Chapter 34 – Raelyn
Chapter Thirty-Four
RAELYN
This evening has gone absolutely nothing like I expected. My body is pleasantly sore from the training, and my skin is still flushed from the embarrassment of Kian walking in on me in the bath and me flashing him moments ago. What in the hells is wrong with me? Did I forget how to walk?
Kian’s words replay in my head. “It’s just a body.” Did he mean to imply there’s nothing special about my body?
I mean, I think he finds me attractive. I can recall multiple occasions now when I’ve clearly felt his attraction due to our proximity.
Sinking onto the floor of the closet, I put my head in my hands. My body is buzzing with energy from Kian’s blood and everything that happened. All I know is that I’ve never been so turned on in my entire life than when I tasted it . . . him. Was that purely the blood, or was it Kian?
I think back to the strength that surged through my body when I had a drop of Stepmother’s blood and how I almost broke through the door with my fist. I wasn’t turned on then . . . and yet . . . the night I tasted the vigilante’s blood, I experienced a similar feeling, only, not quite as strong.
My mind also can’t even begin to wrap around the fact that we quite possibly confirmed I’m part of the sun god’s lineage. Mind blowing. Life altering. What in the ever-loving hells am I to do with this information?
The tonic still hasn’t completely left my system. Hennig told me I should probably take a few small doses over the next week to avoid any terrible withdrawal symptoms. I can’t wait to test out more of my theories . . . see what being out in the sun can do for me. Already, I feel so much stronger.
Just to experiment, I unwrap the thick, fluffy towel from my body and try ripping it in half. To my surprise, or perhaps not, it rips cleanly with little to no effort. I grin. This could be interesting.
I’m desperate to do more research on what this all means, but for now, I pull on a long, comfy tunic and soft pants. Once I get some food in me, I plan on passing out from exhaustion.
Feeling slightly bad about ruining the towel, I decide to sew it back together. I carry both halves into the sitting area and hang them up after using one half to thoroughly dry my hair.
The cozy spot by the fire calls my name, and I sink onto the settee.
My heart rate is still elevated from all of the excitement, so I pick up my needlepoint project to work on while I wait for the food to arrive.
Ever since Kian said the lion was the sun god’s preferred shifted form, I keep wondering if that’s who I’ve been dreaming of, who I unintentionally created a likeness of.
Was he a long-lost ancestor? My gut feeling says that he isn’t too far back in the family line despite the information that says the gods haven’t procreated in hundreds of years.
What if Kyros had done so secretly? I can’t help but wonder once again who my true father is.
The longing to know who I am and where I came from is overwhelming.
What would the king make of this information? Surely, the godsblood would be my saving grace in society, even if I’m not a true Astoria.
“You look deep in thought.” Kian’s baritone voice surrounds me, making goosebumps break out on my skin. I can’t stop thinking about how good he felt and how much I enjoyed having his arms around me.
“I was just thinking that perhaps we could stop lying to the king.”
He sits down next to me, raising a brow. “How do you figure?”
“Well”—I gesture at myself awkwardly—“would he dare to execute one of the only potential demi-gods in centuries?”
Kian stiffens and leans back. “To be honest, it could go one of two ways . . .” He ticks off one finger.
“Either he will be overjoyed at the prospect of adding more godsblood into our family line through you and demand we produce an heir immediately.” He ticks off another finger.
“Or he will see you as a threat to his rule, since the kingdom was established by a child of the gods. If your blood is purer than ours—which, let’s face it, it clearly is—he would eliminate you out of fear that you would lay claim to the throne. ”
My eyes widen. “But I have no desire to take over the kingdom!”
“You might say that now, but my father holds tightly to his rule. Not just him, but my brother—his heir—will likely see you as a threat to his position as well. I can’t imagine Colin murdering my wife, but I wouldn’t put it past Father.”
“Hells. Another secret,” I moan.
Kian puts an arm around my shoulders and squeezes in what he must think is a reassuring way, but it really isn’t. I’m terrified of what this newfound information means, what my heritage could imply for our kingdom.
“Rae, look at me,” Kian says softly.
I turn my gaze to him, trying to hold back the fear and the tears that threaten to spill.
“I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ve got you. I promise.”
I try to nod, but my lip quivers and the tears slip free anyway.
“Oh love,” Kian says, using a thumb to swipe them away before pulling me into his arms. My body stiffens at the contact, but when he rubs my back, I melt into him, accepting the comfort.
I close my eyes and take in his scent of leather and spice.
I’m starting to love the smell of him. I can almost taste him on my tongue, the memory still vivid.
As heat floods my core, I push away and sit up, not wanting to put myself in another compromising position with him.
“Thank you,” I say, needing him to know I’m grateful for the comfort.
“I want to be here for you, however you need me,” Kian replies.
“However I need you?” I ask, and I’m shocked at the sultriness of my voice and the fact that I even said that to begin with. Damn hormones and blood.
Kian’s eyes darken, and he leans in toward me, a glint of something in his expression I can’t quite decipher. “Did you have something specific in mind, little goddess?”
“What if I need . . . release?” My face immediately flushes. Who the hells are you, and what have you done with Raelyn? I ask myself furiously.
“Are you asking for my assistance?” Kian’s voice is a low purr, wreaking havoc on my insides.
I freeze, unable to react or respond. What did I do? How do I get out of this? I don’t really want this, do I?
Kian reaches a hand to my cheek, his thumb gently running along my lower lip before tilting my head back. He moves just a bit closer and trails his hand down so it rests lightly around my throat. “Tell me what you want, love. Just say it, and it’s yours.”
My body is alight from his touch. It’s too much. It’s not enough. I don’t know if this is what I want. I take a breath to say something—what, I’m not entirely sure—when the door opens and a maid brings in a tray of food.
The spell broken, I pull away and get up, marching toward the table and thanking the maid. Turning back to Kian I say, “I feel like I could eat a horse.”
Kian chuckles. “Don’t let Phantom hear that.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I laugh as I start piling food onto my plate.
I’m purposely avoiding my husband. Again.
If I close my eyes, I can see his smoldering gaze staring me down across the table last night during dinner.
Would something have happened if we hadn’t been interrupted?
I lay awake for hours, wondering if he would slip into our bed.
All I had to comfort, or perhaps torture, myself with were images of his shirtless body gleaming with sweat, muscles bunching as he lunged for me, disarmed me .
. . and my fingers, wishing they were his.
I pick up a book and fan myself with it. This is not why you’re here. Focus, Rae!
The hidden library alcove I’m seated in is cozy.
I brought a warm blanket from our rooms so I could hole up here all day.
It’s pouring rain and completely overcast, so I’m not able to go experiment in the sun anyway, as much as I want to test and see just how strong the godsblood is within me.
Being alone with my books is my comfort zone, and I don’t want to be disturbed.
I’m trying to read anything I can get my hands on about the gods and their offspring.
Flipping a page, I yelp when the sharp edge slices into my finger.
I look around for a handkerchief or something to staunch the flow but stop when the drop of blood on my finger catches the light.
I’m almost mesmerized at the shimmer. It’s so faint, it’s hardly noticeable.
I try to recall if I’ve ever noticed that before, but nothing comes to mind, or perhaps I’ve just never thought to look.
Why would I have ever suspected this about myself?
Absolutely no reason. Because my family has lied to me my entire life. Not bitter at all, huh, Rae?
I suck the blood off my fingertip after not finding anything to bind it, and to my surprise, the cut has already sealed.
That’s new . . . but the books do say advanced healing is a part of being a demi-god.
Perhaps my blood intake from Kian boosted my abilities despite the lack of sunshine.
Plus, it was only a papercut, not exactly a mortal wound. Fascinating though.
Anger and betrayal cut me like a knife every time I think about how my father spent my entire life trying to keep me weak. What a fool I’d been to trust him . . . but he was the only father I knew.
I let out a muffled groan of frustration at all the conflicting feelings running through me. I’m exhausted.