Chapter 28
Kai walked past the cafe for the sixth time, trying not to draw attention to himself. He glanced at the “help wanted” sign taped beside the door but couldn’t convince himself to go inside.
He’d spent the last week roaming the streets, staying away from all of the places that Liam might look for him but had still found himself outside the little cafe on Queen Street without consciously deciding to go there.
The place had changed since the last time he’d visited.
He peered into the window looking for Misty, the owner, but couldn’t see her.
All of the furniture had been updated, and a bar was attached to the front counter.
Everything was pale pink and white with planters of oversized tropical plants.
It was on a corner lot, so bright sunshine spilled in from both sides, and Kai could see inside all the way to the back, where it looked like it had been converted into a small bookshop.
It wasn’t too full, and most of the patrons were enjoying their treats and the weather on the narrow patio that circled the front and side of the building.
He looked at the help wanted sign again, but the idea was almost too ridiculous to entertain.
He hadn’t told Matteo that he wasn’t coming back, mostly because he didn’t want to face him, and he hadn’t gone home to the trailer for the same reason.
He knew that Liam would give the money he’d taken from Nolan to Jason, even if he never told them where he got it from.
Kai wanted no part of it. He was done with Liam.
It felt like their relationship had been irrevocably broken, and while it hurt, there was an underlying feeling of relief.
Unfortunately, it also meant that he was on his own again for the first time in a long time.
He didn’t care. He didn’t care about much.
He would either figure it out or he wouldn’t.
He could go back to Matteo, or he could try something new.
He had a little bit of money in the account that Nolan had set up for him, since Matteo had put him on his payroll, but that wasn’t going to last long.
His heart clenched the way it did whenever his thoughts slipped to Nolan, but he was learning to live with the sick, painfully empty feeling inside him. Nothing hurt worse than missing him. Nothing hurt more than replaying the image of him closing that door over and over.
Kai snapped to attention when he registered a lady approaching the door from the inside.
Her hands were full, with a tray laden with a coffee carafe, a glass of water and a small plate of pastries.
She beamed at him when he reached, automatically, for the door and opened it for her.
Kai knew from his previous visits that she worked there.
He’d seen her chatting with patrons and clearing tables.
She’d been wearing a white apron over her jeans but appeared to be on break because she wasn’t wearing it now.
Kai debated with himself as she took a seat at the table closest to the door.
It was a stupid idea. He was very keenly aware that it had been days since his last shower.
He’d been alternating between the clothes he’d been wearing when he left Nolan’s and what he had in his backpack, but everything he owned desperately needed washing.
It just hadn’t been a priority. He was exhausted from never sleeping longer than half an hour at a time, and he couldn’t remember when he’d last eaten.
Wait. That had been two days ago. He’d gone dumpster-diving in a fit of rebellion, but then a wave of grief had hit him so hard that it knocked the wind out of him when he remembered that Nolan wasn’t there to give a fuck if he broke the rules.
The box of crackers he’d found had turned instantly to chalk in his mouth.
He’d kept them though, sticking them in his backpack, just in case.
“Were you thinking of applying for the job?”
Kai turned towards the woman, heat flooding his face. She smiled encouragingly while she fixed herself a cup of coffee. He shoved his hand through his greasy hair.
“I was thinking of talking to Misty about it. Is she, um, here?” he asked self-consciously.
“Oh, no. Misty is currently cruising around the Bahamas with her husband.”
Kai’s shoulders slumped. “Do you know when she’ll be back?”
“A few weeks, I think. Have you known Misty long?”
“I knew her a long time ago. She, um, helped me sometimes. She used to let me help out every once in a while.”
“That sounds like her,” she said fondly, like they were talking about a mutual friend. “Why don’t you sit and talk to me about the job?”
Kai looked at her, surprised.
“I’m Abigail. Misty retired a few years ago. I’m the new owner of Beans on Queen.” She held out a hand, and Kai looked down at his, then quickly shook his head, blushing, hoping she wouldn’t be offended.
She smiled and indicated the seat across from her. “Have a seat. Coffee?”
Kai nodded, and he could hear Nolan whisper, “Use your words,” in his ear like he was standing right next to him. His heart pulsed painfully.
“Yes, please.” Kai slid into the seat, pushing the chair back from the table to keep some distance between them.
“I saw you checking out my sign a few times, but I started to doubt you were ever going to make it inside,” she said, offering him cream and sugar. She pushed the pastries towards him.
“I probably wasn’t,” Kai admitted, hunching in on himself. He cupped his hands around the hot mug, letting the heat soothe him. When he took a sip, he could have cried at the taste of sweet, perfectly brewed comfort.
“Then it’s probably a good thing I’m more of a bull-by-the-horns person.” She beamed at him again. “What’s your name?”
“Kai. Kai Da Silva.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Kai. Now, I need someone to help me open in the mornings.
My current girl is leaving me at the end of summer to go to school in Guelph, so I’m hoping to hire someone quickly so that they can get some proper training before then.
Right now, it’s part-time hours, from five a.m. to eleven, Monday to Friday. Would that work for you?”
“Yes. For sure.” Kai hesitated. “I don’t have any experience though.”
“Well,” she said, “it’s not rocket science. Mostly, I just need you to be reliable and nice to people, though that last one is pretty negotiable. Can you work with that?”
Kai tried a smile, even though it felt tight on his face. “Yeah absolutely. I… I don’t have references or anything.”
Abigail leaned forward, producing a pen and a slightly squished paper from her back pocket, which she pushed his way.
“Oh, I am very good friends with Misty, and if you were good for her, that’s all the reference I need. When can you start?”
“Tomorrow, if you need me to.”
She glanced down at his shirt, hesitating for the first time.
“I’ll be ready,” he said in a rush, blushing again.
She smiled at him.
“Alright. Fill that out and,” she pushed the plate closer to him, “eat up.”
Kai spent the rest of the day getting ready for his unexpected new job.
The brief moment of euphoria he’d experienced had died an unpleasant death when he realized there was no one to share it with.
It hurt too much thinking about Nolan, and the only other people who would care were probably Jason or Justin or Katie.
He hadn’t reached out to the boys, but he’d have to soon.
There was no way he could reach out to Katie, since he’d had her number saved on the phone he’d left at Nolan’s.
He missed her more than he expected, but he knew there was no way Chris would let her stay friends with him now.
Truthfully, he didn’t think he could stay friends with her and not be with Nolan. It just hurt too damned much.
He hit a nearby discount clothes store and bought himself a couple clean things, and the dollar store for a razor and laundry detergent.
There was a laundromat a few blocks away, and Kai shamelessly stripped down to his boxers and threw everything, including his worn out sneakers, into the machine before turning it on.
That night, he caved and went to the shelter.
He hated it there, partially because of his pride but also because he didn’t always feel safe, no matter how hard the staff tried.
Still, he needed a shower and a bed. He hoped he’d be able to sleep, but when the lights went down, he was left alone with his thoughts, the ghost of Nolan’s arm around his waist and the scratch of his beard against his face.
He could hear the rumble of his voice while he read to him, feel the vibration of it under his hands.
The hollow ache in his chest expanded painfully, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t bother to brush them away.
Nolan’s presence was so visceral that it caused him physical pain when he reminded himself that it wasn’t real.
By four-thirty the next morning, Kai was sitting outside the cafe, as tired as he’d been the day before but at least looking somewhat like himself.
Only the bruised skin under his eyes gave him away.
The sun made slow progress over the horizon, dark turning to shades of blue touched with gold and orange.
The city was just starting to wake up, people strolling past in various states of business casual with paper cups in hand or gym bags draped across their shoulders.
“You’re early,” Abigail said, clearly surprised to see him when she got there a few minutes later.
“Is that okay?”
“Of course! I’m going to let you know right now, I am not a morning person and I’m generally a savage before my second cup of coffee,” she told him as she unlocked the door and disarmed the security alarm.
“That’s okay.”
“Come on, I’ll show you around quickly and get the coffee started. Perks of the job: all employees get free coffee all day, every day. Also, something to eat on your break.”
She quickly toggled one of the coffee machines, showing Kai where the different coffees and supplies were before leading him into the kitchen.
Metal counters and all new ovens and mixers gleamed at them as she turned on the lights.
He spied the back door, which he’d been very familiar with.
The shelf beside it was still there, and he could see several pink pastry boxes perched on top.
“My office is back here, but it kind of doubles as a staff room in case you don’t want to people on your break. You can hang your backpack on the hooks in there.”
“You guys still do that?” Kai asked, pointing to the boxes, feeling oddly pleased.
“I’m sorry? Oh, yes. Those are for—” she broke off as she met his gaze and realized he already knew. “Misty told me about it when I was thinking about buying the store and I loved it. I couldn’t part with the tradition.”
Kai turned as the kitchen door opened again, and a willowy brown girl walked in, looking momentarily confused to see Kai there.
“Ah! Pri, come meet Kai. Kai, this is Priya. Priya is the one leaving us for Guelph at the end of summer. Also not a morning person.” Abigail squeezed her shoulders affectionately, while Priya rolled her eyes.
“I’m not a five a.m. morning person. I do totally fine at normal-people morning hours. Like nine or ten,” she said, shaking Kai’s hand.
“Well, let’s go get our coffees and get started.”
The cafe opened at seven, but most of their pastries were baked in-house.
A lot of prep was done the night before, but there was still tons to do.
Abigail assured him that he didn’t have to remember everything all at once, but Kai really wanted to make a good impression.
He paid close attention, trying to absorb everything that he could.
At six-forty-five another girl walked in, her faded pink hair in a high ponytail.
She wore an anime t-shirt and both arms were covered in a random array of tattoos.
Her right brow was pierced, and she had spider bite piercings in her lower lip on the left side.
She looked at Kai with interest as Priya introduced her as Felicity.
They were inundated by a constant stream of customers from the moment they opened.
Kai was grateful. The constant demand on his attention meant that he didn’t have time to think about anything until Abigail forced him to take a break at eight-thirty.
He took his coffee to one of the tables and, five minutes later, Abigail came out to deposit a toasted bagel with egg and bacon and a chocolate chip muffin beside him.
She didn’t wait to hear his thanks, just went back to the kitchen where she was still pulling trays out of the ovens.
Bryce, one of the afternoon guys that Kai had seen the day before, came in at eleven and Abigail cut Kai loose, praising him for a great first day.
He’d been feeling pretty good about it until right that moment, but now the idea of filling the next sixteen hours until he could come back felt like a daunting task.
He grabbed his backpack, and when he walked out the front door, all of the shitty feelings he’d kept at bay all morning bubbled right back up to keep his company.