Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
“ H ow in the world did you cut your finger like that?” Eve asked, plopping down in a seat next to her husband. “I thought you did cakes for a living.”
Estelle’s smile was tight and she hoped they couldn’t see the tension in her body. It was odd, but the throbbing in her finger was actually causing other parts of her body to hurt as well…the worst of which was her heart. Something was crushing her ribcage, and every breath hurt more than one before.
“Scissors,” Estelle said, telling herself that she wouldn’t faint. There was no way the black spots in the edge of her vision were real.
“Must have been distracted,” Micah murmured as he poked at the wound.
Estelle flinched.
“Sorry.” Micah cleared his throat. “I’ve got a couple of numbing swabs, but if you want the good stuff, we need to go to the office, and this time I mean the real office.”
Estelle shook her head, forcing her lungs to keep moving. “No. Go ahead and just take care of it.”
“Oh, Estelle. It’s gonna hurt,” Eve whispered .
Estelle shrugged. “It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine. It stung horribly and she knew it would hurt worse, but she wasn’t going to the office. She was barely going to make it home as it was, if she didn’t get her body to calm down.
But she also found herself reveling a little in the pain. She hadn’t felt anything normal in so long that the pain of a sliced finger almost felt like something to celebrate. It was as if something was waking her up from a long nap, and she was having trouble coming back to the real world. A world that had moved on without her.
“Are you sure?” Micah asked. “It really won’t be comfortable.”
“I’m sure,” Estelle said, her breathing coming a little easier now. “I’ll be fine. I’m tough.”
Micah raised his eyebrows and shook his head, but he went ahead and began prepping the spot. “The good news is, you’ll only need like four stitches, so at least it’s a small number.”
“Will a scar make me look tough?” Estelle went for a smile, but that one was still out of her reach.
“Somehow I doubt Crew will be put off by something as simple as a scar,” Eve said with a laugh. She stood up. “I’ll grab some tea. Maybe it’ll help settle us all down.”
The mention of Crew sent a sharp pain right into that spot on her sternum, and Estelle had to catch herself before she doubled over from the intensity of it.
“How’s he doing?” Micah asked, his eyes on his tools. “Is he going to come visit soon?”
Tears, hot and sharp, hit the back of her eyes. “Um…” Estelle swallowed. “I don’t know.”
“I’ll bet you’ve both been busy,” Micah said with a nod. “He left his office for what? Like a month?”
Estelle’s head bounced. “Yeah, a month.”
“I’m sure he’s catching up on patients, and you’re catching up on clients. I heard you didn’t take as many on during the last few weeks... ”
“Right.” Estelle looked away when Micah pierced her skin with the needle.
“I don’t know if I ever got to say I was sorry about your dad,” Micah continued, his words soft. “But I’m sorry about your dad. I haven’t been here as long as everyone else, but he was a good guy.”
“Thank you.” Estelle’s voice was hoarse.
“I probably shouldn’t bring all that up.” Micah cleared his throat. “Sorry. I’m afraid I’m scrambling for something to talk about to keep you from focusing on the stitches.”
“It’s fine.” Actually, the pain of her father’s death was less than the pain at the thought of Crew.
She should have been able to answer the small questions about Crew. Any good girlfriend would know how her boyfriend was doing, but Estelle didn’t know. She had no idea how his life was going.
He’d sent texts, he’d called, and sometimes Estelle answered, but she barely remembered any of their conversations. How long had it been since they’d spoken? Her mind was spinning like the Indie 500 as it tried to remember when she’d last heard his voice. It had to have been several days ago. When he’d first left, he’d called every day.
What had changed?
You never responded back.
“There. All done.” Micah wrapped her finger, and Estelle pulled her hand into her lap.
“Thanks so much,” she whispered. “What do I owe you?”
Micah shrugged. “Nothing. You feed us enough cake to pay for this a hundred times over.”
She didn’t even try to smile this time. There was no point. Every awkward moment, every unanswered question, every call gone to voicemail was clanging like massive warning bells in Estelle’s brain.
The man who’d promised he would always be there, was being there less and less…because she refused to answer his summons.
You’re going to lose him.
You probably already lost him .
“Here we go,” Eve said, coming back into the room. “Hot and ready.” She set a mug in front of Estelle.
“Thank you,” Estelle said woodenly, but her mind wasn’t in the room any longer and her sluggish legs were bouncing with energy. She needed to do something. Move, run, cry… Anything but sit and continue to wallow in the pain of her failed relationship.
She’d spent years mooning over Crew, and when he finally came back, he wormed his way into her life until she couldn’t breathe without him. Then she let him go. He promised her the world, and she let him go.
“I-I’m sorry,” Etselle stammered, rising quickly to her feet. She gripped the table when the world spun.
“Whoa.” Micah jumped up and steadied her. “Have a seat, and let’s sip that tea, alright? Your body just went through a big shock.”
“I can’t,” Estelle insisted, shaking her head. “I just stood up too fast. I’m fine.” She stiffened her legs. “But I…I have to get home. I have something I need to do.”
“But—”
Estelle ignored them. She’d probably feel bad about her behavior later, but right now her mind was only on one thing.
Crew.
Would he understand how much she was drowning? Did he know what it was like to become so numb you didn’t realize you were still living? Could he forgive her for ignoring them? For ignoring him ? She’d become just like her brother, only without all the anger, and Estelle was quickly growing sick over it.
Micah and Eve were still talking when she climbed into her car, her throbbing finger keeping her moving as she drove the short distance home.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Her pulse was too fast, but Estelle forced her lungs to move along with her legs when she parked in the driveway. She stumbled, her mind stuck on pain, both figurative and physical.
The stairs loomed, each step bringing another pulse of pain to her fingertip. A distant thought about pain relievers floated through her brain, but she quickly brushed it aside.
Pain meant she was alive.
Did Crew know she was still alive?
She burst through her door, the sound of it hitting the wall like that of a sledgehammer. Her phone sat on her nightstand as if it was meant to be there. Innocuous and innocent, no light flashed from the top.
Falling to her knees, Estelle reached for the device, noting it was dead. How long had it been dead? Had Crew tried to reach her? Had he given up?
She brought her hand to her chest, the pain running out all rational thought.
What if it was too late? What if he left? What if she never got over him?
Tears fell.
What had she done?
“You can’t mean that.” Harper’s voice was soft, fragile, and yet it tore right through Crew’s chest.
“I do,” he said, forcing himself to sit up and believe the words pouring out. “She’s not interested, Harper. I’m not going to waste my time.”
“Do you consider helping a friend a waste of time?” she demanded.
“No.”
“Hasn’t Daphne asked for your help a thousand times?” Mason shouted in the background .
“Yeah.” Crew shook his head, not quite sure where they were going with this.
“And do you demand that she treat you like a boyfriend in return?” Mason continued, his voice closer to the phone this time.
Crew’s jaw clenched. “It’s not like that between us, Mason, and you know it.”
“That’s my point,” Harper interrupted. “Estelle was your friend before she was your girlfriend. Isn’t that friendship worth continuing? Doesn’t she deserve enough time to find herself before you walk away?”
Crew closed his eyes and prayed for patience.
“You’re so fond of nicknames,” Mason inserted again. “I’ve heard Daphne call you her White Knight. Just how did you come up with that one?”
Crew rubbed his hand over his hair. “She says I like to rescue people.”
“People?” Mason pressed. “Or women?”
“What does it matter?” Anger was beginning to churn again in his gut, and Crew knew he was lashing out. How did this turn back to a problem with him? He’d done all he could. He wasn’t going to whine or complain about how it turned out. Letting go of Estelle felt like he was letting go of a piece of himself, but she’d had plenty of chances to show her hand.
“Maybe this was all just a big game to you,” Mason taunted. “Maybe you like helping damsels in distress. Maybe you like being the big bad hero. And now that Estelle isn’t responding the way you want, you’re no longer interested.”
“I love her,” Crew snarled. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Then prove it,” Mason shot back. He’d obviously taken the phone away from Harper. “When I married Harper, I promised protection through the good and the bad, not just when it was convenient or when she was willing to respond back. Estelle’s hurting. Her family was torn apart at the seams, and she doesn’t know how to put it together again. Give her some slack. Prove that you can stick around even when it’s not convenient or easy.”
“I already did,” Crew continued, though he knew his brother’s argument was stronger. “I was there all month. I spent hours with her, doing everything I could.”
“And she still needs you.” Mason refused to back down. “Her troubles aren’t over yet. So are you only with her so you can get what you want? Or are you willing to stick around until all’s said and done?”
Crew blew out a breath. His neck and face felt hot and he was ready to punch something, but he forced himself to listen. As much as Mason drove him crazy, his older brother was usually right.
And it made Crew want to curse.
“Well?” Mason demanded. “What’s it going to be?”
“I’ve got next Friday off,” Crew muttered. “I can probably find a flight up.”
“Atta boy,” Mason said, his smile audible in the tone. “I knew you had it in you.”
“You sound excited now,” Crew complained, “but what if I get there and she doesn’t want to see me? She hasn’t answered my texts in days.”
“Then I guess we’ll have a definitive answer,” Mason replied. “You can work it out face to face rather than just assuming things from a stupid phone.”
Crew shook his head but blew out a breath. He’d have to find another flight. This close to the date meant he’d have to pay through the nose.
If it works out, she’s worth it.
Yeah…Estelle was worth it, but Crew was still struggling with the idea that she was interested back. Mason’s argument made sense, it did. Estelle wasn’t herself right now, and she might be struggling to do things she normally did. But how long was Crew supposed to put his life on hold for her? What if she never came out of her struggles ?
Giving her time was one thing, giving her his entire future was another.
Crew snorted at his thoughts. It wasn’t until he’d fallen for Estelle that he’d even imagined a real future different from the one he already had. At one point in time, he’d assumed he’d clean children’s teeth and spoil his nieces and nephews, and that would be that.
Now it wasn’t enough.
“You’re right.” Crew allowed his righteous anger to drain. As good as it had felt only moments before, now Crew’s stomach felt like he’d swallowed something rotten.
He loved Estelle. Truly loved her.
How was it he was willing to give up on her so quickly?
Shame soured his already churning gut, and Crew swallowed hard. He’d been through more emotions in the last few minutes than he usually experienced in six months. What the heck was happening to him?
“Doth mine ears deceive me?” Mason crowed.
Crew snorted, he could hear Harper scolding in the background. “Since when did Sasquatch learn to read Shakespeare?”
“I was always better at English than you, you dork,” Mason shot back. “Quit being jealous of my skills.”
“Do you talk to your wife with that mouth?” Crew was feeling lighter by the minute as he and Mason bantered back and forth. This felt normal. It felt good. It was something he could understand. Everything going on with Estelle was new territory to him. Exciting territory, but new. And apparently, he wasn’t handling it as well as he would have liked.
“I kiss my wife with this mouth.” Mason continued his celebration. “Be nice to me, and I’ll teach you how to do the same to your own wife one day.”
“I’ll forgo the lessons, thanks,” Crew muttered, but his lips twitched with a grin. “I’ve never had the desire to emulate a huge, hairy beast.”
“And yet who’s got their head on straight in this scenario? ”
Crew pinched the bridge of his nose. “I spoke too soon.”
“Nope! Can’t take it back now. I’ve been right our whole lives. It just took your puny brain this long to figure it out.”
Crew huffed a laugh. “I’m going to hang up, jerk.”
“Fine. But we’ll have the spare room ready next week.”
The laughter died as Crew thought about what he needed to accomplish that weekend. Three days just wasn’t much time. “Alright. I’ll let you know when I get my ticket.”
“Sounds good. Take care, Crew. We’ll see you soon.”