Chapter 9 #3
‘Are you all right, Bella?’ Oliver’s smile had also vanished. He was looking really worried now. As though it really mattered to him whether she was all right or not. Bella wanted to cry.
‘I’m… fine…’
‘You did know about this?’
‘The wedding?’ Bella forced another smile. ‘Of course… I’m the bridesmaid.’
‘It’s so kind of you to get us invited,’ Lady Dorothy said. ‘I haven’t been to a wedding in so long. Oh, my… we’ve got to think of a gift, Oliver.’
But Oliver knew she hadn’t answered the question. He was still staring at Bella.
‘It’s a small wedding,’ she said. ‘A few friends and family and colleagues from St Pat’s. You’re friends with Connor, aren’t you?’
‘We have a fair bit to do with each other. We often share spinal surgery cases. And I suppose we get on well. But who wouldn’t, with Connor?’
Oliver was looking vaguely surprised, as if the notion of being friends with someone was alien.
Bella felt the same kind of sadness for him she had when she’d learned that he’d had an unhappy childhood.
Did he even realise how much he was missing out on in life?
She wanted to reach out and take hold of his hand.
Let him know that she could sense things about him that only someone who loved him would be able to sense.
And that she cared enough to make it better.
How amazing that she could have got to a point where she thought she was the thing that was missing from the life of a man who had once intimidated her to the extent that she’d felt she wasn’t good enough at anything.
She would be good for him, but he wasn’t in a space where he could recognise it.
She hadn’t had enough time to impress him.
And as soon as he knew that she’d lied to him about being safe to have sex with, any chance at all to impress Oliver Dawson would be obliterated.
Oh, help. She had to get out of here before she disgraced herself and burst into tears.
‘And Lady Dorothy’s been invited because she’s an important person in my life right now.’
Bella ducked closer to give Lady Dorothy a kiss on her cheek. ‘Now, go and have your dinner before it gets cold and before your blood sugar takes a dive. I’ll see you soon.’
With that, Bella escaped. Straight to her room, where she grabbed her mobile phone and pushed the first rapid dial entry.
‘My God, Kate,’ she said as soon as the call was answered. ‘What are you up to? You’ve invited the Dawsons to the wedding?’
‘It was Connor’s idea. And he’s right. They’re going to be a part of our family in some way now.’
‘They don’t know that.’
She could hear Kate sigh. ‘You have to tell him some time, Bella.’
‘I know… but… I’m not ready.’
‘The longer you leave it, the harder it’s going to be, hon.’
‘I know, but…’ Bella could feel tears threatening.
‘But what?’ Kate asked gently.
‘The longer I leave it, the safer it’ll be.’
‘What do you mean?’
But Bella couldn’t articulate the fear. The idea that Oliver would be so angry or that Lady Dorothy would be so appalled at the scandal in the family that they could somehow persuade her that a termination was the only way to manage this disaster.
Facing Lady Dorothy’s disappointment and severing the bond she had with the older woman was almost as daunting a prospect as facing Oliver’s wrath, and Bella wasn’t entirely sure she was strong enough to stand up to them.
So she wanted to wait until she was past the point where it might be viewed as nothing more than a simple medical procedure.
Until it became indisputably a baby for everyone involved and not just an accidental pregnancy.
‘Things can happen,’ she offered. ‘Especially in the first trimester. I… might lose it.’ The tears couldn’t be held back now. Maybe that would solve all sorts of problems, but she really didn’t want to lose this baby. Oliver’s baby. Kate heard her strangled sob.
‘That’s highly unlikely, Bells. Look, I’ve got my sixteen-week scan coming up next week. Come with me and we’ll get a check-up for you, too.’
‘I can’t do that. Not at St Pat’s, anyway. What if Oliver found out?’
There was a silence. They both knew that it was only a question of time before Oliver was going to find out.
‘Nobody needs to know about the scan,’ Kate said quietly. ‘But you need to know that everything’s okay. And you need to start taking care of yourself.’ She chuckled. ‘I’ll set Connor onto you if you don’t behave. He’s become the world’s expert on how mothers-to-be need to look after themselves.’
Mothers-to-be.
She was going to be a mother.
So was Kate.
Bella’s voice wobbled. ‘Connor’s really happy about it, isn’t he?’
‘He’s over the moon. I still can’t believe it. It’s… I’m so happy, Bella.’
‘I know. It’s wonderful.’
‘I thought this pregnancy would be the last thing he wanted and that it would be the thing that broke us up, but it’s brought us closer together. I had no idea you could be so much in love with someone and not understand something so huge.’
‘Mmm.’
Bella knew you could be so much in love with someone and not know them very well at all.
How did that happen? How could she be so sure that she could love Oliver for the rest of his life if he gave her the chance even though the only really personal thing she knew about him was that he liked fast food?
‘You could be wrong about Oliver, you know,’ Kate was saying now. ‘He might surprise you. He might like you a lot more than you think he does.’
Bella shook her head, her breath escaping in a quiet groan. Didn’t Kate understand that she was encouraging a fantasy? Making the bubble bigger? The bubble that Bella was so scared of having to pop?
‘He liked you enough to get you pregnant.’
‘He thinks I’m an idiot.’
‘He doesn’t know you, then. That’s why Connor thought the wedding invitation was a good idea. It will give us all a chance to get to know each other a little better.’
‘Why did you bring the date forward so much?’
Kate laughed. ‘So I’ll still fit my dress. It was either that or wait until after the baby and… well, neither of us wanted to wait.’
Of course they didn’t. They loved each other and they were excited about becoming parents.
Parents.
‘Oh, God,’ Bella groaned. ‘Mum and Dad will be there, won’t they?’
‘Of course. I was talking to them yesterday. They’re wondering why they haven’t heard from you this week.’
There was gentle admonition in Kate’s voice. ‘They’ll understand, you know. They’ll support you, just as much as Connor and I will.’
The support from Kate and Connor was already a safety net that Bella felt she didn’t deserve.
She could live with them if she wanted. For as long as she wanted.
They could find a bigger house that could accommodate an extended family and the babies could grow up being almost twins.
Bella could mother them both when Kate was ready to go back to work.
And, yes, she knew that her parents wouldn’t abandon her but they would, inevitably, be shocked.
‘They’ll be so disappointed that I’m going to be a single mother.’ Another sob escaped and Bella had to sniff loudly. ‘And then they’ll be at the wedding and so will Oliver and… Oh, Kate, how could you? I’m not ready for any of this.’
‘I’m sorry, love.’ Kate sounded contrite. ‘I guess we didn’t think things through enough. You can tell your mum and dad without telling them who the father is and that way they can’t say anything by accident. And maybe Oliver won’t want to come.’
Lady Dorothy would, though.
Unless…
Unless she dropped the bombshell first? Oliver definitely wouldn’t attend then and she’d be fired from her job and the timing might work quite well because she was planning to cat-sit for Kate and Connor while they went on their honeymoon and…
… and her head was spinning like a top, and the wave of nausea was the strongest yet.
‘I have to go.’ The statement was urgent. ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’