T H I R T Y
I woke in his arms. Both of us were in the same clothes as if he never left me. As if I had any doubt that he had.
The negative test sat on the nightstand.
I found myself blankly staring at it.
Lying on my side, the heat of his body embraced mine, yet a shiver clung to my fingertips.
Almost willing it to change.
Hating myself for feeling relief and devastation.
Both emotions fighting a battle inside me that has no solution but time.
I turn, and I find him watching me.
Analyzing every breath I took, waiting for me to be the one to speak first. He waited for me to take the lead, maybe unsure how to approach the delicate subject.
Silence rests between us, though it is filled with all the words we both want to say as I bury my face in his chest, inhaling his scent.
He kisses my hair.
“I’m sad,” I confess. “I… I wanted—”
“Banks… Look at me.”
It takes a moment but I do.
I’m met with the warmest gaze, mapping my pores and ridges.
“It’s okay to be relieved and sad at the same time. We have our entire lives to have babies. When it’s meant to happen, it will. ”
“Are you?” I must know. “Relieved or sad?”
“Both.”
“Both,” I echo.
“The timing isn’t ideal, but I would have found a way to make everything okay,” he vows. “I swear it.”
“I don’t want to try for a baby,” I tell him. “But if it happens…”
“We do it,” he comforts me. “Together, because we love each other and I can’t fathom a better mother for my children.”
“I love you.” I touch my lips to his. “I love you so much, Charlie. I want this with you—”
“You deserve more and I will do everything in my power to make sure you get it before I make you a mom.”
“We both do.” My voice nearly cracks, knowing he truly does mean just me.
“Not now, but someday,” he whispers. “Someday you’re going to have our babies and I’ll never be happier.”
“Someday.”
I started my period two days later, and I nursed every cramp with hot chocolate and a heating pad on Charlie’s balcony.
“It’s a new moon tonight,” Charlie tells me, handing me a box of takeout.
“What are new moons good for?”
“Fresh start,” he grins. “Wishes.”
“What’s your fresh start, Next-Door-Charlie?” I grin back .
He tips his nose up to the clear sky. “There’s nothing I would change in this moment.”
“Not a single thing?”
“No.”
“What about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow will no longer be a new moon.”
“Touchè.”
He smirks at me.
“Well…” he drawls after a beat. “There might be one thing I’d like to change.”
“And what is that?”
He pushes some noodles around with the chopsticks I broke for him.
“What would you say to maybe…” He inhales before lifting his gaze to meet mine. “Maybe moving in with me.”
His question doesn’t catch me off guard. Logically it was the next step in our relationship. As it is, my place is overrun with Perry and I wouldn't wish it to be any other way, but sleeping next to Charlie each night had become more the norm than not. What difference did it make if my belongings also rested each night in the same apartment?
“I could look at a bigger unit,” he continues. “Enough room for your books and the new editions to the ever-growing collection.”
Bribery.
As if he needs it.
Charlie wiggles a brow at me as he speaks.
“Are we going to make it a big thing?” I ask lightly. “Or can I just start shuffling things over here and there?”
His face stopped moving as if he expected he would need to convince me, almost taken by how calmly I responded .
“I basically live with you already,” I add. “I can keep my apartment with Perry living there and—”
“Stay with me,” he finishes. “Forever?”
There’s a bit of smug tone beneath that final word but we both knew exactly where I wanted to spend my forever.
Beside him.