Chapter 19 The Song of Being a Son
NINETEEN
THE SONG OF BEING A SON
ALEX
Maybe if I hadn’t turned the volume all the way up, I would’ve heard him earlier. But when Dany stood in the doorway, glaring at us, the blood froze in my veins, making it pointless to wonder if this could have been prevented.
Downstairs, a suitcase rattled across the floor.
“Oh, thank God,” Laura yelled through the house.
I got up. I didn’t need to be good at math to put two and two together. What he saw—and heard—left little room for interpretation.
Dany let out a bloodcurdling grumble and stomped back downstairs.
“What is it?” Laura asked.
“I knew something was off,” Dany replied, his voice ice-cold.
Their footsteps moved farther away.
My head snapped to Sebastian, who was still sitting on the floor, frozen like me. His chest heaved as he struggled to catch his breath. His jaw clenched. We shared a glance, but before I could say anything, he jumped up and rushed downstairs.
I hurried after him, banging my shoulder against the doorframe along the way, but that didn’t slow me down. I caught a glimpse of Seb’s shadow turning the corner as I reached the stairs.
“Dad,” he yelled. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” Dany shot back. “This is my house. If it rains so much during my vacation that I can’t go anywhere, then I have the fucking right to come back whenever I want. What are you doing? That’s the real question.”
For a moment, my own breathing took over. I rushed into the kitchen and found the three of them standing there, staring at each other, all of them so shocked that none of them could speak.
All three pairs of eyes snapped to me, each more confused than the last.
“Alex?” Dany said in a voice almost an octave lower than usual. “What’s going on?”
“He’s got nothing to do with it,” Sebastian bellowed, drawing his parents’ attention back to him.
“To do with what?” Laura asked.
“You don’t need to lie to us.” Dany’s arm shot forward, stopping just short of Sebastian’s face, his index finger pointing at him like an ice pick. His voice rose. “You didn’t come here to study. Don’t you dare deny it.”
“Let’s keep our voices down.” Laura raised her arm in front of Dany. “I’m sure there’s an easy explanation for what we heard.”
“For the love of—” Sebastian sighed. “There’s nothing to explain. I did study, but I still have time off to recharge however I want.” He walked around the kitchen island and leaned against the countertop farthest from his dad.
Dany glared at me, then walked to the table and sat down. I stayed right in the doorway, feeling like I would get burned if I stepped any closer. Laura and Dany looked at each other, worry overshadowing their faces.
“Okay, it’s been all fun and games until now,” Dany said emphatically. “But this is bullshit, Devin.”
Hearing the name he didn’t like being called, Sebastian closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them again as he crossed his arms in front of him. He kept his voice low but sharp. “Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it’s bullshit.”
Dany slammed his hand on the table. “You do not come into my home and lie to me like this, exploiting my hospitality. Doesn’t matter whether you’re part of this family or not.”
My chest clenched. His words were clearly meant for both of us. At this point, it didn’t matter how well Dany and I had gotten along in the past. If he wanted me out of the house, I would have to leave. Sebastian, on the other hand, would always be their son.
That was why I didn’t want to lie to anyone. Once trust was broken, it was almost impossible to rebuild. The only way forward was the truth.
“Just tell them,” I said quietly, drawing their attention to me.
Sebastian and I locked eyes. His pupils were dilated, and I couldn’t tell if he was afraid to tell them about the music or about us. Either way, this would only get worse if he kept hiding everything.
I looked at Dany. “He did study for his exams,” which was true if we counted the two hours he spent on that accounting assignment while I shoveled cow dung. “But he’s also here because of me. During the family reunion, we started talking about my music. I asked him if he’d sing some parts—”
“That’s not true. Don’t listen to him,” Sebastian cut in. “I talked him into it. After hearing his songs, I suggested we record vocals, and I made him promise not to tell you, because I knew exactly how you’d react.”
“So, you really are making music again?” Laura asked.
“I knew you were up to something,” Dany grunted. “Goddamn it.”
“See? This is what I meant. Of course, you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand,” Dany’s voice sharpened.
“My own son doesn’t trust me enough to tell me what he’s doing.
He waited for us to leave so he could sneak around behind our backs.
I bet if we hadn’t come home a day early, you never would have said anything.
” Dany looked at me. “Did he make you promise not to tell us anything?”
“Leave him out of this,” Sebastian shot back.
“How am I supposed to do that, huh? You pulled him into it.” Dany turned back to me.
“Alex, I’m not harboring any resentment toward you.
You’ve proven yourself to be loyal and trustworthy, which is why I know that if you were asked not to tell us, you’d be conflicted, but you’d still keep your word.
And at least you told us the truth now. So, I don’t blame you. ”
“But you blame me?” Sebastian barked.
Although it seemed like I wouldn’t be thrown out of the house immediately, the way the conversation was going was no less worrying.
“That’s why I didn’t want you to know about it,” Sebastian shouted. “If you’d known I was even thinking about singing professionally again, you would’ve tried to talk me out of it the second you found out.”
“Professionally? What are you talking about?” Dany yelled, frowning so hard he looked ten years older.
“Alex is the most talented musician I’ve ever met,” Sebastian said.
“His music made me want to sing again. It’s good enough to shake up the entire industry.
That’s why I’m here. So what if we spent a week recording an album without telling you?
I tried to prevent this from happening. I didn’t want to argue with you beforehand, because you don’t understand how fragile art can be.
What a soul-crushing experience it is when your ideas and plans get trampled before they have a chance to fully blossom.
But that’s what you would’ve done, because you don’t think any of this is worth pursuing. ”
Dany’s face turned redder, his neck practically swelling.
But Laura stepped between them. “Could you two please stop fighting?”
It was only the second time I’d heard her raise her voice like that—aside from the reunion, when they’d had a similar clash—but it seemed to help, because both of them dropped their gaze to the floor.
They probably wouldn’t want to hear it, but the way they reacted, they looked like father and son after all.
“Thank you,” she sighed. “So… Sebastian. You two,” she pointed at him and me, “are making music together? Is that why you’re really here?”
“Yes,” Sebastian replied, annoyed but quiet.
“This is such a bad idea,” Dany bellowed.
Sebastian rolled his eyes and groaned. “And why is that?”
“Because we know what happened last time.” Dany jumped up and jabbed his index finger into the table so hard it turned red.
“And because you’re in the middle of getting a degree that’s supposed to provide for you and put a roof over your head.
You can’t chase castles in the sky this close to the finish line.
Once you have a respectable job and a stable income, then you can think about taking it up as a hobby if you want to.
But you can’t waste all that time right now. Nothing’s going to come of this.”
Seb cleared his throat and replied, calmly but firmly, “Is that so?”
“Yes, it is.” Dany turned to Laura, who glared at him. “What? Someone has to tell him. He can’t waste his life on a hobby.”
Sebastian shook his head. “I’m at a loss for words.”
“Because there’s nothing left to say.”
“You always treat me like I’m an asshole. The only asshole here is you.”
“You little—”
“It’s just like last time… Did you even hear what you just said?
” Sebastian barked back. “Wasting his life on a hobby? Is that what you think I’m doing?
Because then that’s what you think Alex is doing, too.
Why doesn’t he get berated like that? Is it because when he does it, it’s not a waste of time?
Or is it because he’s not your son and how he ‘wastes his life’ doesn’t matter? ”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It is. How is it any different for him than it is for me? What you said was so insulting, I don’t even know how to explain it to you.
This is why I didn’t want to come back all these years.
I hate your stupid small-town mentality.
When my career seemed to be going somewhere, you bragged to everyone about it.
Once it went downhill, you suddenly ‘knew’ it was always a bad idea.
You’re just worried about what other people think.
So what makes you the authority on what anyone should do with their time?
There are different ways to live a life, and yours isn’t better than mine.
I want to do what I enjoy, and making music with Alex is the best I’ve felt in years.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon my degree, but of course, you’d assume that.
Because nothing anyone does is ever good enough unless it’s exactly what you think they should be doing.
It doesn’t matter if it’s me, Mila, or even Alex.
You always act like your decisions are the only right ones. ”
“My decisions put a roof over my family’s head. They paid for your tuition. They put food on your plate.”
“Do you want a medal for that now? Just because something works for you doesn’t mean it works for everyone. Why do you think my choices will never get me there? It’s my life, damn it! Why can’t I be happy the way I want to be?”
“You wouldn’t be happy even if you didn’t have to do anything all day.”
From then on, the two of them shouted over each other.
Neither was willing to give in, so the argument went in circles.
Their voices grew so loud they hurt my ears.
Laura tried to get between them, yelling for them to stop, but it didn’t help.
They were at each other’s throats like two dogs that wouldn’t back down until one of them won, whatever there was to win in that argument.
Why couldn’t they see that they at least had each other? That they cared enough to get this heated?
Dany wasn’t the bad parent Seb made him out to be. He cared enough to worry about him and speak up when he thought it mattered.
And Sebastian wasn’t the asshole chasing castles in the sky Dany painted him as. He was hardworking and focused, and clearly cared about his parents’ opinion more than he let on. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t shout back.
“Well, you don’t get to make decisions for me.”
I hadn’t spoken to my mom in years.
“Once you have a family to care for, we can talk again.”
She never fought for me.
“I can’t stand you.”
She never reached out to see if I was doing okay.
“That makes two of us.”
She never cared about me like this.
“Sometimes, I wish you weren’t my father.”
“And I wish you weren’t my son.”
The noise pelted me from all sides. It tore through my ears, wrapped around my brain, yanking at it as if it was trying to rip it out of my skull.
My neck, jaw, chest—my whole body tensed.
I gasped for air, but couldn’t breathe.
The pain became too much to bear.
“Shut up,” my body yelled before I could think. “Shut up, shut up—SHUT UP.” My hands clenched into fists as I hit my head again and again, trying to make everything stop. My face flushed. My chest heaved. Saliva dripped from my mouth. My ears buzzed, even as the silence that followed stretched on.
When I came back to myself, I found them all staring at me like they couldn’t believe what I’d done.
I couldn’t either. I had just yelled at them—at the people who gave me a roof over my head, and the one person who made me feel loved and wanted.
How could I possibly stay in the same room with them?
“I’m sorry,” I muttered before everything went blurry.
I heard my feet pounding…
…a door slamming behind me…
…gravel crunching beneath my shoes…
…and a bird cawing in the distance.
My eyes didn’t register what I was seeing.
But I knew I was running.
Alone.
Because that’s how things always end for me.