CHAPTER EIGHTEEN #2
I wasn’t sure just how much I wanted to tell him. “It’s complicated.”
His frown deepened but he dropped the subject. “Alright, but I still want a share of my work-out partner.”
I clapped his solid shoulder. “I promise, I won’t keep neglecting you. Friday, before work?”
“Sounds good,” he said. “I made the final payment for the custom order I put in. It’s done. You want to see it?”
I leaned in to look at his phone and took in the picture of a polished wooden cane carved with leaves and mulberries, the handle wrapped in leather. “Wow, that’s sweet.”
“Yeah, it cost two week’s salary but he’s worth it. I… just hope he takes it well.”
I knew the answer but asked anyway. “What do you mean?”
“The way I figure it, I’ll get one of two reactions. He’ll love it, or he’ll hate it.”
“Because it’s a reminder of what happened?” I’d posed my words as a question, but I was sure we both knew the answer to that. I imagined it was hard to be twenty-seven and needing the use of aides just to walk.
Jere rubbed the back of his neck and bit his lip at the picture.
“Yeah, but I think he’ll be happy because he’s told me having his cane makes him more confident that he won’t bust his nose on the pavement when he loses his balance.
I’m going to give it to him for Valentine’s Day.
He wants to go out and have dinner to celebrate my B-day and our first V-day together. ”
I snapped my fingers and shrugged my backpack off. “Speaking of birthdays, I have a gift for you.”
“Really?” He rasped and accepted the little gift-wrapped box. He proceeded to stare at it for a long moment. “It’s too pretty. I don’t want to ruin it.”
“Well, you better, because it was expensive,” I teased.
He ripped the colorful paper off like a savage and blinked at the cologne box. “This will make me smell nice?”
“Oh yeah. Perfect for your date.” I showed him how to properly apply expensive cologne, cherishing our bonding moment.
“Thanks. It smells nice. Do you think Danny will like it?”
“Absolutely.”
He grunted softly. “I hope he likes my surprise.”
He was the best kind of partner, selfless, and completely devoted to Danny to the point that what he wanted didn’t matter.
“He’s lucky to have you.” I meant every word, but a tinge of jealousy nipped at me. I wanted what they had. It was why I’d sworn off casual sex because I wanted a deeper connection with someone. And having two younger guys find that while I got older and lonelier left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“No, I’m lucky to have him.” His eyes turned on me, the gray more silver. “And we’re lucky to have you. He got all excited when he told me you were planning to stop by today.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been scarce lately. It’s easy to get distracted.”
He slid the bottle in its box. “I get it. Your friend is very handsome, and Danny says you spend too much time sitting at the table, but not eating anything. I think I understand what he is saying.”
“He’s been gossiping about me, huh?”
He scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t think I should have told you about that.”
I laughed and play-punched his arm. “It’s fine. I’m going to go catch up with them. Care to join me?”
“Nah, going to hang out here for a bit. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating Danny, though I don’t mean to.”
I slung my backpack around my shoulder. “Talk about it Friday over a set?”
“Yep.”
I took my time making my way toward the basement, feeling hopeful.
It was odd, but I saw the theater in a new light, all the architecture and carvings standing out as if the walls had been recently painted and the statues lining the ceiling dusted.
I knew it was because of Matteo. He had a deep appreciation of the arts and hearing him play made me realize I didn’t appreciate little things like beautiful architecture enough.
I wanted to see the world as he did and despite growing up in the shadows, he’d found a light, one that outshone the sun.
I made a promise to help him nurture it. Which suggested I wanted to be in his life for a long time. I had a comfortable and quiet life with good friends like Danny, Gabriel, and Jere. Matteo was on that list now.
I was certain of one thing. No matter what happened between us, I wanted us to be in each other's lives.
I found them in the basement, Danny sitting on the dusty piano stool, his hands folded over the handle of his sterile cane while Matteo was ass-end over in the piano’s guts. He was demonstrating to Danny how the piano produced sound.
I watched for a long moment, the conversation shifting to Danny enthusiastically explaining how math and music were intricately linked, the geek. When Matteo spotted me, his face lit up, an adorable smear of dirt across his cheek.
“This was your surprise?” he asked and rubbed his nose.
I shrugged. “When the theater was purchased, a lot of leftover junk was lying around. They moved it in here, unsure of what to do with it and it just kind of sat. I thought you might be able to do something with this old piano. I wasn’t sure if it worked, so I didn’t want to tell you.”
“It needs some help,” he said, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Some of the hammers need to be replaced, and the shell needs a good polishing but the harp is structurally sound. That’s the most important part, you know? Imploding pianos is a thing.”
Matteo droned on about the immense pressure of the strings on the harp and the wooden cores of antiquity versus the steel cores of modern instruments.
He rushed to me and tugged me by my jacket over to the piano, pointing out all the delicate and intricate innards. The excitement in his tone touched something inside of me–in some small way, I’d given him his music back.
Danny passed me a suspicious glance and I could see his thoughts churning, wondering just how close Matteo and I were.
“I’m not like some pianists that don’t know how their own instrument works.
” He erected his spine and ran his hand along the piano’s surface, leaving a clean streak.
“It makes no sense how you could play to perfection without understanding how the music is produced. Ah, see you got me started and I’m rambling. Never get me started.”
“You got yourself started. You’re a slut for pianos and that’s no one’s fault but your own,” I teased, not caring if I had an audience or not. I supposed I wanted Danny to think we were together because then I could brag about it and not feel alone. Look at this sexy, young guy that chose me.
He narrowed his eyes on me, glanced at Danny watching us then smirked as if to say we will finish this later. I winked, letting him know I was looking forward to it.
“I think I’m going to head back,” Danny announced and took his time getting to his feet. “Thanks for showing me how this all works. Hopefully, you can get it into order.”
“I’ll walk back with you,” I said to Danny. “You good here for a little while, Matteo?”
He mumbled something as he bent over the piano.
When we were out of the room, I said to Danny, “Stop looking at me like that.”
His cheeks plumped as he tried not to smile. “He’s young.”
“He’s older than he looks,” I countered. “And legal, so don’t give me shit.”
He stopped, touched my arm gently. “When were you going to tell me?”
“I don’t know. It just kind of happened.” I couldn’t help feeling a tad defensive.
“Is that why you didn’t come over for Christmas?” He pressed.
“Yeah. But I wasn’t ignoring my friends for a piece of ass. He was sick and I mean really sick. I was busy playing nurse.”
He blinked at me. “I can’t picture you in a white dress and hat.”
I laughed and it felt good.
He looked away and let out a big breath, his weight resting on his cane. “How come you never asked me out?”
I gaped, my ears suddenly ringing. I’d heard incorrectly, hadn't I?
His smile softened and touched the sleeve of my jacket again. “I know what it’s like to be crushed on, Sean. I’ve done my fair share of crushing on Jere when I thought he was straight. I know the signs. I always thought you’d eventually ask me out, but you never did. Just wondering why.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
There were a thousand reasons I could give and telling him it had something to do with the promise I’d made to myself wasn’t one-hundred percent true.
I suppose I had some trust issues going on.
He was a good friend and closer than most. Trusting him with my heart wasn’t easy when the ones that were supposed to love me for who I am had shredded it.
I came to understand when swearing off meaningless sex, I’d shelved a vital part of my identity. I’d gone from one extreme to the other. As much as I hated to admit it, I was still suffering the effects of religious indoctrination. Realizing I still had issues to work through was shattering.
“It’s okay because Jere was always my future. But I’m glad you found someone. I hope he makes you happy.” He jutted the tip of his clinically-issued cane into my boot. “And you’re going to stop hiding from me. I want us to all go out and do something soon.”
“It looks like I traded a math geek in for a piano nerd.” I smiled, an honest, joyful grin. I leaned down and kissed his cheek and he tucked his arm in mine. “Sounds like a plan.”
As we walked back toward the rec room, I was glad to have friends, because I had a feeling I might need to lean on them soon.
I had to be honest with myself. Matteo and I were at two different points in our lives.
A future with him wasn’t guaranteed and it would hurt when he left. I had a lot of thinking to do.
Danny joined Jere in the rec room and I found the sign up forms near the entrance. I jotted down my info just as Matteo joined me.
“You’re working hard for that second blow job.”
I threw him a seductive look to let him know bad things were coming his way. “As if I need to. I know you want to suck my cock again.”
He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. “Actually, I was wondering if I could fuck you?”