CHAPTER NINETEEN #2
Biting my lip, I moved my thumb in and out slowly and carefully, judging his reaction. From what I could tell, he was enjoying it. The little wet sounds the lube made was amusing and I increased my speed just so I could play with those sounds.
He laughed on a breath. “So you’re going to treat me like a guinea pig.”
I withdrew my thumb, squirted some lube onto my forefinger and gently pushed it inside of him, wishing I had more light so I could see in detail the way his body flexed and moved around what I was doing.
“Can I do another?” I asked, the excitement in my voice obvious.
He grunted in response, and I carefully pushed my middle finger in. He sucked in a breath, and I moved them around, the tight, hot channel squeezing around me. I bit back the sudden surge of pleasure, my balls tightening at the idea of his ass strangling my cock.
“Enjoying yourself?” He muttered, his bedroom voice sexy.
“Mhm. Are you?”
“Feels nice.”
“What does it feel like?” I asked.
He looked over his shoulder at me. “Are you telling me you never played with your own ass?”
“Not like this,” I said, and pushed my fingers into him all the way to the knuckle. He clawed his hand into his pillow and buried his face in it. “Normally, I’d just feel around the outside in the shower.”
He said something into the pillow, but I had no idea what it was.
I took my fingers back and fumbled for the package of condoms. Because my hands were slick, I had trouble getting the packet open, and when I did, the rubber went flying across the room and disappeared behind the dresser.
Cursing, I tried again and instead of shooting it off in a random direction, I snapped it against my thigh.
“Here, let me help you with that, you newbie,” he said.
In a smooth move, he turned on his back, sat up, and ripped open the packet with his teeth while eying me.
He slid the condom on my dick, carefully working it over the glans and down my shaft.
I closed my eyes against the pleasure and bit into the soft flesh of my bottom lip, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was already on the edge.
“Oh boy, you’re not going to last long, are you?” he said with a slanted grin.
“Shut up and turn over, bottom-boy,” I growled.
He laughed, but flipped over and pushed his ass out for me. “Your dick is bigger than your fingers so be careful, okay? I’ll let you know if I need a minute. It’s been a while, and my body needs to remember what it’s like.”
“How long?” I inquired.
“Seven years or so.”
“Wow, so you’re like a virgin. I’m popping your cherry.”
“Shut up and stick your dick in my ass, brat.”
“Okay,” I muttered, feeling like the virgin that I was.
I spread some more lube on my cock and over his ass, then pushed my dick into his crack in an attempt to spread the moisture everywhere.
I enjoyed the way his peach-fuzz of a behind looked bracketing my cock.
I massaged his cheeks, kneading and squeezing them together to see how the feeling differentiated.
I was working myself up into a frenzy before I ever got inside of him. I placed the head of my cock against the wet hole and pushed gently, concentrating on the warm sensation of his muscles parting for me.
He reached around and gripped my thigh. He didn’t say anything, so I assumed I wasn’t hurting him and pushed past the resistance.
His breaths came in short gasps, his fingers digging into my skin, but he’d said he’d let me know if he needed a minute.
I pushed a little more and something gave suddenly, the sweetest tight heat surrounding my cock. I barked a curse.
“Yep,” he said in a strained tone. “Don’t move.”
As I waited for his body to relax I busied my hands, kneading the globes of his ass, massaging my thumbs into his lower back. When he loosened his grip on my thigh and nodded, I dared to move just a little and manage to dive deeper. He buried his face in his pillow again.
Despite the urgent need to come, I moved slowly and smoothly, concentrating on the sensations of being inside him. I didn’t last long.
“Fuck…” I rasped, throwing my head back as the orgasm sprang from nowhere and rocketed out of me.
“The curse of a young man. Always horny but unable to fuck for more than thirty seconds,” Sean teased.
I pushed into him with a little force, cutting off his words with a moan while I unloaded into the condom and tried not losing my mind. The tight heat felt so good encompassing my dick and the sight of his muscular butt being spread by my rod was just too much to handle.
He moved his hips and my limp cock slid out of him with a wet pop.
“Hold the condom at the base and push it off," he grunted.
I did as instructed and managed to dispose of the rubber without making a mess.
He turned on his back and started jacking himself off. The sight of his cock hard in his hand sent an aftershock through me. I wanted to take over but watching as he pleasured himself was nice too.
It took a few minutes, and he came with a feral growl, shooting ropes of cum all over his stomach. Damn but was he hot at this moment, all disheveled and sticky.
Something took a hold of me, and I licked at his hip where a bead of cum had settled. He made the most lovely, surprised sound. I wanted to do it again, but he pulled me up his body and to his hungry mouth. By the time he was done kissing me, I could barely breathe.
I settled next to him, all sorts of foreign fuzzy feelings racing around inside me. He offered me a half smile and I thought he might be disappointed with my performance.
“You didn’t like it.” I turned my back to him. “I was bad.”
“Oh, my God, come here,” he said and cuddled me close. “You weren’t bad, you were fine. No one is amazing the first time.”
“Everything you just said conflicts.”
He blew out a big breath. “Okay, honesty moment. But you have to look at me.”
I pouted for a long minute but turned to face him with a huff. He tipped my chin up and kissed me tenderly. He was quiet for a long moment, his eyes dark, the pupils expanding to swallow me.
“I promised myself the next time I let someone fuck me, it would mean something. You might not have noticed, but I was trying to hold back because it was starting to feel really nice and it reminded me of what it’s like to be a young gay man discovering sex all over again.
I kind of cut myself off from that part of me, amirite?
Like you with your music. Remember how special it felt to finally be able to play again?
I don’t regret making important changes in my life, but it came at a price. ”
“I understand,” I said, disappointed with myself. “Really. I just wished I could have lasted longer for you.”
He pushed his fingers into my hair, pulling me closer so he could kiss my forehead. “You’re young. And with a little practice, you’ll get better at it.”
I narrowed my eyes on him. “Is that your way of saying you want me to fuck you again?”
“You can’t help it, can you?”
“Don’t change the subject. Admit it. You like my cock in your ass. You want me to do it again,” I said.
“Don’t you ever shut up?” he asked with a sigh.
I wanted to say something playful but settled for being honest. “It’s like I’ve had a muzzle on for the first eighteen years of my life that I could only take off around my grandmother.”
He offered me his complete attention, looking interested in what I had to say.
It was already out so no sense in stopping now.
But I found talking about what I’d gone through with someone helped.
“I learned at a very young age that I couldn’t share my thoughts or what I was feeling with my parents, because they took it as a sign of rebellion.
So I always did what I was told without question, but inside my head I was screaming at them and the world.
Why can’t you just listen to me and try to understand what I’m feeling?
The only one I could talk to was my Nana. ”
“So you’re making up for lost time?” He asked with a playful smile.
“Something like that. When I was younger and less wise, I was very opinionated. That usually got me into trouble, so I learned to keep my thoughts to myself. I couldn’t try talking to my parents about my feelings because it was akin to admitting my sins, and sinners are to be punished.
Nana allowed me an outlet. Like I said, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her. ”
He didn’t respond, just stroked my hair, the touches comforting.
“Living with my parents was difficult. I’m only realizing now the marks it left on me. So I like being able to say what’s on my mind.” I gulped in some air and shuttered. “But being muzzled wasn’t the worst of it.”
“You can talk to me,” he whispered gently.
I nodded against the pillow in agreement, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to ruin the moment.
Ultimately, talking to him about my trauma was a weight off my shoulders.
I hadn’t had anyone to talk to for so long.
There were certain things I couldn’t tell Nana mostly because at the time I hadn’t understood them myself.
I’d never had the opportunity to tell her I was gay because she’d died before I’d realized that I liked boys.
But I knew in my heart she would have accepted me.
No matter who you are, I’ll always love you, Miho. Never forget that.
“My father made sure I remembered I was the reason my mother couldn’t have any more children.
Because I was their only son, expectations were sky-high.
He believes I betrayed him by being gay and that is unforgivable in his eyes.
” My throat tightened as the words left my lips. I’d never said them out loud before.
“Fuck, no, Matteo. That's absolutely not your fault,” he growled.
I shrugged, uncomfortable heat coursing through me. “I know.”
“No I don’t think you do. Being told something like that every day of your life doesn’t just go away.”
“I’ve told myself that it’s not my fault a million times.
But…every now and then, I wish I’d tried harder to be what they wanted.
And sometimes I wish I were never born because if I weren’t, I would have never hurt my mother the way I have.
” The pressure quickly built behind my eyes, and I told myself to stop but heaven had opened its floodgates. “I guess, that’s my religious guilt?”
He pulled me so close I thought I was going to melt in him. All I could do was hold onto him as I slobbered all over his chest again. “It’s not your fault, Matteo. You are a wonderful, beautiful person and deserve life.”
I nodded, knowing he was right, but my father’s deadpan voice echoed in my mind. Because your mother can’t have any more children, you are the future of this family. It falls upon your shoulders to elevate our name in God’s grace.
I sniffled and asked, “Maybe he hates me for it. It’s the only reason I can think of that made him so cold and cruel. Even Nana said she no longer recognized him as the son she loved.”
“I blamed myself in the beginning too. But I’ve come to realize we are only responsible for ourselves. We cannot change what people believe.”
I held onto him because I never wanted him to leave. He tipped my chin up so he could kiss my salty tears away.
“Thanks for listening. I actually feel better.”
A little smirk pulled at his lips. “As if I have a choice?”
I grinned at the jab, everything feel right.