CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
MATTEO
I pressed a key and observed the way the hammer struck the string. The note sounded off to my ears, but the mechanics worked. The piano was going to have to be tuned anyway, but restoring it to its natural, beautiful state injected me with a sense of meaning.
The instrument was on the middle end of the scale in terms of quality, but with a little love and attention, would produce beautiful sound and heavenly music.
I couldn’t wait to play and putting in the work to restore it made my heart swell with pride.
It wasn’t Nana’s grand piano, but that didn’t make it any less appreciated.
It might have seen a lot of rough days and spent years under a dusty sheet, but it had a lot of life left in it.
After I’d replaced all the faulty components, I set about polishing the shell.
I took my time, watching the way the beauty underneath was revealed as I dragged the cloth over the wood.
A gorgeous ebony color emerged, bright and shiny under the spotlight I’d fished out from the pile of left-behind theater gear.
The ghosts of the past floated around me and I heard the piano playing while people dressed in colorful costumes, danced.
The spectators’ claps and cheers echoed in my mind, as real as the music inside my soul.
Nana had regaled me with stories of her life in the forties and fifties.
She’d talked about the blues club she’d worked for and the endless nights of music, dance, and laughter.
I could see those people in my mind’s eye.
I polished the carved legs, tracing the groves of leaves and acorns and washing away years of dust and neglect that had gathered in the recesses.
I was looking forward to playing for Sean.
The music inside me wasn’t just mine. It belonged to the world, and I wanted to share it with him.
He was responsible for this. If it weren’t for him, the piano would have stayed locked away for years. Maybe forever, lost to time and decay.
He’d given me more than just a piano, hadn’t he? In the same way Nana had shown me the path to my true self, he’d given me a light to maneuver the rocks and gnarled branches that were blocking my way.
It was strange, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.
He’d entered it by chance, on a whim to check out the Adonis as opposed to another club and things had spiraled from there.
He believed in past lives, so maybe we’d known each other in another existence.
I liked to believe we’d been more than friends.
It was nice imagining we were always destined to meet.
By the time I was finished polishing the shell, it was late afternoon and I wanted to see Sean before he went to work so I quickly put everything away, and covered the piano with a fresh sheet.
As I walked toward the entrance of the LGBTQ center, I heard some kids in the rec room, laughing and talking.
I wished I’d known there was a place like this years ago when I was a lost and confused teenager.
Of course, I was aware in the back of my mind there were resources that could help me, but I supposed I was too afraid to leave behind everything I’d ever known.
It was easy to hope that something might change, that one day my father might realize he actually loved me.
But that day had never come. As an adult, I could accept that it never would.
I wasn’t a lost kid anymore. And I wasn’t alone, either.
How that had happened, I wasn’t exactly sure.
Trying to pinpoint the exact moment Sean had come to mean something to me was impossible.
It had been a gradual process, helped along by playful bickering and meaningful conversation.
At the time, sitting in the hospital with pneumonia and nowhere to sleep was the lowest I’d been.
But Sean rescuing me was the turning point.
He was the strong hand that helped pull me out of the deepest crevice of misery.
I left the center with a little smile curved on my lips. It was cold and I pulled the lapels of my puffer close, but inside, a furnace had been lit. A single thought haunted me on the bus ride to Sean’s apartment: I could be happy with him.
I already was, wasn’t I?
My birthday was fast approaching and my parents would try to pull a fast one, but no matter what happened, I had a feeling Sean would always be in my life in some form or another.
I hadn’t thought about my lawyer much which wasn’t good, and I’d missed my January check-in. I made a mental note to get in touch with him real soon.
When I got home, I found Sean in the kitchen, making some tea.
He blew at the steam curling from the clay mug and smiled at me, but it didn’t seem as wide as it normally was. “Hey, you. How did it go?”
I took the mug from him, set it carefully on the counter and pulled him into a kiss. He laughed against my mouth as we fumbled toward his bedroom, clothes flying everywhere. I just wanted to be with him, be as close as possible and not think about the problems in my life.
We grinded against each other, hands grasping, lips sucking. I didn’t know how I could ever feel like this with another person. Free. Alive. As if I wasn’t alone in the world and he was the only one that got me when no one else really cared to try.
Our labored breaths synchronized as we collapsed against each other in a beautiful mess.
“See? You’re nuts about me,” he whispered.
And I was, wasn’t I?
I simply grinned and held him close as we came down from the orgasms.
“I got some really good news today,” he murmured as he stroked his fingers through my hair. “Danny and Jere are getting married.”
“Really? That’s neat.”
“Yeah. I wish them the best. Jere is a great guy. And Danny deserves everything coming his way.”
I propped my head against my cheek and looked at him. “Did you two have a thing?”
“No. I had a little crush on him, but it never went anywhere.”
“I had a crush once,” I murmured absently. “Jeffrey Majors. We were both sixteen and attended St. Joseph’s preparatory together. It was his dimples. Don’t ask me why but when he smiled, it did something to me.”
He grinned, looking at the ceiling. “Benjamin Appleby was my first crush. Christ, his calves. He was a track star in high school.”
“Did you ever…do it with him?” I inquired, interested about his life.
“No, but I was lucky enough to get a glimpse of his junk in the locker room more than once. For a kid my age, it was like winning the lottery.”
We shared a snicker. It was nice being able to relate to each other in such a simple and fundamental way.
He told me a little more about high school as we laid in bed for an hour, just holding each other.
I tapped my fingers against his chest in tune to “Marriage D’Amour”, my heart and mind singing along with my music.
I couldn’t help thinking that we were perfect for each other.