Chapter 3 #2
“Look, I know what’s going on,” he says wearily as he flips his baseball cap backward and places it on his head. “And although I’m sure you’re a lovely woman, I’m not interested in dating someone handpicked by my mother.”
Oh, this is hilarious. This guy doesn’t have a clue. “I’m not sure what’s sadder: that your mother handpicks potential dates for you or that you’re presumptuous enough to think I’m one of them. Either way, you’re acting like an overgrown toddler.”
His smile slips, then he winces, his face scrunched up in embarrassment. When he tries to speak, his words get swallowed by a coughing fit. Bending at the waist, he walks in a circle as he tries to clear his throat.
“There, there. Do you need me to burp you? Or is it time to go potty?”
“Haha,” he says, returning to his full height. “I’m fine, thank you. And yeah, I deserved that. My apologies. I completely misread the situation.”
“You certainly did. Now, can you tell me if the Torres family is back there?”
“They are.” He puts out a hand. “I’m Jason Torres, older brother of the bride.”
I take it—grudgingly. “I’m Vanessa Cordero, older sister of one of the bridesmaids.”
His eyes widen. “You’re Lisa’s sister.”
“Yes.”
Then it hits me: This is the guy Lisa’s infatuated with.
Yikes. I couldn’t be more underwhelmed. Well, okay, I get the surface appeal.
He’s good-looking, sure. Still, I’ve only been in his presence for a minute, and his personality not only leaves a lot to be desired but also extinguishes any desire altogether.
He’s a molten chocolate lava cake that doesn’t erupt when you sink your spoon into it: a beauty on the outside that doesn’t deliver the goods as advertised.
My gut’s telling me this isn’t Lisa’s person, but if I tell her so, she’ll only convince herself I’m wrong.
“Your sister’s a sweetheart,” he says. “And it’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s interesting to meet you too.”
“Interesting?”
“I’m trying to be polite.”
“Right,” he says, dragging out the word to underscore that I’m not being polite at all.
“So,” I say, pointing behind him. “Can I head back there? I’m double-parked.”
He slides out of my way and gestures grandly. “Be my guest.”
I shuffle past him and poke my head through the drapes, spotting my sister next to the bride-to-be.
Wait a minute. Something’s not right. I reach behind me and make direct contact with my…
underwear. Because I ripped my goddamn shorts when I collided with the damn clothing rack.
What in the nineties-rom-com nonsense is this?
I squeeze my eyes shut and count to five.
I am never doing anyone a favor ever again.
“You can go right in,” Jason says.
Hoping he hasn’t noticed my white cotton bloomers, I turn to the side. “Um, no. I don’t want to interrupt.” I wave frantically at my sister, but she refuses to look in my direction. “Psst, Lisa. Psst.”
Jason gives me a quizzical once-over, then pushes back the drapes and enters the dressing area. “Lisa, your sister’s here!”
“She is?” Wearing an I-don’t-give-a-single-fuck expression, Lisa finally meets my gaze. She’s been blowing hot and cold ever since I told her I wouldn’t be her starter ex. “Sorry, Vanessa. I was supposed to be outside at three, wasn’t I?”
She knows for a fact she was supposed to be outside. I’m tempted to snatch a chunk of hair from her head to jog her memory. Breathe, Vanessa, breathe. Patience, serenity, lead with love. “It’s okay, but we do have to go. I’m going to get a ticket if we don’t leave soon.”
“No problem. We’re done here. But let me introduce you to everyone before we take off.”
“Um, sure,” I say, scooting just inside the room.
As Lisa goes through the introductions, I wave at everyone, making sure to keep my backside hidden from view. “Congrats on the wedding. I’m sure it’s going to be lovely. So happy for you, Cami. Okay, bye now!”
Lisa trots after me as I scurry through the sales floor. “What’s going on? You were so standoffish. You couldn’t even come inside and shake their hands? Give their mom a hug?”
“No. I couldn’t. Not with my ass hanging out,” I say, pointing to my torn shorts.
Lisa inspects my bottom half and bursts out laughing.
“It’s not funny.”
“Oh, yes it is.”
“Ugh, just…let’s go.”
Before we exit the shop, a voice behind us says, “Good to meet you, Vanessa. I’m sure meeting us was a breath of fresh air.”
I turn around. Jason gives my shorts a once-over, then his mouth twitches.
That. Asshole. He couldn’t even let me leave with a fraction of my dignity intact. I hope he sleeps in his skivvies tonight and gets attacked by a swarm of mosquitos.
Once we’re inside the car, I turn to Lisa. “So that’s Jason, huh?”
“Yeah,” she says, her expression dreamy. “And his mom was in there, throwing the possibility of women at him left and right. A lady even propositioned him for a hookup, and I was literally standing three feet away from them. It was torture.”
Lisa looks so forlorn at this, my heart hurts for her. But there’s something sinister stirring in me too: Lisa wants Jason. Jason needs to be humbled. And isn’t it lovely that I know exactly how to accomplish both?
“I’ll do it,” I blurt out.
Lisa tilts her head and squints at me. “Do what?”
“Be your starter ex.”
Her eyes flicker with hope. “You will?”
“I will.”
“Shit, V. I’m so damn grateful.” She leans over and hugs me tightly. We haven’t had a moment like this in ages; it’s promising and gives me the mental push to commit to this farce.
After we separate, she grabs on to my arm. “Ooh, I have an idea. Let’s have a sleepover. Like when we were young. We can order some food from La Fonda, get in our jammies, and chat about how we’re going to do this. What do you think?”
“But I don’t have any clothes,” I say with a chuckle.
The thing is, I’m playing it cool, but I’m actually giddy inside.
This is precisely what I wanted: a chance to reconnect with my sister.
It’s almost as if the incident we never speak about has been wiped from her brain.
I’m not so arrogant to think that’s actually true, but her enthusiasm gives me hope that we can get beyond it someday.
“Pfft, that’s not a big deal,” she says. “I can let you borrow something.”
“Okay, let’s do it.”
Lisa dives back in for another hug. “Ahh, this is going to be great. You’re the best, Vanny.”
No, in reality, I’m the worst. And Jason’s going to discover that fact soon enough.