T H I R T Y - T W O
I knock my head back as my body sways to the music. My neck is covered in a sheen as a careless grin covers my lips. Perry's fingers twirl in mine as our hair creates curtains around us. I don't even care that every guy in the room is staring her down. I've missed this. I’ve missed this version of Perry. The carefree, ball of happy.
“I've freaking missed this!” she cheers as if she read my mind, throwing her hands into the air. Her eyes closed as she turned her head up with a bright smile.
An arm snakes around my waist just then, and I lean my head back with my own smile. His eyes hooded as he presses his hips into my ass, swaying with me.
“Where's Kai?” I ask him as he lowers his ear to my mouth.
“Bathroom,” he replies.
I nod as I reach for Perry again, sandwiching myself into between the two of them. Charlie isn't nearly as flamboyant as Perry is, simply moving his body with mine like a pair of magnets. He turns me after a while, pulling my chest to his, hard enough that I almost bounce back. He presses his thigh between mine as he drops a kiss against the damp skin of my neck.
My arms wrap around his, pulling him in tighter. I feel his tongue trail up my jawline.
“Charlie,” I warn, and he nips at the soft skin just under my ear .
“Come here!” I hear Perry yell, turning my head. I expected her to be talking to me, but she wasn't, as my brother appeared from behind another moving body.
“I don't dance,” comes from his mouth. I’m able to piece it together by reading his lips and catching the end of the word dance.
“Tough shit.” Perry grabs his hand.
I stare at the two of them, knowing it's harmless. If anything they would kill each other before any romantic kind of feelings developed.
Perry isn't grinding on my brother by any means, but the look on his face is priceless, a mixture of disgust and shame.
His eyes find Charlie and I, as he tries to lean away from her, but stays close enough to keep anyone else from stepping in.
I shake my head with a smirk on my lips, and he relaxes a bit.
Telling Kai that Charlie and I are together was an interesting interaction. He wasn't surprised, in fact, I think he was expecting it to happen at some point, but I would have thought my older brother would have been a bit more protective over me dating his friend. He didn't even give Charlie the speech. You know the one I'm talking about. He acted as if we told him something as simple as we should order takeout for dinner.
Now my best friend is using him as a surrogate for me, and he is as frigid as an icicle.
When I turn back to Charlie, he is looking off into the distance with a narrow eye.
“What is it?” I ask him .
“Nothing,” he replies softly but still continues to stare. I attempt to follow his gaze, but my height inadequacy makes it difficult in the mesh of bodies.
“Just give me a second,” he swallows, dipping his head to kiss my cheek.
“Wh—”
He's gone before I can finish a sentence.
“What was that?” I hear Perry holler.
“I don't know,” I respond with a concerned glance.
“What happened?” Kai asks Perry, but I don't hear her response as I search for Charlie. Pushing my way through the crowd on the dance floor, I find myself turning in circles without so much of a glimpse of him.
It's not as if he's a small person, Charlie tends to stick out, yet I can’t get a single glance.
“Hey.” My brother touches my arm. “What's going on?”
“I don't know,” I continue to whip around in search of Charlie. “He just—kind of— disappeared .”
Kai frowns, pushing some of his floppy hair from his face.
Perry stands behind him, moving to my side. “Why don't you go check the bathroom?” she suggests to Kai.
He cracks his neck but nods.
Perry waits till Kai is gone to speak. “What just happened?” Her light eyes boring into mine. “Really?”
“I don't know,” I insist. “He was just staring at something and then left.”
“Does he do that a lot?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“What the hell,” she murmurs.
Both of us are a bit dumbfounded, unsure what to do next .
“Well...” A voice laced with cockiness appeared from behind me, causing Perry and I to both look over my shoulder. “Aren't you two some of the hottest girls in here?”
He's not alone, two other men stand a step behind him. He looks about Kai's age. Hair the color of snow and a pretty boy grin. If what just came out of his mouth wasn't so repulsive, he might have been attractive.
“Not interested but thanks,” Perry quickly raps.
This is her territory and I happily let her take the lead while I keep surveying the room.
“Oh, come on now,” he singsongs, stepping closer. His lean but muscular body quickly invaded my space. “Let me buy you a drink.” His breath now brushing my hair as I shoot forward into Perry.
I take a more concentrated look, seeing the remnants of a black eye under his right one.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” I echo.
He had been eyeing Perry till I spoke and his eyes landed on me. “You know,” he darkly grins. “I've tasted nearly all the flavors of the world and I would very much like to add you.”
I think my cheeks turned green.
“Get out of here, asshole,” Perry barks. “We aren't interested. Take the hint.”
I grab Perry’s hand and turn to yank her away when I run right into Charlie's chest. His arms defensively wrapping around me, but he isn't looking at me at all.
“ Get out of here,” Charlie mutters in a tone so cold, I wouldn't believe it came from his mouth if I hadn't just witnessed it .
The guy chuckles, along with his friends. “I didn't realize she'd been claimed.” He holds his hands up innocently. “Should have known you liked rice balls, Barnes.”
I shoot him a glare.
He continues to laugh as he finally walks away. Charlie watches him go, protectively towering over me.
“Wha—”
“Are you two alright?” he interrupts me, shooting Perry a glance before tipping his eyes down to me.
“Fine,” Perry answers. “He was just being a dick. You know him or something?”
“Something,” Charlie sighs, still staring down at me because I'd yet to speak.
I pull myself from him. “What was that about?”
“It's nothing.”
“Didn't look like nothing,” Perry mutters as I cross my arms.
“There you are.” Kai dashes toward us. “Where'd you go?”
“Nowhere,” Charlie says causally to Kai before attempting to reach out to me again. “Banks?”
I shake my head. “I need some air.”
My body whips around before he can stop me. I needed a minute. It had been so easy to bury down the tidbits of Charlie's life that raised suspicion but right now, I was going to lose it.
Black eyes and busted lips seem to run in his circles and now, I can't let it go.
“Banks.”
I had just stepped outside when Perry ducked out of the club behind me .
“What's going on?”
“I don't know,” I mutter. “I don't…. freaking know .”
Perry's eyes bolden.
Was I overacting?
“He—”
I purse my lips, biting back my words. I wanted to talk about it, about the secrets, about the bruises and stitches, about the file in his nightstand. The one it takes all my strength to not snoop through still, even more so now that he asked me to move in.
“He's keeping something from me,” I muster, shutting my eyes. “He has been all along and it's more than his family. I know it is and I've told myself that when he's ready he'll tell me but...”
“You think it has something to do with that creep?”
I shrug. “I don't know, but he had a black eye, and they obviously knew each other.”
Perry sighs. “I told him to give me a minute to talk to you, but I'm sure he'll come racing out here any second,” she murmurs. “Maybe it's time you have that talk.”
“...maybe.”
“I'll have Kai walk me home,” she offers. “Talk to him. Talk before you go off half-cocked, okay? Don’t be like me.”
I heavily nod, just as she said he appears in the doorway not a beat later.
“Banks...” My name leaves his lips as his jawbone tenses up.
“Take her home,” Perry tells him. “Kai and I will be fine.” She waves us off, stepping back into the club .
I am reluctant to do so but I hold my hand out to him, telling him to take me. He looks down, but he does, and we start walking.
“I know what you're thinking,” he murmurs after a few minutes.
“And what is that?” I inhale.
Charlie shoves his other hand in the pocket of his jeans. His entire body is rigid.
“Was it him you were staring at?” I finally say when he doesn't respond.
“No. It was Porky.”
“Porky?” I ask. “He was there?”
Charlie nods.
“Why didn't he come say hello?”
“He just needed to talk to me for a moment.”
Seems Porky is strictly in the other life my boyfriend is leading, one he doesn't want to mix with the one he leads with me. Even still.
“I've tried to be understanding, Charlie,” I exhale with exhaustion. “You know I have, but I need to know now. For me to still move in. For us to…” I pause for a moment. “Who is Porky?”
His fingers wrap in between mine, stroking my skin, affectionately. “I know you have.”
“Don't I matter enough to know the truth?”
“Of course, you do.” His eyes find mine, pale in the dark.
I pause, just a block from our building. “So, what is it then? Who was that guy?”
I let go of his hand, watching them slowly drop.
He looks away, thrusting his other hand into his pockets. “What Porky does isn't exactly... legal, ” he tells me. “But he helped me out one time and I owe him. That guy tonight runs in the same circles as Pork. I was just trying to...” He kicks a pebble on the pavement. “Look out for Pork. Have his back.”
“And the occasional black eye, split lip, and those times I stitched you up?” I cross my arms.
“Bad luck.” He finally looks at me. “I promise you, it's nothing.”
“That's not going to cut it anymore, Charlie.”
The confliction written all over his body language confuses me. I can't tell if he's working up a lie or just ashamed to tell me. Either outcome makes a hollow pit in my stomach.
“Let's get home,” he requests. “And I'll explain more.”
I'll give him that because I love him.
I'd give him anything if he asked for it as long as he be honest with me.
My footsteps are stones as we walk, each one weighing me down more and more. The flip of his lock nearly causes me to jump from my skin because my brain is too busy being rattled with worse-case scenarios.
The apartment is dark, and he makes no attempt to brighten it. I am merely inside when he locks the door and goes directly to his refrigerator. I hear the beer bottle’s release of pressure and him guzzle it down his throat.
I watch as he leans into the cabinet, bowing his head as the bottle hits the counter.
“You're not wrong about something happening back in Germany,” he mutters into the darkness. “It's something that changed me in a lot of ways and when I came back to the States, I made some mistakes...”
He takes another long drink .
“Porky helped me out and in return, I help him from time to time, and sometimes—”
I hug my arms around my body.
“Sometimes things get a bit... physical.”
“Fighting?” I guess in a small voice.
“It's not as bad as it seems. Sometimes tensions get high and someone throws a punch. It's not like I am sure you're imagining.”
His tone seems sincere, but the fact that he refuses to look at me...
“Pork is a good friend. He was there for me when I had no one—”
“But you've gotten hurt, Charlie.” I stride toward him, halting but a foot away. “And if whatever he does is illegal—”
“That guy,” he stops me. “We had a disagreement, nothing more. He won't be in my life and I’ll be damned should he ever be in yours.”
I gnaw on my cheek. “You realize how this feels, don't you?” I nearly cry. “What if I came home with a black eye or busted lip? If I was leading an entirely different life when I wasn't with you?”
Charlie groans but alas lifts his gaze, setting on me. “You are my life, Banks,” he says bleakly. “Everything I do is because I love you.”
“This doesn't feel like love.”
“I'm not in any danger.” He throws out like a hopeless line.
My own eyes shut. “Give me something,” I weep. “Something, Charlie. ”
In this moment my love for Charlie feels like I am suffocating. It's more than I can manage. It's painful and brutal but as expected unwavering.
The glass bottle is lightly set on the counter and I count his three breaths before he closes the space between us. He doesn't touch me, but I feel his body near.
“That night...” he swallows. “When you came to Pork's...”
I sigh, lifting my eyes to find him peering down at me. His own are so dark and cloudy.
“I did fight,” he utters, and I think I almost see relief in his eyes, evading the mist of shadows. “It was stupid,” he conveys. “But you were with... the doctor and I just—”
I press my palm into his abdomen, bowing my head.
“I was jealous and angry and I needed an outlet. I needed to... punch something.”
The rawness in Charlie's voice brought tears to my eyes. Telling me he feels just as deeply as I do. No matter the emotion, it always seems as if it's twenty times harsher than it should be.
“Promise me...” I beg. “Promise me you won't ever do it again.”
His finger brushes under my chin, requesting that I gaze at him. I do so, unwillingly but the moment I see those sparkly stars of his, I melt.
“I'd walk through fire just to see you smile, Banks.” His words linger in the air around us. “Anything you wanted; I'd do everything in my power to get it. I promise you; nothing is going to happen to me or us. I tell you I love you because it's the simplest way, but you know it's so much more than that. ”
Tears stream down my cheeks because, for some reason, I doubt him. I doubt him and I can't bring myself to admit it.
So, I kiss him instead.
I take my annoyance and perplexity out on his lips. I dig my teeth into them, growling as I claw at his clothes. I feel his pause, but it's only for a moment. His fingers grip the bottom of my top as he pulls it up, he yanks back from our kiss, tossing off his shirt as I rid myself of mine.
My nails never leave his skin, leaving red imprints as I drug them down his arm, pulling him toward his bed. I shoved him down, a speck of surprise in his eyes, but I glared with my own, and he didn't speak.
I stand before him, ridding myself of my shoes and jeans.
“Take them off.” The chill in my voice doesn't bother him. Instead, he does as I ask, undoing his jeans and pushing them down his heavy thighs.
I slid off my underwear and Charlie did the same. His mouth slants open a sliver, looking at my body. The body I've become, maybe too comfortable with.
I step to him and he leans forward, placing wet kisses on my stomach. I hate that they almost make me lose focus. That just a little kiss could make me forget anything.
My hand knocks into his shoulder, forcing him back. I press and press as I climb into his lap and power him flat. His hard length, throbs against my thigh. My own desire, daring to run down that very leg as my other hand touches his shoulder. My nails scrape the skin as I raise my hips. I need to feel all of him. I need it to be real and feel anything but the stabbing pain in my chest .
I know his body as well as my own now, slipping down over him. A cry leaves my lips as no matter how slick I am, that first thrust is always a bit tender.
“Banks,” he husks, placing his hands on my hips.
“No,” I bark, ripping them from my skin and shoving them into the bed beside his head. “I'm mad at you,” I hiss, lowering my lips to his. “I'm so... fucking... mad... at you.” I roll my hips with each word.
“Take it out on me,” he heaves. “All of it.”
A cry rips from my mouth as he bucks his hips from below as I sit up. My body jerked viciously as the line between hate and pleasure blurred in the most delirious of ways. How could I be so angry and this still feel so fucking good?
I became so rough; I might have drawn blood, but Charlie simply laid there other than shifting his hips ever so slightly to combat the frenzy of mine.
He took it.
He took it without daring to lose himself before I did.
I screamed as my orgasm shot through every one of my nerve endings and I knew then it took every bit of his restraint to wait because the moment I came, so did he.
My body collapses against his, sweaty and hot as he coddles me. Holding me like a child who just threw a temper tantrum.
Neither of us said anything more.
He just held me.
Held me till I passed out from exhaustion.
I prayed that was the end of it. Prayed that this would be the end of all my doubt .
I just experienced hate sex and now, I wanted nothing more than to find our way to makeup sex.