Chapter 29
CAM
E veryone pooled into Arcana class. The seats had been arranged in a circle and Yarrow stood in the center of the space with his sister.
He caught my eye as I entered and waved me over. “There’s no need for you to take the class,” he said. “I’ll be working with Derek after this session.”
“I don’t need to do anything when it comes to shield work?”
It was Flora who replied. “As your shield is an independent entity, it’s him that we need to train. But we can certainly work on how you can summon him even if you don’t feel threatened or are in danger for your life.”
“We’ll work with Derek first,” Yarrow said. “Once he’s able to wield his power effectively, then we’ll bring you in.”
“You don’t want me at his sessions?”
They exchanged glances, and once again it was Flora that answered. “Derek has spent all his existence believing that he was a boogeyman. A minor construct, created to serve you. If he’s to self-actualize, he needs to do it away from your shadow.”
In other words, they needed me to back off because my being around would stifle his growth. “Ouch.”
Yarrow put his hand on my shoulder. “This is not a dig, Cam. You created an amazing being, and now all we want to do is help him flourish so that he can fight alongside you in the war against the graynites.”
“I understand. I’ll hit the gym and warm up for my back-to-back training with the elites.”
I joined the others. “Yarrow says I don’t need this class.”
Curi looked over at Yarrow with a frown. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, fine. He’s going to work with Derek later. Shar, will you stay with him?”
Shar looked confused. “You’re not coming?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Yarrow thinks it would be best if Derek had that time to himself, away from my influence so he can…grow.”
Shar pressed her lips together. “I don’t think you’re the reason he hasn’t grown.”
“Agreed,” Touron said. “That’s bullshit.”
“He adores you,” Palia added.
The soft spot Yarrow’s words had left in my chest throbbed. “I know he does, and I love him too, but Yarrow seems to know what he’s talking about. I want Derek to get the most out of the training. If it means my stepping back, then so be it.”
“And how does Derek feel about all this?” Ginia asked. “Or isn’t Yarrow going to bother asking?”
“Good point,” Touron said.
“Everyone, please take your seats,” Yarrow called out.
“I have to go. Shar, will you—”
“I’ll stay with Derek,” Shar said, her attention on Yarrow.
“Thanks. I’ll catch you guys at supper then.”
* * *
I’d dressed in training clothes in preparation for my later session with the elites, but I hadn’t brought my gym bag that carried my water bottle and towel.
The thought of going back to the observatory to get it made my stomach hurt.
I didn’t want to see Serath. Not yet. I needed time away from him before I was forced to be in his vicinity again.
Logically, I had no right to feel so betrayed. We weren’t together. But my instincts, my beast, everything primitive in me was wounded by his actions.
I couldn’t see him again yet.
I’d make do without a towel. They had paper towels at the gym anyway and a water dispenser.
That would do.
At this time of the afternoon, the gym would probably be empty. Most goyles would be in class, which suited me fine. I’d put on some tunes and rage out with some weights.
I shoved open the doors, already in an iron pumping mood, to find Levi doing chin-ups.
He froze for a moment before dropping to his feet, hands loose at his sides, expression earnest. The kind that said, We need to talk .
Nope.
I made to duck out.
“Cameron, don’t!”
Dammit. “What? I have places to be.”
“Um…didn’t you mean to come in here?”
“Whatever.” I turned to go.
“Wait. I’m sorry. Please. Let’s not make this awkward. Stay.”
The rage toward Serath that had nowhere to go sat up and peered at its new target. “Awkward? You mean like how awkward it was for my boyfriend to get questioned by a tutor on his relationship with me?”
Levi growled softly in exasperation. It was the first time I’d heard him make such a sound, a sound that was totally gargoyle, because he was goyle.
He was one of us, and he’d hidden it just like I had.
There was common ground between us. Memories.
Love. But because of who he was, because of his relation to Ulrickson, we couldn’t even be friends.
“Look, Cameron. I’m sorry,” Levi said. “I’ve been thinking, and I’m going to back off.”
What the… “Really?”
He looked sincere. Sad almost. “Yeah, really.”
Dammit, now I couldn’t even be mad at him. “Thank you.”
“But I don’t want us to be strangers,” he continued. “I miss our friendship.”
I couldn’t give him even that level of intimacy. “You’re a tutor here, Levi. It’s hardly appropriate.”
“Yet you’re friends with the elites.”
“I’ll be one of them soon enough.” What was that in his eyes, a flash of doubt? Fear? “You don’t think I can do it, do you?” The spark of rage that had been dimming flared again. “You think I’m too weak.”
“No, Cameron. I’ve never thought of you as weak, but the elite test…It’s something else.”
“How can you know that? No one remembers those trials. They have their memory wiped.”
He looked away. “Yes. I suppose they do.”
“What the…What aren’t you telling me?”
He fixed me with a challenging glare. “I could ask you the same question.”
Fucksake. “I thought you were going to let it go.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dammit, Cameron. Dammit.” He exhaled. “Look. Fuck everything else. You want to be with the Mason boy, then so be it. But let me help you prepare for the elite trial.”
He knew…He knew what it would entail. “Why don’t you just tell me what you know?”
“I…I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
He grit his teeth. “Can’t. But I can help train you in preparation. Trust me.”
I’d trusted the old Levi with my life. We’d been a team against the monsters that roamed Old Town, but this Levi was someone else, with allegiances that could get me killed.
Insight into the elite trials would bring him into the elite circle, close to Serath and me…together. I couldn’t risk him noticing that there was something between us. But if I simply shut Levi down, it might make him suspicious.
“I’ll have to speak to the elite about it. Lionel has put them in charge of my training.”
“I can speak to them if you agree,” Levi said. “I’ve been meaning to speak to my cousin since I got here.” His mouth turned down in displeasure. “This is as good an excuse as any. Although my father warned me to steer clear. He’s still hurt by Serath’s rejection.”
Rejection? What the… “Your father told you Serath rejected him?”
Levi picked up his towel and dabbed at his face. “After my uncle and aunt were killed, my father offered Serath a home, but he ran away. My father searched for him for years and finally found that he’d been adopted by another gargoyle.”
Was he serious? “Do you hear yourself? A tiny boy ran away, and a grown-ass gargoyle, who had fuck knows how many contacts, couldn’t find him? Do you think that sounds realistic?”
He frowned. “Why are you getting so angry?”
“Because you’re so far up your father’s asshole all you can see is his shit.”
Levi’s jaw hardened. “You know nothing about my father.”
“And you know nothing about Serath!” I spun on my heel and out the door.
“Cameron! Cameron, wait! Let’s talk about thi—”
I slammed the outer door on his words and then broke into a sprint toward the dorms. I’d wait there until it was time for training. It was safe there. No Levi. No Serath. No stress.
I was so done with males right now.