Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
E stelle squeezed her mother a little tighter before letting her go. “Good morning,” she said, her smile coming easier today than it had yesterday.
Emery smiled back. “Good morning. You’ve been…different lately.”
Estelle shrugged and turned back to where she was packing a lunch for work. “I’m trying to be different,” she admitted.
A hand landed on her back. “He’d be proud of you.”
Estelle didn’t dare turn around, but she nodded in response. For the last several days, she’d been working extra hard to shift her response to…everything.
She was tired of being a zombie. She was tired of hurting. She was tired of life passing her by.
She could mourn her father without completely shutting down, right?
Estelle took a long, cleansing breath. She had to. She had to keep moving forward. If she stopped living, she’d miss out on things that were irreplaceable…Crew being one of them.
She was still praying that things weren’t ruined between them. As soon as her phone had been charged, she’d sent him a quick hello, reopening the dialogue between them.
But things were stilted, and Estelle was trying to figure out how to bridge the gap she’d created. It was funny how she wasn’t sure how to talk to the man she’d once told everything to. Could relationships be repaired at all?
Estelle didn’t have a lot of experience in this. Crew had been her first serious boyfriend.
“Estelle?”
She jumped, turning around. “Sorry.” Estelle shook her head. “What did you need?”
Her mother smiled sadly from the other side of the room. “Your body’s here, but your head is somewhere else? Maybe California?”
Heat crawled up her neck, and Estelle shrugged. “Just wandering. Sorry.”
Emery shook her head. “I was just going to ask what hours you were working today? Antony needs to get out of the house, and I have a hard time handling him on my own.”
Estelle nodded. “Yeah…that would be good.” She pinched her lips together, the weight of her responsibility settling back on her shoulders and pushing her relationship with Crew back.
She held back a sigh.
“You know what?” Emery pushed off the counter. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get someone else to help.”
“No, no, it’s fine.” Very familiar guilt mixed with her duty, and Estelle blinked back tears. How was she ever going to move forward if she couldn’t get out from under everything her family needed her to do?
Her mother shook her head. “No. I’ve been asking too much of you. It’s time some others helped.”
“No, Mom,” Estelle forced out. “I’m the oldest. It’s my responsibility.”
“No. ”
Estelle frowned at the steel in her mother’s tone. “Mom, I’m serious. I’m here to help.”
“And you have.” Emery took a deep breath. “I’ve relied on you so much these last couple of years that I didn’t stop to think of how it was affecting you as a person.”
Estelle’s frown deepened. “I’m here because I want to be.”
“And I’m grateful for that.” Emery tilted her head. “But you’ve reached your limit, and I’m starting to see that you’ve given up too much.”
“What do you mean?” Had she failed in something? Did her mom think she wasn’t good enough? The guilt grew in Estelle’s belly until she was ready to throw up.
“How’s your relationship with Crew?”
Estelle froze.
Her mother nodded slowly. “That’s what I thought.” Walking forward, she engulfed Estelle in a hug. “You’ve given up so much, and I’ll never be able to tell you how grateful I am for your help. Honestly?” she rasped in Estelle’s ear. “I’m not sure I’d have made it through without you. But now you need to live your own life.”
Estelle tried to pull back, but her mother wasn’t letting go just yet.
“I’ll find the help I need for your brother. I want you to move out.”
Estelle gasped and jerked back. “What?”
Her mother wiped at her face, her bottom lip trembling. “It’s been over a month, sweetheart. You’re too young to sit and do nothing.”
“I’m not doing nothing,” she tried to argue, though Estelle knew everyone could hear the pathetic tone to her voice. Some tiny part of her was itching to hear more. Breaking free from the back part of her brain, clawing its way to the front, desperate to hear what her mother had to say. It wanted the permission she craved to let go of past hurts and responsibility, to step forward, free and light and ready for something new .
Estelle wasn’t even sure what something “new” was, though she hoped it included Crew. But she might have ruined her chances with that one. Only time would tell.
“I heard you that day, you know,” her mother said. “The day you told off Antony for refusing to live when he was still alive.”
Estelle hung her head. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure the whole neighborhood heard.”
Her mother chuckled. “Maybe, but you were right. He does need to learn to live again. But sweetheart, so do you.”
“I tried,” Estelle said hoarsely, her tears getting the better of her. “I tried to take that step forward with Crew and look how it turned out.”
“And how did it turn out?”
“Dad died.” The words felt like poison on her tongue, and Estelle swallowed hard to keep the bile down. “I had just decided to really open up and try it all, and then we lost him.”
Her mother shook her head. “Your father’s death has been coming for years. It had nothing to do with your choice to date Crew.”
“Then why did it happen at that moment?” Estelle buried her face in her hands, trying to hold back the sobs clawing up her throat. “Why did it all happen at the same time? Why am I always the one—” She bit off the rest of what she was going to say. There really wasn’t anything she could say that would help anyone else understand. It was too heavy, too much, and her desire for freedom made her feel too guilty.
Thin but warm arms banded around Estelle, holding her as she cried. Her mother was half her size, but Estelle didn’t fight it. She let her mother hold her like she had when she was a little girl.
The woman who had raised Estelle, who had been strong mentally in a way that Estelle felt weak, who had smiled at her husband’s funeral and smiled with her angry son… The woman who Estelle had mistakenly called fragile held Estelle together as she fell apart .
No words were exchanged, only touches, soothing noises, and unspoken love, and it was everything Estelle needed.
But as her tears dried, Estelle realized something. This was what she needed, but this wasn’t who she wanted it with. She wanted a pair of strong arms and a broad chest to hold her. She loved her mother, but Estelle didn’t want to share her burdens with her mother any more. She wanted a man, a boyfriend…a husband.
She leaned into her mother’s shoulder, accepting the warmth, but in that moment, she knew…Estelle knew…it wasn’t if she could fix things with Crew. She would . She wouldn’t accept defeat. This was the life she wanted, and she was going to fight for it.
Crew pulled up the handle of his suitcase and began to walk toward the entrance to the airport. Mason should be waiting for him in the pick-up line, and Crew was eager to get back to the house. The drive took a little over an hour, and Crew had plans.
He was still trying to figure out how to approach Estelle. She didn’t know he was coming, but he was planning to go see her within minutes of arriving.
He was tired of waiting. She needed to know he was serious and that he wasn’t going to break his promise. And if Estelle told him to get lost…well, Crew didn’t have much of a plan for that, but at least then he would know.
Right now, too many things were up in the air, though Estelle had chatted with him a few times this week, which had Crew’s hope simmering and was leading to his restlessness.
“Crew!”
Crew’s head jerked toward the sound just in time to catch Layla before she slammed into his legs. “Princess! What’re you doing here?” He hefted her up into his arms.
“Uncle Crew!” she shouted, her hands signing fast. “I helped make the bed. It’s all ready. It’s your bed. ”
Crew grinned and kissed his niece’s cheek. “I have my very own bed at your house? That’s pretty awesome.”
Layla nodded as Mason came up to meet them. “Move it. I’ve only got three minutes left of free parking.”
Crew chuckled and set Layla down. “Since when did you become such a miser?”
“Since I started supporting a family and a lazy brother who won’t stop visiting,” Mason threw over shoulder.
Crew’s smile grew.
Once at the SUV, they clambered in, and Mason took off. “Does she know you’re coming?” Mason asked in a soft tone.
Crew shook his head. “No.”
Mason’s eyebrows pulled together. “Is that on purpose?”
Crew shrugged. “Sort of.”
“Are you afraid she’d say to not come?”
Crew pinched his lips together. “I don’t think so. She’s responded a few times this last week, but I…I don’t know… I needed this to be face to face, and I don’t want there to be any excuses.” He took a deep breath. “Estelle is amazing, but she kind of feels the need to be a savior to everyone.”
“Kind of?” Mason snorted. He put up his hand before Crew could respond. “I love Estelle. Her whole family is amazing and Harper is best friends with them, but Estelle is the biggest mother hen I’ve ever seen. I bet she could nurse the dodo bird back into life if given half a chance.”
Crew made a face. “That’s…a really weird comparison.”
Mason shrugged. “But still true.”
“Fine, whatever, but my point wasn’t to poke fun. I love that she cares for people. But I wasn’t really afraid she’d say not to come, as much as I was afraid she’d say I shouldn’t come because it would inconvenience me.”
“Yeah, self sacrificing to a fault.” Mason sighed. “And yet none of us could survive without her.”
“True enough.” Crew rested his elbow on the window .
“Do you have a plan then?”
“I’m working on it.”
“Well, better work quick,” Mason said, glancing at the console in the front of the car. “Harper just sent a text saying Estelle’s there, and she’ll hang onto her if we want.”
Crew’s heart skipped a beat. He was already so close, and now Estelle was at the house? It couldn’t get any better than that. “Yeah. Have her stay.”
“Should I say we’re coming? Or do you want Harper to distract her with girl talk?”
“Girl talk.”
Mason chuckled. “You realize that means we might be headed into a cry fest?”
Crew shrugged. “Then maybe it’ll be my chance to play savior.”
“You two are a match made in heaven,” Mason muttered. “Two hero complexes come to life.” Shaking his head, he voiced a message and sent it off. Tightening his grip on the steering wheel, he nodded. “Here we go.”
Crew nodded back. “Here we go.” He shifted his weight and settled in. This was bound to be the longest ride of Crew’s life.