Chapter Fifty-Eight Gemma
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Gemma
Anna won’t talk to me. I can barely bring myself to eat. She hasn’t answered my calls in five days. Not a text, not an email, not even a “piss off.”
Total radio silence. And I don’t know what’s worse. We’ve never gone this long without speaking before.
Not that I can blame her. I can barely look at myself.
But the part that keeps me up at night—the part that guts me—is knowing that something happened.
Something’s broken her spirit and I’m not there.
I’m not at my best friend’s side. I’m not helping her through it.
And I’m the reason why. Because I was too wrapped up in my own self-centered distractions.
And Max… although he hasn’t been back in the office since last Friday, he’s tried calling me every day. Once, twice, sometimes three times. I’ve watched his name appear on the screen, desperate to answer and tell him that I didn’t mean it. That I want him to stay. But instead, I let them ring out.
He’s left nine voice messages on my phone—nine—and I can’t bring myself to listen to a single one. The thought of hearing his voice makes my chest constrict.
He’s leaving Sunday morning after April’s wedding.
Three days.
The moment I hear his voice, I’ll crumble. I have to stay strong and walk away before any more damage can be done. To him, to Anna, and me.
Opening our text thread, I reread over his messages for what must be the fiftieth time. I’m torturing myself at this point.
Max: Answer your phone.
Max: Please let me know you’re okay.
Max: You can’t just end things like this. We need to talk.
Max: I don’t want our last interaction to be the last time I see you. I need to see that beautiful face, sweetheart.
Max: I know you told me to go. But I’m still here.
Every time I read his words, a new hole pierces my lungs.
My thumb hovers over the keyboard, tempted to type out a response, but I catch myself, chewing my nail instead. I’ve almost bitten them down to the bloody quick.
To make matters worse, I’ve fallen down the deep, dark rabbit hole of TikTok tarot readers.
My page has been inundated with videos of women telling me that “a divine masculine energy is coming toward me” and that “Spirit wants you to know that you’ve been separated from your love in order to grow and heal your inner child. ”
Sod right off.
I drop my phone as if it’s on fire and bury my head in my hands. I’ve officially hit rock bottom.
I manage to shower, pull on clothes, and pretend I’m a functioning adult. My hair is still damp, dark circles below my eyes, and my chest feels like it’s collapsing, but I put one foot in front of the other, dragging myself to work.
First things first: coffee.
I walk the same route I take every morning after hopping off the Tube, rounding the corner to SoHo Gardens, reaching into my pocket for my phone to pay.
And then I stop in my tracks.
“No,” I breathe. “No, no, no—”
Lance’s kiosk is boarded up. Closed.
It’s never closed.
I hurry toward it, my eyes burning as I squint to read the small handwritten sign propped against the shutter.
Closed until further notice.
“Lance,” I whisper, a tear spilling. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”
I didn’t even get to smell his fresh Danishes one last time.
“What’s your favorite thing about your job?”
And now he’s gone too.
“Ah!” Louise jumps and Theo yelps as they round the corner of the kitchenette, almost running into me.
I roll my eyes. We side-step each other awkwardly, like some sort of Irish Riverdance.
I’m in no mood for her bullshit this morning.
“You…” Louise’s eyes narrow to thin slits.
She gives me a once-over, scoffing when she takes in my appearance. “Wow. You look great,” she says. “Up all night boozing?”
Theo snorts, knocking his elbow against hers. “Good one, Louise.”
“Do you practice being awful in the mirror each morning, or does being a massive twat just come naturally?” I snap.
She crosses her arms. “Whatever, Gemma. At least I actually checked the mirror when I left home this morning.”
“Oh, fuck off, Louise, you miserable cow.”
“GEMMA!” Henry’s voice booms across the office. I flit my gaze to him.
Louise and Theo snicker.
He lifts his brows. “My office. Now.”
Shit.
“What was that about?” Henry asks, sitting across from me.
“I’m in a bad mood,” I say, waving him off.
“You’ve been in a foul mood all week. The launch went well, the hotel is open, and people are loving it. So, what’s the problem?” he presses.
I swallow thickly.
He leans back in his chair. “Damn it, Gemma.” He points a finger at me. “I warned you about this.”
“I know you did,” I shoot back.
He sighs. “So, what happened?”
Reluctantly, I recount everything. From the launch party to Anna discovering us together, to me fleeing and Max running after me in the rain. I tell him about my decision to push him away, and—finally—I tell him about Lance.
By the time I’m finished, I’m emotionally spent.
“And that’s why I told Louise to fuck off,” I conclude.
Henry doesn’t react. He watches me with an expression I can’t decipher.
“What?” I finally ask, feeling uncomfortable under his scrutiny.
“You told Max you love him?” he asks, visibly startled.
“Is that all you took from everything I just said?”
“No, I heard you… let me get this straight.” He rubs his temples. “Max told you he loves you.”
I nod.
He shifts in his chair. “Then Anna finds you two together and your response was to run away—literally—then he chased after you in the rain and poured his heart out to you a second time.”
I nibble on my lower lip, flinching, because it does sound pretty bad. “Yeah.”
“And your strategic decision was to push him away. Do I have that right?” he asks.
I hum in approval.
He throws out his arms. “You bloody clown!”
“Hey!” I warn him.
“No! Come on, Gemma,” he says, astonished. “The man loves you. Are you seriously that emotionally stunted?”
My spine snaps straight as my defense kicks in. “Anna’s my best friend, Henry. You should have seen how hurt she was. She asked me not to touch her brother, she’s been through this with a friend before, and I—”
“Stop. Just stop.” He holds up a hand to silence me. “Have you put yourself first in any of this?”
“Henry—” I plant my palms on his desk, leaning in. “All I’ve done these past few weeks is think of myself. I thought of myself when I should have been thinking about Anna!”
“Anna is a big girl. She’ll live. And then what?” He shrugs. “Max goes back to New York, and you stay here, both completely miserable? A true friend doesn’t do that to the people they love.”
I fall silent.
He sighs. “You think it’s always been smooth sailing with me and Nate?
We’ve been through hell and back to be together.
But it was all worth it. It was never going to be easy, Gemma.
But real love never is. It’s seeing someone for everything they are and accepting all of it—fighting for it.
It’s knowing that no matter how hard things get, that person is worth every battle, every uncomfortable conversation.
Every sacrifice. It’s messy and it’s inconvenient and it rarely comes when we’re ready for it. ”
His voice softens. “I’ve known you a long time now.
And in all those years, I’ve never seen you light up the way you do when Max walks into the room.
And from what I’ve seen during his time here, I’m willing to bet he feels the same.
You’ve hit a roadblock with Anna. Fine. Work through it like adults.
Talk to her, send a carrier pigeon—I don’t give a damn what you do.
But don’t use her as an excuse to run away from something that scares you just because it’s real. ”
He fixes me with a stern look. “You’ve gotten this far in your career because you’ve never been afraid to take risks. So why is your personal life any different?”
“It’s not that simple,” I protest weakly.
“Who are you? Because this isn’t the Gemma I know.
The Gemma I know isn’t afraid to fight for what she wants.
The Gemma I know doesn’t give up. Of course it’s not simple.
Emotions rarely are. But are you really going to let him go without even trying?
Without confronting Anna? Without even listening to what Max has to say? ”
He clasps his hands. “You’ve spent the better part of five years keeping everyone at arm’s length.
And that’s worked for you, sure.” He shrugs.
“But ask yourself this—ten years from now, twenty years from now, which will you regret more? Taking a chance on something real that might not work out, or never knowing what could have been because you were too scared to try?”
Well, shit.
I know I’ll drive myself mad if I don’t give Max a shot, but the idea of confronting Anna floods my mind with all the worst-case scenarios. Will it make matters worse? Does she think I’m not good enough for Max? What if it gets nasty? What if she’s so mad at me, she refuses to understand?
I want to believe our friendship is stronger than this, but if she does forgive me, can she ever trust me again?
“Take the rest of the day and tomorrow,” Henry says unexpectedly. “You’ve worked hard these last few weeks and achieved amazing results. Go have a break. Enjoy April’s wedding.”
My body temperature plummets at the mention of April’s wedding.
Max will be there.
My own heartbreak aside, I need to make things right between me and Anna. I can’t stand between my two best friends and pretend that everything is okay. Regardless of whatever happens with Max, I can’t lose Anna too.
I blink, surprised. “Are you ordering me as my boss or my friend?”
He smiles. “Both. And I’m sorry about Lance. Really, I am.”
I acknowledge silently and stand to leave when he stops me. “And, by the way, Gemma?”
I peer at him over my shoulder, hand on the doorknob.
“I agree with you,” he adds.
My brows furrow in confusion.
“Louise really is a miserable cow,” he declares.
For the first time in nearly a week, I smile.