Chapter 20 Silence
TWENTY
SILENCE
SEBASTIAN
The front door slammed shut. Then, silence.
All three of us stood in the kitchen, frozen in place, staring at where Alex had just been.
I could still see him in my mind: his disheveled hair, the way he hit himself and yelled for us to shut up, before his eyes widened in shock.
“I’m sorry,” he had said. Of all people, he was the last one who needed to say that.
My stomach twisted. My chin quivered. I glared at Dad, tempted to blame him for everything—but that would have been too easy. We had both screamed. Neither of us had thought for even a second about how this would affect anyone else.
A tear rolled down my mom’s face.
Dad’s lips twitched as if he wanted to say something but knew he shouldn’t. His hands balled into fists for a moment before unclenching. “Well… we really messed that up.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, son. This got more heated than it should’ve.”
Somehow, his apology upset me more than if he had blamed me entirely. “You don’t—” have to apologize, I stopped myself from saying. He did. And he wasn’t the only one.
“I’m…” I shook my head. I knew I had to say it, too, before I could go after Alex. Why was that so hard? “I’m sorry, too.”
Dad looked at the floor, his voice now quiet.
“You need to live your life the way you want. I just wanna see you get off to a good start. Time is precious and short, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you yet.
But I can’t protect you from everything.
You have to make your own mistakes. And you have to make decisions I might see as mistakes, but that aren’t, in the end. ”
“Alex and I making music together isn’t a mistake.
And it’s not hubris, if that’s what you’re thinking.
I know I’m not as talented as I always wished I was.
But Alex is. You can’t imagine how his music affected me.
I want to do this for him. He’s such a kind soul.
He deserves for people to hear his music.
That’s why I promise not to take this lightly.
Just like I won’t take my last semester lightly. ”
Dad breathed heavily, his eyes blinking like a camera taking a million photos at once. “I honestly hope you prove me wrong.” He opened his arms.
I took a step toward him. The hug felt a little too soon, but… I had to finish this before I could go after Alex. So I gave in. He closed his arms around me for just a second, then let go.
Mom sobbed, her mascara running down her face. I stepped over and pulled her into a hug, too. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“It’s okay. You’re your father’s son. You can both be stubborn sometimes. But I will always love you both.”
“Same here, but…” I let go of her. “I have to go after Alex and bring him back. I hope that’s—”
“Of course it is,” she replied.
By the time I caught Dad nodding out of the corner of my eye, my feet had already started moving.
I rushed into the foyer and stepped outside, scanning my surroundings.
The sun sat behind the house, casting the porch in shadow and the gravel driveway in harsh light.
No sign of Alex.
I pulled my phone out of my sweatpants and dialed his number, only to be greeted by a prerecorded message.
“The person you’ve called is not—”
My feet carried me down the stairs to the driveway. There were a million places he could have gone, but only one he had specifically told me he went to when he needed to calm down. This was my best shot.
I was catching my breath after running to the old bar, which probably took longer than if I had just asked Dad for his car keys. But Alex had left on foot too, so maybe it wasn’t stupid to follow my instinct.
When I turned the corner into the rundown outdoor seating area, I found the back door slightly ajar, which gave me some hope.
The door squeaked as I pulled it fully open, as if warning me not to go any further.
“Alex?” I called into the bar.
Three seconds of silence. My stomach dropped—but then I heard rustling inside. Footsteps shuffled toward me until the person I’d hoped would be there appeared at the end of the hallway. His eyes were hidden behind his hair, his shoulders slumped.
I lunged toward him, wrapping my arms around his back.
“I’m so sorry, Alex,” I whispered, pressing him against me.
His arms hung limp, not returning the embrace, but I couldn’t let go of him yet.
“I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this.
I’m sorry, I didn’t think about how fighting with my dad would affect you. ”
“You’re…” Alex trembled. “…not mad?”
“Why would I be?” I pulled back, my hands still on his shoulders, so I could get a good look at him without letting go.
His eyes blinked up at me through strands of his hair. “You’ve all been nothing but nice to me. Your parents took me in. You helped me so much with my music. I yelled at all of you. That’s… unforgivable.”
“What are you talking about?” I brushed his hair out of his face. “Telling us to shut the fuck up was exactly the right thing to do.”
His eyes dropped to the ground as if he wasn’t allowed to look at me anymore. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Believe me, we needed that. I wasn’t thinking clearly anymore, and neither was Dad. Thanks to you, we both apologized to each other. No one’s ever gotten us to do that.”
“Still—”
“Do you know why I was so mad at him?” I cut in because I could already see where his mind was going. He was trying to convince himself he was the bad guy, which couldn’t have been further from the truth. I needed to make sure he understood none of this was his fault and how much he meant to us.
“It wasn’t because he didn’t want me to make music.
The way he said it, he devalued your life choices, too.
Saying it was all just a waste of time was incredibly insulting, and it made my blood boil.
The music you make is anything but. It’s something that needs to be shared with the world.
And… I hated that, because you’re such an incredible person. ”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are—”
“I’m not!”
“You always notice the small things. You keep going, even with everything life’s thrown at you. You bring out only the best in the people around you. You brought out the best in me.”
“Sebastian!” He tried to pull away from my embrace, turning his head so I couldn’t see the tears rolling down his face. “No, I… I don’t deserve this.”
But I wasn’t going to let him go.
“I love you, Alex.” I pulled him in closer and, despite his initial resistance, held him tight, my hand resting on the back of his head. “No matter how much you try to convince me otherwise, it won’t change my mind. If anyone deserves the world, it’s you.”
He sniffled, weakly pressing against my chest one last time, and then finally let me hold him. His fingers dug into my shirt, clinging to me for dear life. His chest shook as he gasped for air and sank into my arms, crying.
“I love you, too,” he whispered.
His sobs echoed through the old bar, each one making my own eyes sting. But I managed to hold myself together. For him.
He calmed down after a minute and looked up, his eyes red and his cheeks swollen.
“I’m sorry I ran away.”
“Is it cheesy to say I’ll always follow you?”
“A little, yeah.” He pressed his lips together, attempting a smile that looked both pained and relieved. “But it’s also nice to hear.”
His hands moved to my hips. I ran my fingers through his hair. We both leaned in and met in a brief kiss, but then he eased out of my arms.
“I need a minute.” He sniffled and wiped his face with his hands as he walked around the bar. “When you and your dad fought… it made me think about my mom. She and I never fought like that. But before you get the wrong idea, I was actually kind of jealous of you in that moment.”
“Okay, that doesn’t make any sense,” I said, then caught myself. “But I want to hear why.”
“I know fighting like this isn’t exactly fun, but…
You care enough about each other to get that heated.
I really think your dad is wrong about how he goes about things, but in the end, he’s just trying to look out for you.
And then there’s you.” He faced the newspaper-covered display windows, only turning his head halfway toward me.
“You get angry because you want his support. Because you want him to understand you.”
He wrapped his arms around himself. His eyes landed on a faded picture in one of the newspapers—a happy family, mom and dad with a hand on their son’s shoulders as he held a trophy.
“My mom never fought with me. When I did things most parents would’ve punished me for, she didn’t even bat an eye.
I always believed we were just more harmonious than other families, but that wasn’t the case.
When her husband threw me out, she looked at me the same way she always did.
For years, I wondered why she didn’t say anything in that moment, and why she didn’t try to reach out.
It only hit me when I saw you two. The freedom I believed she was giving me when we still lived together was actually just disinterest. She paid for my music lessons because they kept me busy and out of the house.
She didn’t scold me—ever—because she just didn’t care.
Sure, we had some good times, but good times were all she cared about. ”
What he was saying—those were some serious accusations. I couldn’t tell whether they were true. After all, I didn’t know his mom. But if that was how he felt about her, that was bad enough. No one should feel like their own parents don’t care whether they live or die.
“It’s stupid,” he continued, “but when I saw the two of you arguing, I wished I had a family like that to yell at.” He let out a quiet chuckle. “Damn. It sounds like I think having a family just means having someone to yell at.”
“I understand where you’re coming from, Alex. If that helps.”
“It does,” he said, finally looking at me again.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. “When we first met at the reunion, you told me about your mom right away. You talked about her like she didn’t matter anymore—like you were fine living your life alone.
Not that you said that, but it felt like you were trying to convince yourself so you wouldn’t have to face the reality of it.
” I hesitated. “I have to admit… when I went to blow out my candle, I was thinking about you.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Not because I felt bad for you, but because I liked you so much even after that short time.” I put on a smile. “That night, I wished for you to have a family and… I think that wish has already come true.”
The light outside dimmed, probably from a passing cloud, but a second later, the sun broke through again, flooding the whole room with a soft beige glow through the newspapers on the windows.
“You’re part of the Drapers now, even if you don’t share our last name.
My parents care about you. My sister was so angry with me when she thought I was being mean to you because she cares so much about you.
And to me, you’re the first person I’ve ever met that I want to call family.
And isn’t that the most important part of what makes a family? That we care about each other?”
Alex put his hand on the bar, only realizing how dirty it was the moment he touched it. His fingers lingered in the dust longer than they probably should have before he pulled his hand back and wiped it on the back of his pants.
“You know what’s funny?” he said, a shy smile tugging at his lips. “At the reunion, you welcomed me to the Drapers, said we were bound by the ritual now.”
“Because it’s true.”
“I guess it is.” He stepped around to my side, hesitated for a second, then pulled me into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For saying all that. I really needed to hear it.”
His mouth grazed mine in the softest kiss. For a few moments, we forgot about everything. His hair kept falling between us, but it only made us chuckle and move on to a hug. Minutes passed as we held each other close, resting our chins on each other’s collarbones.
“There’s something I want to do when we get back home, but only if you’re okay with it,” I said. “I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to tell my parents we are more than friends.”
With so little time left before I had to leave again, I couldn’t let us part ways without him knowing how serious I was.
“So you don’t want to be just trial boyfriends anymore?”
“It was never a trial to me.”
We both leaned back, our hips still touching, so we could look at each other.
“I can’t deny I’m a little scared of their reaction,” Alex admitted. “But it’s better to put all the cards on the table.”
Just then, a loose strip of newspaper peeled away from the window with a soft crackle, letting in a sharp beam of sunlight that cut across the bar.
Startled, we both snapped our heads to the sound, our heartbeats picking up.
“If that wasn’t a sign,” I said with a chuckle.
“Yeah,” he breathed.
Nothing ahead of us was going to be easy: not the talk with my parents, not the distance, not spreading the word about our music, not finishing my degree, and certainly not being unable to touch him whenever I wanted.
But it was worth enduring all of it. I wanted to spend my life with him—whether we ended up in a music studio, on a stage, or in an apartment in Seastone.
As long as we figured out a way to be together, I knew we were bound to find happiness.