Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
R iley froze and winced when the door to the shelter slammed against the back wall. “Oops,” she muttered, giving Avery an apologetic look.
“Geez, Ri,” the teenager teased. “A little bent out of shape today?” She looked at her phone. “And late! Wow! I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you come in this late.”
Riley immediately grabbed her wet ponytail. “Sorry. I’m a little stressed, and I took a really long run. Lost track of time.” Truth was, she knew exactly what time it was, but she hadn’t been able to get her feet to stop pounding the pavement. She’d almost run an entire marathon and her legs were absolutely on fire, but the pain was helping distract Riley from the pain in her chest where her heart used to reside.
According to her watch, she’d run as long as it had taken for Gavin to drive Antony up to Portland. Something about the time felt significant, though no one would know it but herself.
For several hours, she’d outrun the fact that her heart was going north. Now, she couldn’t ignore it.
“No worries,” Avery said easily. She went back to stocking treats behind the counter. “I’m almost done here, then I’ll head back to the kennels. Anything special I should do today?”
Riley shook her head, hating the feeling of water running down her back. She’d been so late, she didn’t dare dry her hair. Instead, she came to her second home. Somewhere which should have been a haven in her heartbreak.
Instead, it felt like a prison.
Swallowing hard, she made her way to her office. The sound of barks and squeaks hit her ears as soon as she stepped into the back hallway, and the heavy sense of loss she’d had all morning nearly buckled her knees.
For the last year, she’d walked this hall, stopping at Griffin’s kennel and dreaming of the day she’d offer him as a gift to Antony. That day had come and gone, and Antony had turned up his nose, walking away as if all her efforts were nothing.
Something shifted in her stomach, some of the ache turning into anger, and it frightened Riley. She wasn’t an angry person by nature. Just like Antony had once said, she’d always been a sunshine and rainbows girl.
“Clouds were made to give us silver linings,” Riley murmured, but the words did little to comfort the turmoil inside.
Riley managed to make it into her office without running into any more employees, which was for the best. She was terrible company right now. But once she was seated at her desk, she knew she’d made a mistake.
The walls were closing in, and the oxygen seemed to be escaping out the cracks in the walls.
Putting her face in her hands, Riley took a shuddering breath. Antony’s glare, his look of betrayal, she could picture them clear as day. Both faces would probably haunt her for the rest of her life.
This is going to hurt him…he’ll never forgive me.
Truer words had never been spoken, but Riley was the only one who would understand just how correct they were.
Wiping at her cheeks, Riley leaned back and opened her computer. Work. She needed to get to work. It was the only thing that was going to save her.
When her phone buzzed with a text, Riley didn’t even bother to look at it. If she saw that it wasn’t Antony, she knew it would be the breaking point today. Instead, she focused on paperwork. A job she normally despised. It was a good day to catch up on months of work that she’d been putting off.
Time began to tick by, and Riley ignored everything. The sounds of the animals. The growling of her stomach and every ping of her phone. When someone knocked on her office door, she tried to ignore them too, but when it opened on its own, she had to finally give in.
“Come in,” Riley said, not bothering to hide the weariness in her voice. Her legs were screaming for her to move, after having been sitting for hours, and yet they were somehow still exhausted from her earlier run. It was an odd sensation, and a welcome one. Much better than the hole in her chest.
“Hey.”
Riley pinched her lips together and leaned back in her chair. “Hey.”
Aspen, at least, had the good grace to look sorry. “I…” she glanced over her shoulder. “We,” she amended, “brought you cake.”
“We?”
Aspen pushed open the door further to expose Maeve, Estelle, and even Mama Harrison.
That anger began to churn in Riley’s stomach. She didn’t want cake. Right now she didn’t want anything from them. “You heard from him?”
Aspen squished her lips to the side and looked at her family.
“Gavin texted,” Estelle offered. “They just arrived.”
Riley nodded. “Good to hear. Thanks.” Waving her hand over her desk, Riley did something she’d never done before. “I appreciate that you came to deliver the message. But if you don’t mind, I have work to do.”
Aspen’s shoulders fell, and Maeve’s eyes widened .
Riley didn’t care. Her normal guilt wasn’t strong enough to push past the deadness she was feeling. She had warned Aspen about what this would cost. No one believed her.
Mama Harrison stepped forward. “Thank you for your help, Riley,” she said softly. Taking the styrofoam package from her daughter, she set it on Riley’s desk. “We love you. You’ll always be family.” Turning around, Mama Harrison ushered her daughters out of the room, once again, leaving Riley to herself. The room grew oppressively quiet when they left, the nothingness nearly choking her.
Aspen had looked back, Maeve had almost uttered an argument and Estelle’s shoulders had drooped, but none of it was worse than what Riley was already going through.
They all had their happy-ever-afters. And they’d asked Riley to sacrifice hers.
It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.
She’d gone to bat for Antony, and even in agreeing to help convince him to go get help, she’d worked to make the experience everything he could possibly want.
And they brought her cake.
Aspen had always acted as if cake would make the world a better place, and at one point in time, Riley would have believed it.
But not now.
Not now that she’d seen what it was to love someone unconditionally.
She knew the program would be good for Antony, knew it was the best place on Earth for him. He needed help. He’d be happier and better off for getting help.
But why did everyone else’s happiness have to cost Riley her own?
She stared at the styrofoam for a long time before that unfamiliar anger moved her hand. Picking up the box, she reached to the side and dumped it in the garbage.
Was she being dramatic? Probably.
For the first time in her life, Riley couldn’t find anything to be optimistic about. Everyone was allowed time to mourn, to grieve, to wallow in self-pity. Life wasn’t always easy, and sometimes those feelings had to be acknowledged and allowed to bloom. At least for a time.
This time was hers.
“Here we are!”
Gavin’s chipper tone made Antony want to punch something, but that was the whole reason they were here, wasn’t it? Because he couldn’t seem to get rid of the anger inside.
Anger that had driven away his family, led him to being reckless on his own, and now it had finally turned away Riley.
It took a moment for Antony to realize that the truck was parked and the inside of the cab was quiet. Looking over, he grimaced when he met Gavin’s penetrating gaze.
“Are you ready?” Gavin asked.
“Is anyone ever ready to admit they’re crazy?”
Gavin sighed and faced forward, his arms crossing over the top of the steering wheel. “I could say that you’re thinking about this all wrong, but once again, that’s something you’ll have to decide on your own.”
Antony huffed and pushed a hand through his hair. “I’ve taken care of others for a long time,” he mused. “I suppose it really shouldn’t be that bad to let someone take care of me.”
“It’s not about letting someone take care of you,” Gavin offered. “You’re in a new world. It’s about people in that world teaching you how to navigate it.” Gavin chuckled. “Are you telling me you were the perfect soldier when you enlisted?”
Antony snorted. “Did you really think anything different?”
Gavin rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Well, us normal people have to learn new things. We aren’t all born being perfect.”
Antony’s snort covered his laugh .
“Welcome to being normal,” Gavin continued. “I’m sure you’ll be just as perfect at this as you are at everything else.” He started to get out of the truck, but paused. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”
Antony felt sick. Welcome to being normal? This wasn’t normal. His eyes dropped to his missing leg. This was so far from normal it wasn’t even remotely funny.
“Tone…if you really want me to,” Gavin said softly. “I’ll take you home. But…I don’t think it’s what you really want.”
Antony’s throat was nearly closed with a large rock that refused to move, no matter how many times he swallowed. “I’m tired of being broken,” he rasped.
“And we’re tired of watching you hurt,” Gavin responded. “Will you let these people help you?”
The long hours had forced some of Gavin’s words to penetrate Antony’s brain, and the anger from earlier was turning into despair. He wanted to get better. He’d thought Riley was his ticket to getting better.
Antony faced the windshield, studying the large building and facility. It was well kept, the lawn green and lush. There didn’t seem to be a lot of movement out front, but there was a ramp next to the stairs, indicating that they dealt with people like Antony all the time.
“I thought Riley would be enough.” Shoot. He shouldn’t have said that. He’d already spilled too much to Gavin, and now this was turning into a confession. What was next? Was Antony going to burst into tears, and Gavin would have to hold him and rub his back? Were they going to sing “Kumbaya” around a campfire?
Gavin was nodding slowly. “She was a start,” Gavin acknowledged, pulling Antony’s attention out of his panicking head. Gavin scratched just behind his ear. “Look, Tone…I’m no doctor, though I’ve probably sounded like one as we drove.” He chuckled. “We’re guys. And yet we’ve talked more about feelings in the last week than I have in my previous life all together.”
Antony nodded. “I know. It’s dumb, isn’t it?”
Gavin shrugged. “Not necessarily, though I don’t really want to make a habit of this.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not asking for my best friend back,” he said. “But I’m asking for my new best friend to be the best he can be. I think they can get you there.” Gavin’s head ticked toward the building. “Riley’s a great kid. We both know it.” He grinned. “You more than me, I’m sure.” His smile fell. “But Riley won’t fix what’s wrong. Only you can do that.”
Antony swallowed hard. “She said that, you know. When she convinced me to come.”
Gavin nodded. “Like I said. Good kid.”
“She’s a woman,” Antony corrected. “Not a kid.”
“Yeah, well, she’ll always be the fast one in pigtails to me,” Gavin said with a grin. He pushed his door open. “Say the word now, Tone, or forever hold your peace.”
In response, Antony threw a lid on the anger and panic trying to claw up his throat and opened his door. Gavin could probably see the tremble in his hands as they situated Antony with his crutch, but the big guy didn’t say a word, just helped lug everything up the ramp and into the front door.
“Antony Harrison,” Gavin boomed as they stepped into an office. “Reporting for duty.” He smirked at Antony, who rolled his eyes.
“Mr. Harrison.” A middle aged woman came out of a back room before the secretary could say anything and held out her hand. Her mechanical hand.
Antony blinked a few times, his brain registering that this woman was broken like him, before he shook it. “Nice to meet you,” he muttered.
The woman smiled wide, a clear lack of tension or bitterness in her face. “We’ve been excited to have you here. I’m Mrs. Roxwell.” She turned to Gavin. “Thank you for driving him up. You’re welcome to stay and help him settle in, or we have the capabilities to take it from here.”
Gavin looked at Antony, who shrugged. It felt a little like college. Being dropped off and left, not quite knowing up from down. Only he wasn’t as young, and he wasn’t the same cocky young man he’d been all those years ago.
Now Antony was looking for answers that had a much deeper meaning than anything he’d found during his undergrad.
Gavin slapped Antony on the shoulder. “Might as well begin as you mean to go on.” He smiled and shook Mrs. Roxwell’s hand. “Thanks. Take good care of my man here.”
“We will.” The room was quiet as Gavin took his leave, and Antony found his leg beginning to shake. Nerves were setting in, and he was having a hard time controlling them, mostly because instead of being fueled by anger, this time his body was reacting to something that had been lacking severely in his life for the past couple of years.
It was something Riley had reintroduced to his life, but he hadn’t quite caught hold of it. He wanted to catch hold of it now. He wanted to take the gift his family and Riley had offered, even at the cost of his pride.
He wanted to make Riley proud, even if she might never be able to forgive him for how he treated her.
So he fanned the flame of hope that made his leg quake and his stomach churn and turned back to Mrs. Roxwell. Bile rose in his throat, but he pushed it back. Antony opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn’t come right away. He snapped his jaw shut and cleared his throat before trying again. And if the words that came out were garbled and raspy, well…no one could truly blame him, could they? “So…where do we start?”