Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
‘H ey, Dad.’
‘Hey, Arch. How’s it going?’
Archer sighed.
‘It’s going okay.’ He leaned back against his headboard. Olive had just finished her weekly chat with his dad and Iris had taken her to bed. When Iris had scooped her up, Olive giggling and shrieking in her arms, Archer was a goner.
They all just made sense together. Didn’t Iris see it?
He’d been losing his mind over the past week. He’d been trying to give Iris space. He didn’t want to push her into anything she didn’t want, but now he had no idea what was going on in her head. She’d barely spoken to him about anything other than the basics for Olive’s day and it was making him crazy.
‘It’s clearly not okay, so why don’t you just tell me what’s going on.’
‘Things with Iris have … escalated.’
His father arched a gray eyebrow. ‘Escalated? In what way?’
In what way? In a way that they’d slept together and it had altered Archer’s entire brain chemistry, and now he had been left in a torturous limbo and he was tiptoeing around his own house.
‘I think I accidentally fell in love with her.’
The shock on his father’s face through his laptop screen would have been comical if Archer wasn’t feeling destroyed inside.
‘You fell in love with her?’
‘Yes.’
Yes. He was in love with Iris.
He’d never been in love with anyone in his entire life, but here he was, in love with the woman he’d hired to take care of his daughter, the woman who was apparently allergic to long-term relationships and the idea of motherhood, and he didn’t know what to do about it.
His father sat back in his desk chair, swiveling slightly from side to side. Archer had thrown him for a loop. His dad did not fidget. He had an opinion about everything. He never held back. And now he was looking at Archer like he had no idea what to say or how to handle the situation.
It was not comforting, to say the least.
His stepmother’s face appeared on the screen. ‘Sorry to butt in,’ she said, ‘but I couldn’t help overhearing your problem, Archie.’ Probably because she had been sitting in the same room as his father, working on her latest cross-stitch pattern. Archer had received more pillows with Bible verses stitched on them than he knew what to do with. They were currently all shoved in a hall closet.
‘How does Iris feel about all this?’ Cathi asked, her face now completely eclipsing his father’s.
‘She … uh…’
Cathi frowned. ‘Well, there you go.’
‘What does that mean?’ Archer snapped.
‘You need to talk to her, Archie. Like, really talk to her. Find out what she wants.’
That was the problem. He had talked to Iris, and she told him what she wanted. She wanted this to be purely physical. She’d been upfront about that from the start. He was the one who wanted more. He was the one hoping she’d change her mind.
He was an idiot.
‘Thanks, Cathi. You’re right.’
His stepmother smiled. ‘Good. Glad I could help.’ And with her job done, she disappeared from the screen.’
His father came back into view, a confused crease still between his brows.
‘What is it, Dad? Why are you looking at me like that?’
His dad shook his head. ‘Sorry. It’s just … you’ve never talked about anyone like this before. It’s good, Arch. I’m happy for you.’
Archer scoffed. ‘Well, don’t get too excited about it. I don’t think we want the same things.’
‘People change their minds about what they want all the time.’
‘Maybe.’
‘I’m proud of you, anyway.’
‘Proud of me for falling for a woman who doesn’t want me? Gee, thanks, Dad.’
His dad chuckled. ‘I’m serious. Work was all you cared about for years, Arch. And while I’m proud of you for pursuing that dream, it’s nice to see you finding other things to pursue. Even if it doesn’t work out with this girl, it’s good that you’re trying.’
It didn’t feel good. It all felt pretty shitty, actually, but Archer didn’t have time to explain that before Olive tore back into his room, freshly bathed and sporting her new jammies.
‘I need to show Grandpa my sloths!’ she said, climbing back up onto his bed and crawling into his lap. Archer readjusted the laptop to accommodate her.
‘Hey, there’s my little Livie again.’
‘Look! Sloths!’ Olive pulled out her pajama top to display her sloths.
‘Oh, wow, look at those! Very stylish.’
‘Move over, Jim, I want to see her jammies too.’ Cathi was back, nudging his dad to the side and Archer had to laugh. His parents were so happy about having a granddaughter. His mother had sent multiple postcards from Chile and Olive had them all over her bulletin board. So between his three parents and Cate’s mom, Olive had no shortage of doting grandparents and Archer was so thankful for that.
He could never have done this alone.
He glanced up and found Iris hovering in the doorway, her expression dreamy as she watched Olive talk to her new grandparents.
He hadn’t done any of this alone.
Iris caught him watching her and she gave him a shy smile. ‘Sorry. I tried to tell her it was your turn to talk to your dad, but she was very determined about showing off her jammies,’ she said quietly.
Archer slid Olive and his laptop off his lap and let her finish her conversation. He joined Iris in the doorway.
‘It’s okay. She’s excited.’
‘Yeah.’ Iris’s gaze kept flicking back between Olive and his face. ‘Sorry I’ve been so weird this week.’
He shrugged. ‘It’s a weird situation.’
‘I don’t want you to think I regret anything, because I don’t.’
Archer’s heartbeat ramped up, but he kept his face neutral. ‘Me neither.’
‘Maybe we can go out somewhere later, just you and me. I can call Kimmy to babysit.’
Archer grinned. ‘Sure. Meet me in the kitchen at nine.’
Iris smiled back. ‘I’ll be there.’
* * *
‘Hey, Mom.’
‘Hey to you, my little flower. It’s been a while.’
‘I know, sorry.’ She loved her mom but neither of them were very good about setting aside time to catch up.
Iris hung her head over the side of her bed, letting her hair brush the carpet, her phone held to her ear. It was eight o’clock. She had an hour before her ‘date’ with Archer and she felt weird and nervous.
‘Anything wrong?’ her mom asked.
‘Not particularly.’
‘Hmm … okay. So, what’s new? How’s the new job?’
‘It’s fine.’
Her mom laughed and the sound was familiar and comforting. Her mom had a good laugh. ‘So, you called to tell me you’re okay and your job is fine.’
Iris sighed, somehow her mother still had her powers of mom perception, even long-distance.
‘Mom, did you want to be a mom?’
‘Of course, I did!’
‘Too fast of an answer, Mom. I want the truth. When you found out you were pregnant with me, were you happy? Or scared? Did you always dream about being a mom or was it an accident?’
‘Iris, honey, where is all this coming from? Are you pregnant?’
Iris started coughing and nearly choked on her spit. She rolled over, bringing her head back up onto the mattress.
‘God, no,’ she said when she’d caught her breath. ‘I just… I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately.’
‘Oh.’
‘I’m not like going to judge you or anything. I’m just wondering how you felt at the time. I know you love me, and I always felt loved as a kid.’
She could feel her mother’s sigh through the phone. ‘Well, that’s a relief. I loved being your mom.’
‘I know.’
‘But if I’m being honest…’
Her mother paused for so long that Iris held the phone away from her ear to see if they’d been disconnected, but then her mother started speaking again.
‘I wasn’t married, obviously, and I had no intention of marrying your father. He wasn’t … the father type. So, yeah, I was scared, of course I was.’
‘I get that.’
‘Your aunt took me to the clinic, you know. She said she would help me with whatever I decided, and I did the same for her two months later… But in the end, I decided I wanted you. Even though I was still terrified.’
‘You were terrified?’
‘Of course! Every mother is. And if they say they aren’t, they’re lying. Motherhood is terrifying and complicated and not for everyone. But I never regretted my decision, even for a second, even when you refused to sleep between the hours of 2am and 4am for the first four months of your life.’
Iris let out a little laugh. ‘Sorry about that.’
‘Forgiven. Now, did I answer your question? Did that help?’
‘It did. Thanks.’
‘Good.’ She could hear her mother’s smile through the phone.
‘One more question.’
‘Wow, Iris! Are you writing a book about me?’
‘Not yet,’ Iris said, dryly. Lord knew, she had enough material to fill several volumes. ‘But have you ever been in love?’
Her mother didn’t hesitate this time and Iris wasn’t surprised by her answer. ‘Plenty of times.’
‘But you’ve never stayed with any of those men.’
Her mother blew out a long sigh. ‘Just because I loved them didn’t mean I could stand living with them.’
Iris’s heart sank. Was she like that, too? Would she tire of this relationship with Archer and hurt him and Olive in the process? She hated the idea of getting Olive’s hopes up about being a family and then squashing them. It had happened to her one too many times as a kid.
‘Some of us just aren’t built for monogamy, babe,’ her mother said. ‘I am sorry if that affected you as a kid, but moms are people, too, you know? I did my best.’
‘I know, Mom. You did great.’ And she had done great. Iris’s childhood had been filled with laughter and dancing around the kitchen and dinners with her aunt and cousin and it was beautiful and fun, and her mother had done her best.
Maybe Iris could do her best even if it wasn’t perfect. Maybe it would be enough for the people she loved.
Her mother laughed. ‘Well, good because we can’t go back and redo it now.’
‘No, and I wouldn’t want to.’
‘I love you, Iris.’
‘Love you too, Mom.’
They said their goodbyes and Iris promised to call more often, as she always did, and her mom promised, too, and then she hung her head back over the side of the bed. She didn’t know if she felt better or worse about her ability to commit to a real-life relationship.
But she did know one thing, one thing she’d somehow managed to forget. She may not have had a father, but she’d always had a family who loved her. Her mom and aunt and Bex, their own little female-only commune. Iris knew how to be part of a family.
So if she decided she wanted more with Archer, if she decided she wanted to join his family, she could do it. Even if she was still a little bit terrified.