Chapter 9 #2
Excitement had the older woman almost trotting across the garden to where the rose bushes with the bright yellow flowers were.
Bella followed her, carrying the flat basket they were using to gather the roses.
She was thrilled with the fact that Lady Dorothy was able to use the secateurs.
The implement took some hand strength and flexibility to operate and even a week ago it would have been too much of an ask.
The garden that had always been a passionate interest had been largely ignored since Bella had started working for Lady Dorothy because it had been too frustrating not to be able to do anything more than issue instructions for the gardener.
Yes, Bella was thrilled.
She just wasn’t happy.
So much was happening inside her head that, for the last week, her only escape had been to focus on her job, and that had been a shining light through the dark turmoil of everything else because she really did love Lady Dorothy.
She admired her elegance and applauded her courage and just adored her sense of humour.
And the way she was prepared to break convention and have a go at anything – like line dancing, for heaven’s sake – was a connection that drew Bella very strongly.
In her own way, Oliver Dawson’s mother was a bit of a rebel, and she understood Bella in a way that Oliver never would.
She took the yellow blooms that were now being cut and laid them in the basket. At any other time, the glorious perfume would have been a delight but right now it was making her feel distinctly queasy.
Bella was getting moments like this with increasing frequency, and they certainly weren’t confined to the mornings.
She could feel how tender her breasts were with every movement of her arms, too.
There was no escape from the fact that she was pregnant.
The days were ticking past and Bella still had no idea quite how she was going to handle it.
Watching Lady Dorothy, Bella could see that it was becoming more of a struggle to operate the secateurs. She wasn’t giving in to the difficulty, though. Or even the pain. Some people had so much courage and determination.
Like Kate.
Bella was still reeling from the story she’d been told that night when Kate had come back from her serious time with Connor out in the garden.
With tears running down her face, she’d told Bella about getting pregnant at fifteen and how she’d known she ought to get a termination but she couldn’t because she’d already loved that baby.
Part of Bella had been horrified by that. The father of the baby was at best a drop-kick boyfriend. At worst a vicious rapist. Another part of her had understood completely. It was an innocent baby and how could you not love it?
The reality of her situation had begun to penetrate then.
It was a baby that Bella had growing in her own womb.
It was no leap at all to feel a protective love for that tiny being.
And its father certainly wasn’t a drop-kick.
As Connor had pointed out, when he’d come in to join the discussion, if she’d gone to a sperm bank and listed the qualities she wanted for a perfect father, Oliver would have been at the top of the list with his good looks and intelligence and impeccable family background.
An abortion had never been an option, had it? No. The curly problem was how to handle the other people involved here. Oliver, of course. And Lady Dorothy. The other grandmother of this baby.
The woman who was finally reaching her physical limit in her current task.
‘Do you think that’s enough?’
‘Absolutely. Look, we’ve got a whole basket full.’
‘Are you good at arranging flowers, Bella?’
Bella sighed. ‘The way I arrange flowers is to plonk them in a vase, hold my breath, go wiffle wiffle with the stems and hope for the best.’
Lady Dorothy laughed. ‘Wonderful. I can just see my floral art teacher from when I was your age having to reach for her smelling salts. She was such an old fuddy-duddy.’
Her hand was trembling quite badly as she laid the secateurs in the basket with the roses. She tucked her arm through Bella’s to disguise the evidence of her discomfort. ‘Let’s go and find a vase.’
With the flowers arranged, albeit haphazardly, Bella found some anti-inflammatory gel and massaged Lady Dorothy’s hands.
And then it was time to take her blood-sugar levels and administer her evening dose of insulin.
Bella took her blood pressure as well and wrote her daily notes up neatly.
Flicking through the notes for the last week brought a wry smile to her lips.
How ironic that she had planned to impress Oliver and make him see what he was missing when she’d leave by doing her job as perfectly as possible.
She was performing at her absolute best now but she would never be able to impress the man she loved because, at some point, she had to reveal the fact that she was just as stupid and irresponsible as he’d suspected all along.
She’d asked him to trust her and she’d let him down in the biggest way there was. She’d let her parents and Kate down, too. Most of all, she’d let herself down.
Well… she’d finally learned her lesson.
Bella felt like she’d suddenly become a proper adult in the last week.
She was all grown up.
Maybe she’d known all along that being grown up was a scary and confusing place to be and that was why she’d resisted for so long.
With Lady Dorothy settled comfortably in the conservatory with a glass of sherry, Bella hurried to the kitchen to prepare dinner and think up an excuse for not joining her patient this evening because she knew that Oliver was planning to be there.
She heard the front door open and close as she was setting out Lady Dorothy’s special cutlery on the table.
She should be getting used to the way her heart skipped a beat and then started racing.
The way that knot of longing deep in her belly bloomed and then melted into her veins.
It had changed since the revelation of her pregnancy, though.
This was more than pure lust. It was more than simply being in love.
This was a need for something huge. For the whole world to shift on its axis and create a new family.
Herself and Oliver and Lady Dorothy and the baby.
There was no way it could happen. It was so far from being appropriate that it was ridiculous.
Bella had rehearsed telling Oliver about this pregnancy in her head so many times by now she had every possible scenario covered.
At best, she would be made financially secure somewhere else and Oliver would have contact with his child on a strictly negotiated routine.
At worst, he would be so disgusted with her irresponsibility he would hate her forever and order her out of his life, and any childcare arrangements, financial or other, would be handled by his solicitors.
She couldn’t let that happen. Not yet. Not until Lady Dorothy was more independent.
At least Bella could be responsible about that.
She served the meals onto warmed plates, cutting up one of the pieces of fillet steak so that Lady Dorothy wouldn’t need to ask for any assistance.
She put the plates in the oven to keep the meals hot and gave the table a final glance, which made her smile.
It was just as well the roses were beautiful all by themselves, because the arrangement did nothing to enhance them, despite Lady Dorothy’s declaration that Bella had hidden artistic talents.
The remnants of that poignant smile were still on her lips as she went to the door of the conservatory.
Oliver had followed a familiar routine. He’d picked up the mail on his way into the house and helped his mother open the envelopes. There couldn’t have been too much today because now he was helping his mother up from her chair.
‘Dinner’s in the oven,’ Bella told them brightly. ‘I’ve got a few things to do so I’ll be in to see you later, Lady Dorothy.’
‘Wait…’ Lady Dorothy was holding a white card in her hand. She beamed at Bella. ‘Did you know about this?’
Bella stopped. There was no help for it now; she had to meet Oliver’s gaze as they came closer. And the gaze was intense. As though he wanted something from her. Curiously, he looked worried about her. Was he asking for reassurance?
Bella smiled at him with the intention of pretending that everything was fine. There was nothing to worry about.
She caught her breath when she saw the relief in his dark eyes. When he smiled back at her.
One of those smiles. As if she was special and important.
Like the one he’d given her when he’d approved of what she was doing for his mother when she’d been an inpatient at St Pat’s.
When she’d first caught a glimpse of the real Oliver hidden beneath the professional man.
When it had touched something so deep inside her she’d known she was in real danger of falling in love with him.
And she’d known they were dangerous waters to even dip her toe into, but what had she done?
Dived in. Completely out of her depth. And now she felt like she was drowning.
She had to tell him but… not yet. Because she couldn’t bear the thought of being sent away – physically or emotionally.
When she’d tell Oliver about the pregnancy, one thing she could be absolutely sure of was that she’d never see one of those smiles again.
Bella swallowed hard and tried to focus on Lady Dorothy. Her voice came out a little hoarsely. ‘What is it?’
‘A wedding invitation.’ Lady Dorothy sighed happily. ‘From your Kate and her Connor. At the beach. Such short notice, though. Only three weeks…’
Bella’s smile was ancient history. She felt slightly dizzy. Whose idea had this been? And why hadn’t anyone warned her?