Chapter 19
19
Saturday came too quickly. All I wanted to do was stay in bed, cloaked under Keith’s hoodie, but deep down, I knew I couldn’t renege on my plans with Cain. He wanted a night in, and I knew he wasn’t about to let me go back on my word.
Just because I wasn’t putting up a fight, didn’t mean I was going all in. No, to squash any semblance of my being interested in Cain, I went into my walk-in closet and found a black velour tracksuit by Shallow. After my shower, I slipped into the tracksuit and pulled my hair up into a ponytail. I doused myself with a little perfume and avoided any makeup beyond gliding lip balm across my lips.
And then the jitters set in, an icky sensation I couldn’t shake. What if this was a trap? A lure to get me to his home where he wouldn’t let me go? I already knew I’d never step foot in Vegas with him, because I was sure I’d never leave un married.
“You’re overthinking,” I told myself as I began to pace in front of my TV. No amount of coaching would stop my hands from shaking, however.
Ugh.
This man would send me into an anxiety-induced heart attack before we even said I do .
Knocking at my door startled me. It was five thirty. I guessed it was time to go.
I swallowed slowly as I advanced toward my door, unable to calm down even the slightest as I wrapped my hand around the knob. I unlocked the door with the other and pulled it open, at once breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of Beans on the other side.
One look at the large man in the way too big suit made me frown in pity. Someone needed to help him on the fashion side of things. It was odd, seeing how well-dressed Cain kept himself.
I poked my head out of my suite, scoping the background for signs of the man and his other bodyguard, Vino. Neither seemed to be in the vicinity, so I came back to Beans.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
Beans shook his head, his bored eyes peering down into mine. “Dice— Cain is putting some finishing touches on a project. I’ll drive you to his spot.”
My lips trembled and settled into a scowl. He couldn’t even get me himself? For his date? “No thanks, tell him I’m sick.”
Beans rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “You’re not sick, and I never lie to D.”
I folded my arms, attempting to take a stance. “Then what’s his address? I’ll drive myself.”
Beans wasn’t amused by this idea. “ I am to escort you to Cain. You’re not staying, and you’re not driving. Don’t make this any harder for yourself, Miss Nichols.”
Cain didn’t trust that I would bring myself to him? It was probably for good measure, because it was tempting to not go.
Curiosity got the better of me as I looked over at Beans. “You never lie, huh? What do you think of this arrangement?”
Beans shrugged indifferently. “He can do better.”
My shoulders dropped along with my mood. “Yeah, forget I asked.”
“He asked you out twice before and you shot him down,” Beans went on. “I don’t see the point in pushing the issue. Then again, Dice has a problem with rejection. He’s been rejected his whole life, and I guess this is his way of fighting back.”
I scoffed. Someone play the tiniest violin. “By forcing women into relationships? You’re right, he could do better.”
Beans scratched at his neck. “Don’t disagree, but I don’t work for you. Now, are you ready?”
There was no way out of this, was there? I went back into my suite and grabbed my Louis Vuitton and slipped it over my shoulder.
“All right, fine, if you insist,” I huffed as I marched back over to the door.
Beans took a long look at me. “That’s all you’re taking? You don’t want to pack an overnight bag?”
“I’m not staying the night,” I let it be known as I stepped out into the hall and shut my door behind myself.
Beans made a face but didn’t respond. “Suit yourself.”
Ten reluctant minutes later, we were in his Charger driving toward wherever Cain lived. I gazed out the window at my home and city of Hampton Hills, taking in all that I’d ever known. With a population of over fifty thousand, many believed the Hills was a tranquil city. But how peaceful could it be if the likes of Cain lived here?
If you listened to propaganda, sometimes the media liked to paint cities like Bedford Heights as crime-ridden and dangerous, but I knew better. There were good people in bad neighborhoods, the same way there were bad people in good neighborhoods.
Turning to Beans, I sized him up, deciding he was loyal, but harmless. “So, he’s just ‘Dice’ to you?”
Beans kept his eyes on the road as he responded. “He’s been carrying those dice around since we were kids. Used to make all kinda stupid dares and bets with ’em.”
“He’s like a brother to you?” I wondered.
The car suddenly came to a stop. We were downtown, in front of a high-rise building that could easily stretch out of the stratosphere. The building was composed almost entirely of glass and metal. Its corners so sharp, I imagined bleeding if I dared to touch the surface.
“He is a brother to me,” Beans said, drawing my attention back to him. “If I had to die for anything, I’d die for him.”
Cain said he didn’t have family, but Beans was the closest thing he’d ever known. I suddenly admired their bond, willing to stick their necks out for each other.
Valet came and Beans passed his keys over as another man helped me out of my side. People were entering and exiting Cain’s apartment building, heading in for the night or out to enjoy it. A balloon full of anxiety blossomed in the pit of my belly as we stepped into the high-rise and soon boarded an elevator. I feared it would burst as we reached the top floor where of course Cain resided.
Like he did it all the time, Beans stepped off the elevator and headed over to Cain’s door and unlocked it with a key. He pushed the door open and stepped to the side, making way for me to enter.
I set one foot in and gazed over at Beans. “So, he’ll call you when I’m ready to go?”
Beans didn’t hide his amusement as he headed back for the elevator. “Good night, Miss Nichols.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. I didn’t like the implication that this would be a sleepover.
Having no choice, I faced Cain’s home head-on.
I was standing in a foyer, hearing the faint sounds of jazz playing from deeper into the penthouse. The lights were dim, but I could just make my way inside as I closed the door behind me. Dark wooden floors were beneath my feet as I crept more into his home.
Black lacquer steps off the foyer led up to a second level. As curious as I was, I didn’t take them but kept going to see the first floor itself. Something smelled good and delicious, and I suddenly wondered if Cain could cook.
Floor-to-ceiling windows surrounded me as I reached the middle of the open space. To the right, was an entertainment area complete with a black sofa, matching chairs, a glass coffee table, all over a gray and black area rug. The sun was sinking in the sky outside. The buildings around Cain’s were lit up with lights from homeowners. There was a bar beyond the sofa, made up of glass and offering the finest liquors and wine I was sure. The large TV was off, and underneath it I found the source of the music playing from a wireless speaker. An intricate gold light fixture hung overhead and I marveled at its beauty.
Taking a look to the left of the room, I immediately gasped. The next room housed a large kitchen and dining area. Cain was there, at the expansive island, straightening up a stack of plates. In front of him was an array of food.
As if feeling my stare, he looked up and spotted me. His eyes took in my clothing before settling on my gaze.
“Right on time,” he said.
It was just the two of us. Scary. Intimate. Totally wrong.
Cain angled his head, gesturing to the food before him. “Come on, it just got here.”
Grudgingly, I went closer, going and stepping up to the island and setting eyes on all the mouthwatering food spread out.
There was a tray of sushi, some California rolls and what looked like spicy tuna with spicy mayo on top. A large tray of shrimp pasta. Lobster. Oysters. Filets of salmon. And it wasn’t entirely pescatarian. There was chicken, too. Something about the sight of it made me relax and warm up. I liked that he wasn’t going to eat fish just for me. That he wasn’t trying too hard.
“You ordered this, huh?” I asked as I dragged my eyes from the spread to Cain.
He came around the island, coming and standing next to me. His mere nearness unnerved me. His presence a heady cocktail of darkness and cold.He wasn’t wearing a jacket, but still he was dressed in a fine white dress shirt and dress pants. His tie had been removed and a top button undone, giving me a peek at his chest.
Cain regarded the food and frowned, almost in a shy way. “I can’t cook.”
“Neither can I. You’re not getting much of a wife from me, you know,” I said.
Cain wasn’t fazed as he moved along. “Not sure how I feel about gender roles, but I can deal with the whole no-cooking thing.”
“Yeah?” I challenged, perking a brow.
“I’ve never had a homecooked meal before, so takeout is all I know,” Cain admitted sheepishly.
“Really? Not even before your mom…” I stopped, letting the rest hang in the air.
He thumbed at his bottom lip. “Maybe, don’t remember. She was kinda having a hard time.”
I went back to the food. Despite myself, I was hungry. “Well, maybe you should learn someday. You never know what can happen.”
Cain chuckled. “Not that you’re wrong, but I always keep something in the ceiling. Just in case.”
Just in case , whatever that meant.
Cain opened his arms out, gesturing toward his spread. “How’d I do?” There was a rare light on face, giving him youth.
“It doesn’t completely suck,” I managed to say.
He grinned, his perfect white teeth showing, as well as a dimple in each cheek. Young. Happy. And fresh. It was so weird he had a side like this.
“Let’s eat,” Cain instructed.
Eating provided a distraction, so I was quick to gather a plate and try some of the shrimp pasta and another of sushi. It was while grabbing the sushi that I noticed it.
There was a champagne flute filled with rose-gold liquid waiting for me at the table. I faced Cain. “What’s in the flute?”
He eyed the dining room table where he set up a place for me and one for him. “White cranberry-peach juice.”
“And how did you know I liked that? And the spicy tuna roll with spicy mayo?” I demanded to know.
My questions only served to humor Cain as he breezed by me and continued making his own plate.
He lifted and dropped his shoulder lazily. “I cheated, if that’s what you want to hear. I asked Damon, and he provided me with some details of your favorite things to eat and drink.”
Of course.
Annoyed, I grabbed my plates and walked them over to the table. It was cute how he set himself up on the end and my place adjacent, as if I wanted to enjoy a meal that close to him. I took and scooted my placemat down two spots.
“Don’t.” The authority in his tone sent my blood freezing in my veins.
I put the placemat back and sat down.
The sound of smooth jazz took over as we began eating. Whether I hated Cain or not, I couldn’t deny that the food was good. The lemon garlic shrimp pasta was filling enough, but like a glutton I couldn’t stop myself from enjoying the fresh sushi.
“Everything good?” Cain wanted to know.
“Mm-hmm.” I hummed. “You ordered too much, though. It’s all so tempting.”
“Nah,” Cain disagreed. “You can take some home, I can give some to my men, and I’ll have food for the week.”
He really did live on takeout. He must’ve religiously gone to the gym to keep his build.
There was only so much eating I could do, and because I was curious about his past, I turned and faced Cain eagerly. “So, I have some questions.”
“I’m sure you do,” he responded.
“Where’d you grow up?” I asked first.
Cain gathered his glass of wine and took a sip. “No place like this.”
I looked around the area, noting the luxury and cleanliness. Black was the overall theme of Cain’s home. A cavern of gloom. It shouldn’t have surprised me that he chose to live in the shadows.
“You do have a lovely home,” I spoke up.
Cain bobbed his head. “My realtor all but begged me to never have children so they wouldn’t fuck it up.”
I almost laughed, but then I was curious again.
“Cain? How do you know James Carter was your father?” His mother died and he was placed in foster care. It didn’t exactly add up.
Cain set his fork down, and all at once his expression went blank. “My mother was open with me on my paternity when I asked. Doesn’t hurt that I look like the guy.”
I would have to Google the late James Carter to confirm this.
“So when you were a kid you never met your father before…all this?” Before he died and left you every thing?
Cain’s finger tapped on the table momentarily. He caught the tick and reached up, swiping at his bottom lip. At his scar. “Once.”
“Once?” I repeated.
Cain’s posture tensed as he flickered his gaze over to me. “I don’t have nice stories to tell.”
I placed my hand over his. “It’s okay.”
Cain studied me thoughtfully before looking away and beginning his story. “So, I was about six, and we lived in this small house. My mother and I. I remember she was heating something up and I was playing under the kitchen table, and there was a knock at the door. She went to answer it and this angry voice started talking. It was him. He was yelling at her, telling her to stop calling his phone, to stop making things harder on herself. She was crying and telling him she was going to go tell his wife.”
Cain didn’t go on. He seemed lost in the memory. Lost and angry.
“Cain?” I pressed, wanting to know what happened next.
Slowly, he looked at me and a chill raced through me. In his empty eyes only blackness could be found. No regret. No emotion. Nothing. Just a hollowness that left me wondering if he had a soul.
He blinked and looked off, at nothing in particular. “The next thing I remember hearing is a loud slap and a squeak. I was still under the table, but I could see from their movement that he had her, was shaking her. He shook her real good and said his wife didn’t talk to whores. He told her if she ever called him again he’d kill her.
“Right before he left, I poked my head out, to see him. He only took one look at me and snarled, asking me what I was looking at, before he stomped out of the house and slammed the screen door shut behind him.”
Cain ran a hand down his face and shook his head, ridding himself of the past.
Of course he wasn’t that simple.
The villain with the sad backstory.
James Carter had been an asshole. A cruel man who had cheated on his wife, abused his mistress, and abandoned his only heir, his son. Leaving his empire to Cain didn’t make up for any of it, but I was sure it helped.
“You said you were in foster care. Were you able to keep anything of your mother’s?” Being twelve, I couldn’t imagine him having the sense to take what he could of hers. To always have a reminder.
Cain gave a stiff nod. “A few things. Others were…lost along the way.”
Stolen .
Poor kid.
“Had my father been a man, perhaps I would’ve had a much different upbringing, a chance at something different,” Cain said. “But I doubt I would’ve ever fit in.”
No, not being born to a woman who wasn’t James’s wife. Other wives and girlfriends wouldn’t have accepted Cain’s mother, and there was the chance their kids would’ve picked up on it and taunted him.
“You don’t belong in this world,” I mumbled.
“I’ve never belonged,” he said in a whisper, almost in defeat. But then he looked up at me, in a what can you do manner and let it go. “The side effect of being a bastard. I’ve paid for the sins of my father tenfold, and it’s never enough.”
It wasn’t fair, but life often wasn’t.
He hadn’t wormed his way into my heart, but I could be nice after hearing a story like that.
I raised my flute of juice, offering a small smile. “Well, here’s to making your own future and community.”
Cain softened, smiling a little as he clinked his wineglass against my flute.
We finished dinner in a comfortable silence. We even managed to work as a team as we gathered the dishes to bring to the sink. Cain rinsed them before setting them in the dishwasher while I stood at the island closing containers and covering all the food.
“Geez.” Cain’s back was to me and I suddenly noticed he had a gun tucked behind himself.
He turned, catching my stare and putting together what made me uneasy. “You’ve gotta get used to it.”
“Right, because it’s my future,” I said bitterly.
Cain grabbed a towel and dried his hands. He came over to me and I sucked in a breath, unsure what his motive was.
With his eyes on me, he reached back and grabbed his gun, going and holding it up in front of me. “I want you to hold it. Get used to the feel of it. We’re going to teach you how to shoot one eventually.”
I took a step back. “No.”
Cain took a step forward. “Yes.”
“Cain—”
In seconds, he removed the clip and released the bullet in the chamber with expert ease.Against my wishes, he came and placed the gun in my hand, turning me so that my back was to his front as he enclosed my hand around the handle.
The cold chrome in my hand made me shiver. This wasn’t me. I never wanted to own a gun, much less shoot one.
“You have to be able to defend yourself,” he whispered into my ear.
Across the room, our reflection could be seen in the large windows. The scene playing out was so foreign to me.
I whirled around, the barrel of the gun digging into Cain’s chest. “Am…am I going to have to shoot at your enemies?”
Slowly, a smile washed across his face. His hand wrapped around his gun and he took it back, setting it on the counter beside us. Another step and he was right in my face, right against me.
His hand cupped my jaw and he tilted my head back. Soon, he was caressing my cheek, studying me as he ran his thumb over my lips.
Soft. His hand was incredibly soft. But I wasn’t fooled. At any moment he could snuff the life out of me. The only thing keeping me from closing my eyes was the part of me that wanted him to see me, peer into my eyes as he stole more from me.
He didn’t, though.
He stroked my lips with his thumb. “You don’t have to be afraid, Wife. You’ll always be safe with me.”
I shook off his grasp and took a step back. “But I’m afraid of you .”
I could never love Cain. Could never trust him either. Could never feel safe.
My thoughts must’ve radiated on my face, because Cain took a step back and buried his hands in his pockets. “I can live with that.”
Bastard. “You’d rather be feared than loved.”
He shrugged. “One’s more useful anyway.”
What kind of logic was that? “Have you ever loved a woman, Cain?”
He took another step away from me. “Despite it all, I loved my mother.”
That was a given. “You didn’t love those other women you dated?”
He shook his head.
“Did those women before me love you?”
As if this entire line of conversation was boring to him, he picked at a piece of lint on his arm. “They loved what I could do for them. How I fucked them.”
It was clear, beneath the surface, he was longing for companionship. To be close.
“Have…have you ever been loved?” I wondered next.
Cain took a deep breath, his chest rising. “Doubtful.”
“And you think I could love you?”
For a moment, he stared at me, straight into my soul. “No.”
“But then?—”
“At least we could give it an honest effort.”
Against my better judgment, a part of my hate for him dissolved. “Ever consider therapy?”
Cain appeared thoughtful. “Therapy? Isn’t that confidential? Whatever I say would stay between me and the good doctor?”
“Not unless you’re considering harming yourself, or someone else,” I clarified.
Cain tsk-tsked with a shake of his head. “Guess that won’t work.”
My spine stiffened. “So…you’re planning on hurting someone?”
Cain almost smiled. “Running a casino is tough business, Kennedy.”
“I can’t fix you.” It was true. I felt sorry for him, I did, but I wasn’t enough for him. Whatever anguish he felt inside and pain he was running from couldn’t be fixed by forcing my hand in marriage.
“I’m not aiming to be fixed,” Cain stated with a hint of venom in his tone. “I’m not broken or cracked. I am who I am, and that’s it.”
We were getting nowhere. I hung my head and accepted it. “Okay.”
“My turn.” He was closer now, taking my hand and running his thumb across my knuckles. “You just refuse to wear your ring.”
I snatched my hand back. “Why not make it a collar, since that’s how it feels.”
Cain dipped his head by my ear, saying in a low voice, “If I put a collar on you, Wife, you’d love it.”
Gross . I shoved him back. “Never.”
He grinned and stood straight. “When was the last time you had sex?”
Disgust had me moving further from him. I busied myself with pouring another flute of juice. “That’s none of your business.”
Cain whistled. “Actually, it is. Answer the question.”
I took a swig of my juice and it went down heavy as the memory of riding Keith a few days ago enveloped me in a hot comfort I wanted to burrow in. Being on top was intense. He was so big and I had never felt so full.
“My sex life is none of your business, Cain,” I shot back.
“I’m just curious. You broke up with the athlete two years ago. That was your last known relationship,” Cain pointed out.
Glowering at him, I couldn’t stop myself from spitting out, “What? Do you want to compare notes? Get ideas on how to please me?”
“When I fuck you, Kennedy, no one will ever compare,” Cain said matter-of-factly.
A lump lodged in my throat and I struggled to swallow under his scrutiny.
“Easy.” I forced myself to chuckle. “I still have a choice in that.”
“Of course,” Cain agreed.
“Besides, when was the last time you had sex?”
“It’s been a while. For the sake of open communication, I’ve never had condomless sex and I’ve gone to the doctor and all is clear.”
How responsible of him.
“Are you going to have strippers at your bachelor party?” I wondered.
“I’m not particularly interested in strippers,” Cain admitted.
“Aren’t there burlesque shows at the Cartier?”
“Yes, but it’s not for me.”
“Good to know.” I took another swallow of my flute, keeping my face as even as possible. “It’s been a while for me too.”
“I hope you’re not lying,” Cain warned. “You don’t seem like the type of person who could live with a man’s blood on your hands. I don’t think you have a conscience built for that.” He let the message sink in before moving along. “But, humor me, what do you like in a man?”
Rough hands. Tattoos. Cigarettes. Eyes as angry as a wicked storm. “Respect.”
“Respect is a two-way street that must be earned, but I hear you. Tonight, though, isn’t going to end in a fairy tale. We’ve gotta build a foundation,” Cain said as he grabbed some of the takeout containers and began storing them in his fridge. “I’ve been running around planning this construction project, in and out of meetings with your father and investors, and I’d really just like to relax.”
I hated that my father was insisting on working still instead of leaving it all to Phil. “How’s he doing?”
“Damon?”
I nodded.
“It can be tough for him to acknowledge his limitations, but he’s good, determined. I don’t like people, but I like your father. Phil’s pretty okay, too,” Cain admitted.
I narrowed my eyes. “Why? Why do you like my father?”
Cain shrugged. “His passion for this business is inspiring. The way he talks and plans things out, it’s pretty nice. Not to mention, how he does business. There’s a lot of cutthroat shit in the business world, but not Damon. He’s good on pay and equal treatment. He’s like a professor and I’m soaking it all in. Learning new tricks of the trade.”
“I’d be impressed if he didn’t stab me in the chest,” I said dryly.
Cain’s gaze cut to me. “It wasn’t an easy choice. I wasn’t interested in a joint venture or expanding beyond Vegas, but Damon and Phil were insistent. They kept coming to me. I was bullshitting when I threw out I’d consider the offer if he set me up with you?—”
I held my hand up, stopping his soliloquy. “Please, spare me the story of your little pissing contest with my father over my future and life.”
Cain let it go as he put the last tray into his fridge. He glanced at the time and then the TV in the next room before coming back to me. “ Crazy Rich Asians , right?”
No. “How about Scarface ? It’s your favorite, isn’t it?”
Cain came around the island and met up with me. “It’s ultra-violent.”
Even better . I wasn’t interested in watching romance with him of all people. “That’s okay, if it’s your favorite, we can watch it.”
Cain thought about it for a moment, and then he held his hand out for me to take. As much as I wanted to turn and run, I didn’t. There was no escaping this man and the fate set out before me. So I placed my hand in his and went with him over to his sofa. The material was soft and cozy, inviting sleep almost instantly. I barely made it ten minutes into the movie before my eyes fell shut and I drifted away.