Chapter 30
CAM
Going back to the dorm was a bad idea. All it did was give me time to procrastinate before my training session with the elites.
I practiced how I would act around Serath—aloof and unaffected maybe.
I wanted to show I didn’t give a shit, even if it was a lie.
I’d keep the conversation with him to the minimum and engage with Selas and Orix instead.
I paced my old dorm room, hoping that Melanie or Derek would show up. Talking to Derek always helped. His presence calmed me. But he was probably still at training with Yarrow.
Melanie was a no-show, although there was a cold spot by the window.
In the end, I headed for a walk around campus to clear my head. My feet took me around the back of the training building and toward Willowman’s cottage.
Was he home?
Would he mind a visitor?
We were due to begin herbology tomorrow, but maybe he could take my blood sample now. It would certainly kill time until my training with the elites.
Varsa, the caretaker that lived here with Willowman, was crouching by a flower bed. He looked up as I pushed open the gate.
“Hey, is Willowman in?”
He shook his head and went back to the flowers.
The poor goyle had been damaged by the graynites, his mind broken by their attempt to get information out of him. They’d siphoned part of his soul, leaving him broken.
I crouched beside him. “What are you doing?”
He tensed but didn’t say anything.
“Are these your flowers? Are they special to you?”
He nodded, the action stilted.
I lightly touched his hand. “They’re beautiful.”
He beamed at me, and his eyes lit up. “They are. Beautiful and strong.” He lightly touched a petal.
“They don’t like the cold, but they withstand it.
They bloom all year round, stubbornly resilient.
” He turned his head to look at me, and the beam of his smile was now a gentle warmth, but his gaze was probing. “Are you happy here?”
The question threw me, because it was the last thing I’d expected him to ask. “I guess so.”
“You want to kill graynites?”
“Of course.”
His smile fell, and he looked at the flowers. “They’re so beautiful, but did you know that they’re poisonous if ingested?”
“Um…No. I didn’t.”
“Yes. Their beauty is deceptive. They’re not as innocuous as they seem…”
“Cameron?” Willowman strode down the path toward me, his gaze flicking from me to Varsa. “Everything okay?”
“Great.” I pressed my hands to my thighs and stood. “Varsa was just telling me about the flowers.”
“He was?” Willowman looked skeptical.
“Yeah, he said that they’re resilient to the cold even though they don’t like it and that they’re poisonous when ingested.”
“Varsa?” Willowman said. “Varsa, did you tell Cameron those things?” There was hope in his voice and a slight breathlessness that spoke of excitement.
Varsa stared at the flowers mutely.
“Varsa?” Willowman said again.
Nothing.
Willowman frowned. “He really spoke to you?”
“Yes, we had a conversation just now.”
Willowman steered me away from Varsa. “He’s been nonverbal for the past few days.” He eyed me up speculatively.
“I’m not making this up, Willowman.”
“I know. I believe you. Maybe you wouldn’t mind spending some time with him tomorrow after herbology class? I have a few errands to run.”
I shrugged. “Sure, I don’t mind.”
“Great. But I wager you didn’t come here to see Varsa, did you?”
“No. I was hoping you might take that blood sample now.”
“Of course. I’ll make sure it’s stored properly this time.” He headed for the door to his cottage. “Follow me.”
* * *
In the end, there was no more putting it off. It was time for training. Time to see Serath again.
I walked into the basement level with a shield over my heart, chin up, and ready to focus on anything but my mate. Turned out I needn’t have bothered.
Serath wasn’t there.
“Shall we start?” Selas’s smile was overly bright. “Orix is already down there.” She indicated the huge hole in the floor.
I glanced at the door. “Shouldn’t we wait?”
“He won’t be joining us, Cameron. He’s gone back to Outpost Ten for a few days.”
My throat pinched. Outpost Ten, where the female he’d fucked was. “Right. Okay. Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about him needing to acclimatize to my scent during battle. He’ll have another female’s scent on him to counter mine.” My smile was cold and bitter. “It’s a win-win.”
She looked like she wanted to say something—argue maybe—but she settled for a tight-lipped smile and a nod. “Yes. It is. It’s for the best.”
After all, what more could she say?
“Whatever. Let’s get this over with. I have somewhere else I want to be too.”
* * *
I managed to get to the ladder three times and even made it partway up the third time, but the triumph, the pleasure in the achievement, was a dull throb in my chest.
Serath was at Outpost Ten with another goyle. He’d allowed her to touch him. He’d touched her. Kissed her. Fucked her. The thoughts played over and over in my head.
Training over, I took my anxiety riddled body to the dorm, but its vise-like grip slackened at the sight of my friends sitting around the table and Derek flipping steaks on the grill with Shar. The room was filled with laughter, joy, and love. It washed over me like a magical balm.
The hollow place inside me that Serath’s betrayal had left didn’t shrink, but the energy in this room filled it somewhat.
Serath and I had been doomed from the start. We couldn’t be together, not without hurting each other. Maybe he’d done us both a favor by putting this distance between us. Maybe this was for the best.
From now on, my focus would be on becoming the best guardian I could. I’d use the space from Serath to build a wall around my heart, not just for me, but for him too. I’d get my brother back, and in time, the pain would be less.
It had to be.
I exhaled, fixed a smile on my face, and joined my guardian family for supper.