18. Isaac
18
ISAAC
The past week has felt like the longest, but also shortest, of my life as I’ve spent most of it laid up sick in bed. It had been building for a while, constant headaches and lack of sleep finally knocking me out with a fever that just won’t go away. Luke keeps coming to check on me, letting himself into my room as he always does, so when I hear a knock, it throws me.
I’m groggy, and at first, I think I’m hearing things, but then it happens again, growing a little more frantic, and I groan as I roll off the side of my bed, my necklace getting tangled around my neck and chin. I fix it and clutch my blanket as I shuffle towards the door, every step feeling heavy. The cooling patch Luke put on my forehead earlier is sliding down, nearly covering my eyes completely, but if I lift my hand to move it, I’ll have to let go of my blanket, so I just flick my head back instead.
Big mistake.
I nearly topple backward, my head spinning as I lean on the door to steady myself. The knocking hasn’t stopped, and when I look through the peephole, I think I’m more sick than I realised because now I’m seeing impossible things.
I fling the blanket off my shoulders and throw it behind me towards the bed as I swipe the cooling patch off my forehead. I open the bathroom door to look at myself in the mirror, and it is horrifying. I look like an absolute mess, with dark circles under my eyes, red lines across my cheeks from where I’ve been sleeping a little too hard, and drool down the side of my mouth. I turn the tap on and quickly splash some water on my face, then I straighten up my hoodie, ensuring my necklace is tucked inside as I tug at the neckline and then the hem to sit better. I pull at the bottom of my sweatpants that rode up my calves while I was sleeping, and I glance at myself in the mirror again, deciding this is as human as I’m going to get right now.
The knocking has stopped now, though, and I’m worried she’s left when I hear my name being called. Relief floods through me at the sound of it, but then I remember her cards are still on my wall. I move as fast as I can without falling over to my board and carefully take them all down, placing them in the top drawer of my desk. I go back to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it.
“Violet.”
“Hi.” The sight of her standing right outside my door is enough to have me feeling light-headed again. I want to reach out and touch her just to make sure she’s real and this isn’t a fever dream.
“What are you doing here?” I clear my throat, my voice hoarse from not being used for so long. She’s standing with her hands behind her back, her long hair tied up with a light pink bow that matches the sweater she’s wearing on top of dark jeans. She looks beautiful as always, and I don’t even want to think about what she’s seeing right now.
“You weren’t in class yesterday. And I texted you, but you didn’t reply.” She pauses for a second before continuing. “And I thought we weren’t going to do that anymore.”
After our conversation last weekend, we started texting again. It’s nowhere near how we used to before, but it’s been enough to keep that little spark of hope alight in my chest. But when I started feeling sick, I completely neglected my phone. The light from it hurt my eyes and made my headaches feel worse, so I didn’t even know she’d been texting me.
“Sorry, I haven’t been feeling well, so I didn’t check my phone.”
“I know.” I give her a puzzled look because I can’t figure out how she would have found out. “Izzy told me. She said she was going to come and see how you are, but I offered to instead.”
The spark gets bigger.
“That’s really kind of you, Violet. Thank you.” I give her a small smile, holding back as much as I can so she can’t see how elated that last sentence made me feel. She could have easily just left it at that, found out that I was sick, and let Izzy be the one to check on me.
But she’s here, and I’m so grateful for her.
“Honestly, she was a little too enthusiastic when I told her.” She lets out a soft laugh, and I shake my head, making a mental note to have a word with Izzy later. “I uhh… I brought this for you.”
She brings her hands around from behind her back, holding a small jar with a spoon clipped to the side. “It’s kheer. I just got back from home, and my mum made it. I usually have it when I’m not feeling too good, so I thought I’d bring you some.”
I start to wonder why she’s already back if she went home, but all thoughts are cleared from my mind when she holds the jar of rice pudding out to me, the warmth of it seeping into my fingertips as I take it from her. She must have heated it before bringing it to me, and I appreciate it so much. Our fingers brush when I take it from her. I don’t think the heat of the jar or my fever is what’s making me feel like I’m on fire right now.
“Do you want to come in?” I step to the side, gesturing behind me. I don’t know if it’s bravery or stupidity that makes me ask her, but for now, I’ll just blame it on being sick. “I’ll eat it now, and you can take the jar back. I know your mum will be expecting it next time you go home.”
I regret the comment as soon as I make it because that familiarity isn’t completely back between us yet so I shouldn’t be mentioning anything like that.
“Um... yeah, sure.” She enters my room, and it’s only when I’ve shut the door behind her that I realise what’s happening.
Violet is in my room.
We’ve never visited each other’s rooms before, always choosing to take the less risky option and meet at our spot instead. I can’t remember the last time I heard about anyone getting caught in someone's room, but we never wanted to risk it.
I never really gave much thought to what it would be like to have her in my space like this, but now she’s here, and I don’t ever want her to leave.
I’m still standing by the door, watching her slowly walk towards my desk. She glances around my room, and I hope she’s thinking about our past because I most definitely am. I’m thinking about all the nights spent in this room on the phone with her, either sat at my desk when we studied or in bed when we fell asleep together. I only saw parts of her room during those calls, only getting a vague idea of what it was decorated like because we never thought to show each other properly.
But now as I watch her look around my room, I hope she’s putting the pieces together, figuring out where I was sitting or what my view was any time that I wasn’t looking at her. She runs her hands along the back of my desk chair before taking a seat, and a shiver runs through me.
“You should sit down. Sorry for making you get up.”
I shake my head, rousing myself from my thoughts. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out, so I just nod before approaching her and then sit on the edge of my bed. There isn’t much space between us, and our knees are almost touching. I have to stop myself from edging closer to her.
“Eat before it gets cold.” She smiles at me, nodding her head towards the jar of kheer in my hand, and I pop it open, unclipping the spoon from the side.
I remember all the times she mentioned having it at home, but I never thought I’d get to try it, too. It’s sweet and creamy and before I know it, I’ve finished the whole thing in just a few minutes. I’m scraping the sides of the jar when I hear her soft laugh, so I lift my head to look at her.
Every time I see her smile, it feels like she’s my own personal sunshine that I want to bask in forever.
“You must have been hungry.”
“This is the first thing I’ve eaten all day. Luke asked me earlier if he should bring anything, but I said no. Guess I needed it, though. I already feel so much better.”
I don’t tell her that she’s the reason why. Seeing her at my door, having her in my room, feels like a balm to my soul, healing something much deeper than just a headache.
She reaches over to take the jar from me and places it on the desk behind her. When she turns back to me, her hands are clasped together, and she’s running one thumb over the other, as if she’s soothing herself. I push back the thought in my mind that’s telling me I should be doing that for her. The initial adrenaline of seeing her seems to be wearing off, though, and my head feels heavy again.
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to just lie down for a second,” I tell her as I scoot back on the bed. I don’t lift my legs just yet, though as I wait for her response.
“Get some rest.”
She stands up while I lay on my side, pulling my legs up onto the bed and tucking them under my blanket.
I expect her to walk towards the door and leave, but instead, she approaches me, pulling the blanket up so that it covers my body completely. It’s such a gentle action and so laced with tenderness that I have to clear my throat before speaking again.
“Thank you, Violet. I really appreciate you coming.” She gives me a warm smile, and it’s the last thing I see before I drift off to sleep.
I wake up to the feeling of my hair being pushed off my forehead. A gentle hand smooths across it, and I feel the effect of the cooling patch instantly as I let out a small noise of relief.
“Thanks, Luke.” The soft laugh I hear has me cracking my eyes open, and I see Violet hovering above me, humour in her eyes and a small grin on her face. “Violet.”
“Luke hasn’t come by yet.”
I’m glad for that because I don’t even know how I’d begin to explain why Violet is in my room right now.
“You’ve only been asleep for about an hour. Your forehead felt hot, though, so I wanted to help you cool down a bit.”
An hour? She’s been sat here for an hour while I slept?
“You should have woken me up. You didn’t have to stay.”
Her hand continues to press the cooling patch on my forehead, and I find myself angling my head up to lean into her touch.
“I wanted to,” she says simply.
I close my eyes, relief and gratitude washing over me. There’s no doubt in my mind now that Violet still feels something for me. It might not be the same way I feel about her, but the fact that she’s here, that she stayed while I slept, and is taking care of me right now, says more than any words ever could.
“Thank you,” is all I manage to get out before the calming motion of her hand on my head sends me off to sleep again.
The first thing I see when I open my eyes is Violet.
She’s still here.
“Hi.” My voice is croaky, the word coming out stifled.
“Hi.” There’s a warmth in her eyes that I haven’t seen in a long time. I wish I could take a picture of her right now, use it as a reference to draw her later because she’s always been my greatest muse.
“What time is it?” I ask her, noticing the fading light outside my window.
“A little after five.”
She came to see me just after midday, which means she’s been here for five hours now. I wouldn’t believe it if she hadn’t touched me earlier because it feels too much like a dream.
But she really stayed, and she’s really here.
“Thanks for staying.”
“I didn’t want to leave without saying anything.”
I give her the most grateful smile I can muster up, but my eyelids are feeling heavy, and I think I’m going to fall asleep again. Violet must notice because she stands and checks the patch on my forehead before deciding to replace it. I close my eyes as I feel her take it off and fix a new one, that same soothing motion of her pushing my hair back and smoothing my forehead.
“I’m going to go now. I’ll tell Izzy you’re resting.”
“Thank you. ”
Her hand drifts down from my forehead to cup my cheek, her thumb grazing across it once before she lets go.
“I hope you feel better soon.”
I hear her walk away from me, and I want to say something, ask her to come back, ask her to stay with me because she’s healing me more than any medicine ever could, but then I hear the door open and close, and I let sleep take me once again.