Chapter 24
Kjell
Through the glass pane, I see Sky's rosy cheeks. I can see the passion with which she scribbles on her notepad and the joy she takes in it.
She's probably putting together a show. Or she's calculating whether she can buy her dream fabrics without incurring losses.
"Oh Sky," I murmur and pull my jacket collar up a bit.
Even though the sun shines unobstructed from the sky today, it's bitterly cold. It's mid-December, the days are short but beautiful. The snow on the dunes is sparkling, the marram grass is frozen and the sea near the shore is as frozen as it has ever been in the past few weeks.
Inside with Sky, next to the crackling fireplace, it's probably cozy and warm. Nevertheless, I can't go to her because I need to finally make the call that I've been putting off for days.
When I light up the phone display, I see a new message—from Mother.
Christmas is coming soon, I request th...
I'm not shown more in the preview. With pursed lips, I swipe the message preview aside to make it disappear.
"Enjoy your damn Julfest all by yourselves," I mutter tensely. I don't know why she comes up with the idea of inviting me every Christmas. What does she imagine? That we'll see each other again after all these years, fall into each other's arms, and just forget about what happened?
Swallowing hard, I plug my headphones into my ears and dial Jakob's number. While it rings, I leave the terrace and enter the narrow path leading to the sea. A frosty gust tugs at my jacket.
"Finally." He sounds relieved. "Did you get my message?"
"Yes," I reply even though it would be easier to pretend I didn't know what he was talking about.
"And? When will you be back in Stockholm?" There's hope in his voice.
"I don't know." That's just how it is. What can I do?
"But I need you here," he says from the other end of the line. "I've been running both our newspapers on my own for four weeks."
"You got fifty articles for the Ryktesspegeln from me," I retort, and the memory of the nonsense I had to spew while doing it sends a shiver down my spine. "So you're not completely alone."
"That's not enough." His distressed tone makes me sit up and take notice.
He often seemed mentally strained in the past few months, but today it's different. More intense. I stop in the middle of the path. "What's going on?"
There's silence on the line for seconds. "Nothing."
Yeah, right, definitely nothing. I can hear that something is wrong. The loans were extended until March, so that can't be it. Or did he lie to me? "We're friends, Jakob. You can tell me anything."
"How far are you with the little Blohm?" He interrupts, once again deflecting my questions, which are obviously uncomfortable for him.
I feel hurt in more ways than one. Because the fact that I'd rather ignore this damn article is the real reason I'm only calling him back now. The thought of writing about Sky feels more and more wrong. At the same time, I don't want to disappoint Jakob.
I lower my gaze to the fine sandy ground. A beach crab crosses the path. "I have a few leads, but—"
"What? You've been on her for weeks, and all you have are leads?" His tone is incredulous.
I don't have an answer for that. I don't even know why everything here feels so much more complicated than it should. "I haven't been able to verify some things yet," I say truthfully. "After all, we don't want to risk a defamation lawsuit, do we?"
A heavy sigh is all I get from Jakob.
I reach for a strand of dune grass and dig my fingernail into the thin layer of ice that surrounds it. "I need a bit more time."
"But we have... okay." His tone sounds so desperate that it makes me feel queasy. "We need five more articles to bridge the gap. Rumors about the Oscar nominations, pre-Christmas conflicts in the royal family—something like that. And please, come back as soon as possible. Even though we can still pay our assistant thanks to the new direction, I need you here."
Come back? And leave Sky here alone? Especially so close to Christmas?
No, that's just not possible. At the same time, I want to support Jakob. We've been through so much together; how could I abandon him now?
"I'll see what I can do," I reply, trying to somehow extricate myself from this dilemma. At that moment, the conflict within me widens into a chasm. Once again, I realize I've gotten too close to Sky in recent weeks. I should have maintained professional distance.
"I'm worried about you," I hear Jakob say with concern. "Is everything alright?"
No. Nothing is alright. But I can't bring myself to say it, so I remain silent.
"The girl is getting to you. Don't let her get close to you, do you hear me? I don't want her to hurt you." Jakob's voice echoes within me.
Part of me knows he's right. Another part doesn't want to believe that Sky could ever be capable of that.
The hard ice covering the dune grass, into which I'm pressing my fingernail, gives way with a crack. A white fissure appears in the crystal-clear casing. It's broken.
What if Sky one day breaks me too? By revealing that the Sky from the past is the real Sky.
And what if I break her with the pressure and the questions? And with what I'm keeping from her.
The idea weighs so heavily on my chest that I instantly can't breathe.
"Take care of yourself," Jakob says.
"I'm doing the best I can," I reply and say goodbye.
Then I turn around and look back at the house. The glass front reflects a bit, but I see Sky still sitting at her desk, unchanged.
"What are you doing to me?" I ask so softly that I can barely hear my own words. "And what am I doing to you?"