...that her heart had never really left you."
Sean wiped his tears before continuing.
"Two weeks after your birthday..."
"You came to our apartment."
"When Orm asked me to leave so the two of you could talk..."
"I felt something."
"I didn't know what."
"But I felt it."
"When I came back..."
"I found Orm sitting on the floor."
His breathing became uneven again.
"I had never seen her cry like that."
"Not once."
"It wasn't ordinary crying."
"It was the kind of crying that happens when someone loses the only person they've ever truly loved."
He looked away.
"I honestly thought someone had died."
Lingling's tears flowed silently.
Sean smiled sadly.
"After she finally calmed down..."
"We talked."
He inhaled deeply.
"She apologized."
"Again."
"And again."
"And again."
His voice cracked.
"She looked me in the eyes and said..."
He closed his eyes.
"'Because no matter how much I've tried... my heart still belongs to Lingling.'"
Lingling gasped softly.
"'I'm tired of pretending.'"
"'I'm tired of running.'"
"'I'm tired of lying to myself.'"
"'I love her.'"
Sean smiled painfully.
"Orm told me she'd already thought everything through."
"When the baby was born..."
"We would raise our child together."
"We would be co-parents."
"You would never lose your right as a father, she said."
"But..."
He swallowed.
"'I can't be your wife.'"
Silence.
"Did it hurt?"
Sean whispered.
Then answered himself.
"Of course it did."
He laughed bitterly.
"I loved her."
"I loved our unborn child."
"I loved the family I thought we'd building."
"But..."
He looked at Lingling.
"I couldn't chain someone to me just because she carried my child."
"I couldn't ask her to spend the rest of her life pretending."
"So..."
"I let her go."
His smile trembled.
"I agreed."
"We arranged dinner with both our families."
"We were going to announce that the wedding was cancelled."
Sean's eyes became distant.
"But life..."
He laughed softly.
"...had one more cruel joke prepared for us."
His breathing grew heavier.
"After dinner..."
"I collapsed."
"My body finally gave up."
"I was rushed straight back to the hospital."
Lingling closed her eyes.
"As if that wasn't enough..."
Sean whispered.
"That same night..."
"Orm found out about my cancer."
Silence.
A silence so heavy it felt impossible to breathe through.
Sean's voice became hoarse.
"My family begged her."
"They told her I needed treatment immediately."
"They told her the inheritance my grandfather left me would only be released after I got married."
"They said without it..."
"I wouldn't be able to afford everything."
"My mother..."
His lips trembled.
"...fell to her knees."
Lingling's eyes widened.
Sean nodded slowly.
"She begged Orm."
"She begged the woman who had just confessed she loved someone else."
"She begged her to marry me anyway."
"To save me."
"To save her son."
His tears returned.
"And Orm..."
He smiled sadly.
"...said yes."
"Not because she stopped loving you."
"Not because she suddenly chose me" .
"Not because she changed her heart."
He looked straight into Lingling's eyes.
"She said yes because that's who Orm is."
"She carries everyone's pain..."
"...even if it means burying her own."
"We got married after that."
His smile was filled with sorrow.
"And from that day forward..."
"She never left."
"Not once."
"She attended every consultation."
"Every blood extraction."
"Every MRI."
"Every CT scan."
"Every chemotherapy cycle."
"Every hospital admission."
"There were days I couldn't even walk."
"There were nights I couldn't stop vomiting."
"There were mornings I was too weak to hold a spoon."
"There were weeks when I lost so much weight I barely recognized myself."
"And every single time..."
"She was there."
Lingling could almost see it.
Orm...
Sleeping upright beside a hospital bed.
Holding Sean's hand while pretending not to cry.
Skipping meals.
Forgetting herself.
Living only for someone else's survival.
Sean's voice shook.
"There were nights I woke up screaming..."
"Convinced I was dying."
"She'd immediately grab my hand."
"And she'd whisper..."
'You're okay.'
'I'm here.'
'You're not alone.'
He smiled weakly.
"Even though..."
"...she was just as terrified."
He lowered his head.
"The hardest part wasn't the cancer."
"It wasn't the pain."
"It wasn't the chemotherapy."
"It wasn't losing my hair."
"It wasn't the surgeries."
He looked at Lingling again.
"It was realizing..."
"...that the woman saving my life..."
"...was quietly breaking her own heart every single day."
Lingling's tears fell endlessly now.
Sean's voice almost disappeared.
"Please..."
"I'm begging you."
"Hear her Lingling."
"Hear everything."
"Because she never wanted to hurt you."
"None of this happened because she stopped loving you."
He shook his head.
"No."
"She loved too much."
"For me."
"For Liam."
"For our families."
"For you."
"For everyone..."
"...except herself."
His eyes closed.
"And little by little..."
"...she disappeared."
Another silence settled between them.
Sean finally whispered—
"No matter how hard she tried..."
"No matter how much she convinced herself she'd moved on..."
"No matter how deeply she buried her feelings..."
"There was always..."
"...someone else living inside her heart."
Lingling stopped breathing.
Sean looked directly into her eyes.
His own filled with tears.
"That person..."
"...was you."
Everything became still.
The sounds around them disappeared.
The café disappeared.
Time itself seemed to stop.
Sean looked away.
Ashamed.
Broken.
Utterly exhausted.
"It's always been you."
His voice was no louder than the wind.
"Orm never stopped loving you."
The words struck Lingling harder than any goodbye ever could.
Sean swallowed.
Then whispered—
"And do you know the worst part?"
His smile broke.
"I knew."
A tear slid down his cheek.
"I knew the entire time."
Lingling's vision blurred.
Sean laughed.
Softly.
Pathetically.
Like a man laughing at his own heartbreak because there was nothing else left to do.
"I wasn't competing against another man."
"I wasn't competing against another relationship."
"I wasn't even competing against the present."
He smiled through tears.
"I was competing against a memory."
A long pause.
"And memories..."
"...don't grow old."
"They don't change."
"They don't disappoint."
"They stay perfect."
His shoulders shook.
"And I lost."
Silence.
Then Sean whispered—
"Do you know what hurts the most?"
Lingling couldn't answer.
Sean smiled sadly.
"She didn't choose me because she loved me more."
"She stayed because she believed she'd already lost you."
"She thought there was no road leading back to you."
"So she punished herself."
"Every day."
"For hurting you."
"For hurting me."
"For failing herself."
He inhaled deeply.
As though finally setting down a burden he had carried alone for four long years.
"And Lingling..."
His voice softened.
"I'm not Orm's husband anymore."
Lingling slowly looked at him.
"We've been divorced for a long time."
"We're just Liam's parents now."
A genuine smile finally appeared.
Small.
Peaceful.
Healing.
"And I think..."
"...the rest of the story..."
"...belongs to Orm."
Lingling stared at him through blurred eyes.
"Sean..."
Her voice trembled.
"I'm sorry."
"I don't even know what to say."
Sean smiled gently.
"You don't have to."
"You can't untangle four years of pain in a single afternoon."
He looked out the café window.
Sunlight spilled across the pavement.
"I only wanted to do one thing."
He looked back at her.
"I wanted to give Orm back the chance she gave everyone else."
His eyes glistened.
"I should've told you all of this years ago."
Then, after a brief silence—
"Thank you."
Lingling frowned through her tears.
"For what?"
Sean's smile became warmer.
"For coming back."
His gaze drifted toward the bright afternoon outside.
"Because now..."
His voice became lighter than it had been since they sat down.
"...I don't have to worry about her anymore."
A quiet chuckle escaped him.
"So many nights..."
"I prayed that someday she'd smile the way she used to."
"I prayed someone would love her enough to let her stop pretending."
His eyes met Lingling's once more.
"I always knew that person wasn't me."
He smiled.
"It was you."
"I'm sorry it took me years to tell you this. I'm truly sorry for everything."
A tear slipped down Lingling's cheek.
Sean stood slowly from his chair.
He picked up his coat.
"Liam's probably looking for me by now."
He laughed softly.
"He gets upset if I stay away too long."
Lingling nodded, unable to trust her own voice.
Sean looked at her one last time.
"Take care of yourself, Lingling. And thank you for a chance to tell you all this. May your love this time heals both of you."
"You too Sean. Thank you for telling me."
He gave a small nod.
Then turned around.
And walked away.
Back to Liam.
Back to the quiet life he had rebuilt from the ruins of the one he once dreamed of.
Lingling remained standing.
She watched until he disappeared beyond the café door.
Until there was nothing left to see.
Only then did she realize her cheeks were still soaked with tears.
For the first time in four years...
she finally understood.
Not everything.
Not yet.
But enough.
Enough to realize that the story she had clung to for four painful years...
had never been the whole truth.
Not even close.