Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I t had been nearly a week since they’d had the SEX. It was always in big, bold letters in Iris’s mind whenever she thought about it. The SEX had been incredible, five stars, would recommend, but they hadn’t done it since. And she wasn’t sure why. And she wasn’t sure if she wanted to or not. Or if Archer wanted to. Or if he had lied about the whole being-fine-with-having-a-purely-physical-relationship thing. Or if she wanted things to be purely physical.
Or if she was completely losing her mind!
So, she’d been avoiding him as much as humanly possible while living in his house. Which was pretty damn hard. On Monday, she ran headfirst into his naked chest as he emerged from the bathroom, right as she was hurrying down the hallway to her room. He’d grabbed her arms to steady her and she’d just stood there, frozen like a deer caught in the headlights.
‘Good morning, Iris,’ he’d rumbled, his voice all raspy from sleep and Iris had stuttered some excuse about having to check on Olive, an obvious lie since Olive was still sound asleep, before running away.
On Tuesday, she’d managed to avoid him until he got home from work and then she was subjected to him in all his chef-coated, post-work, messy-haired glory. He’d been polite, asked her how their day had gone and that was it. He hadn’t pushed anything. Hadn’t asked for anything. She’d almost wished he had, wished he would just decide for her.
Wednesday was a real nightmare. She’d accidently peeked into Olive’s room and found Archer curled up beside his daughter in bed, reading her favorite bedtime story with all the silly voices and everything. That had nearly broken her, the two of them side by side, their heads tipped together. It was too much. She was so happy for him, for them, for how far they’d come. Archer and Olive were a family now. And why did that hurt? Why did she want to picture herself there with them? Her brain felt completely scrambled, this new version of what her life could be playing on a loop in her head.
She’d managed to run out of the house on Thursday as soon as Archer had returned home and hidden out at Kira’s house until past Olive’s bedtime. Although it didn’t escape her notice that she was disappointed to find the kitchen empty when she got home. She wanted to see him there, mixing up a new batch of pancakes. She wanted to sit and tease him. She wanted to discuss Olive’s latest therapy session and all the progress she’d made.
She wanted to be a part of his life. A real part. Not a hired-help part or a booty-call part. It was all very concerning.
And now here they were, Friday, and they were at the diner for lunch since Olive had a half day of school and she wanted to see her dad. And Iris was more than a little afraid of what would happen when Archer stepped out of the kitchen. Would she run? Would she propose marriage? Would she stand on this table and proclaim her new and entirely unexpected love for him?
‘Iris! Earth to Iris.’ Bex waved a hand in front of her face, snapping her out of her slow descent into madness.
‘Sorry, what?’
‘Olive was talking to you.’
Olive squirmed next to her in the booth.
‘Sorry, kid. I guess I fell asleep with my eyes open.’
Olive scrunched her nose like she didn’t believe that excuse for a minute. Iris was just glad the little lie detector couldn’t tell she was having wildly inappropriate thoughts about her dad.
‘What were you saying?’
Olive sighed the long-suffering sigh of a five-year-old surrounded by incompetent grown-ups.
‘I said, when are we going to start our garden?’
‘Soon.’ Iris reached over and opened the little pack of crayons that the kid’s menu came with.
Olive grabbed them and started coloring, but Iris saw that her frown had deepened. She had learned that ‘soon’ and ‘maybe’ were Olive’s least favorite words. She did not appreciate stalling.
‘We were waiting for the threat of frost to pass! But we’ll plant it soon. I promise, okay?’
Olive nodded as she colored. ‘And when are you going to teach me to dive?’
‘You need to finish learning to swim first.’ Olive’s swimming lessons had quickly become Iris’s favorite part of the week. After just a few lessons, Olive had gone from thrashing around rather ineffectually in the water, to being able to do a front and back float and a pretty solid doggie paddle. Iris had been surprised by the swell of pride she felt when Olive’s little tummy rose above the water, her head back, limbs like a starfish, and she’d done it. She’d floated! Even now, Iris felt a bubble of excitement inside her when she thought about it.
But Olive wasn’t satisfied with a promise to garden and dive. She wanted more.
‘Can we watch Narnia tonight?’ she asked.
‘Maybe.’
‘Iriiiiis…’ she dragged out the last half of Iris’s name on a long whine.
Bex cringed and Iris just shook her head. ‘What’s with all the demands today?’ She brushed the hair from Olive’s face.
Olive laid her head on the table, her cheek sticking to the children’s menu she’d scribbled all over. ‘I want to do all the things.’
‘I know. We have plenty of time, babe,’ she said. But was that true? It was already May. If she stuck to her original plan, she’d be handing in her notice by June. Had Olive somehow sensed that she’d been planning to cut out early? Did she know that Iris was bound to disappoint her?
‘But what if we don’t.’
‘We do.’ A month and a half was a long time. Even if she did leave at the end of June, they would still have plenty of time to do everything Olive wanted. Unless she kept adding to the list. Or unless Iris decided to stop being a coward and acted on her newfound feelings.
Olive scowled.
Bex mouthed ‘Yikes’ from across the table. Yikes was right. This kid had a lot of plans and Iris had made a lot of promises, and the thing was, she actually wanted to keep them. She wanted to plant a garden with Olive and teach her to dive and watch Narnia and do all the millions of other things they’d talked about. And that only complicated her feelings even more.
But at that moment, Archer entered the dining room from the kitchen, carrying a tray heaped with food. As soon as his eyes found hers, his face split into a smile. Iris couldn’t help but return it, her insides immediately turning to goo.
‘Oh. My. God,’ Bex hissed. Iris kicked her under the table. Now was not the time to catch her cousin up on just how close she and her employer had become, but apparently, Iris wasn’t imagining the way Archer was looking at her. They were obvious as hell.
‘Look, there’s your dad.’ Iris nudged Olive with her elbow and Olive raised her head.
‘Yay!’ Olive waved to Archer, as though he wouldn’t find them at their usual table. ‘Dad! Over here!’
At the sound of Olive’s eager ‘Dad’ shouted out across the diner, Archer’s smile grew even wider and Iris’s heart ached at how sweet he looked staring at his daughter.
‘Hello, ladies,’ Archer said, laying the plates on the table, he caught Iris’s gaze and held it a beat too long to be normal. Iris’s face heated.
‘Let’s see, we have one Olive Special.’ He put the plate with the strawberry pancakes and whipped cream in front of their namesake. Iris started cutting the pancakes into little pieces for Olive.
‘One Noah special.’ Blueberry pancakes landed in front of Iris. ‘And the “as close as I can get to the original” pancakes for Bex.’ He laid the last plate down with a flourish. Naming pancakes after the people who suggested them was a huge hit. Of course, this town absolutely loved the idea of having menu items named after them. They’d even almost forgotten about the original pancakes. Almost. Iris knew for a fact that Archer was still working on them, not that she’d been brave enough to venture out to the kitchen the last few nights to join him.
Archer ruffled Olive’s hair. ‘Hey, kid. How was school?’
Olive shrugged. ‘S’okay,’ she said with her mouth stuffed full of pancake.
‘Just okay?’ That worried crease appeared between his brows. The one that said he would literally march down to that school and do whatever he needed to do to ensure his daughter was having a good day.
Olive swallowed her pancakes and gulped down half her chocolate milk. ‘Can Iris come to the Mother’s Day breakfast?’ she asked as soon as her mouth was clear, and Iris wanted to immediately stuff more pancakes back in. Of course Olive had waited to drop that bomb until Archer was here. Her gaze snagged on his over Olive’s head. This kid wanted so much from her. She wanted everything. She wanted Iris to be a part of her family, and Iris still didn’t know if she could promise her that. If she had it in her. Panic fluttered in her belly.
‘I’m uh … going to go wash my hands before I eat,’ Bex said, slipping out of the booth and bee-lining it for the bathroom. Iris desperately wanted to join her, but Olive was looking at her with those large, dark eyes.
She opened her mouth, hoping the words would just come to her once she started speaking but she was saved from having to figure it out by Archer’s answer.
He cleared his throat, pulling his gaze from Iris and turning his attention to Olive. ‘Mother’s Day breakfasts are not in Iris’s job description, Liv. But I can come. Or Grandma Paula, if you’d rather.’
Olive frowned and the feeling that Iris was letting her down weighed heavier than she wanted to admit.
‘It’ll be fun, okay?’ Archer went on, running his finger through Olive’s whipped cream and putting a dollop on her nose.
She giggled and tried to reach her tongue out far enough to lick it off.
Bex came back from the bathroom, her eyes flicking back and forth between Iris and Archer. ‘Should I go wash them again?’ she asked.
‘My dad’s going to come to the Mother’s Day brunch,’ Olive told her.
‘That’s great,’ Bex said, breathing a little sigh of relief. Iris wished she felt the same way, but the panic had shifted into something else. Something like regret. Or longing.
She tried to catch Archer’s eye again, but he stayed focused on Olive.
‘Enjoy your lunch and be good for Iris, okay?’
‘Okay.’ Olive slid a finger through her whipped cream and reached her hand up to Archer’s nose. He bent over so she could dab the cream on his nose. He smiled, that dimple popping in his cheek.
‘Thanks, Liv.’
Olive grinned.
‘See you later,’ he said and Iris willed him to look at her, but when he did, she instantly regretted it. Written on his face was everything he wanted.
He wanted Iris. And his daughter. He wanted a family.
‘See you at home, Iris,’ he said and all she could manage was a feeble wave.
As soon as he was gone, Bex leaned across the table. ‘We need to talk,’ she hissed. ‘What the he—heck is going on?’
‘Were you going to say hell?’ Olive asked.
‘Uh … no. Of course not.’
‘My dad says I’m allowed to say hell as long as I don’t say it at church or school. Or in front of my grandma,’ Olive said, still swirling her finger through the cream.
‘That seems reasonable,’ Bex said, digging into her own pancakes. ‘These still don’t taste like the original.’
‘I know,’ Iris said. ‘But he’s trying.’
‘Has he tried Bisquick?’
‘He gets very offended if you suggest using a mix.’
Bex raised an eyebrow. ‘Kinda high maintenance. Are you sure you want to get into all this?’
‘All what?’ Olive asked, her little ears perked and listening.
Iris shot Bex a look that said ‘shut the hell up in front of the kid!’ Or at least she hoped it did.
‘Nothing. I was thinking of opening a competing diner and making my own pancakes, but I don’t think I will.’
Olive stared at her.
Iris attempted a smile.
Olive frowned like she was disappointed in her.
‘Hey, isn’t that Hazel and Noah over there?’ Iris pointed out Hazel and waved at her. ‘Why don’t you go say hi.’
‘Okay.’ Olive slid out of the booth slowly like she knew they were just trying to get rid of her, but as soon as she was with Hazel and Noah, she was giggling and dancing around next to their table.
‘Seriously, Iris. What the hell is going on?’
Iris kept her gaze on Olive to make sure the kid didn’t make a run for it. She hadn’t tried to escape the house in a while, but Iris didn’t trust her not to see a bunny outside or something and try to follow it.
‘We may have slept together.’
‘You what?!’
‘Bex,’ Iris hissed. ‘Keep your voice down!’
‘Sorry. You what?!’ she whisper-shouted.
‘We slept together, and it was amazing. Like, earth-shattering, and now I don’t know what to do.’
‘Do what you always do.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Her cousin sat across from her with her arms over her chest. They looked nothing alike. Apparently, Bex looked like her dad, tall and strong with wild blond curls, and a booming voice. Iris looked like hers, and neither took after their mothers.
‘You are the queen of one-night stands, Iris. When was the last time you actually dated a guy?’
Iris sighed. ‘Eleventh grade.’
‘Exactly.’
‘But he has a kid, Bex. This is serious.’
‘A kid you already love and take care of all day long.’
Iris looked at where Olive was now reciting some kind of poem or song or something for Hazel and Noah. When she’d first started working for Archer, Iris remembered how closed off Olive had been, how lonely and sad. She’d come a long way.
And maybe Iris had, too.
She’d been terrified of kids before, convinced she never wanted any of her own. And now, maybe, she could picture a life with Olive in it.
‘Look, Iris, it’s like any other relationship. Maybe it will work out and maybe it won’t, but judging by the way you two were looking at each other, I think it’s worth a shot.’
‘But what if it doesn’t work out?’
‘Then it doesn’t.’
‘But what about Olive? Bex, you know how things were when we were kids. You know the men that waltzed in and out of my mom’s life, and mine. Every time, I got my hopes up, and every time, they left. I don’t want to do that to Olive.’
‘Iris Lyn Fraser, you are being crazy.’
‘Thank you. I feel crazy. That’s very validating.’
Bex smiled. ‘You are nothing like those dudes. Look, I love your mom, but she made bad choices in men. A lot of bad choices.’
‘But those men weren’t bad. They were kind and funny. I liked them. And then she’d just … get tired of them.’
‘Okay, I’m confused. Are you afraid you’re like your mother, or the men she brought home?’
‘Both?’
‘Iris.’
‘Help me! I don’t know what to do.’
‘I think you do. I think you know exactly what to do but you’re too afraid to admit it.’
Iris scowled. This was why she didn’t talk to Bex. Her cousin knew her too damn well. And Iris did not feel like being called out right now. She felt achy inside.
Luckily for her, Olive was skipping back to their table.
‘I’m back!’
‘Oh good.’ Iris sent a smug smile at Bex and her cousin returned the gesture by sticking out her tongue. ‘How are Hazel and Noah?’
‘Good. I showed them my new dance.’
‘I’m sure they loved it.’
‘They did. They’re going on a trip to an island and they’re going to bring me back a souvenir.’
‘Wow, lucky you.’
Olive grinned at her, right before she swiped the remaining whipped cream from her plate and dabbed it on Iris’s nose.
‘Got you! Now you match me and Dad!’ she squealed with delight.
And for some crazy reason the whole thing made Iris want to cry.