Chapter 16
SELAS
I wake from my nap to late afternoon sunshine and my father silhouetted on my balcony.
I sit up and push my hair back off my face. “When did you get back?”
He turns to me with a smile. “An hour ago. Benny said you had visitors.”
Touron… “Yeah, but I wasn’t up to seeing anyone.
” I don’t want to get Benny in trouble by letting Father know that Touron made it to my room.
Knowing him, he’d up security and fire our long-time butler.
My father can be a little overprotective.
I am, after all, his only child. Mother told me he’d been less than pleased when he discovered I was an alpha, that I’d have to be on the frontlines.
Most sires were eager to throw their spawn into the arena, but I’m certain mine would have kept me wrapped in cotton wool if he’d had the choice.
“You need to see people,” he says. “You can’t stay locked away forever.”
“I’m still healing.”
His mouth tightens. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you have to isolate yourself.” He rounds the bed and sits on the chair beside it. “I’ve spoken to your mother, and she’s agreed to host you for a few months. I think it would be good for you to have a change of scenery and?—”
“No. I don’t want to go.”
“Why not?”
He knows why. He must. “Seriously?”
He sighs. “Procreation isn’t everything, sweetheart.”
As much as he tries, he will never fully understand what it’s like to have your choices taken by nature.
To watch other females find their mates, fall in love, and have younglings.
He’ll never know the deep ache in my soul that can only be assuaged in combat, and now…
“It’s procreation or guardian, Father. I can’t procreate, and now, with this injury, I can’t even be a guardian. ”
My leg throbs as if to remind me of the shattered bone, so damaged that I will never be able to fight again. I’ll be left with a limp and pain. Always pain. I should have told Touron the truth, but I’m not ready to face it. Not yet.
Another sigh. “There are positions at headquarters,” he says. “Or you could continue to train cadets at the academy. Mentor or?—”
“No.” I can’t go back there. Not like this. Not ever. “Please. I just…I just want to wallow for a while. Is that all right?”
He leans in to kiss my temple, and I breathe in his familiar soothing aroma, gripped by guilt because he’s doing his best. He’s always done his best.
“I’m sorry, Father.”
“You have no reason to be sorry, my child. You are and always will be my pride and joy. We will find a purpose that makes you happy. I swear it.”
I want to believe that. I really do, but as the sun dips and shadows fill my room, it’s hard to imagine there ever being sunshine in my life.