Chapter 42 – Raelyn
Chapter Forty-Two
RAELYN
Golden eyes and frightful roars haunt me—chills snake up and down my spine. I’m running. Running away from or toward something? The air is filled with smoke, and my vision is blurred. I’m drowning in the dark, and I can’t tell which way is up. I’ve been here before. I hate it here.
With a gasp, I awake and sit bolt upright in bed. Where in the hells am I? Nothing looks familiar.
“Raelyn!” A familiar voice breaks through the fog.
“Sera?” I rasp. My throat is on fire, and the strange taste in my mouth makes me want to vomit.
“I’m here, Raelyn. What do you need?”
“Water,” I croak.
A large glass is thrust into my hand, and I look up at Sera’s relieved face. She looks the same . . . but her clothing is all wrong. I gulp down the water greedily and hand her back the empty glass.
“Thank you,” I manage to get out, grateful my voice sounds more normal to my ears. “What in the hells happened? Where am I?”
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Sera asks, squeezing her hands in her skirts.
“Sera, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry, that’s the last thing I meant to do.”
“What’s going on?”
“You were drugged . . . and attacked.” She winces, as if hating to be the bearer of such bad news.
My eyes widen, and fear clamps down like a vise in my chest; it’s heavy, and I’m panicking, my breathing quickening as I hyperventilate.
“Why can’t I remember . . . Why can’t I remember?”
Tears prick my eyes, and Sera throws her arms around me, rubbing soothing circles on my back. “You’re okay. You’re all right. I promise.”
“But am I?” I squeak out.
She pulls back, smoothing my hair out of my face in an almost maternal way. “Raelyn, you are safe. I stopped him before he was able to truly harm you.”
I heave a shuddering breath. To lose my memory is one thing, but the unknown of what happened or could have happened haunts me, and I try to continue breathing deeply to calm myself.
Sera pulls me back into her arms, and I wrap mine around her neck, letting the comforting familiarity bring me back to myself . . . What can I last remember?
A glint of gold catches my eye, and I look at my forearm. What in the realms? Is that a—no, it can’t be.
I shriek, causing a heart-stoppingly handsome man to burst in through the door. “Raelyn! You’re awake!”
Awareness hits me that I’m in a light sleeping shift, so I scramble backward to hide under the covers from this man who acts like he knows me.
He freezes, a look of heartbreak in his eyes. “Sera?” he asks, turning toward her.
She shakes her head. “I’ll give you two a moment.”
When she turns to leave, I call out, “No, wait. Please don’t leave me alone in here.”
Her eyes look pained as she hesitates, her gaze flying between me and the handsome and somehow familiar stranger. “I promise you’re safe with him. I’ll be back in a moment.”
“Okay,” I say meekly, pulling the covers up to my chin, hating that she is leaving me alone.
The dark-haired man comes and sits on the edge of the bed, and my heart starts thundering in my chest. “I won’t hurt you,” he says, like he’s trying to reassure a skittish animal.
“Who are you?” I blurt out.
He swallows, almost as if he’s debating what to tell me, which makes me feel even worse. “I’m Kian—your husband.”
He holds up his left forearm, and there’s a matching band of gold woven around it. Shit. I’m bound and I don’t even remember it. I want to curl up into a ball and cry.
“I don’t understand,” I whisper. “How much time have I lost?”
“You’ve been asleep for almost a week. We’ve been so worried.” He runs a hand through his unkempt hair, and I note the dark circles beneath his eyes. “What is the last thing you remember?” he asks cautiously.
When I try to dig through my memories, everything feels like a dense fog. I’m completely lost, and I have no idea what to do.
“I don’t know . . . Everything is so murky. I know my name . . . I recognize Sera . . . but—” I throw my hands up, dropping the blanket. “I just don’t know. It’s all a blur.”
Kian pinches his brow and sighs. “I’m so sorry, Rae. This never should have happened.”
“We’re really bound?” I ask, my eyes dropping to the matching band around my right forearm and the sparkling ring on my forefinger.
Kian scoots closer on the bed. “May I?” he asks, his hand hovering near mine.
I hesitate but nod, and he grasps my hand, a zing of energy racing through me at the contact.
“You know . . . this isn’t the first time you’ve forgotten me,” he says, his thumb gently rubbing my hand.
“What?”
He laughs, almost bitterly. “I’m starting to think the gods don’t want us together.”
I twist my arm, and the golden bond glimmers in the light. “Wouldn’t this suggest the opposite?” I ask.
“So that you remember?” He smirks, and his smile makes something flutter in my stomach.
I suppose if I have to be bound, at least he’s not bad to look at.
I scrunch my nose and try to think. “I don’t know how to explain it. Certain facts just make sense to me, but when I try to think about events or what happened to me . . . it’s like wading through mud.”
His thumb continues to rub circles on my hand, and I take a deep breath. “I can’t even begin to imagine,” he says softly, and his voice does something to me.
I look up from our hands and meet his gaze, his smoky grey eyes drawing me in. “You feel . . . familiar,” I whisper. “I desperately wish I could remember.”
He leans in just a bit closer, placing my hand over his chest, where I can feel his heart racing. “Rae, I—” His gaze drops to my lips, and I find myself tilting my head up to meet him. My eyes flutter shut, but the bang of the door startles me, and I pull away.
“I’m sorry,” Sera looks between us and flushes bright red. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Kian clears his throat, dropping my hand and backing off. “No, it’s okay. Raelyn needs to finish the tonic the alchemist has been making for her. I nearly forgot.”
My heart is pounding, and I’m so confused. I don’t really know what to do with myself.
Sera holds up a vial and nods. “Yes, that’s why I’m here.”
“Perfect,” Kian says and rises from the bed but avoids my gaze. “I’ll check in on you later.”
“Okay.”
Sera comes back to my side and holds the vial up for me. I uncork it and sniff, the smell reminding me of the foul taste in my mouth when I woke up. “Do I have to?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” Sera says.
“Bottoms up,” I reply before downing the disgusting substance. “Ugh, this is almost as bad as the tonic Father makes me take every day.”
Sera makes a face before handing me a glass of water to wash it down, which I accept gratefully.
“Sera . . .?”
“Yes, Raelyn?”
“I’m really struggling to piece things together. Can you please tell me what you know? I’m hoping it might spark something . . . a memory maybe?”
Sera takes a deep breath and sits on the edge of my bed. “If you think that would help, of course I will.”
I lean back against the headboard and listen to her recount what little she knows of the last few months.
My eyes bug out of my face when she mentions the palace.
“Wait a damn minute,” I exclaim.
“Language!” Sera frowns.
I smile sheepishly. “Kian is the prince.”
Sera looks at me as if I’ve lost my damn mind. “You’re telling me you didn’t put that together yet?”
“It’s not like he said, ‘Hi, I’m Prince Kian, your husband,’ when he introduced himself,” I sass her.
She giggles. “True . . . but you know some things. I thought you’d remember the name of the prince of our realm!”
I frown, trying to think through my fuzzy brain . . . It’s as if the royal family is hidden in there somewhere, and while I’m aware of them, I can’t put faces and names to them. “It is odd,” I admit. “But gods, I can’t believe I’m a princess. What in the realms?”
Sera smiles broadly. “You asking the prince to hire me brought us back together after your evil stepmother fired me.”
“I still can’t believe Father is remarried . . . and she really fired most of the staff?”
Sera nods, wide-eyed. “Perhaps it’s good you don’t remember her treating you like a servant in your own home.”
“I’m not sure how to explain it, but when you tell me these things, they don’t feel like they could possibly be my life. It’s like you are telling stories about someone else’s.”
“That must be really scary,” Sera says.
“Sera . . . you’ve been with me, what, most of my life?”
“Just about,” she agrees. “I became your lady’s maid when you were sixteen. Before that, I helped in the kitchens.”
“Is this the first time I’ve lost my memory?” I’m almost afraid to ask, but I have to know. Kian said as much, but I need to hear it from someone else.
Sera’s eyes drop to the floor. “I—” She winces. “I can’t say.”
I frown. “I don’t understand.”
Sera looks at me, her violet eyes pleading. “I can’t say.”
“What do you mean?”
She shakes her head. She’s hiding something from me, but for some reason, she can’t tell me.
“I don’t understand,” I reply, tears welling up in my eyes. The feelings of betrayal and the loss of who I was—who I am—are so incredibly strong. Something was stolen from me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.
“I’m so sorry, Raelyn. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, it’s okay. I asked . . . I just can’t help but wonder how many times. How many times has someone messed with my memories? How many things have been stolen from me?”
Sera frowns. “I wish I could tell you . . . You were quite sick as a child though. I would overhear the cook talking about it.”
My heart is crushed in my chest. So much of my life is a blur, and now I wonder if something worse might be wrong with me because I don’t remember feeling this way before . . . but then how would I even know if my memories had been stolen?
“Hells, Sera. I don’t know what to do,” I cry. “How do I get my life back?”
Sera gives me a sad smile. “I’d give anything to have an answer for you, but perhaps you should try to rest. Maybe things will come back to you slowly.”
I slide down into the bed, curling my legs up into a ball. Sera comes and gently strokes my hair.
“I’ll be here if you need anything.”
Sleep comes hard and fast, and I’m alone with only my nightmares to haunt me.