18. Elijah
18
Elijah
I woke up this morning feeling off. Last night ended so weirdly. It’s as though there are so many secrets flying between us, and I’m always the last one to know.
Always on the outside looking in.
Why wasn’t Gwen with us on this vacation?
What happened between Tobias and his dad?
Why does Tobias send my brain 50,000 miles per hour every single day, and I’m just supposed to act like it’s normal? Why, why, why?
I groaned into my pillow. This is excruciating. I’m supposed to be less stressed on vacation, not more.
I checked my phone for the time. 9:08 am. I got up, took a hot shower, brushed my teeth, and got ready for the day.
The house was suspiciously quiet as I made my way past their bedrooms and down the stairs. Was I the first person up?
I made my way through the living room and out the back doors to step onto the back deck. The air was still crisp from the morning. Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and listened to the birds chirping. I love being here. This was definitely my happy place.
I opened my eyes and walked over to the dock to sit and dip my feet in the water.
Laughter and chatter echoed across the water, and I looked to see where it was coming from.
Looks like Tobias and dad were heading in on paddle boards. Whatever they were talking about, it looked like a great conversation.
My jealousy started flaring up. I could feel it. Who I was more jealous of? I’m not quite sure.
I was always dad’s golden boy, but somewhere along the way, Tobias has slipped in with his charm and good looks. He’s always been the good one.
I rolled my eyes before looking down at my feet bobbing in and out of the water.
I was his friend first. I brought him into our lives, and dad is buddy buddy with him.
They got closer to the shore, and I decided to head in to start making breakfast.
Hope they’re okay with French toast and bacon.
***
“Hey, son!” Dad sang, coming into the house. “Man, the water is so beautiful in the morning. You should come out there afterward.” He said, coming over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek and pat on the back. “I’m going to go shower first before breakfast. That smells great.” He smiled before running up the stairs.
“Morning.” I huffed after him. Flipping the bacon over, I let it sizzle for a couple of minutes before dropping it on the plate next to me.
I turned to look over my shoulder. Tobias was standing there, no shirt on, gulping a tall glass of water.
“Do you ever have a shirt on?” I snipped.
He laughed, which almost made him choke up his water. “Only every day.” He said, wiping his mouth off.
“Yeah, well, I feel like you’re always either wet or topless or both,” I said, turning off the stove.
“Does that make you mad? Turned on? Or both?” He teased, resting the glass in the sink.
I swallowed deeply. Was it that obvious that it was all of the above?
Fuck. I’m going to get stress hives.
He looked as though he was analyzing my facial expression. “I’m joking.” He finally said, cutting through the awkward silence.
“I know.” I rolled my eyes.
“You do? You didn’t answer, so I wasn’t sure if you knew.” He smirked.
“I can’t stand you. You know that?” I shook my head, picking up the plates of french toast and bacon and nudging him out of my way so that I could drop it off on the table.
“You don’t let me forget it. Why that is, I still don’t know.” Tobias groaned before picking up a piece of bacon and biting a chunk off.
“Oh come on. Your clueless act infuriates me. How could you be so damn dense? Do you need me to spell it out for you?” I stepped up to him.
He clenched his jaw. “If it’d make you feel better. If letting it out will finally let you get over it. Maybe, just maybe, we can move on and act normal for once.”
“Well, we can’t act normal, Tobias. I don’t want to. I’d rather hate you for everything because if I don’t…” I bit my tongue. I already said too much.
“What? No. Say it. Let it out. Let’s do this.” Tobias said, dropping his piece of bacon back on the plate. “What’d I do to you that was so terribly bad you just can’t forgive me?”
“You were there, Tobias!” I blurted out. “I could’ve gotten over everything else. But you just had to be there on the worst night of my life.” I could feel the pressure build up behind my eyes. He went silent. “I could get over all the name calling and constant teasing your so-called “friends” terrorized me with all through high school, but I can’t get over the fact that you knew that they were going to expose me like that the night of the art show and you didn’t do anything beforehand. You knew and didn’t stop them.” Betraying tears rimmed my eyes, threatening to tip over.
“You were supposed to be my friend, Tobias. My brother.” I clenched my fists by my side. “My dad may see you as a bright, shining star, but I see you for who you truly are. Weak.”
Tobias recoiled as though my sharp words had physically pushed him. As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt a rush of immediate regret. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tobias so hurt.
“Elijah.” Dad’s voice cut in. I turned to see my father standing there at the edge of the kitchen. Hurt, confused, and devastated. “Is that true, Tobias? Did you know?”
“I-I-” Tobias stuttered, looking back and forth between us both. “Elijah, I am so…so sorry.” He sniffed back some tears. “You have to know if I would’ve known what they were planning, I would’ve tried to stop them—” He bowed his head down, and I watched as tears fell from his eyes onto the kitchen floor.
“But you knew on some level. You knew those boys were bothering him, but you never spoke up about it. You never told me about it?” Dad’s voice sounded strained.
I didn’t mean for dad to overhear that, but now it’s all out in the open. I’m not crazy for being angry. Right?... Right?
“Jude, please–” Tobias reached out his hand, but dad stepped back.
“I think I…I need to take a walk.” Dad turned to walk out the door, and with that, I felt a wave of regret.
“You know…you go on and on about me getting my own life, which is fair. Maybe I need one of my own. But so do you, Elijah. So do you.” Tobias said before leaving me there in the kitchen…alone.
***
The next few days have been awkward, to say the least.
The air in the lake house has shifted, and I can’t help but feel like it’s all my fault.
Okay, it is all my fault. I admit it. That was a private conversation that should’ve happened between Tobias and me years ago.
I didn’t mean for it to come between dad and him. Truthfully, since being here, I’ve seen how their relationship is sort of…heartwarming. My dad is an amazing dad who has so much love in him to share, and I was selfish in that.
I laid my back down on the dock and looked up at the evening sky. Tobias was running laps through the trails around the house, apparently while dad was taking a nap upstairs. We were all so… separated.
And it’s all my fault.
Other than asking him to do certain things around the house, dad hasn’t really talked to Tobias in the same way since the truth came out. I can tell that the truth has made him see Tobias in a new light.
I thought this feeling would feel good, but it has only made me feel awful.
I’ve been so consumed with my confusing feelings about Tobias for what has felt like forever that it’s all just come out wrong. I rubbed my hand down my face and groaned. I really fucked up this time. I don’t want dad to lose his relationship with Tobias. And I don’t want Tobias to lose what he had with my dad, either. As much as I hate how close they’ve become, I see the beauty in it, too.
Tobias has such a shit person for a father, no wonder he finds so much comfort in mine.
Sitting up on the dock, I looked back at the house. This lakehouse is full of so many great memories, and my dumbass brought all of my old shit here to taint that.
Sighing, I realized I had to do something.
We could really have a fun time together here this summer if I just got my shit together.
I have a whole month with both of them here, which gives me plenty of time.