Chapter 40
The confession settled between them like something sacred.
Not loud.
Not dramatic.
There were no grand gestures, no carefully chosen words left to soften the blow of the truth.
Just silence.
A terrible, fragile silence that seemed to hold the weight of four lost years between them.
Lingling stared at Orm.
Really stared at her.
And for the first time in years, she wasn't looking at the woman she had convinced herself had abandoned her.
She wasn't looking at the woman she had thought chose someone else cause she's not enough.
She wasn't looking at the person she had spent countless nights trying to forget.
She was looking at Orm.
The woman she had loved.
The woman who had loved her back.
The woman who, somehow, had never stopped.
The woman who sacrificed herself just for others to be okay.
Every misunderstanding Lingling had carried for four years suddenly felt different.
Every unanswered question.
Every birthday she had spent wondering why Orm never came back and chose her.
Every Christmas when she had secretly hoped for a message.
Every important dates she pretended not to remember.
Every photograph she had refused to look at for too long because one glimpse of Orm's face could undo an entire day of pretending she was fine.
Every moment she had allowed anger to protect her from missing someone she still desperately loved.
They all came crashing down at once.
And underneath all that anger...
There had never been hatred.
Only love.
A love that had been wounded so deeply that neither of them had known how to touch it without bleeding.
Orm slowly lowered her eyes.
Her confession had taken everything from her.
Every memory she had buried.
Every secret she had protected.
Every sacrifice she had made without asking for recognition.
Every night she had cried alone.
Every morning she had woken up and forced herself to continue living as though a part of her heart hadn't been left behind four years ago.
She had told Lingling everything.
Not because she wanted sympathy.
Not because she wanted to be forgiven.
But because after four years of silence, she finally couldn't bear the thought of Lingling continuing to believe that she had stopped loving her.
She had loved her.
She had always loved her.
Even when she walked away.
Especially when she walked away and chose someone else.
She remembered the birthdays.
The ones she celebrated from a distance.
The cakes she baked and gave anonymously.
The flowers she sent without a name.
The photographs she looked at when she couldn't sleep.
The places she avoided because they reminded her too much of Lingling.
The songs she stopped listening to because they belonged to another life.
The prayers she whispered into the darkness, asking God to take care of Lingling even if she could no longer do it herself.
She remembered every silent goodbye.
Every time she wanted to turn around.
Every time she nearly called.
Every time her fingers hovered over Lingling's name on her phone before she forced herself to put it away.
Because loving Lingling had eventually become an act of restraint.
An act of surrender.
An act of choosing Lingling's peace over her own happiness.
And Lingling finally understood.
The silence hadn't meant Orm didn't care.
The distance hadn't meant Orm had moved on.
The years apart hadn't meant their love had died.
They had been born from something much more painful.
Love.
Love that had been asked to carry far more than any heart should ever endure.
Lingling's lips parted, but no words came.
Her eyes burned.
Then the tears came again.
One after another.
Slowly at first.
Then endlessly.
She wiped them away, almost instinctively, but it was useless.
More followed.
And with every tear, another piece of the story finally fell into place.
She remembered how angry she had been.
How lost and devastated she was.
How betrayed she had felt.
How many times she had asked herself why Orm could simply walk away.
Why Orm had chosen silence then marry someone else.
Why she had never fought harder.
Why she had allowed Lingling to believe that she wasn't worth fighting for.
But now...
Now Lingling knew.
And the truth hurt more than the lie ever could.
Because the hardest truth to bear was realizing that while she had been drowning in her own sorrow, Orm had been quietly bleeding to keep the rest of the world afloat.
Orm had been hurting too.
Maybe even more than Lingling ever knew.
And she had hidden it.
Not because she didn't trust Lingling.
Not because she didn't love her enough to tell her.
But because she had loved her enough to carry the pain alone.
Lingling's chest tightened.
You weren't trying to abandon me.
The realization struck her with devastating force.
You were trying to save me.
She closed her eyes.
A broken breath escaped her.
How terrifying...
And how beautiful...
To learn that the truth had never been hidden to hurt her.
It had been hidden to shield her.
Orm had taken the weight of the world onto her own shoulders so Lingling wouldn't have to carry it.
She had allowed herself to be misunderstood because she thought misunderstanding was a smaller price than watching Lingling break.
She had allowed Lingling to hate her if it meant Lingling could eventually heal.
She had sacrificed being understood.
She had sacrificed being remembered correctly.
She had sacrificed the possibility of being loved openly.
All so Lingling could have a chance at peace.
And suddenly, Lingling understood something she wished she had understood four years earlier.
Sometimes, the ultimate act of love wasn't staying.
Sometimes, it wasn't fighting.
Sometimes, it was being misunderstood while quietly saving the people you loved.
And Orm had done exactly that.
For years.
Alone.
Lingling looked at her again.
Orm was still staring at the floor.
Her shoulders were trembling.
She looked exhausted.
Not physically.
Something deeper.
As if four years of pretending to be strong had finally caught up with her.
Lingling's heart shattered.
Because she knew that expression.
She had worn it herself.
It was the face of someone who had survived something they never wanted to survive.
"Orm..."
Her voice broke.
Orm slowly looked up.
Their eyes met.
And for a moment, neither of them said anything.
There were simply too many things between them.
Too many words.
Too many years.
Too much love.
Orm swallowed hard.
"I never stopped waiting."
The words were barely above a whisper.
But Lingling heard them.
She heard every syllable.
She heard the four years hidden inside them.
"I never stopped loving you."
Lingling's breath hitched.
Orm's eyes filled again.
"I just thought..."
She paused.
Her lips trembled.
"...loving you meant letting you heal without me."
That was it.
That sentence broke whatever was left of Lingling's heart.
A sob escaped her before she could stop it.
She covered her mouth.
Her entire body trembled.
Because suddenly she could see it.
She could see Orm standing alone on every birthday.
She could see her staring at a phone that never rang.
She could see her baking cakes for someone who didn't know they were from her.
She could see her smiling for everyone else while secretly breaking apart.
She could see every moment Orm chose to stay away.
And for the first time, Lingling understood that Orm hadn't been walking away from their love.
She had been walking away while carrying it.
Carrying every memory.
Every promise.
Every dream.
Every piece of Lingling she couldn't bear to leave behind.
Lingling shook her head.
"No..."
Her voice cracked.
"No, Orm..."
Orm looked at her through tears.
Lingling took a trembling breath.
"I thought you stopped loving me and chose your life with Sean and Liam."
Orm's face crumpled.
"I could never."
The answer came immediately.
Without hesitation.
As if it had been waiting four years to be spoken.
Lingling let out another broken sob.
"I thought you chose a life without me."
"I was trying to give you a life where you could breathe because I hurt you a lot."
"But I couldn't breathe without you."
Orm's tears spilled over.
"I know."
"Then why did you leave and chose to carry it alone?"
"Because I loved you."
Lingling stared at her.
Orm's voice broke.
"And because I loved you, I couldn't keep asking you to hurt with me."
That was the cruelest part.
There had never been a villain between them.
No betrayal.
No lack of love.
No secret desire to move on.
Only two women who loved each other so desperately that they had both made decisions they thought would protect the other.
And in trying to save each other...
They had lost four years.
Four years they could never get back.
Four years of birthdays.
Four years of mornings.
Four years of ordinary moments that should have belonged to them.
Four years of holding hands.
Four years of falling asleep beside each other.
Four years of stupid arguments that would have ended in laughter.
Four years of kisses.
Four years of saying I love you without being afraid that tomorrow would take it away.
Four years.
Gone.
Lingling looked at Orm and realized that this was the grief she had never known how to name.
She wasn't only grieving the past.
She was grieving the future they could have had.
The little moments they would never recover.
The memories that would forever exist only in the version of their lives that never happened.
And that hurt.
God, it hurt.
Lingling wiped her cheeks, but her hands were shaking too badly.
"I am so sorry."
Orm immediately shook her head.
"No."
"I should have listened to you that day."
"Please..."
"I should have given you the chance and asked you."
Orm's tears continued falling.
"I should have fought for you when you can't fight for us cause the world is demanding everything from you."
"Please, Lingling."
"I should have known. God, I'm so blind with my own hurt."