Chapter 15
fifteen
. . .
Akilah lounges on the daybed she spent the afternoon building. Tanner made it into a room afterwards. It’s nicer than she thought it would be.
Besides, every time she looks over, Tanner is smiling.
She watches the leaves blow against the window, and Akilah watches her.
She looks at the skin of her back when she places her glass on the pile of books they haven’t found a home for.
Catches the thin material of her thong. She wonders how much it hides, if anything at all.
Akilah doesn’t even know the time. Somewhere between ten p.m. and two a.m., where bad decisions don’t exist. All that exists is the warm light from the lamp Tanner saw in the charity shop the other day, the soft hum of the record player that ran out ages ago, the tapping of Tanner’s pen.
Akilah tries and fails to think about anything other than what Tanner might taste like. She catches the glint of the light hitting Tanner’s tongue as she asks her what colour she wants the spare room to be.
The colour of Tanner’s eyes, that’s what she wants. She wants to see her hair in the golden spring sun. She wants to know the colour of lips when they’ve been kissed. Wants to see the colour of her knuckles when she grips the sheets.
“Do you want me to eat you out?”
Tanner goes stock still. Then her face slowly turns to face her. “Excuse me?”
Akilah shrugs. “You heard me.”
“Is that something you’re going to ask casually?”
“Do you want it to be more romantic?”
“It doesn’t have to be romantic,” she says, then, “But I thought you were going to tell me how much you wanted me at least.”
“You don’t want to hear me say it,” Akilah says, kissing her knee. “You want me to prove it.”
Tanner swallows. They do this sometimes. Akilah works her up because they like it, and then that’s it, or Tanner disappears into the shower.
“Why do you want to?” she asks. “Is it because you think I got off in the shower? Because I had to wash my hair.”
Akilah laughs, running her hand down her calf. “No, I knew you were washing because you sang the entire time.”
“Stalker.”
“I have no skills,” she mutters. “Everything I’ve learnt is from books, so it might not be good at all.”
“But you want to?”
“Terribly.”
Tanner looks unsure. “Why? I don’t mind if we stop, but do you want to because you think I want it?”
“I go through stages,” Akilah says. “So, it’s not so much one day yes, one day no. It’s more a few weeks of oh, sex is a thing I might like. And time where I don’t think about it, or the thought isn’t something that I want. It’s like when Venus is in overload.”
Tanner glares at her. “I know you know it’s Mercury in retrograde.”
“I don’t care for astrology,” Akilah says, kissing her thigh this time. Tanner’s chest heaves a little. She’s onto a winner.
“You let me read your chart,” she mutters, head resting against the mattress. Tanner has never been wrong; this daybed was a good idea.
“I care about you,” Akilah replies as she moves on top of her. “Even if I don’t want to come, I still want to touch you. I would like to see you come undone. If you want that.”
Tanner reaches for her, then stops. “Can I touch you anywhere?”
“My waist up,” Akilah says, and Tanner nods like a woman possessed. “Or if you’re feeling freaky, my thighs down.”
“Okay,” she whispers, pulling her down to her with her hands fisted in her collar. “The books you’re reading are really working for me. Tell me about them. I love your voice.”
Akilah hums, pulling Tanner’s shorts down. She was right, her underwear is nothing but a weapon. She spreads her legs, one hand holding her knee against the back of the sofa, the other softly placing her foot on the floor. There’s a wet patch on her knickers that looks like Akilah’s birthright.
“They’d say something like,” she whispers, then, “and she runs her tongue along her neck.” And then she does, and Tanner arches against her.
“She brushes her fingertips up her thigh,” Akilah says, then with a moan.
“Oh, you are soaked.” She drags her finger lightly over her underwear.
It’s not difficult, but it is infinitely more terrifying than she remembers.
Akilah doesn’t look away. Then her fingers slip beneath lace, and Tanner shudders sharply, hips jerking as a ragged breath melts against Akilah’s skin.
“Akilah, fuck – can you – yeah, yeah like that.” It’s better knowing she could probably fumble around, and Tanner would tell her she’s made of stars.
“Oh, yeah, just like that.” Akilah grips Tanner’s hips, moving her up slightly, until there’s space for her thighs to hook over her shoulders.
“You didn’t take my underwear off.”
Akilah kisses Tanner’s thigh as she pulls her underwear to the side.
“Perhaps you need to show me what to do,” Akilah says as she reaches for Tanner’s hand. She finds it easily, presses her lips to Tanner’s fingertips, then moves to rest them against her core.
“Fuck,” Tanner whispers as her fingers move against herself, back arching shallowly as she brushes her clit. Tanner circles once, dips her fingers, and Akilah watches with her heart in her throat as she glistens beneath her.
“Go slower, baby,” Akilah mutters, pressing a lip to her thigh.
“Ilah,” Tanner begs. Her fingers slow, but it’s not for long. Soon, Tanner’s hips chase her own hand again. Akilah finds her utterly mesmerising. She feels the want in her shoulders, her hips, her toes.
Akilah holds her wrist lightly, and Tanner moans as the pressure is taken from her clit. Her hips chase her hand, and Akilah grinds against the bed.
“Just a little bit.” She holds Tanner’s hips down. “Be good, and I’ll take over.”
“It’s not – Akilah, please.”
“My tongue is on you,” she mumbles as she moves her hand and replaces it with her mouth. As if she has no idea what she’s begging for. Like, there’s anything she could give her to stop dragging this out.
“It’s too soft,” she moans. Akilah smiles, continuing in the exact pattern she’s pre-planned.
“No, it’s not.”
Tanner arches, pressing her hips against her mouth. “It’s not enough.”
Akilah hums. “It is.”
“Ilah.” It had been a whisper, but it echoed. Not in her ears — in her chest. In her throat. Behind her eyes. And so, Akilah feels manic with the idea of her. She wants to hear her, wants to make Tanner whisper every noise to exist. Just here. Just for her.
“You will always have all the power,” Akilah says. “Whether we touch or not.”
“You say that, but you won’t — fuck me, baby, please.”
Akilah flattens her tongue, revels in the way Tanner’s grip on her hair gets tighter. “I’m giving you what you want; you’re just a greedy girl.”
“Oh my God,” Tanner whimpers. “You’re going to kill me.”
“I would never.”